The Innocent can Never Last
by scarlet-harvest
Summary: Based on a true story. aka my life. Alex Cooper is a lonely 17 year old girl who just wants to fit in, until she meets Mikey Way. Mikey is shy, lonely and awkward everything Alex is. Mikey is my p.o.v. Alex is my boyfriends.
1. The beginning

**1998**

You plunge the small knife into it again, breaking the boundaries that seal you from your target. Slowly you drag the blade down the thin line, splitting open your prey and revealing the contents through a slim crack.

_What a great first day._ You think sarcastically, setting the knife down on the floor beside you and placing your hands on the cardboard box flaps, opening it up to reveal hoards of different CDs. _I get to unload the CDs._

You've just moved to Belleville New Jersey from Sea Isle City New Jersey, after your stepfather got reassigned to another paper mill upstate. Two days after moving in on the bad side of town, your stepfather insisted you get a job so, reluctantly, you sprawled out the morning newspaper and skimmed it, looking for something that might catch your interest.

_Wally's CD World._ You thought after spotting the ad for shop assistant. _I could do that._

And that's how you ended up here on a mucky, cold Saturday in the backroom of _Wally's CD World_, unloading box after box of CDs while the other guy who works with you sits up front and reads magazines, his Doc Martin covered feet propped up on the front counter; he gets to 'man the register', not that anyone comes into the shop anyway. Ray is nice though, he showed you around the shop and asked whether you'd like to unload boxes or take care of the register. Though he looks like the epitome of someone from the 70's with his large, blond afro, wide nose, and shiny brown eyes, he has a mildly funny air about him and a slightly nasal-sounding voice that made you smile while you listened to him tell you about Wally, the owner. You liked him instantly, but told yourself he probably didn't give a shit about you, so don't try being friends.

You really didn't mind your job much though. You knew you'd be bored up at the front register with nothing to do and at least this way you had as little human interaction as possible. You liked your peace and quiet, your solitude. Though you weren't extremely anti-social, moving once every two years, sometimes less, made it hard to make and keep friends. And what with your home and family life, no one really wanted to talk to you anyway.

Your mother, Karen, doesn't have a day job. She lays around the house all day, popping pills that she buys from some guy named Silvio, (and has been ever since you can remember) and getting a high that she never seems to come off of. At night she walks two blocks to the corner-store, a 7/11, and works the night-shift; nine to six. She sleeps or gets high during the day when, thankfully, you aren't around. You're either in the new highschool your parents just enrolled you in, or locked away in your room, staring at the ceiling or jotting down random things in a notebook; you like to write.

Your real father died when you were three after getting stabbed in a bar fight when you lived in Philadelphia, where you first spent your early years. He was a drunk, and was drunk when he died, and you never had much respect for him, not that you were old enough to anyway. From what your mother filled your head with, he wasn't a good father.

When you were eight, your mother remarried. And ironically it was another drunk. Your step-father's name is Steven and he works in a paper mill just outside of Belleville during regular work hours; nine to five. He's the one who bought the small, one-story house in which you now live, with one bathroom and two bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room, a one-car garage, and a small basement. You hate your home, you hate your family, though you know it's all you got, and all you'll ever have. The way your parents are scares you and though they've never harmed you physically, you can't stand them and wish for something more. But they're all you've got.

Well that sucks.  
Wonderful.  
Well that's isht.  
Well my life sucks.

You push a long strand of wavy, auburn hair behind your ear before sighing and beginning to pull the CDs from the large cardboard box in front of you, piled high with CDs for the hip-hop genre.

_How can people listen to this?_ You think irritably, pulling out a CD on top and looking at it in disgust. It says _Tupac_ in big red letters on the top of the CD album and you put it beside you on the floor, preparing to remove the rest of the contents from the box. _You can't even understand what they're saying half the time._ You're not into rap or anything of the sort. Rock and punk-rock are more your scene, though no one could ever tell by looking at you.

Standing at the height of five foot two, you don't stand out in a crowd. You're extremely skinny, (some people at your old school made it a point to come up with a rumor that you were anorexic that, of course, wasn't true) and not entirely pale, just the ride shade of a natural tan. Your exquisite, green eyes are the only thing you like about yourself and you have no visible tattoos or piercings, except for those in your ears, three holes in each. You have long, wavy, auburn hair that reaches to about the middle of your back that you usually wear down and pushed behind you. Silent, solitary, and sarcastic are three words that describe you pretty much in a nutshell, though you can be cheerful, smiling, and caring when you feel like it. Though most people don't get to know you that well, or long enough. Never done drugs, never smoked, never drank, and don't plan to after what you've had to endure for seventeen years at home. You don't want to turn out like your parents. You've never really had a boyfriend and haven't experienced anything close to it, except in sixth grade when Andy Milkins kissed you against your will; you ran away crying after that. You don't really have anyone to call a friend, though in your last school you got along well with a couple of girls that were like you, but you moved away before anything too meaningful could happen. That's how it always was. Because of Steven and his stupid job.

Suddenly, from the front area of the shop, you hear the bell above the door beep mechanically, signaling someone has entered.

_Ray actually has to move._ You think with a small smile, tucking a rebellious piece of hair behind your ear as you continue to unload the contents of the box and place them onto the floor, where they'll eventually be placed on a rack and rolled out into the shop.

You can hear loud voices coming from the front room and you restrain yourself from getting up and peeking out of the doorway in curiosity, though you wonder who is there and what they are doing. As you listen a little more closely, your ears pick up the sound of Ray's voice talking with some of the people and come to the conclusion that some of his friends or somebody he knows must've stopped in for a quick chat.

_Nice to know someone like him can make friends._ You think, almost finished with the box.

"Alex!" You hear Ray call suddenly. "Get out here, I want you to meet some people!"

Sighing and lifting yourself from the dusty floor, you clean your rear of dirt and any other part of your faded jeans that may have picked up some of the filth in the dark and musty backroom. _Social interaction._ You think, approaching the doorway. _Just what I want._

The light from the front room is extremely bright when you first enter and you squint your emerald eyes bit, maneuvering through the rows and rows of CDs to get to the front desk where you can vaguely make out four new figures. Blinking a few times to right your vision, your eyes swiftly scan the racks and shelves of CDs before landing on a group of four of the strangest guys you have ever seen standing in the doorway to _Wally's CD World._

Okay...  
I wonder who?

**Mikey's Point of View**

Gerard insisted that you all go and visit Ray, and maybe bring him a bit of the pizza you had leftover from last night, while he's working at _Wally's CD World_. You didn't want to go out on this rainy Saturday but, of course, no one cared what you thought. You were just a stupid Senior who played the bass in his brother's garage band.

You all, meaning Gerard, Frank, you, and Bob, walk quickly through the pouring rain to _Wally's_, no one really wanting to get wet but no one having a working car that could be driven in. The CD store isn't that far away, but everyone hated walking in the rain when it's coming down as hard as it is.

"Who's fuckin' idea was this?" grumbles Frank, his arms tightly around his chest and his head hidden beneath the black zip-up hoodie he is currently wearing.

"Gerard's." Bob mumbles, his blond hair covered with tiny water droplets.

"And why do we listen to Gerard?" asks Frank, an irritated tone to his voice.

"'Cause I'm the oldest." Gerard points out, his own head tucked under a black hoodie.

Frank starts to complain some more about the crappy weather but you keep your mouth shut, holding your gaze on the road ahead. _Wally's_ is coming into view, stuffed between two other shops along the sidewalk. This part of Belleville is one of the nicer parts; the shops are cleaner, the sidewalks are less crowded with homeless people, and the shops are small and filled with nice things that people usually like to stop and look at. But then there's _Wally's._ Drab, musty, and not the brightest shop on the block, that's where you and the guys spend most of your time, if not at the bookstore Barnes and Noble or your house...or someone else's. One of your good friends Ray works there, if you call sitting behind a counter and reading a magazine working, and Gerard loves to go and bother him to see if he can get him fired by Wally, who hardly ever stops by anyway. As the shop comes closer, you notice a car parked out front, a beat-up black Toyota Camry, and come to the conclusion someone must actually be in _Wally's_ and willing to buy something.

Soon enough, Gerard bursts into Wally's and shouts, "Ray!" throwing open his arms with a huge grin on his face.

Ray looks up from his magazine as the door swings slowly closed behind Bob, the last to enter the shop. You four crowd around the front door, rain dripping from your various bodies. "Hey guys." Ray says, setting his magazine down.

"Busy?" asks Bob, shaking his head a bit to free his hair from rainwater.

"Does it look like it?" asks Ray, indicating around the shop.

"So you woke up at eight for no reason?" asks Frank, an eyebrow raised.

Ray nods with a sigh and Gerard coos, "Aw, it's alwight Ray. I bwought you some pizza to make it all betta!" Gerard sets the pizza box he was carrying onto the counter and Ray literally dives at it, opening the lid to find plain cheese pizza.

"Fanks." he says, his mouth already full.

"Aren't there a shitload of boxes you should be unloading or something?" asks Frank. "Wally gets new shipments every Saturday doesn't he?" Frank always got first dibs on the new CDs.

Ray nods, a bit of pizza sauce on his chin. "Yeah. Alex is doin' it."

You look around the shop, pushing some of your light brown hair off of your forehead, but it just plasters itself back into place. Your black jacket didn't really do too well in keeping out the rain, but it was cold and it kept you warm. Rain on your glasses blurs your vision a bit and you bring a cold hand out of your pocket to bring them from your face and wipe the rain from them, not really paying attention to the conversation at hand.

"Alex? Who's Alex?" asks Frank, a sneer on his face.

"Works here with me now. Wanted to take unloading duty and I had no problem with it." says Ray with a shrug.

"So do we get to meet Wally's new slave or what?" asks Gerard, his long, black hair hanging limply about his face.

Ray rolls his eyes, turning to face the backroom. "Alex!" he bellows. "Get out here, I want you to meet some people!"

Ray's loud yell pulls you back out of your unfocused state and you look up towards the backroom, a figure having appeared there. Realizing your vision is bleary because your glasses are still in your hand, you put them back on your face, scrunching your nose a bit as your eyes land on the figure you vaguely know as Alex.

For some reason, you weren't expecting a girl. Especially a girl that looked like that. Your first reaction was your heart speeding up, and then your stomach doing this weird kind of flip-flop as the girl named Alex came closer and closer, her eyes looking everywhere but your group of friends. Her small frame is dressed in tight, faded blue-jeans and a too-small black Misfits t-shirt, her rusty-red hair swaying gently behind her as she moves forward.  
That's Alex?

Oh...  
Um...uh...  
Alex is a girl?!

**Your Point of View**

You stop in front of the four guys, avoiding all of their gazes as they stare at you with wide eyes.

_They obviously thought I was a guy._ You think, annoyed. That kind of thing happened often, but you didn't really mind. A lot of people called you Alex and rarely anyone called you by your full, first name, Alexis.

"Guys, this is Alex Cooper; just moved here from Sea Isle City." introduces Ray, a goofy smile on his face. "Alex, this is Gerard, Frank, Mikey, and Bob."

"Hi." you say meekly, waving a bit and lifting your eyes to each boy as Ray points them out.

Gerard is probably the most different of all the boys. He isn't the tallest of the five group of friends, but he certainly looks unlike anyone you have ever seen. He has shoulder length, choppy black hair and sparkling hazel eyes that are more green than anything and stand out against his unnaturally pale skin. He's a bit pudgy, but in an extremely cute sort of way. He stands before you in a zipped up black hoodie and black jeans that cling to his legs because he's wet. He smiles cheerfully at you and you smile back a bit more than you were, blushing as you move your gaze to the next guy.

The guy named Frank. He has black, or really dark brown, hair like Gerard and wears it swiped to one side, covering his left eye. He doesn't look to be much taller than you and has hazel eyes that look a little glazed with tiredness. He has on a pair of faded blue-jeans with a bunch of holes in them, the biggest in the knees, and a faded grey t-shirt that you can see peeking out under a black zip-up hoodie. He's watching you intently, which causes you to blush more and look to the next guy standing in the room with you.

Bob is probably the biggest, not height-wise, of all the guys. He has blond, shaved hair and dull blue eyes, the stubble of an up-and-coming beard on his chin. He wears a pair of black Dickies and a black t-shirt to match. He's also watching you closely, but when he notices you staring at him, he flashes you a quick smile, unlike Frank.

And lastly, you drag your eyes to the one dubbed Mikey. Instantly, your eyes lock with his brown ones and you quickly look away, feeling your cheeks burn with warmth and color. You do catch sight of the black Radiohead t-shirt he is wearing under a puffy, black jacket, the tight, faded blue-jeans, and a pair of black rimmed glasses sliding down his nose.

Silence ensues around the shop and you nervously shift your weight from one foot to the other, wanting nothing more just to sink into the floorboards and disappear from sight.

"So you lived in Sea Isle?" asks Gerard, striking up a conversation.

"Yeah." you answer softly, keeping your green eyes on the floor.

"Did you like it there?" he asks again, wanting to keep you talking; you seem like a nice girl.

"It was nice, yeah."

"Then why did you move here?"

"My step dad's job transferred him here, so we had to pick up and move." you answer.

"Oh." says Gerard, casting a glance at Ray that clearly says, 'She Loves to Talk, Doesn't She?'

"Yeah, well, I should get back..." You trail off, about to turn around and head back to the backroom to finish unloading CDs.

"Why don't you stay out here and have some of the pizza I brought Ray?" asks Gerard suddenly.

"But it's mine!" says Ray, finishing off the slice he first started.

You smile, halfway turned to Gerard. "I wouldn't want to---"

"Ray's just being a bitch. If I say you can have some pizza," Gerard snatches the box off the counter, which holds two more slices of pizza that Ray was just recently reaching for. "Then you can have some." He holds out the box in your direction with a wide grin on his face, which you can't help but smile at.

"You didn't take your lunch break anyway." adds Ray.

You let out a laugh and hold up your hands. "All right all right, I'll have some pizza." You turn back around and step forward, taking the box from Gerard and moving to the glass counter where you put it down and daintily pick out a slice.

"So you go to Jersey Prep School?" asks Frank, his intense, hazel eyes still looking your figure up and down.

"Yeah, I'm a Senior." you say, taking a small bite off the end of the plain pizza to find it stone cold. Still, it's past noon and with no breakfast, you're starving.

"Really? So are Mikey and Bob!" says Gerard, glancing at his brother.

You nod a bit, chewing your pizza and refusing to talk because you don't want to seem rude; your mother may not have taught you manners but you're smart enough to have them.

"Frank here is a Junior and me and Ray are outta school; I just lay around all day while Ray slaves away in here." explains Gerard. You smile, knowing his statement is sarcastic, taking another bite of your pizza. "So you start school on Monday?"

"Yeah." you nod, thinking you should say more. "I'm nervous though. I've always hated going to new schools."

"You move around a lot?" asks Bob.

Again you nod. "Yeah. Ever since my mom remarried we've been moving all over Pennsylvania and New Jersey because of my step dad's job."

"What does he do?" Mikey asks the dreaded, embarrassing question.

"Works at a paper mill." you say softly, avoiding all eyes as you take another bite of pizza.

The room falls silent, the only sound being the pounding rain from outside. You busy yourself with eating, the other piece of pizza laying forgotten in the box, while the guys all exchange different looks.

"So...uh...we have a band!" says Gerard quickly, straining to keep the conversation alive.

You look up, intrigued, and ask:  
Really?  
You do?  
What kinda band?  
You do? What kind?  
"Yeah, it's kinda pop-punk/emo/post hardcore." says Gerard with a shrug.

Finally. Something that sparks your interest. "Really? Sounds awesome." you say with a smile, causing Gerard to do so too, widely at that.

"We've haven't been playing for that long; I'm the vocals, Mikey's the bass, Bob is drums, and Ray and Frank are guitar."

"You sing?" you ask with a crooked smile, skepticism laced through your words.

Gerard pouts and places a hand over his heart, feigning hurt. "Yes."

You let out a soft laugh, ignoring your pizza for the time being. "And I bet you're great."

Gerard smiles again and you take the chance to bite into your pizza, suddenly feeling ravenous. "So I take it you're hungry?" he asks, after watching you finish three quarters of the pizza.

"No breakfast." you say quickly, swallowing what's left in your mouth.

"How can you go without breakfast?" asks Frank. "It's the most important meal of the day!"

You laugh again and finish what food is in your mouth before answering, "I'm not a big breakfast person. I mean if we have Lucky Charms I'll eat 'em but that's about all I like in a breakfast."

"Lucky Charms are my favorite!" says Gerard, clapping.

Finishing off your pizza, you hold back a laugh, getting the feeling that if Gerard and the others stop by more often, you'd love to do register duty from now on. The group is great-- so far. Well Gerard is.

"Well," you say, setting your pizza crust back into the box; you hate the crust. "I better get back to work. Maybe I'll see you all around?" Your eyes fall on one boy after the other, though you're reluctant to look at Mikey. For some reason he makes you uncomfortable.

"Hey, how about I meet you at school on Monday? That way you won't look totally lost on your first day and I can show you to your first class." suggests Bob.

"That would be great." you say, gracing him with a gorgeous smile. "I'll meet you out front on Monday then?"

"I'll be waiting. It was nice meeting you." Bob gives you a small smile in return and just as you open your mouth to say good bye to the other boys, Gerard lunges at you, throwing his arms around your neck.

"I'm going to miss you so much!" he mock sobs into your shoulder as you slowly pat him on the back, his wet hair slightly sticking to the side of your cheek.

"It's not like I'll never see you again Gerard." you say with a smile as he pulls back from you, a look of sadness on his face as he wipes away tears that aren't there.

"I...I know," he falsely stutters. "B...but I feel like I've really connected with you!" His eyes narrow dramatically. "I don't want to leave!"

You can't help but laugh. God this kid is awesome. "Gerard, you've known me for all of five minutes. I think you can manage."

Gerard shakes his head, his hands now gripping your shoulders as the others grin behind him, obviously finding this scene amusing. "Do you work tomorrow?" he asks.

"Every day after school, four to nine, but not Sundays." You tried to get out of the house as much as possible and even offered to work Saturdays nine to four.

"Great! I'll see you after school first thing on Monday my love!" Gerard squeezes you in another tight hug and flashes you a quick wink before spinning and leaving you shaking your head and smiling.

"Bye guys." you say, waving to the others. You try not to let your eyes linger on Mikey, though it is hard when you catch the small smile he gives you before you turn and head for the backroom, disappearing out of sight.

"What a piece of _ass_." Frank says, his eyes transfixed on the backroom door which is now closed.

"She seems like a really cool girl." comments Bob, speaking as if Frank hadn't.

"I wouldn't mind seeing what she's _really_ like." Frank says with a wicked grin.

Gerard rolls his eyes playfully and says just as playfully, "Shut up Frankie. She's _mine_."

Mikey makes the slightest movement, but no one notices.

"You can't claim her!" Frank says, exaggerating being scandalized.

"Says who?"

"Me!"

"Well if I can't then you can't either!"

"Says who?!"

"Me!"

"How about neither of you claim her? We don't know if she has a boyfriend or not." Ray interjects, an eyebrow raised.

Both Frank and Gerard stop playful bickering, their mouths poised to speak but instantly close, both glaring at Ray. "Thanks for ruining my day fucktard." Gerard bites.

"What did I do?" asks Ray, clueless.

Gerard merely rolls his eyes, seizing the pizza box once more and snapping it shut. "I'll be taking this back." he says.

Ray glares as Gerard moves to the front door, pizza box in hand. "You comin' by later for practice?" he asks Ray.

"Yeah I'll be there right after work."

Gerard nods. "Later bitch." And with that he disappears.

"See ya Ray." Mikey says, following his brother, Bob and Frank following after saying their own goodbyes.


	2. Chapter 2

On Monday morning you quickly slip into a vacant parking space in front of New Jersey Prep School, shutting off the engine to your worn, black Toyota Camry. Reaching over into the passenger's seat you grasp your small, plain black school bag and open up the driver's side door, pushing it open with your foot.

_I hate going into a new school right after everyone is all settled in and knows what they're doing._ You think sourly, slamming shut your car door and stowing away your keys in a pocket in your school bag, your blue schedule clutched tightly in your right hand. It's near the end of September, the school year having started the last week of August.

Glancing down at the mandatory uniform, an ugly, blue and white plaid skirt, a white blouse underneath a navy blazer, and a red and blue striped tie, you grimace, hating your parents for enrolling you in a school where uniforms must be worn. _They didn't bother putting me in a nice school anywhere else, what makes this place different?_ You think, hoisting your school bag strap over your shoulder and starting the walk to the front of the school, avoiding rain puddles as you go.

It's around seven twenty-five in the morning and the parking lot is filled with people and cars on this dreary, cloudy Monday, and you are thankful that people are so caught up with who-did-what over the weekend that they don't notice you. Your schedule and school information, along with five uniforms, had come in the mail only yesterday, and as soon as you got everything, you took it all up to your room and read your schedule, locker number, and locker combination about ten times before you had it all memorized.

_Student Name: Alexis Michelle Cooper  
Date of Birth: November 1st 1980  
Student ID: 071920  
Grade: 12  
Age: 17  
Address: 254 Locust Street, Belleville New Jersey  
Phone: 609-563-6102 _

_Period One: 7:40-8:28:American History, Room 214  
Period Two: 8:32-9:11: Algebra 2, Room 205  
Period Three: 9:15-10:21: Creative Writing, Room 127  
Period Four: 10:25-11:14: Health, Room 136  
Period Five: 11:18-11:46: Lunch, Cafeteria  
Period Six: 11:50-12:40: English, Room 227  
Period Seven: 12:44-1:34: Chemistry, Room 225  
Period Eight: 1:38-2:28: Piano 2, Band Room_

_Locker Number 278  
Combination: 18-24-46_

A gust of late September wind blows back your auburn hair, causing you to squint a bit and wrap your arms around your middle, wishing that you now had brought your black blazer so at least you'd be a little warmer.

_Too late now. I'll bring it tomorrow._ You think, the front of the school looming closer.

To your utter delight, huddling under the small roof before the entrance of the school, you can see Bob waiting for you, and surprisingly Frank and Mikey. They're all dressed in the boy's version of the school uniform; navy pants and matching blazer, a white dress-shirt, and a blue and red tie. You put on a smile, feeling your heart skip a beat as you speed up; you were sure they'd forget all about meeting you.

"Hey Alex!" Bob calls as you rush up to them and out of the wind.

"Thanks for meeting me." you say shyly.

"You didn't think we'd forget about you, did you?" asks Frank with a grin, leading the way into the building with you in tow and Bob and Mikey behind you; for some reason they all smell like cigarette smoke, a huge turnoff in your opinion.

What do you reply with?  
No...  
Of course not!  
Yeah, I did.  
Well, yeah, kinda.  
"Lemme see your schedule." says Frank suddenly, snatching the blue sheet of paper from your clutches. You four are now inside the building standing in the main lobby, which is also a rotunda, glass making up the ceiling to reveal the grey clouds up above.

He scans it quickly and you watch as his face lights up, his hazel eyes crinkled at the ends as a smile dons his face. "We have Algebra together!"

You bite your lip. "That's it?" _Well he is a Junior._

Frank nods and Bob takes your schedule next. "Lemme see it." His eyes fall onto your schedule, concentrating on all your classes, and then thinking of the ones he has. "We have American History, Health, and Chemistry together." he says finally.

Taking your schedule from Bob, you look into Mikey's face to find his eyes on you, a hopeful glint in his eye. "Do we have anything together?" you ask lowly, handing him your schedule.

Mikey takes your schedule with a slow hand, pushing his glasses up with his other as the other two watch on curiously. "Lunch, English, and Chemistry." he replies a moment later, handing you your schedule and successfully averting your gaze.

_At least I won't have to eat lunch alone._ You think, relieved. That was your biggest fear. You didn't want to be alone in a noisy, crowded lunchroom.

"And our lockers our next to each other." Mikey adds softly.

Feeling much better about coming to a new school all the sudden, you smile at Mikey and ask, "Show me?"

Mikey looks up and nods, turning away from you and closing his eyes in relief for a split second as a light pink tint crosses his fair cheeks. _I hope she didn't notice._

"I'll see you in lunch Bob." Frank says. You look at him and realize that he's walking in the opposite direction of which Mikey went. "See you second period Alex!" He gives a quick wave and then disappears with the mass of students wandering through the rotunda.

"You have lunch with him?" you ask Bob. Out of all the guys, you feel most open with him and Gerard. Well so far anyway. I mean, you barely know them.

"Yeah, right after your lunch actually." Bob notices your downtrodden look and says quickly, "But you still got Mikey."

You smile up a Bob, Mikey's figure only a few steps ahead. "And I'm glad."

Suddenly, and startling you, a loud bell rings out through the hallway and you hear Bob sigh, suddenly stopping as more students move quickly through the hall. "I gotta go to my locker, it's on the other side of the school. I'll see you in first period though, okay? Mikey'll show you the way."

Reluctant but not willing to show it, you smile half-heartedly at Bob and say, "Sure. Thanks again." Bob waves and then is gone.

Sighing, you quicken your pace to join Mikey, who is scanning the navy lockers on the right of him. You walk behind him, taking in everything around you as you walk along. The hall is completely beige except for the dark blue lockers and blue tiles here and there standing out in contrast to the tan along with them on the floor. The walls of the school are decorated with posters, lockers, fire extinguishers, and doors to classrooms. The hallways are packed with students all wearing the same uniform, the noise from the crowds deafening.

Suddenly, Mikey stops and turns to his right, causing you to do the same. "Here's your locker." he says, pointing to the one on his right.

You stand in front of it and start dialing the combination, Mikey watching you out of the corner of his eye as he dials his own combination. He opens his locker quick enough and deposits a few books inside, along with his tan messenger bag, pulling out a few books that he may need later on. When finished, he turns to you, who is just getting your locker open after trying once or twice; you were never good with combinations.

You already have all your books, except for Health and American History which aren't allowed to be taken home and are kept in the classroom, so you stow your Chemistry and English book away, keeping your Algebra book in your clutches. You place that book in your right hand, which is also keeping your locker door open and holding your schedule, and with much difficulty, try and fail to depart with your school bag.

"Give me your Algebra book." Mikey says, reaching across for it.

Giving him a small smile of thankfulness, you hand it to him, your fingertips lightly touching his as he takes it from you, watching as you take your school bag off and place it on a hook in your locker. You do your best to ignore the slight tingling on the tips of your fingers.

"Thanks." you say to Mikey, taking your book from him and giving him another smile, which he slightly returns.

Suddenly, another bell rings and students scramble to get to class, moving faster then ever, shouting goodbyes to friends as they go.

"Well, I guess I'll see you at lunch." you tell Mikey, clutching your book, and a few folders, to your chest.

"Yeah." Mikey says, his mouth unable to form any other words at the moment.

You give him one last shy smile and then turn, your schedule still in hand, feeling slightly disappointed for some reason.

"Alex!" Mikey calls suddenly. You stop and spin, facing him with a questioning look. "Do you know where to go?"

You shake your head and Mikey walks to you, but you don't start walking. "I can find it though, I don't want you to be late."

Slowly, Mikey nods and shoves his hands into his pant's pockets, looking to the ground before back at you. "All right then, well, about lunch..."

"Wanna meet at our lockers? That way we can drop our stuff off and then head off together." you advise.

Mikey nods, giving you the tiniest smile. "All right, see you then." He gives you a quick wave, releasing his right hand from his pocket first, and then takes a step back. "Bye."

"Bye." you say, knowing you look like an idiot with the kind of smile you're wearing.

Mikey finally turns and briskly walks to his first class, tension leaving his body. _God,_ He thinks, too afraid to look back at you one last time, though he wants to badly. _Glad that's over._

Smiling, you watch Mikey disappear with the crowd, still keeping your books close to your chest. Still with a smile, you turn slowly and start to head in the direction Bob left, knowing you'll find your way without the help of anyone.

What are you thinking as you continue to walk through the thinning corridors?  
Today didn't start off too bad.  
I think I'm gonna like it here.  
These guys are nicer than I orginally thought.  
I could definitely get used to this.  
First period was more of a nightmare than you expected. You are used to standing in front of a strange class and introducing yourself, telling where you came from and what not, and you hate it. You hate every minute of it. But this time it was worse. This school is horrible, or more over, the _people_ in this school are horrible.

After you finished telling about yourself and your American History teacher, Mr. Neigh, directed you to a seat by the windows, the classroom fell entirely silent. No one made a sound and all eyes were on you. You could feel it, your skin crawling with nervousness as you placed your books on your desk and sat down, Mr. Neigh smiling at you from the front of the room before starting his lesson. And even after that people continued to stare, and a few of the girls even whispered with each other openly next to you, not bothering to cover the fact that they were looking in your direction. No one bothered to be nice to you. No one bothered to smile as you made your way to your seat by the window. And you were as far from Bob as possible, who gave you the most sympathetic look ever.

After American History, Bob walks you to Algebra, apologizing for the way people around here are. You nod, feeling shy all over again, noticing the few glances you get from people as you walk down the hallway next to tall and muscular Bob, who looks your complete opposite.

"Who is she?"

"I haven't seen _her_ before."

"What is she doing with _him_?"

Most of the kids that go to your school, you observe, are people you would never associate with in your life. Rich, rude, egotistical, and stuck-up, you don't find anyone that you could find a friend in. Of course, that isn't the _entire_ population of the school, there were a few people that looked promising, but you weren't one to go up to someone and introduce yourself, so instantly you knew you wouldn't be making any friends. Not that it bothered you.

Bob leaves you outside your Algebra door with a friendly wave and a smile and you walk into the classroom after taking a deep breath, walking up to the front desk where your math teacher is sitting. You stand in front of her desk, a small smile on your face, and she looks up from the grade-book she is currently studying, and smiles at you.

"Oh, you're Alexis aren't you?" You nod. "Well I'm Mrs. Everman. Have a seat up front here." she says kindly, pointing to a desk up front with the butt of her pen. You glance over your shoulder and then back at the teacher, giving her a forced smile before moving to your seat. You don't see Frank anywhere.

Lunch doesn't come quick enough, but when it does, you can't be more relieved. You rush to your locker, keeping your head low as you navigate through the crowds, your locker looming up ahead. _At least I have Mikey for lunch._ You think, though it isn't much of a relief. He doesn't look or seem the talkative type.

You come to your locker and find Mikey to not be there, which slightly disheartens you, but relieves you more. Books teetering dangerously over your left arm, you hastily dial your locker combination and curse mentally when your locker jams; you don't realize your knee is the obstacle.

After one really hard tug on your locker door, all the books in your left hand go toppling to the floor, causing people around you to laugh, but no one to stop and help. Blushing deeply and stooping to pick up your books, your locker door is now open.

Suddenly, a pair of shoes meet your vision and then the bending of knees, and finally two pairs of pale hands. Looking up, your hands poised in the action of picking up books, you meet Gerard's smiling face, his hair tousled around his tired eyes.

"Gerard!" you say, surprised. _I thought he didn't go to school?_

"A bit clumsy today?" Gerard asks, most of your books in his hands. You both stand and Gerard hands you your books, which you quickly take and turn back to your locker with, opening your locker wider and busying yourself with, trying to hide the deep blush on your cheeks.

"Have you seen Mikey?" Gerard asks and you glance at him, pulling out books for your second half of the day. It's now you notice Gerard has a pair of black jeans and an Iron Maiden t-shirt on; clearly not school uniform.

What do you say to Gerard?  
No, why?  
Should I have?  
Nope. Why do you ask?  
Not since this morning, why?  
"He forgot his lunch money again. Mom wanted me to bring it to him because she had to go to work."

You pause, looking at Gerard once more, your hands still in your locker. "You and Mikey are brothers?"

Gerard nods. "You didn't know?" You shake your head and Gerard laughs.

"You two look nothing---"

"Gerard?"

You look over Gerard's shoulder and into the reduced crowds of the hallway to see Mikey standing behind his brother, a few books in his clutches.

"Hey fucktard, you forgot your lunch money again." Gerard says, handing Mikey over the five dollar bill crumpled between his fingers.

"Oh." Mikey says, taking the money and pushing up his glasses with his free hand. "Thanks."

A silence ensues in which you shuffle around in your locker a bit more and then shut it, the needed books in your arms. "Well, should we go to lunch?" you ask Mikey.

He nods, avoiding your gaze, and you turn to Gerard and smile as he scratches his messy black hair, yawning widely before saying, "Well, I gotta get outta here before someone sees me. Band practice tonight remember Mikey."

Mikey rolls his eyes at his brother as Gerard throws a wave over his shoulder before moving down the hallway the way he came, leaving you and Mikey alone.

"Shall we?" you ask, smiling up at him. You don't want him to feel uncomfortable around you, which he so obviously looks, and though you are shy yourself, you come to the conclusion Mikey is more shy than you and you have to break the ice somehow.

Mikey nods and starts to walk next to you, keeping his head from looking in your direction at all costs. He completely forgets about getting his needed books out of his locker, too engrossed in concentrating on not saying anything stupid in your presence. The silence unnerves you, so you try to strike up conversation.

"So do you sit with anyone else in lunch?"

"Not really." Mikey answers as a group of giggling girls pass you, also headed for the cafeteria.

Another quiet fills the air and while you think of something to say, Mikey watches you closely, your eyes not on him. Your wavy hair ends somewhere in the middle of your back, if not longer, and reflects the light from overhead, the shiny locks swaying with each step you take. Your green eyes look tired and you randomly lift your right hand to tuck a piece of hair behind you ear, revealing your ear piercings and...a tattoo?

"I didn't know you had a tattoo." Mikey blurts out before he can stop himself.

Startled, you look up at Mikey and then the realization hits you. You smile weakly up at him and say, "Not most people do." The tattoo is just below your ear and back a little, and you make sure it is always covered by your hair to save the curious questions; but not this time. You push back a few strands of your hair and tilt your head to the left so Mikey can see the tattoo a bit.

"'Last Kiss'." Mikey reads. "'Shannon Cooper, 1977-1997'."

"My sister." you say, pulling your hair to cover the flowing letters once more. "She died last year after getting in a car accident. 'Last Kiss' was her favorite song."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Mikey says softly, chastising himself for ever saying anything in the first place.

You smile up at Mikey sadly as you two enter the cafeteria, headed for the lunch line. "It's not your fault she was drunk driving."

Mikey doesn't say another word until you both have lunches and are sitting down at a smaller table around the perimeter of the cafeteria, your books and things on the table beside you.

"So Mikey, tell me some things about yourself." you say, opening your milk carton and taking a sip before anything else.

Mikey looks up from his meal and across to you, sitting opposite him with your milk carton in hand. "What do you wanna know?"

"Well," You think for a moment, not really knowing where the comment came from in the first place. "I dunno. Surprise me."

Mikey looks down to his plate a moment, racking his brain for some things about himself that won't bore you to pieces. "Well, I was born in Newark but I grew up here in Belleville, I play bass in the band I have with Frank, Ray, Bob, and Gerard, I have asthma, I'm nearsighted, Frank got me hooked on cigarettes when I was fifteen, I just got a job over on Flintwood Avenue working in Barnes and Noble, I drink coffee every morning, and I love sushi."

You throw your head back and laugh, loving the random information Mikey just spit out at you. "Wow, pretty exciting life you got goin' on."

Mikey smiles a bit, his glasses sliding down his nose. "What about you? Tell me some things about yourself."

"Well I grew up in Philadelphia until my father died and my mother remarried; I was like eight, I like to write poems, I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs and I don't think I ever will; I'm not really into people who do either, I have trouble reading sometimes but I can't find my glasses, I work at Wally's with Ray, ice cream is my most favorite food on the planet, I've never had a boyfriend, red roses are my favorite flowers, and sushi makes me sick." you say, adding anything and everything you can think of at the moment. "Oh and I had a cat once but it ran away."

Mikey smiles wider, suddenly feeling very open. "You write poetry, never had a boyfriend, hate sushi, and don't do drugs or get drunk? Do you have any fun?"

Playfully scandalized, you pick up your dinner roll and chuck it at Mikey, hitting him in the chest and causing him to laugh. "I don't see a million girls hanging off you, and excuse me if I don't want to die earlier than I should!"

Mikey smiles, tossing your dinner roll back at you. Secretly, he's swearing to never take another sip of alcohol, try any drugs, and permanently quit smoking. "At least I'm having fun while I'm still alive." he teases.

Lunch period seems to fly by now that you and Mikey are actually talking. Surprisingly, you both have a lot in common. Both your favorite colors are red, you were both born in 1980, both your favorite animals are polar bears, you both love The Misfits, Anthrax, and Radiohead, both your favorite stores are the bookstore, Calvin and Hobbes is your favorite comic, and you both have a thing for pumpkin pie.

"We both have English next, right?" asks Mikey, leading you down the correct hallway once lunch is over.

"Yup, and then Chemistry."

Mikey groans and you smile up at him, making sure to keep a tight grip on your books. "What?"

"Mr. Carlough is fuckin' crazy."

"Who's that?"

"The Chemistry teacher." answers Mikey.

"We'll just have to see about that."

English is a breeze. Mr. Brumbach, your teacher, is probably one of the nicest teachers you've ever had the privilege of being taught by. He's funny, charming, and talks about extremely random things most of the class. When he sees you walk in with Mikey, he does you a favor and places you next to him, just so you're near someone you know. This causes you and Mikey both to smile internally, and you thank Mr. Brumbach before going to your seat and getting settled.

Chemistry, you find, is a rather..._interesting_ class. Like Mikey said, Mr. Carlough is a bit disorderly, to put it nicely, and you end up standing in front of the class for about ten minutes while he asks you questions. When you do make it to your seat, which is conveniently behind Bob, who sits behind Mikey, the two make it a point to laugh at you as you walk past, amidst more whispers from the students you don't know.

_Wonderful._ You think sarcastically once Mr. Carlough gets started with the lesson and you place your things on the rack beneath your desk.

Finally, after a long and boring lesson on sea squirts and other weird sea creatures, the bell rings and you grab your things, headed for your last class of the day, Piano.

"Where do you go next?" Bob asks you as Mikey stands behind him, watching as you stand straight, a load of books in your arms.

"Piano."

"I have Gym right next door, come on I'll show you where it is." says Bob, Mikey moving out of the way to let you both pass. As he turns to follow you two, something yellow catches his eye and, while you and Bob talk and continue to walk to the door, Mikey turns back around and moves to the back where you were recently sitting. Stooping, he reaches for the yellow folder sitting on the rack beneath your chair, pulling it out and bringing it up into sight so he can read what it says.

Chemistry

Alexis Cooper, Room 225

Mikey stares down at the item in his hands, dazed for a moment. Then it hits him. He has your chemistry folder.

Smiling and feeling, oddly, very happy, Mikey tucks the folder in between two of his own books and walks from the classroom to his last class, pushing his glasses up on the way.

Now he has a better reason to see you again.


	3. Chapter 3

"Please Alex? Please, please, please, please, please?" implores Ray from behind the counter; Gerard and Frank are standing by the front door with pouting faces, all three looking to you as you stand at the far end of the counter, your hands on your hips.

You've been in Belleville almost two weeks now and are getting used to things pretty quickly. Gerard, Frank, Ray, Mikey, and Bob soon became your close friends, no one else at school willing to talk to you quite yet. You're starting to feel more comfortable by the day with the boys and you all hung out your first weekend in Belleville, the boys showing you the 'sights'. None of the boys have met your parents yet, and you plan to keep it that way for as long as you can. Your parents vaguely know of the boys; your mother too high to care anyway and your stepfather off working when they came by to pick you up on Saturday morning and drunk when they dropped you off at ten the same night.

It is now Thursday, a rainy one at that and the first in October, and Ray is begging you to cover for him while he goes to band practice early with the rest of the guys. This isn't the first time this has happened since you've been here, and you're pretty sure it won't be the last.

"Please Alex? We won't ever ask again." says Frank, jutting out his lower lip a little more.

Rolling your eyes, you say, "Fine."

As soon as the word leaves your mouth, Gerard tackles you in a hug that almost sends you both crashing to the ground. "You're the best!"

"Yeah, yeah, get off me Gerard." you say sourly. You really don't mind covering for Ray, it's not like the store is ever busy anyway, but you like feeling needed and the boys are best at that.

Gerard hops off you and grins, turning back to Ray and Frank as Ray pulls on his jacket and walks out from behind the counter. "I owe you." he says, flashing you a toothy grin.

Rolling your eyes again you push Ray out the door behind Frank and Gerard, both of which yell a goodbye.

"Bye Alex! Thanks again!"

"I'll be over later baby, remember to keep your window unlocked!"

You shake your head but smile at Frank's remark, watching the boys run to Gerard's broken down and barely working black Ford Escort, parked behind your even shittier Camry. You wave one last time before sighing and walking back into _Wally's_, slightly wet from the rain. Rubbing your bare arms, you curse Wally silently for being too cheap to install a good heater; it's freezing.

You take your place behind the counter and instantly pick up Ray's abandoned magazine, a picture of Green Day on the front. _God Billie Joe is sexy. Though he does need to fix those teeth._ You think, smiling at the rockstar donning the front of the magazine with Tre Cool and Mike Dirnt. You flip aimlessly through the magazine a bit, not really concentrating on the words or the pictures as your green eyes skim them, bored.

A few things have been on your mind lately. Mainly your friends. You can happily call them that now. Friends. Sure, you've had friends before, but none of them made you feel the way Gerard, Bob, Mikey, Frank, and Ray did. No, these boys are different. You can be goofy with Gerard and no one think it weird, sarcastically flirty with Frank, have actual conversations with Bob, laugh for no reason with Ray, and be yourself with Mikey.

Mikey... There's something about him. Something that you feel extremely attracted to. Is it his smile? His shyness, yet ability to be open? His laugh? His personality? Everything about him? You can't quite figure it out, but you sure as hell want to keep seeing it.

You've grown to like each of the boys more and more each day, each in an individual way. Automatically you were closest to Gerard, just because of his unrestrained personality and extreme randomness. You loved it. And in return, you opened up to the boys. True, you've only known them eleven days, but it feels like a lifetime.

And besides the facts that your Chemistry folder has mysteriously disappeared, Silvio has been over three times in the past week selling your mother drugs, and Steven and you have gotten into too many arguments to count, your life is okay.  
Sounds good to me.  
Yeah.  
That's still not good but whatever.  
Can't complain. There's people who have I worse.  
**Mikey's Point of View**

To brace yourself against the strong wind and rain, you've bundled up in your black jacket, pulled your hood over your head, and smashed your hands as far into your pockets they'll go. But all to no avail. The rain runs down your glasses, causing a difficulty in seeing where you're running, which you are doing now, your destination _Wally's CD World_. Alex's Chemistry folder is pressed up inside your jacket against your body, free from the falling rain. You've searched for a good time to go and see her to return the folder, wanting to have an excuse outside of school, and today is the perfect day. True, you had to keep the folder hidden for a good week until an opportunity presented itself, which was hard because Alex seemed lost without it; she was painfully organized you came to find. Still, you wanted to have a reason to go and see her without it seeming awkward, or having her question your motives. For some reason you _want_ to see Alex without any of the guys around; you _need_ to see _her. _

_The one day there aren't any parking spaces in front of Wally's is the day it has to rain the hardest it has all fuckin' year._

You think bitterly, Wally's finally coming into view. With lasting energy, you urge your long legs to sprint the rest of the way, pulling a hand from your pocket to open the metal and glass door into the shop.

Alex's beautiful face lifts from the magazine she was reading before the sound of the mechanical bell signaled your arrival. Her face lights up in a gorgeous smile, the one that sends butterflies rampaging through your insides, and she says, "Hey Mikey."

You remove the hood from your head, walking to the front counter where Alex is standing behind. How do you return her greeting?  
Hey Alex.  
Hey.  
Hi.  
Hey there.  
**Your Point of View**

"Don't you have band practice?" you ask, your head slightly tilted to the side, causing a strand of hair to slip down your back.

"Yeah, I'm heading there now." Mikey says, lifting a hand to unzip his jacket. "But I had to drop this off first."

Your eyes avert to Mikey's jacket and you're a bit confused when you see a yellow folder crushed against his chest. Mikey grabs the folder and hands it to you and slowly, you reach out and take it, looking down at it with an eyebrow raised.

Chemistry  
Alexis Cooper, Room 225

You look up at Mikey with wide eyes. "I've been looking everywhere for this! Where did you find it?"

Mikey hadn't thought about this part of his plan. _Shit._ He thinks. _What am I going to say?_

"I, uh, found it in class the other day." _At least it isn't a total lie._ "Sorry I didn't give it back earlier."

"No, it's fine, I was just going crazy without it." you say with a smile, setting the folder down on the counter on top of the magazine. "Thanks."

"No problem." Mikey replies, putting a hand in his jacket pocket, looking to the counter. An awkward silence ensues and you look to the right, wishing Mikey would say something.

"So how's the band coming?" you finally ask.

Mikey looks up and smiles a bit. "It's coming great actually, for us just starting out, you know." You nod and Mikey continues boldly, wanting to test his boundaries. "You should come hear us sometime. I mean we don't have a lot of songs just yet but we have a few and..."

You smile, cutting Mikey off before he can ramble further, which seemed to happen a lot. "I would love to hear you guys play sometime."

Mikey's face instantly brightens. "Really?"

"Yeah, sounds like fun."

"Are you busy this weekend?"

"Not that I know of."

"Well how about Saturday?"

"As long as it's not early, I'm your woman."

Mikey laughs. "I don't think we've ever had such a thing as an early practice."

You laugh too. "True."

Another silence takes over the room, but not an awkward one. It's a silence spent with you smiling at Mikey, and he at you.

"Well I should get goin'..."

"Yeah I wouldn't want you to be late..."

"I'll see you tomorrow then." Mikey says, turning towards the door, his head still in your direction.

"Tell the guys I said hi! And don't forget to tell them about this weekend!"

_I wouldn't dream of it._ "See ya."

You watch Mikey walk out of the shop, pulling his jacket hood over his head as the rain continues to pour down relentlessly. Even after he gets into his car and drives away do you not look away, the feeling that only the sight of Mikey can make you feel still inside you. You smile, excited about the weekend now, more than you've ever been excited for a weekend in your life. What are you thinking, your eyes still transfixed on the front door?  
I can't believe Mikey had my folder all this time...  
Well that was a pleasent surprise.  
I wish he would've stayed longer...  
This Saturday...  
A little after nine you pull up in front of your house, pulling the parking break into place as you shut off the engine to your car. Reluctantly, you embark from your Camry, your school bag clutched in one hand while you shut the car door with the other.

_I hope Steven's passed out drunk by now._ You think, walking up to your house; the lights of the TV can be seen from through the thin, white curtains of the front bay-window of your small, white house.

You almost make it to the front door when suddenly it swings open and out stumbles a familiar figure: your mother. She has on her work uniform, though she doesn't look ready for work at all. Her shoulder-length, rusty-red hair is fried and tousled, sticking out oddly in some places, her face is blotchy, and it only takes one look to confirm that she's high again.

You two pass each other without a word, your mother stumbling down the stone walkway as she goes. You enter your house with a soft sigh, shutting the door behind you and glancing into the living room to see Steven slumped in a recliner in front of the TV watching a rerun of the Simpsons.

"I'm home." you call, walking past the living room and heading for the kitchen where you plan to make some macaroni and cheese to take to your room.

"Where the helluv you been?" Steven yells from the living room, his eyes spellbound by the TV.

"Work." you answer simply, pulling out a pot from a cabinet and running some water in it.

"Make any money?"

"Not today." You place the pot on the stove and turn it on high, walking into the pantry to retrieve a box of macaroni and cheese.

"What's the point," Steven pauses to belch. "Of workin' if you're not makin' any goddamn money?"

You roll your eyes. "I'm making money, I just didn't get paid today."

Steven grunts and the rest of your time in the kitchen is spent soundlessly while you wait for the water to boil and Steven continues to watch the Simpsons. That is until he decides to fumble into the kitchen, rubbing his unshaven face and moving to the fridge for another beer.

"What the fuck are you makin'? It smells like shit." Steven comments, looking over his shoulder as you mix the cheese in with the noodles.

"Macaroni and cheese."

Steven makes a disgusted face. "Well clean all that shit up when you're done; I don't wanna fuckin' mess. Your mother makes enough of those around here and I'm the one always goin' and cleanin' up after her."

_No, that's me asshole._ You think as Steven moves into the living room once more and you deposit the mac and cheese into a bowl and drop the pot into the sink to clean up once you find a clean spoon to use.

Finally finished in the kitchen, you pick up your school bag once more and trek to your room which is conveniently just down the hall and on the right. You push open your brown, wooden door and sigh again, throwing your school bag to the floor and shutting your door with your foot as you turn on your light and then move the five feet it takes to get to your bed. You room is small with a bed in the left hand corner, a dresser to next to the door, what little makeup you have and brush on top and a mirror hanging on the wall behind it, your closet taking up most of the right wall along with some posters, and a window opposite you along with more posters to decorate that wall. Your room is scathingly clean and neat; you're not one for piles of clothes and dirt. Your walls are white and your carpet is tan, nothing too special about your room. Except for the fact it is your's. Your safe-haven. Your place of solitude. Your place to think.

You plop down onto your bed and spoon some macaroni and cheese into your mouth, glancing at your window and happy to see you don't have to get up to close the shade; you didn't open it this morning. You scoot back onto your bed a bit and set the bowl in your lap, reaching to the left where a night stand rests, along with a lamp, an alarm clock, a phone, and your notebook. Your sacred notebook, filled with all your innermost thoughts and, more importantly, your poetry.

Opening the front of the notebook, you smile when you see scribbles and the like filling up the first page. Checking the date, you see July 5th, 1997 written in the top, right-hand corner.

_The day after Shannon died._ You think, immediately turning the page to skim for a blank one where you can start something new.

Pulling the pen that was latched onto the front of the notebook by the cap, you find a blank page and set the notebook in your lap after moving the bowl of macaroni and cheese to the side, spoon sliding around dangerously. You stare down at the blank page for a moment before twisting the cap off the pen and writing:

_Dark rain clouds loom in the distance  
I sit at my window, wondering what I'm doing here  
I watch the sky above me turn  
And I pause to think, "Are you here?"_

You stare down at the paper, unsatisfied. After a few more moments of quiet pondering, you fixate on the problem. You cross out the last line and beneath it, you write:

_And I pause to think, "Are you near?"_

Fulfilled for the time being, you come to the conclusion you need some brain food before proceeding, so scoop out some more macaroni and cheese before turning to the notepad again and trying to find a way to voice your thoughts.

Eventually, after finishing off your dinner, exhaustion wrecks havoc through your body so you sleepily climb out of bed, strip down to only your undergarments, set your alarm, and fall into sleep.

The next morning, you wake up to the sound of your current musical obsession: Time of Your Life, by Green Day. Smiling, you lay in bed on your stomach and listen until the song is over, before shutting off your radio alarm and sitting up in bed, yawning widely. It's about six in the morning and another day of dreaded school awaits you. You scratch your head tiredly, feeling the knots in your long, auburn hair, while you swing your bare legs over the side of your bed, doing your best to shake the sleepiness from your being.

As you walk out of your bedroom and down the short hall to the kitchen, you muse over the dream you had last night. _It was weird._ You think, your feet slapping against the cold tile of your off-white kitchen. _Then again, all dreams are weird._

Suddenly you hear the front door open, and then close quietly, and a figure skulks by the kitchen before disappearing down the hallway, to the other bedroom. You pause from your stride to the pantry to retrieve some cereal, and squint through the dim light of the morning to see who it is. It's your mother returning from her shift at work. She doesn't even notice you standing in the kitchen, watching her wary figure blunder to her bedroom where she'll collapse onto the bed.

Letting out a small sigh, you continue on your way to the pantry and, still pondering your dream, you reach up for a box of Lucky Charms and pull it down, walking back into the kitchen.

You dreamt of Calvin and Hobbes. Yes, Calvin and Hobbes. You were watching them as they stood in your garage, both playing guitars and wearing glasses.

_Usually dreams mean something or are trying to tell you something, but I can't imagine what that dream had to tell me. That was just weird._ You think, fixing yourself a bowl of cereal and walking to the small, plastic table that serves as your dinner table, and sitting down to eat.


	4. Chapter 4

"You say your goodbyes to Mikey, Frank, and Bob and walk to your car at the end of the parking lot when school is over, needing to go home to drop off your things and maybe get a small bite to eat, and then head off to work. It had been another long and uneventful day at school, but at least people have stopped staring and whispering about you behind your back. Ray is working this afternoon, but not a full shift because of band practice. You don't mind though; alone time in _Wally's_ can be pleasant, though you will miss Ray's company.

Thankfully your mother is asleep when you arrive home and you make a quick school bag deposit in your room before running into the kitchen, catching a glimpse of the digital clock on the microwave that reads 3:26 PM. _God it takes so damn long to get from school to here._ You think irritably, shoving small boxes out of the way in the cabinet over the sink, looking for some Poptarts. Finally, you find some and, taking a whole pack, you dash from the kitchen and back out to your car, forgetting your black blazer once more. It's considerably more chilly now and _Wally's_ isn't getting any warmer.

You arrive at _Wally's_ at 3:56, due to stupid traffic. Usually it only takes twenty minutes but for some reason everyone wanted to take advantage of the sun this afternoon and go home a little early.

"Hey Alex." Ray says as you enter the shop, glancing up from the ever-present magazine he's reading.

"Hey." you call from the backroom, stowing away your purse secretly. "What time are you leaving?"

"Around four thirty." answers Ray, not looking up from the magazine.

You sigh a bit, stuffing your hands into the tight denim jeans you are currently donning, along with a black Green Day t-shirt.

"There's some CDs that need to be shelved somewhere in the back." Ray says suddenly, looking up from the magazine to catch the eyebrow raise you give him.

"So why didn't you do it?" you ask.

"Because I'm working the register." Ray says slowly, as if it's obvious.

You roll your eyes and turn to the backroom, mumbling, "I hate you."

"I love you too sweetie!" Ray calls, smiling broadly.

True to his word, Ray leaves around four thirty, Gerard coming to pick him up. He gives you a quick wave from inside the car, it being too cold to get out, and then drives off, Iron Maiden pounding on the car system.

Taking your stance behind the register, you smile politely as a customer walks into the shop, glancing in your general direction and smiling back.

_Another exciting day at_ Wally's. You think sarcastically, and picking up on Ray's place in the magazine he left lying on the counter.

Around five thirty, the mechanical bell above the door buzzes and you look up, another polite smile plastered on your face. It falters slightly when you see a girl about your age walk in, smiling at you too. She looks entirely out of place in _Wally's_, wearing light blue jeans and a pink t-shirt, her long, straight blond hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. Her blue eyes sparkle as she looks away from you and you watch after her as she wanders down the Rock/Pop aisle, scanning each album carefully. She has a pleasant look to her, almost like she couldn't be angry or upset about anything, and very friendly. She's not too tall, but not extremely short, and she's not sickeningly thin like some people would describe you. A pink purse rests on her arm and you watch her with narrowed eyes as she stops suddenly, flipping through some of the CDs in front of her.

_She looks familiar..._ You think, turning back to your magazine and looking down at it again, brows furrowed. Shaking those thoughts from your mind, you do not notice the girl striding to the front register, a CD clutched in one of her slim hands. Only when she's standing right in front of the register do you look up and cast the magazine aside, taking the CD from her outstretched hand and scanning it. To your total surprise, it's the new Green Day CD, Nimrod.

_A girl like her likes Green Day?_ You think, glancing up at the girl's smiling face as you ring up the price of the CD.

"You like Green Day too?" asks the girl suddenly, stopping you before you could tell her the price of her purchase. You look at her, wondering how she knew that, until she indicates to your shirt with a smile on her face. "Your shirt."

Looking down briefly, you say, a little flustered:  
Oh. Yeah. I do.  
Y...Yeah.  
Love 'em.  
Oh. Yeah, I like Green Day.  
The girl smiles and you continue to speak. "18.99."

The girl brings her purse around front and unzips it, digging through it to get the proper amount. A second later she hands you a twenty dollar bill and you type it into the cash-register, causing the bottom half to pop out loudly, not noticing the girl watching you.

"Do you go to Jersey Prep?" she asks suddenly.

You look up fugitively, your hands working with the cash-register to get her change. "Yeah." Suddenly, it pieces together in your mind. "You do too, don't you?"

The girl extends her hand over the counter, smiling sweetly at you. "Hope Carpenter."

"Alex Cooper." you say, giving her a tiny smile, and then her change.

"You're new to Belleville, aren't you?" asks Hope, placing the change into her purse as you put her CD in a white plastic bag.

You nod, handing Hope her bag. "Yeah, I just moved her like two weeks ago."

Hope smiles. "Well it was nice meeting you Alex, maybe I'll see you around sometime."

You smile too as Hope turns from you, walking to the front door. "See ya."

Hope waves one last time and, feeling better that you had originally, you smile down at the magazine as you pick it back up. _She didn't seem too bad._

You're in the backroom of _Wally's_ unloading CDs when suddenly you hear the front door open and muffled voices as some people walk in. Cursing for not being out front, you scramble up from the floor and rush from the backroom, only to be stopped in your tracks when you see five familiar faces looking around the shop for you.

"Alex!" Gerard calls once he spots you, a white box in his hand. The rest of the guys look to you and smile upon hearing Gerard's greeting and you shake your head, moving forward to take your stance behind the counter, like you usually do when the guys come to visit. _I should've known._

"We brought you dinner since we know you usually skip it. Oh and before you ask, no, we didn't have anything better to do but to come and bother you, and band practice was getting boring." says Gerard, placing the white Styrofoam box in front of you. Slowly, you open up the top of the box and see a cheeseburger and fries awaiting you; the cheeseburger has a few bites missing out of it.

You look back up to Gerard, still holding open the box, and find all the boys smiling innocently at you. "Who got hungry?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.

At once, you regret the statement. Each guy points to someone different and before you can help it, you burst out laughing, causing the others to do so too after a while.

"Thanks guys! How'd you know I liked half-eaten cheeseburgers?" you ask enthusiastically, taking out the burger and biting into it, despite the fact that everyone else already did.

"We're good like that." Frank answers as Bob chuckles.

"Hey Alex did you happen to see my jacket in the backroom? I think I left it here this afternoon..." says Ray.

You shake your head, your mouth full. Ray sighs and moves off towards the backroom as Bob meanders through the rows of CDs, not looking for anything in particular; Gerard, Frank, and Mikey stay with you up front.

"So, Alex," says Frank suddenly, moving up to the front counter, pushing Gerard out of the way. "You busy tonight?" He leans suavely on the counter, not caring about the glare he's getting from Gerard.

"Working." you say, stuffing a few fries into your mouth.

Mikey watches you closely, his eyes narrowing as Frank openly flirts with you. Something stirs in the pit of his stomach and his fingers twitch a bit, but the feeling quickly passes.

"Well, how's about after work you and me...you know..._go somewhere_..."

"Sorry Frankie, no can do. Alex is with me tonight." says Gerard, causing you to grin, a mouthful of burger in your mouth.

Frank instantly jumps away from the counter, spinning to face Gerard. "What do you mean with you?"

Gerard smirks. "Ask Alex."

Frank turns to you and, playing along, you nod, licking a bit of ketchup from your bottom lip. "Sorry Frank."

Frank turns back to Gerard, a look of mock hurt on his face. "How could you do this to me?! Taking away the only woman I've ever loved?!"

"You don't even know the meaning of love!" Gerard counters, supressing a grin.

"Gerard I'm your _best friend_! You're not supposed to do this to your _best friend_!" yells Frank, faking hurt in his voice.

As Frank and Gerard continue to argue, you glance at Mikey to find him watching you eat, and you immediately feel guilty. What do you ask him?  
Want some?  
Would you like one?  
Hungry?  
Are you hungry? You can have some if you want.  
Mikey snaps out of his little haze and quickly shakes his head. "Oh no, that's okay."

Grinning mischievously, you pick up the Styrofoam box and hold it out to Mikey, your eyebrows raised. "Come on, you know you want some." You wiggle the box tauntingly.

Mikey blushes just the tiniest bit and shakes his head, avoiding your green gaze. "No, they're for you."

You let out a laugh. "Mikey! Come on, have some fries! You know I'm not going to eat them all!"

Mikey reluctantly walks forward as you place the box down on the counter, facing him. He slowly takes a french fry and pops it into his mouth as you smile at him, chewing your own french fry. Mikey glances at you to find your smiling face on him and he smiles before going for another french fry, causing you to laugh.

Meanwhile, you hadn't noticed that Gerard and Frank had stopped arguing when Frank had wandered off to torment Bob. Gerard had been, and still is, watching you and Mikey with a grin on his face, one that only knows trouble.

"Well I would've never guessed!" he exclaims, a grin still residing on his lips.

Startled out of your little Mikey-induced haze, you snap your head to look at Gerard, as does Mikey. "What?" you ask.

Gerard's grin widens, if possible. "Our wittle Alex likes wittle Mikey-kins!"

Immediately your heart stops. _What?!_ You're mortified. _What would make Gerard think that!? Quick, gotta recover!_

"N...no I don't!" _Great I stuttered!_

Gerard chuckles. "Alex, denial isn't just a river in Egypt." he says, causing you to glare harder. "It's written all over your face!"

And it's true. Your cheeks couldn't be redder. And to add to your horror, Mikey steals a glance at you and sees the crimson on your cheeks, making you even more embarrassed. Your fists clench and you glare at Gerard, hating him immensely.

_But there's no reason to hate him..._

"Gerard, I do **not** like Mikey!" you seethe.

Mikey instantly feels his heart drop to his feet. _Thanks Gerard._ He thinks bitterly, wishing he could give his brother a good right hook. He looks away from you, which you do notice, his face appearing crestfallen.

_Mikey..._

"Alex! Come---"

"Gerard shut up!" you snap.

"Why? Is it because I'm right?"

"Do you enjoy torturing me?"

"Would I be wrong to say yes?"

The Constant Question Game. Played a total of seven times since you've known the guys. You're getting quite good at it actually. "Why do you do this to me?" _At least it'll get his mind off of Mikey._

"Have you ever considered maybe I like to see you squirm?"

"Have you ever considered that maybe I don't like to squirm?"

"No, I haven't, but should I start?"

"Why would you do such a thing?"

"Is it a bad idea?"

"Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"I asked you if you thought it was a bad idea."

You let out a triumphant laugh. "Ha! That wasn't a question, I win!"

Gerard falters for a moment. "Well...I...It was a question _in_ a statement."

You roll your eyes and open your mouth to speak, but Mikey beats you to it. "That doesn't count Gerard and you know it."

Gerard turns to glare at his brother. "Shut up! You're only stickin' up for her because _you_ like _her_ as much as _she_ likes _you_."

Mikey instantly reddens in the face and looks away from his brother, mumbling something along the lines of, "No..."

As hear this your face instantly falls from the prideful gleam it was wearing. Your stomach gives an odd lurch and you look to the floor to hide your sudden drop in mood.

_Why..._

"So you comin' to see us play tomorrow Alex?" asks Ray, coming from the backroom with his jacket on his back.

You look up and smile falsely at Ray, any argument or conversation forgotten. What do you reply with?  
I wouldn't miss it for the world.  
Of course!  
Yeah.  
I couldn't miss it even if I wanted to.  
"Our first audience!" Gerard gasps, clapping his hands.

"No one's ever seen you play before?" you ask, taking another bite out of the burger.

Mikey shakes his head. "You'll be the first."

Excited, you jump up once and drop your burger back in the box, a huge smile on your gorgeous face. "Really? I'll be the first?"

"Only if I can be your's." says Frank, walking back over to join the conversation. You roll your eyes at Frank as Bob makes his way back over to the front counter.

"Well, we better get back to practice. Wanna sound good for tomorrow." says Gerard, acting as if it's some big gig.

You pout a bit, slumping against the counter. "Do you have to?"

"Can't get enough of me?" asks Frank, smirking at you as you walk out from behind the counter.

"Hardly." you reply, giving Frank a good shove towards the door, Mikey behind you.

Gerard laughs at your remark, the first to exit the shop with Ray and Bob in tow, along with Frank and you, Mikey bringing up the rear.

"So around two tomorrow, my place." says Gerard, stopping at the curb, his car parked behind him.

You nod and are about to reply when suddenly, you feel strong arms wrap around your waist and lift you into the air, spinning you around as you squeal in shock.

"Frank!" you demand, an inevitable smile on your face. "Get off me!"

Frank grins and sets you down and then spins you to face him. He pulls you into a bone-crushing hug and whispers huskily in your ear, "That's not what you said last night."

You shove Frank away, glaring at him playfully. You notice Mikey walk past you with his head down, hands in pockets, the first to approach the Escort and open a door.

"Bye Mikey..." you say. In response, he gets into the car and slams the door.

Hurt, you catch Gerard's eye, and he exchanges a confused look with you. "See you tomorrow." he says, walking around to the driver's side door, Ray getting shotgun and Bob piling into the back.

"Later baby." Frank says, grinning as he taps your ass and then scoots in next to Bob, sending you a wink through the window. You frown as the car pulls away, troubled by what just took place. Mikey didn't look happy and it bothers you greatly as you watch the Escort leave the curb and head off down the road.

_But why does it matter so much to me?_

I think I know...  
Hmm...

**Mikey's Point of View**

You sit silently in the car as Gerard heads back to your shared home, more band practice in your future. You do know why you got so angry when Frank touched Alex, spun her around, gave her a hug...

_Because I wanted to be the one to touch her, to hold her, to make her smile._

Thankful that Bob's body separates you from Frank, you turn your head to glare out the window on your left, not noticing your brother glimpsing you from time to time through the rearview mirror.

_God I've only known her what, two weeks, and I feel like this?_ You think irritably. You raise a slim hand to push your glasses up on the bridge of your nose, lost in your thoughts. _That can't be right... _

_She doesn't like me anyway, she said so herself._

You conclude, feeling your heart drop another ten feet. _Thanks to Gerard, now I know. Though now I do, I wish I didn't..._

"Do you like Alex or something Frankie?" asks Gerard suddenly, coming to a halt at a red light.

Frank looks up from the window, a small, wicked grin on his face. "Well, you gotta admit she's unbelievably hot, in her own way, and I wouldn't mind getting to know her a little better..."

"No." states Gerard, pressing the accelerator once more as the light turns green. "Like, do you _like_ her?"

To your disgust, Frank shrugs carelessly. "I just like messin' with her."

_He doesn't give a damn about her feelings._ You think hotly, tearing your gaze from Frank.

"Well don't mess with her anymore." says Gerard.

"Why?" snorts Frank. "She doesn't mind."

"Yeah, but some other people do." says Gerard. The others are incredibly silent, not daring to add their two cents.

"Do _you_?" asks Frank, his eyebrows raising.

Mikey waits with bated breath. Gerard did seem awful close with Alex...

"No, she's like my best fucking friend; maybe even my sister."

"Then why can't I mess with her?"

"Just don't."

Frank scowls at the back of Gerard's head, wondering why Gerard is acting so possessive. "Whatever." he finally says, looking out the window once more, his cheerful mood ruined.

Mikey glances at the rearview mirror and sees his brother's hazel-green eyes on him. Silently, a pass is made between the two brothers and their eyes avert once more. They have an understanding.

_I don't know what it is that I'm feeling, but I like it, and I don't want to lose it, even if Alex doesn't feel the same way._  
Yeah!  
That's the spirit!  
Sounds like a plan.  
Now that's what I like to hear.  
**Your Point of View**

You lock your car up and then walk up the stone steps to your home, a little later then normal. You stopped at McDonald's to pick up a McFlurry, still hungry after the half-eaten burger the guys had given you.

_Mom should be gone by now and Steven should be passed out so I'll just leave a note tomorrow afternoon telling them where I went._ You think, pondering over your schedule tomorrow. Steven usually works on Saturdays and your mom will be asleep or out of it so you'll be home free.

As soon as you walk in the door to your home, the hallway light flickers on and Steven stands tall before you, a bottle of Corona clutched between the firm fingers of his right hand. You look up at him questioningly as you shut the door; you didn't expect him to be up.

Though his thinning, brown hair looks tousled and his equally brown eyes look tired, he isn't entirely drunk and this fuses a spark of fear within you. Your fights with Steven over the past week have been nothing but horrible, and you have the feeling another is on the rise.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Steven demands.

_Yup. Another fight comin' right up._ "Work."

Steven takes a step forward, and you have mind to take one back, but don't, though your dread is a little overpowering. "Don't lie to me you little bitch. You get off work at nine and it's nine forty-five now. Where have you been." This time it isn't even a question.

You sigh, knowing you aren't going to get anywhere without telling him the entire truth. "I stopped for a bite to eat. Is that okay?" you ask, bobbing your head a bit with an arrogant look on your face.

"Don't you get smart with me girl!" yells Steven, his face turning red from anger, and probably the alcohol in his system.

"I wouldn't dream of it; you couldn't keep up." you say snidely, making to walk to your room, your purse hitched on your shoulder.

Before you can pass Steven though, he grabs your arm roughly and jerks you back, causing a look of pain to form on your face as you stumble. Steven lowers his face to your level and looks you straight in the eye, his alcohol-filled breath beating on your face with the words he utters. "You watch your mouth when you're talking to me or I swear---"

"Yeah, I know you do." you say, ripping your arm from Steven. "Good night Steven."

You yank open your door, stalk into your room, and then slam the door behind you, locking it. Closing your eyes, you stand in front of your door, trying to calm your anxiety. You've never talked to Steven like that, even when he's been in a drunken haze, and now you regret your bold words. What made you do that? Where did that courage come from?

Now, tonight, you live in fear. You don't know what Steven's capable of. Sure, he's never hit you or your mother, but that doesn't mean he won't start. And without your mother around tonight, after you antagonized him, you don't know what he'll do.

So you make sure your door is securely locked, strip down to your undergarments, and then snuggle into your bed, listening to the sounds of the TV and the occasional loud belch from Steven. You won't let yourself fall asleep knowing that he may come after you while you do so. You stay awake for hours, under the thick blankets, watching the shadows underneath your door, trying to calm yourself. Eventually, you tire yourself out from worry and fall into a dreamless sleep.

Ringing.

A dull, incessant ringing.

It's slowly getting louder, and louder, and louder...

You open your eyes as the ringing invades your hearing the loudest it will get. You groan softly and blink a few times, adjusting to the dark as the phone rings again.

Reaching out, you grope for your phone on the night stand, lifting yourself up on your free elbow. _Dammit who the hell is calling?!_ You think pettishly, finally finding the thing.

You pick up the receiver and lift it to your ear, the phone cord thankfully extending the short distance to your bed without any trouble. "H...hello?" Your voice cracks with tiredness, a hoarse tone to it.

"Alex! How are you on this fine evening?" Gerard.

"Gerard..." you moan, fighting off a yawn as you collapse onto your back. "What are you doing?"

"Currently, I'm drinking some---"

"No. What I meant was why are you calling me at," You check your digital alarm clock and groan again. "Twelve fifty-eight in the morning?!"

Gerard laughs, sounding more alive then he does in the daytime. "I just wanted to make sure you're coming tomorrow."

"Are you serious?!"

"Dead. And also I wanted to give you directions. You don't know how to get to my place, do you?"

You close your eyes. "No. But couldn't you wait 'til at least nine to call me?"

"Nope! Had to now!" says Gerard cheerfully. "Now write this down..."

After a lot of fumbling on your part, you write Gerard's address on a piece of spare paper from your notebook. You drop the thing to the floor, wishing Gerard will just get off the phone so you can...

"So you wanna fuck Mikey?"

Okay that had to be the most straightforward question you've ever heard. "Huh?"

"So you _do_!"

"What? No! I never said that!"

"But you didn't deny it either!"

"Gerard!"

"What? I was just asking!"

"No, I don't want to fuck Mikey; come on I've known you guys for like a week."

"Two. And that doesn't mean anything." says Gerard matter-of-factly. "He wants to fuck you too."

You close your eyes and let out a sigh. "Good night Gerard."

"What? Alex! No! Don't you---"

You place the phone back onto the base, flopping back down onto your bed, your head landing on the cushy pillow. _Leave it to Gerard._ You think, smiling a bit.

But then your thoughts turn. Sure, you've only known the guys for two weeks, but things between the six of you seemed to click instantly. You all get along great and you can't refuse the smile Mikey puts on your face just by entering your day...

_I can't like Mikey. I don't even know him._ You think, knowing the instant it crosses your mind it's a lie. You don't want to like Mikey...

But explain the smile. Explain the feeling he gives you. Explain the swell of happiness you get every time he's in your presence. Explain the certainty in the back of your mind that Mikey is just more than a friend...

_Do I like Mikey?_  
Who knows?

Well...  
*looks away shiftily*  
To your utter surprise and horror, the next morning you wake up a little after one in the afternoon. Cursing yourself for wasting almost half the day, you spring from your bed and to your dresser where you pull out a suitable outfit for the day; a pair of tight, black jeans and a plain red t-shirt. You rush out of your room and into the bathroom, prepared for a most needed shower.

Thirty minutes later, you burst from the bathroom, clothed, your hair blow-dried, and scarcely made-up, ready for your day. You rush back into your room and immediately go to your closet, ripping open the door and rooting around for a zip-up hoodie and a pair of red Chucks.

_Finally!_ You think, grasping your shoes and a discarded, plain black zip-up hoodie. You throw yourself onto your bed and lace up your shoes, then grab your outerwear and head for your open bedroom door.

_That phone call from Gerard screwed up my entire schedule._ You think, stalking into the kitchen and searching through the pantry for something edible to make up for the lack of two meals, after throwing your hoodie onto the kitchen table. _That and thoughts of Mikey..._ You stayed up probably until close to two o'clock last night, arguing with yourself and your feelings. Obviously you got no where.

You finally find some bread and bring it back into the kitchen, laying it down on the table and then moving to the fridge to get out the mayonnaise and some lunch meat and cheese.

Not once do you notice your mother standing in the doorway to the living room, watching as you scramble about, trying to make a quick sandwich.

You finally make your meal and stand by the table to eat it, your back to the doorway in which your mother is still standing, watching you blankly. _I wonder what time it is?_ You think, turning around a bit to catch a glimpse of the microwave.

"Shit!" you curse loudly, seeing the time to be 1:43. You hate being late. It's unnerving.

You hastily stuff what sandwich you can into your mouth before muttering a curse, spraying bits of food onto the table at the realization that you have to go _back_ to your room to get your purse. Leaving a bite of sandwich on the table, you run to your room, grab your purse and car keys, and then run back into the kitchen, only to halt in your tracks.

"Hi mom." you say, a little stunned at first. Of course you heard the TV on in the living room but you merely thought Steven had left the TV on...again.

"Going somewhere?" Karen asks as you move slowly to the table to pick up your last bit of sandwich.

"Out." you say vaguely while grabbing your hoodie and pulling your purse strap up to rest on your shoulder, your car keys clutched tightly in your right hand.

"Out where?" asks your mother.

_What the fuck?! She's never cared before!_ You think in annoyance. "Don't worry about it."

You sidestep your mother and move to the open doorway leading into the living room. But before you even reach the doorway, a frail hand grabs your bare, left forearm. "Don't turn your back on me." your mother hisses.

Looking over your shoulder, you narrow your eyes at your mother, not wanting to test her limits. With Steven, well he's not your real father and wouldn't dare harm you without consequences from your mother, but Karen is a different story. When she gets mad, it's not pretty. And you only needed to find that out once to know to never do it again.

"I want a straight answer from you. Where are you going?"

"Gerard's." you say, dragging out his name.

"Who's Gerard?" asks your mother.

"A friend." you answer curtly. "Now let go of me or I'm going to be late." You tear away from your mother and turn back around, taking long strides into the living room. You don't want to have a standoff with your mother. Not now.

"Don't you talk to me that way you little slut! Get your ass back here!" your mother screams.

You ignore her. You know they'll probably be repercussions when you see your mother next, but you don't care at the moment.

"I've seen the kind of people you've been hanging out with Alex! They're trash!"

Since when did your mother decide to start to care all the sudden? She never did before! Suddenly you have friends and she decides to feel interest? No. It doesn't work that way. Not with the kind of family you have.

After having to stop and ask for directions from a nearby cop, you make it to Gerard's house a little after two. You pull on your zip-up hoodie as you disembark from your Camry, your purse and car keys in hand. It's sunny out again, but not too warm, a blustery wind making it all the more cold out.

_God I can't wait to hear them!_ You think excitedly, walking up the side of the driveway to the Way household and then onto the brick stairs, leading you through a small, concrete cove between the house and the garage until you meet the front door. Before you can even reach out a shivering hand to ring the doorbell though, the front door swings open and a smiling Gerard appears through the glass pane of the second door.

"Alex!" he says, opening the other white door. "Come in before you freeze your ass off!"

"Gerard!" you hear a stern, feminine voice yell from somewhere inside the house.

"Sorry mom." Gerard mumbles, rolling his eyes at you. He closes both doors behind you as you step into the house, smiling.

The Way house is much like your own, but nicer and a bit bigger. It's completely brick with a white-door garage to the right, a black, paved driveway leading up to the front. When you first walk in, the living room is to the left, a few windows casting rays of light in. Before you is a long, carpeted hallway and leading from the living room is a kitchen and down the hall you see various doors, leading to other rooms obviously.

"You know you're late right?" says Gerard, raising an eyebrow to you.

You roll your eyes, unzipping your hoodie for the Way house is quite warm. "Shut up. I got lost."

Gerard starts to laugh hysterically. "You got---"

"IS THAT ALEX?!" you hear someone shriek suddenly.

Startling you greatly, a door down the hallway bangs open and a fast moving body runs to you, wrapping their arms around your waist, lifting you into the air, and spinning you around whilst you laugh.

"Hi Ray." you say once he puts you down, beaming down at you.

"Come on! We have everything set up in the garage and we're all ready to play for you!" says Ray excitedly, grabbing the nearest arm he can.

You send a wide-eyed look to Gerard and ask:  
Is he always like this in the afternoon?  
Is he usually this way?  
He's not usually like this! What's with the change?  
He's not always this excited, is he?

Gerard shrugs, grinning. "When it comes to the band."

Ray continues to pull you down the hall but doesn't get very far when a woman suddenly appears in your path, hands on her hips and a dishtowel in one hand. She has shoulder-length, straight dark brown hair and light hazel eyes. She a bit taller than you and is a bit weighty like her eldest son; she even looks like him a bit. She's wearing a bright red sweater and a pair of nice blue-jeans, a smile on her face. She peers around Ray's tall figure and spots your extremely smaller one, smiling at her nervously.

"You must be Alex." she says warmly, stepping forward and extending her hand. "I'm Donna, Gerard and Michael's mother."

You jerk your hand away from Ray and shake Donna's hand. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Way."

"Oh dear please, don't call me Mrs. Way; Donna sounds much younger." She smiles, and you do too, instantly liking the woman. "I've heard so much about you, it's nice to finally---"

"Yeah well sorry mom but you can tell Alex your life story later. She's with us for the rest of the afternoon." Gerard says quickly, his hands on your back as he pushes you down the hallway, Ray by your side.

"Be nice Gerard, you don't want to scare her away!" calls Mrs. Way, smiling as Ray opens the door to the garage and Gerard pushes you in. Ray shuts the door after you and Gerard pushes you further into the garage and to a lone folding chair sitting by the closed, garage door, in front of the band equipment set up.

"Hey Alex." greets Bob, sitting behind an old set of drums. Mikey and Frank are also in the garage, both preoccupied with tuning their guitars.

"Hey." you greet as Gerard pushes you roughly down onto the chair and you glare at him. You set your purse on the floor next to your feet but pull your hoodie back on, finding the garage less warmer then the actual house.

You watch anxiously as Gerard takes his place behind a microphone on a stand and Ray moves to another guitar, a microphone also in front of him. He flips on the switch to a beat up amplifier and then nods to Gerard while putting the strap of his guitar over his head. Gerard takes hold of the microphone in front of him and steps up to it.

"Good afternoon ladies and...well actually just Alex!" says Gerard loudly into the microphone, causing a piercing sound to ring out through the small garage that is cluttered with many different things. You laugh as everyone scowls at Gerard but he continues, not noticing anything.

"We're My Chemical Romance and this is our first ever concert!" Ray and Frank cheer a bit and you can't help but laugh.

"Now, we---"

"Wait, My Chemical Romance?" you interrupt Gerard.

"Well I didn't make it up. Mikey thought of it." Gerard looks at you with revolt. "It's not a problem, is it?"

You let out another laugh. "Of course not! I like it!"

Gerard beams and continues on with his commentary. "Okay, we only have three songs so far but don't worry! You get to hear all of them!"

You wipe away a nonexistent tear of joy. "I feel so special!"

"First up, Skylines And Turnstiles!"

You jump up from your chair, clapping wildly and jumping up and down. "You guys are great!" you say happily, all smiles. After hearing only the first song, you knew these guys would be famous, just on sheer talent, but after hearing Our Lady of Sorrows and Cubicles, it sealed the deal. True, the lyrics weren't the happiest, but you could care less. These boys are awesome! They have so much talent!

"You liked it then?" asks Gerard, setting his microphone back into place and grinning at you. By now, all the guys are sweaty and flushed, but that doesn't stop them from grinning at your reaction.

"Hell yes! God I can't wait until you guys make like a record or something!" you exclaim breathlessly.

Frank snorts, setting down his guitar. "Don't rush things."

Bob sets his drumsticks on one of the drums and stands, stretching his muscular arms. "I dunno about you guys but I'm pretty hungry."

"Me too!" says Ray, his own guitar safely in it's place. "Let's go get something to eat!"

All the boys make a run for the door at once and you smile, going back for your purse that you left on the floor. You don't notice Mikey standing in the doorway of the garage, holding the door for you.

"Oh thanks." you say, moving quickly to the door once you see Mikey waiting for you.

He flashes you a small smile and then lets the door fall shut behind you, slowly walking with you to the kitchen where you can hear the other boys ignoring the protests of Donna as they raid the kitchen.

"So you really think we were good?"

You look up at Mikey and nod affirmatively. "Really good. I liked it, and I bet you guys could get a gig or something somewhere if you really wanted to."

Mikey smiles and heads into the kitchen after you, Gerard already delving into a pack of cookies, Ray bent into the refrigerator, Frank standing by the sink by Mrs. Way washing his sweaty hands, and Bob waiting impatiently behind Ray, nagging him to hand him a soda. You head over to the refrigerator, pushing Bob out of the way and raising a complaint out of the boy. Mikey watches with a smile, before reluctantly tearing his gaze from you and to the pack of cookies calling his name on the kitchen table.

Bottom of Form


	5. Chapter 5

The first few weeks of October seem to fly by. The weather turns colder, you grow closer to the boys, and school goes on like it normally does. Of course now you have people who actually take time out of their day to stop by your locker and talk to you, or send you a quick wave in the hall, or hold a conversation with you before class, but no one is as close to you as the five most seemingly unsuitable guys in the school, and out of it; Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Bob Bryar, and Ray Toro. No one expected you to be friends with the school outcasts, the five _male_ school outcasts, not even yourself. I mean, to tell the truth, you were never popular with the guys in any of your old schools. But things with the boys just felt so natural, so _right._

Pretty much everyday has been routine, with the exception of the weekends. You wake up, go to school, go to work, then come home; with a few meetings with the guys in between. On the weekends you work, hang out with the guys, or just sit in your room, free to think how you like.

Your mother's drug habit has gotten worse. Silvio is over more and more and you do your best to steer clear of him, though you do get a glimpse of that latino smirk as he leaves with the money your mother shells out to him. Steven's drinking hasn't gotten any better either. When he drinks he gets more drunk then you have ever seen him and this scares you; you hate alcoholics. You try to stay out of his way too, and manage to succeed more than you do with Silvio. How you can't wait until you have enough money to move out, start a clean life of your own.

God how you love autumn. It's the most beautiful time of the year, in your opinion. You love watching how the trees change colors, from green to golden, red, or brown. You love how everything from summer slowly dies, only to be reborn again into something just as magnificent the following year. You love the smell of autumn, the crisp, cool air. You love the sound of dry leaves skidding down the sidewalk or street, or crunching beneath your feet. The way the sun shines through the perishing trees brings a smile to your face and you find yourself bundled against the cold many times, taking a short walks around your block just admiring the wondrous sights.

Halloween is coming ever so close, tomorrow actually, but you don't have any plans, as normal. The guys haven't brought it up and you haven't made a point to either, mainly because your birthday is the day after. And you dread your birthday. It's a day to celebrate when one was born, a day of happiness. But it was never like that for you. Your mother or Steven never went out of their way to get you anything, and you came to not expect anything from them as time wore on. That's just how the way things were, and you wouldn't want them any different. Of course the guys had no idea about it being your eighteenth birthday in two days, and you plan to keep it that way. You'll just sit in your room, humming 'Happy Birthday' to yourself, sad thoughts invading your mind.

It is now Tuesday and you are standing by your locker shoving books into it from your school bag in your free hand, Mikey looming over you, chatting about something that you aren't even remotely listening to. You do know it's about English class though. Probably about the homework, because Mikey fell asleep halfway through reading **Pride and Prejudice.**

"Ready?" you ask Mikey, slamming your locker shut and looking up to him, hoisting your bag onto your shoulder.

He nods and starts to move off down the noisy hallway with you, small talk issued between you two. It's the end of the school day and you're headed for work while Mikey treks off to yet another band practice. The band is coming along nicely also, and you listen to them whenever you have free time.

Things with Mikey have been anything but comfortable and you two usually try to act civil with one another, but never best friend-like. Not after what Gerard said in _Wally's_ at the end of September a few weeks back. It still bothers you to this day. Everything with the others is just fine, but Mikey is different. There's something more there and you both feel it, but you're both ignoring it.

You figure part of the reason you try to avoid being alone with Mikey or acting like you do with Gerard or one of the others is because there is an attraction there. Though, by separating yourself from him, it only draws out your needs. Separation makes the heart grow stronger. You catch yourself staring at him from across the classroom, watching him strum the strings of his bass while he plays in the garage band, thinking about him constantly. You don't like secluding yourself from Mikey, but you want to prevent heartbreak because you know as soon as you get attached to him with feelings of just more than a friend, Steven's job will discharge him once more and you'll have to leave something you want dearly.

_Not that I'm making it easier by getting close to the others._ You think logically, stuffing your tiny hands into your black blazer as you head out the front doors with Mikey, automatically seeing Bob, Frank, Ray, and Gerard waiting for you two, getting shady looks from students also leaving the school on this near dead, cloudy day.

"Finally." Gerard says once you reach him and the others, Mikey at your side. "God what were you two doing? No, scratch that, I don't think I want to know."

You glare at Gerard as he starts to move across the parking lot to his car waiting idly next to your's in an empty parking space he managed to find. This had become a habit for him; meeting you and the other three from school, Ray sometimes tagging along when he took the day off from work.

"Wally's is closed today." Ray tells you suddenly, matching your slow pace and taking a stance on your left side.

Taken aback, you look up at his face, which is at least a foot higher than your's, and ask:  
Why?  
That's weird. Why?  
Really?  
Well that's a first. Why?  
"Some family emergency or something." Ray shrugs carelessly, his hands in his faded jean pockets, his shoulders hunched against the cold.

_That means I can go straight home. Wonderful._ You think with an inaudible sigh, looking to the ground.

"So what're you doing for Halloween Alex?" asks Frank from behind. You've noticed, over the last couple weeks, that he really hasn't been showing you that much attention like he had been the first weeks you met him; and secretly you are a little grateful. You aren't one to draw attention towards yourself and Frank liked to openly flirt with you a lot, even though most of the time, if not all, it was meant to be playful. Still, you couldn't help but feel a little let down when his flirtations came to an abrupt halt; in a way you liked them.

"Handing out candy." you say nonchalantly, your car up ahead by at least four parking spaces to the right.

Gerard snorts, jingling his keys restlessly in the front pocket of his hoodie. "That's gay."

You shoot him another glare. "There's nothing better to do."

Gerard sends you a grin, reaching his car but not getting into it just yet; the others follow his lead and crowd around you, not giving you chance to make it to your own car and get home.

"Of course there is!" Gerard says. "Trick-or-treating with us!"

You cannot help but laugh, tucking a lock of wavy hair behind a cold ear. "Gerard, need I point out that you're _twenty-one_ years old?"

He shrugs. "So?"

"What's wrong with that?" asks Ray.

You look to him, an eyebrow raised. "Twenty-one year olds don't go trick-or-treating Ray, including you."

"Well can I go?" asks Frank.

Spinning to face him, a look of disbelief on your face, you say, "No you can't go trick-or-treating, you're too old too!"

"But it'll be my birthday!" protests Frank.

Now raising an eyebrow, you ask, "Really?"

"Yeah, I'll be eighteen."

"Liar you'll be seventeen." Gerard sneers.

Frank shoots him a glare and you laugh, until you hear Bob say, "Well whether you like it or not _mom, I'm_ going trick-or-treating."

Shaking your head, you look at Bob and exclaim, "I've never heard tell of two twenty-one-year olds, an eighteen-year old, a seventeen-year old, and a sixteen-year old going trick-or treating!"

"Correction, two seventeen-year olds." says Gerard. "You're coming with us."

"When did that happen?"

"Right now."

"Well I don't want to go trick-or-treating." you say stubbornly.

Nearly everyone in the circle around you gasps and Gerard clutches his chest as Frank mockingly faints into Bob's arms.

"How can you _not_ want to go trick-or-treating?!" asks Ray, as if you're crazy. "Halloween is like the best time of the year!"

You shrug. "I never really went trick-or-treating when I was younger."

A look of horror crosses Gerard's face and Frank collapses into Bob's arms again while Ray takes a step back from you, his eyes broad, and Mikey smiles, shaking his head at his friend's antics.

"N...never been... Are you... Dear God..." Gerard stutters, staring at you in terror. Then suddenly, he grabs your arm and drags you over to the driver's side of your car.

"Now you **have** to come with us." he says, opening the car door. Before you even have time to protest, he shoves you down into the tattered seat, your school bag still attached to your back.

"Ray!" he barks, looking up at his friend while you look up at him in surprise through the open car door. Obviously, Ray knows what he means because he salutes Gerard and moves to take shotgun in your car.

"Wait...Gerard! Wait! What are you doing?"

Gerard slams your car door just as Ray gets into the passenger's seat. You look at Ray oddly as Gerard, Frank, Bob, and Mikey pile into his Escort, Gerard immediately gunning the engine and reversing dangerously fast.

"What..?"

"Just follow Gerard." Ray says mysteriously.

Raising an eyebrow at Ray, you fish your keys out of your jacket pocket and slowly put the right one into the ignition, twisting it and causing the engine to start with a bit of a struggle. Slowly, you reverse and find Gerard's car waiting lazily for your's a few paces ahead, but when he sees your car appear, he takes off for the school exit, a perfect plan in mind.

The entire car ride Ray remains silent through all your constant nagging and radio switches. He only stares straight ahead, his eyes locked on Gerard's car. So you are left in the dark...for the time being...

You let out a long groan as Gerard pulls into one of the few empty parking spaces in front of a large shop called _The House of Horrors._ In the tall and wide glass windows in front of the wide shop squished between two other brick buildings, you see mannequins donned in various costumes, all in favor of Halloween. Many people are lingering around the shop, and from what you can see, inside the shop.

"Pull up there." Ray finally says, pointing to an obvious parking space near the front door of _The House of Horrors._

You break away from the main drag as the occupants of Gerard's car exit it, banging their doors closed behind them. Gerard leads the way to your car as you park and shut it off, taking your school bag off and flinging it into the backseat before following Ray out of the car, your purse in hand.

"Why are we _here_?" you ask Gerard, closing your car door.

Gerard grabs your wrist and starts to drag you to the front door, the others following. "To get you a Halloween costume of course!"

What do you try to tell Gerard?  
But Gerard, I don't want to go trick-or-treating!  
Gerard I'm too old for trick-or-treating!  
I already told you I don't want to go.  
Gerard stop! I don't want to go!  
"I don't want to hear it! It's bad enough you've never been trick-or-treating!" says Gerard, pulling you into the slightly crowded shop that looks smaller than it is from the outside. Racks upon racks line the shop, each hanger holding a different costume. The possibilities are endless.

"We're doing you a favor by bringing you here, so I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth! You're going trick-or-treating with us whether you like it or not!"

You glare at Gerard as he finally turns to face you, a stern look on his face. "Yes mother." you tease, tearing your arm from his grasp and starting to wander around the shop, the others also splitting up.

_I guess it won't hurt to try it._ You think, glancing around the gaping shop as you sidestep someone headed for the front counter which you passed on your way in. _Even though I will be turning eighteen..._

"Hey Alex! Look! I found the perfect costume for you!"

You look up from the rack you are currently inspecting, as do other various people around the shop, and blush horribly when you see Gerard holding a bright orange and very plump pumpkin costume, complete with a green beret and orange stockings. Laughter breaks out around the shop as Gerard wiggles the costume in your direction from his position in the front of the shop. The other guys burst into loud, hysterical laughter as you blush horribly and move farther back into the shop, hoping the next time Gerard decides to yell to you that he's found "the one" that you won't hear him.

Over the time-span of the fifteen minutes you've been here, you haven't found anything that even remotely sparked any interest in you, but you didn't complain because you knew your cooperation would make Gerard happy. And it's not like you were having the worst time of your life, you were just bored.

"Find anything yet?" asks someone suddenly.

Jumping out of your skin, you whirl and come face to face, well actually face to chest, with Mikey. He's standing behind you, a small smile on his face as you stand before the metal rack filled with animal costumes. Yeah, you weren't really paying attention as to what you were looking at.

"Not yet."

Mikey grins and surprisingly lifts a delicate hand to grasp your elbow, pulling you deeper into the shop where less people linger. "Well I wouldn't find anything either if I was looking in the 'Animals' section."

Blushing, you keep your face to the ground as Mikey laughs once more, finally stopping and releasing your arm...unfortunately...

"So what are you going to be?" you ask Mikey, looking up at the unique and antique dresses lining the walls a few feet above your head; they look as though they belong in the Victorian Era. Intrigued by the nature of them, you take more time to look over them than you had any other costume so far.

"Me and the guys are going as zombies."

Glancing up at Mikey, you frown with a smile. "How original." you say sarcastically.

"Well what do you suggest?" asks Mikey, a raised eyebrow visible through the hanging, thin locks of his golden-brown hair and black-rimmed glasses.

"I dunno." you start, lifting a nimble hand to feel the fine fabric of one of the more elaborate dresses. "Something more interesting then dead guys."

Suddenly, you hear loud shouting from the front of the shop and both you and Mikey look up and to the right to see Ray and Frank tugging a costume back and forth between them, both yelling, "I want it!" or something along those lines. A clerk is rushing over to the two boys, trying her best to quiet them from her position. You and Mikey both let out laughs as she reaches the two and rips the costume from between them, whispering harshly at them to quiet down.

You turn back to the dresses above you, not noticing Mikey watch you with a small smile on his own face. A smile still resides on your face as you look through the dresses, seemingly interested, not aware that Gerard is stalking the racks a feet paces behind you and Mikey, his hazel eyes flickering to your two figures once and a while; Bob is skulking around the front counter, eyeing the girl working the register.

"I think you guys should go as gangsters." you say suddenly, looking up at Mikey.

Mikey's face screws up and his head withdraws a bit. "What?"

You smile broadly. "Gangsters! You guys could be like...a little gang."

Gerard has to keep himself from laughing on account he doesn't want to be spotted just quite yet. Though it's hard after hearing that remark.

Mikey gives you a skeptical look, holding back his own laughter.

"Well it's better then dead guys!" you say defensively, your face blushing as you turn back to the dresses. "Who goes as zombies on Halloween?" _Why the hell did I blush?!_

"Obviously we do."

"You know what Mikey Way?" You turn to him and lift a hand, extending your pointer finger and pushing it against his chest. "You and your sarcasm need to get outta of my way so I can get to the costumes back there." And with that you push Mikey to the side and move down along the wall, dresses still lining the walls. Gerard snickers silently when he watches you do this, Mikey momentarily frozen in place, staring after you with a slightly punch-drunk expression on his face before rushing up behind you once more.

"Thought about what you're going to be yet?" he asks you as you slowly move forward, not glancing back at him.

"I don't know. Probably a vampire." you say, stopping in front of the very costume that would work beautifully for your idea. Entirely black satin, red satin corset, long-sleeved, and flowing out from the waist, all you would need is the right makeup.

"And you yell at us for going as dead guys!" says Mikey.

"Well there's nothing better to be..." you trail off, feeling stupid now.

"Yes there is!"

"What then?" you ask, stopping and turning to face Mikey with a questioning look.

Mikey pauses, thinking over the question. His brown eyes scan your face quickly, wanting to linger on your green eyes; the ones that he can imagine perfectly if he closes his eyes. He finally says, "I don't know. But not a vampire. They're ugly."

You laugh. "Are you suggesting that I'm not ugly enough to be a vampire?"

_Damn right._ "In a way."

"So I'm ugly?"

_No, you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen._ "I didn't say that."

"But you hinted at it."

"I did not!" Mikey fires back, Gerard watching the playful argument from the corner of his eye across from a rack that he is "looking" at.

"Yes, Michael, I think you did." you say playfully, using his full name. You turn your back to Mikey and look back up at the gorgeous black dress hanging just out of reach above your head. You have mind to ask a store attendant to come and get it down for you, maybe even buy it.

"I would never say something like that Alex!" Mikey says quickly, not thinking before be adds, "It's not true!"

You stop abruptly in place, not thinking you heard right, but wishing you did. A smile slowly graces your face and you blush lightly, keeping your head turned from Mikey. Recovering from your initial shock though, you pretend to look at another nearby costume as you ask, "What?"

Mikey mentally beats himself as he murmurs, "Nothing." and then thinks, _Why can't I tell her she's beautiful? Gerard says it all the time, not to mention Frank and Bob and Ray!_

Feeling disappointment course through your veins, you merely nod, your eyes transfixed on the costume of a doctor you're inspecting. _And I thought---_

"Hey Alex!" You look up and to the right to see Frank bounding your way, a large grin on his face. "How's about you be mah bitch for Halloween?" In his hand he's holding a skimpy cheerleader's outfit that's torn, dirty, and has fake blood dried on it in some places.

You can't help but laugh, Mikey standing behind you with a slight frown on his face, his eyes on the outfit in Frank's hand. "I don't know Frank... That outfit..."

Frank grabs your wrist tightly suddenly and starts dragging you to the front of the shop where more pre-made dead men and women costumes rest. "There's more up here! Come on!"

Mikey doesn't follow automatically, glaring in Frank's general direction. He couldn't have screwed up his conversation with you more. He kept what he really felt inside, too scared to tell you how he feels, and now he regrets every second of it. Though it may not be much, Mikey knows there is something there.

_It's not like a girl like her will like me anyway._ Mikey thinks, slowly trudging after you and Frank who are up front, laughing at the many ridiculous costumes in the store; he doesn't notice Gerard watching him, an evil smirk on his round face.

....  
What's he up to..?  
Something's up. And I don't like it.

The next day, Halloween festivities are thick in the air. Pranks were and are pulled; the school's front lawn was toilet-papered over night, some of the buses had their tires slashed, and many people are talking about going trick-or-treating. You are surprised at how many people like Halloween and plan to go out tonight. When some of your more neutral friends ask what you are doing and you tell them nothing special, they immediately go off telling you about the candy they are going to collect and then the parties they are going to crash.

As of now, you and Mikey are sitting at you small two-seater table at lunch, enjoying the pumpkin-shaped french fries and dry hamburgers that the school served today.

"I can't believe I let Gerard talk me into buying that costume, let alone go trick-or-treating with you guys." you say after a small silence when you and Mikey both ate. You ended up buying the skimpy white and blue cheerleading outfit, stained with blood and ripped in places. You were reluctant to even try it on at first because of the extremely short skirt and sleeveless belly-shirt with a low-cut v-neck, but Gerard, Frank, and Ray literally pushed you into the changing room and shoved the costume in after you, leaning against the door from the other side and not allowing you to come out without the costume on. When you did, Frank instantly claimed you as his "dead bitch" for the night, before anyone else could even protest.

Mikey smiles dishonestly up at you and then quickly looks down at his meal, picking up a french fry and stuffing it into his mouth as you watch him closely for a minute and then turn back to your own lunch, keeping quiet.

Mikey had been like this all day so far. Not really saying anything, smiling but not really meaning it, and averting your eyes every time you look at him. It unnerves you that he does this but something keeps you from asking what's wrong...

"Hey fuckers, why you sittin' alone?" comes a voice suddenly.

Both you and Mikey look up and your eyebrows raise when you see Frank standing before you, one hand in his pocket and the other clutching a hall pass.

"What are you doing here Frank?" you ask as he steals a chair from a nearby table and swings it over next to your little table, plopping down in it.

"Mrs. Towers is boring as hell so I asked to go to the bathroom and couldn't help but stop in the cafeteria to see what you losers were doing."

"How considerate." you say sarcastically as Frank takes one of your french fries and eats it. "Hey!"

Frank tries to look innocent. "What? I'm hungry."

Rolling your eyes, Frank takes another fry and starts eating your food as you pick at your burger, not really feeling that hungry today. Mikey looks at you through his glasses, chewing his own burger slowly.

"Aren't you going to eat?" he asks, not being able to contain himself.

You look up at the sound of Mikey's voice as Frank reaches across your platter to get another fry. "I'm really not that hungry."

"Did you have breakfast?" You shake your head. "You should eat Alex, you shouldn't skip meals as much as you do."

You smile, feeling a swell of happiness somewhere inside of you, once again thanks to Mikey. You love the way he looks out for you, actually gives a damn. "Sorry Mikey, you're right." you say, giving him a smile. "I bet it's delicious."

Suddenly, before you can pick up your burger and take a bite, a shadow casts down on your table and you look up, as do Mikey and Frank, and you see the girl who came into _Wally's_ yesterday, Hope.

"Hey Alex, remember me?" she says politely, a smile on her slightly tanned face. Her tanned, slim legs are clearly visibly because of the short, navy pleated skirt she wears and her lithe upper body is clad in the usual uniform, her long, blond hair falling about her shoulders.

You smile up at Hope and nod, saying, "Yeah. Hope right?"

Hope nods enthusiastically and then says, "Listen, you know how tonight is Halloween and all? Well one of my friends is throwing a party and I wanted to know if you'd like to come with me?"

Immediately you know your answer. It is the same every time someone asks you a similar question. "Sorry Hope, I can't. I'm busy tonight."

Hope looks a little downcast, but tries not to let it show. "Oh well---"

"Hey if you think we'll be out all night we won't. You can go to that party." says Frank, one of your fries in his hand as he glances at you and then up at Hope.

Hope looks happily renewed by the fact that maybe you'll reconsider. Resisting the urge to send Frank a glare, you smile apologetically up at Hope and say, "It's just I have to work late and by the time I get home I'll be exhausted and still have homework to do. Sorry."

Hope smiles, though you can tell it is forced. "Oh. Well, all right then. Maybe next time." She gives you a quick wave and then walks off to her part of the cafeteria, sitting down with her friends once more.

"What the hell? You don't have to work late; you don't have to work at all! Why didn't you want to go? Is it because you don't like her or something?" asks Frank.

You pause, thinking your answer over carefully; you don't want to reveal too much. "No, it's not that; Hope seems like a nice girl but I'm just not into parties that much." _I won't be another Shannon._

"Why?" asks Mikey softly.

You shrug, trying to play it off as something that isn't important. "Just not my scene."

"Well you're no fun." Frank scoffs, eating another one of your fries.

He then goes on to tell you of all the times he's been to Halloween parties, and how he'll probably crash a few tonight. You tune him out though. You don't want to hear it. You hate parties or anything that involves alcohol, drugs, and unwanted attention. Alcohol is how Shannon died and you refuse to be like her. You refuse to be like any of your family.

Mikey watches you intently as you eat your entire meal, not speaking the rest of the lunch period. Frank takes over the conversation though, not that Mikey is listening anyway. He saw the way you hesitated before you answered Frank, the way your shoulders slightly tensed. He noticed, and he wants to know why, but he doesn't ask. He knows it's something deep, something that you're keeping a secret, and something that will probably remain that until the time is right.


	6. Chapter 6

"Trick-or-treat!"

The older woman standing in her doorway gives your group a look of disgust before giving you each one piece of candy and then slamming her door in your faces, amongst loud and lurid laughter.

It's Halloween night and you, Frank, Gerard, Mikey, Ray, and Bob are out trick-or-treating in your dead-group get-up. It's around nine now and you are about halfway done your runs, your bags not even half full. You're all walking around one of the nicer developments near your block, your Camry parked at the entrance as it is your way of transportation from one development, or block, to another for tonight.

You guys look great. Gerard did everyone's makeup to make them appear positively ghastly (and surprisingly it's really good) and Ray had bought some fake blood to splatter on the old and tattered clothes everyone was wearing, even though your costume had enough fake blood on it already. You left your hair down and Ray teased it a bit, and besides the fact that you looked "fucking hot", in Frank's words, you played the part of a dead cheerleader pretty well.

"Man I'm hardly gettin' any fuckin' candy." Frank complains, checking his bag as you all walk down the sidewalk to the next house.

"Maybe it's because we're not five-year olds dressed up as pumpkins." you say matter-of-factly as you five approach your next house. Though your statement may be true, you're having too much fun to care. You're glad you let Gerard talk you into taking you trick-or-treating with him and the others, to see what you've been missing for the past seventeen years of your life.

"Hey, you could've been a pumpkin Alex." says Gerard, and everyone laughs, remembering the costume Gerard picked out for you just yesterday that you declined without a second thought. Even though the cheerleading outfit isn't that much better in your opinion, you'd rather be wearing what you are.

You all approach the next house with smiles, ready to hold out your bags and scream the infamous, "Trick-or-treat!". The house is quite large, one of the newer, two-story models, with white siding and blue shutters, a nice, green lawn despite the time of year, and a few bare trees in the front yard amongst the few bushes of flowers that are also bare. There is a wraparound porch in front of the house and windows lining your left as you walk onto the porch and to the front door.

You push the doorbell since you reached the door first and wait excitedly with a smile on your face for someone to answer the door. All night you and the guys were pleased with the reactions you got first off when someone opened the door. First it was always a cheery smile, which then quickly faded into a frown when their eyes land on your bodies that in no way resemble cute kids.

Your wide smile instantly vanishes as the door inside the house swings open to reveal a girl about your age that you know all too well.

Hope.

"Hey Alex!" she says cheerfully, opening the other, glass door. She looks dressed to impress in a light blue, denim skirt and a matching sweater that brings out her ice blue eyes. Her light blond hair is pushed behind her in a shining blanket that reaches her elbows, laying perfectly atop her pretty head. You can't be more embarrassed.

"Trick-or-treat!" yells Gerard from behind you, making the situation worse.

Hope lets out a laugh and then disappears behind the door for a second, then reappears with a pumpkin-shaped bucket of candy. Immediately, you are pushed out of the way as five hands appear and reach greedily to take the candy from the outstretched bucket Hope is holding. She laughs though, knowing it is all in good fun, and pulls the bucket away as each of the guys put their candy into the plastic grocery bags they're carrying, grins on their faces.

"Have you gotten a lot of candy?" asks Hope, holding the bucket out for you to take some candy.

You reach out and take a few pieces, opening your mouth to reply, but Frank beats you to it.

"No. The fuckers we've been to gave us like one piece of candy." Even though telling every single person at every single house he's been to that it was his birthday, no one gave Frank extra candy. You felt sort of bad for him, but you and the others already took him out to lunch this afternoon as a treat and exchanged a few gifts.

Hope laughs and steps back, still holding open the glass door, allowing you to see into her house. It's very lavish; white carpeting, warm and inviting, decorative paintings and other items adorning the insides.

"Well if you want, I can give you the rest of the candy I have because I'm leaving and my parents are off with the neighbor's for a party."

"Hell yes!" Ray cheers, and you feel him, along with the others, pushing their way forward once more as Hope laughs.

What are you thinking as Hope tells you she'll be right back, the guys all crowded around the front door, waiting anxiously for their candy?  
This is so embarrassing!  
Of all people, why did this have to be HOPE'S house?!  
Okay this just ruined my day...  
I knew I shouldn't have gone trick-or-treating. I just knew it.  
Hope returns a moment later with one bag of mini Musketeer, Snickers, and Kit-Kat bars. The boys hastily grab at the bags and rip them open, Bob and Ray's bag splitting open as they fight over it, sending candy flying through the air. As the boys scramble to pick up the fallen candy and grab as much as they can, Hope smiles at you and asks, "You know, if you want to change your mind, you can go to the party with me; I'm leaving right now. I'll wait while you get ready, I don't mind."

_This girl just doesn't give up._ You think irritably, trying not to let it show. Unfortunately it must have because Hope quickly says, "It's just I want you to get to know some more people around here, you seem like a really nice girl and I wouldn't mind getting to know you a little better."

Feeling somewhat relieved, you give Hope a genuine smile. "Parties aren't really my thing Hope, sorry. But yeah, I'd love to do something sometime, it'd be nice to make friends other than these losers." you say.

"Hey!" Gerard and Frank say at the same time, Frank in the middle of opening a candy bar.

Hope and you laugh and Hope smiles cordially at you, now not so bummed about having been denied twice. "All right well, I have to be going so I'll catch you later." You nod and flash Hope another smile and then turn, leading the way off the porch, the boys in your wake.

"Bye Hope! Thanks for the candy!" calls Bob, sending a wave over his shoulder as the others do so too. Hope waves from the doorway and then shuts the door, going to her room to finish preparing for the party.

"How do you know her?" asks Gerard, walking next to you as you all walk down the sidewalk, the next house looming brightly in view.

"She came into Wally's the other day and bought a Green Day CD and we started talking a bit. She goes to school at Jersey Prep." you answer, your bag considerably lighter than any of the guys; you didn't get any of the candy from the three bags that Hope dished out.

"Well she's fuckin' awesome! That's the most candy I got all night!" says Frank happily, his bag now more than half full.

You smile, keeping your eyes on the ground as you walk along, the boys talking happily around you.

Around eleven thirty that night you return home, shutting your car engine off. You managed to fill your plastic bag almost entirely, thanks the guys and their friends around town. Your mood is considerably lighter as you walk to your dark house, the only light coming from the flickering TV in the living room.

_God that was so much fun._ You think with a smile, walking up the walkway, your bag of candy in hand. Never once did you think about the cold, your family, or any of your problems. This was your night, and it couldn't have been better.

You enter your house quietly, glancing into the living room to see Steven passed out in the recliner, a bottle of spilt beer on the carpet, having slipped out of his hand.

_What an ass._ You think bitterly, walking down the hallway, past the kitchen, and to your room. When you enter it, you place your bag of candy on the floor and then shut your door, turning on your light. You glance at your radio/alarm clock and see the time to be 11:33 PM.

_Twenty-seven minutes until I'm eighteen._ You think with a soft sigh, walking to your dresser and pulling out a fresh pair of underwear and a clean bra, a warm shower in mind.

Twenty minutes later, after some rough scrubbing to get the dried blood from your skin, the knots from your hair, and the grime from your body, you exit the bathroom, your wet hair hanging down your back, and a small, red robe wrapped around your body. You make it to your bedroom once more and walk to the curtains across from you, pulling them shut. You walk back to your door and switch off the light before ridding your body of your robe and walking to your bed, ready for a good night's rest.

Once under the warm blankets, you turn onto your side and look at your clock which now reads 11:54.

_Six minutes._ You think, not taking your eyes off the clock. _Six minutes until another lonely birthday with myself._

Your exhausted soul and aching legs pull you into a much needed sleep not even two minutes later, your mind filled with thoughts of the past night and a certain brown-haired, brown-eyed someone you caught yourself gazing at more than once.

And that would be...

Hmm...  
The sounds of 'Nice Guys Finish Last' wake you up the next morning and you smile before doing anything else, happy that at least something went your way today. You know it'll be the only thing though.

_Gotta love Green Day._ You think happily, rolling onto your back and staring at your ceiling, a smile still on your face. When the song is over and replaced with a Black Sabbath one, you shut off your radio/alarm and get out of bed, stretching tiredly. You put your discarded robe back onto your shoulders and then exit your room, headed for the kitchen. You hear snoring coming from your parent's bedroom as you pass, and come to the conclusion your mother is already asleep, tuckered out from her night at work. Steven is probably in there too, if not still passed out in the living room with a nonexistent hangover; the bastard was lucky that he rarely got them, the way he drank.

Walking into the kitchen, you move straight to the pantry, looking for a box of Lucky Charms. To your immense happiness, you see one at the very top and jump to get it, finally managing to knock it into your waiting hands. To your disappointment though, it's empty.

_I should've known._ You think, exiting the pantry and walking to the small, plastic trash can kept under the sink. You open the cabinet door and shove the box into the trash, now headed for the refrigerator to see if there's some Toaster Strudels, a new breakfast food introduced to you by Bob; they're now one of the few things you'll eat for breakfast.

To your luck, there's one left so you pop it into the toaster, throwing the box away and getting yourself a paper-towel to set on the table so you can eat. When you go to place the paper-towel on the table though, there's something more there that catches your eye. Setting down the paper-towel, you reach for the piece of paper that has your name on the top, a slight frown on your face as you read the words on it.

Alexis-

Happy birthday! I can't believe eighteen years ago I had you on this day! You were such a wonderful baby. How I miss those years when you were smaller and we could spend the entire day together. I'm sorry for how things are for you, but it's too late for things to change now; and for that I'm also sorry. But remember, I love you, and we'll always have each other.

Love,  
Mom

PS- It's not much, but here's twenty dollars. Spend it wisely!

Astounded, you stare at the note grasped between your trembling fingers, your mouth hanging open. You hear the toaster behind you shoot your Toaster Strudel up, having finished cooking it, but you ignore it.

Tears fall from your eyes as you crumble the note in your hand before the tears can stain the paper. They run down your cheeks as you stride to the sink and rip open the cabinet beneath it, throwing the note in the trash, the twenty dollars on the table. You place your palms on the edge of the sink, grasping the ledge tightly as you bend your head and sob silently, your tears falling onto the metal of the sink.

That's so sad...

Stupid mom!  
All the way to school the note plagues your mind. Your mother...it's a wonder she still cares. She has done random things like this in the past, but never once had she apologized for the way your life is. That's what bothers you. She knows she's wrong, what she's doing is wrong, but yet she does nothing to stop it.

You stuffed the twenty dollars into your navy blazer pocket before leaving for school. Even if it wasn't much, it meant something to you. It was from your mother. Despite the fact that she was ruining your life, you loved her, though it may not seem that way sometimes, and little things like the note and the money are important to you.

You made sure no sign of your past tears were still visible before you left the house, for you had cried away half the morning, wondering why things were the way they were. You tried in vain to push those thoughts out of your mind, ordering yourself to try and have a good day. It is your eighteenth birthday after all.

As usual, Frank, Bob, and Mikey meet you at the entrance to the school, huddled against the ever-present cold.

"Happy First of November!" says Frank brightly when you approach.

For a moment you thought he would wish you a happy birthday, but then the realization that none of the guys know anything about your birthday kicked in. This slightly disappoints you but you push that from your mind too, giving Frank a less-than-sincere smile.

Mikey falls into step behind you, noticing the smile on your face isn't a true one. Of course he noticed, he notices everything about you. He knows a true smile when he sees one, and that wasn't one of them. He doesn't say anything, but keeps his eyes trained on you the entire way to your lockers, keeping his thoughts to himself.

All throughout the day your mood became less and less cheerful. You thought your best friends not knowing about your birthday wouldn't mean so much, but you were wrong. For one, you've never had friends like these, and with the amount of attention they give you on a daily basis, you are depressed to find today was different. You know it was your own choice not to tell, but now you regret it. You want them to know so you can have a good day, but find yourself convinced that it is too late now. So you went around all day keeping unnaturally quiet, smiling and not meaning it, and feeling as though your life couldn't get any lower. And all day Mikey noticed your behavior. He's worried, you've never been this way, not even when he first met you, but he doesn't want to pry. But if things continue on this way, he may just have to. Mikey cares about you more than he lets on, and it's growing every day.

You make it to work around your normal time and slowly trudge inside, only to find Wally standing behind the counter, working with the register. The counter Wally is standing in front of barely comes up to the middle of his plump chest. He's bald on top of his head with black patches of hair on the sides, and he's quite tan, a bit of Italian blood in him you think. He's wearing a large, grey sweatshirt, a gold chain sparkling in the light on top of it, and tan dress pants.

"Hey kid, there's some boxes in the back that need unloadin'." says Wally, only glancing up as you pass the front counter.

"All right." you say softly, taking off your black blazer as you approach the backroom.

Wally looks up from the register, his hands poised in the air from pulling money out from under the register tabs. His brows knit as he watches you open the backroom door slowly, keeping your head down the entire time.

"Hey, you all right kid?" he calls before you have a chance to shut the door.

You stop and turn only halfway to face your boss, giving him a small smile. How do you reply before shutting the door behind you?  
Perfect.  
Wonderful.  
I'm fine.  
I couldn't be better.  
**Mikey's Point of View**

You have off from work today, so Gerard drags you, Frank, Bob, and Ray (who also has off) down to _Wally's_ to bother Alex. You don't protest, hell you never protest when it involves seeing Alex, and pile into the back of your brother's Escort, keeping your gaze locked on the scenes outside the window until you arrive at Wally's.

"Hey Wally." Ray greets as you all enter the shop, out of the biting cold and into a less bitter one.

"Hey." Wally greets the boys, the door falling shut behind them.

"Is Alex here?" you ask.

"In the back, unloadin' some boxes." Wally pauses from taking money out of the register and looks up at you all, a concerned look on his face. "She looks kinda down today, you guys know anythin' about it?"

The boys all exchange glances, except for you, because you knew all along something was wrong. Gerard finally shakes his head and Bob says, "You know I did notice that she wasn't talking as much today."

"She did look kinda sad." adds Frank.

Wally nods. "It's just she's such a nice kid and I hate to see a girl like her be all upset." Wally puts the money down, his mind made up. "I'll go talk to her, see if I can find anythin' out."

The others nod, knowing it is a good idea because Alex may not tell any of you. _Then again why would she tell Wally?_ You think, following Wally to the backroom and then standing away from the doorway so Alex won't see you, the guys following your lead.

Wally knocks on the backroom door and you hear a weak, "Come in." Wally opens the door and you watch from the side as his eyes widen.

"What's da matter kid?" he asks. "Why ya cryin'?"

_She's crying?!_ You think frantically. The boys obviously share your feeling and interchange looks of horror.

You hear Alex sniffle. "I...I'm fine Wally, it's n...nothing."

The pudgy man shakes his head. "Nah kid, what's wrong? Ya can tell me."

You hear Alex sniffle again and you want nothing more then to go in and drop down on the floor next to her and pull her into your arms, stroking her hair and wiping her tears away.

"It's just...it's my birthday today and no one knows but my family... I mean I guess it's my fault that no one knows because I didn't tell anybody. And I didn't want anyone to know at first, I mean it's not that big of a deal..."

You look to Gerard as he makes a frenetic movement with his arms and he mouths to everyone who looks, "It's her fucking **birthday**!?"

"Of course it's a big deal! It's ya birthday for Christ's sake! How old are ya?" asks Wally.

"Eighteen."

You feel your heart drop. You had no idea it was Alex's birthday. _She never told any of us though..._ Still you can't help but feel guilty. No wonder she looked so dispirited today.

"The big one-eight eh?" asks Wally. "Well take the rest of the day off kid, I can manage the shop."

"Oh no Wally I couldn't, I'd rather be here..."

"Now we both know that's a goddamn lie kid. Go on, get outta here." Wally smiles and you hear Alex shift lightly as her small body rises from the floor and she dusts herself off.

"Are you sure Wally?" she asks.

"I insist."

Wally moves out of the doorway and you hear Alex's light footsteps heading for the doorway of the backroom, but no one moves. And then suddenly, she appears, and immediately catches sight of you five standing off to her right, looking at her sadly.

You've never seen anyone look more beautiful while they're upset. Her auburn hair shines in what light the store gives off and her attractive face seems to glow. Her eyes... God her eyes look so sad, yet so gorgeous at the same time; you love that shade of green, even if they're surrounded by crimson.

What are you thinking as she looks at you all with wide eyes?  
Alex...  
I feel horrible...  
I can't believe she didn't tell _any_ of us.  
Well, the cat's outta the bag now; she saw us.  
**Your Point of View**

"How come you didn't tell us it was your birthday?" asks Gerard, stepping forward in front of everybody else.

Your body becomes rigid, knowing you're in between a rock and a hard place here. You had no idea the boys were standing right there! If they were you wouldn't have spilled your guts to Wally! Speaking of Wally, he's now disappeared!

_Damn you Wally!_ You think angrily, a blush starting to invade your cheeks. _And damn you blush!_

"Did you think we wouldn't care or something?" asks Ray, his tone soft.

You feel your heart drop to the bottom of your shoes. They all look so guilty! "Of course not, it's just that..." Again you feel the stinging of tears in your eyes, something that you can't control. And before you know it, they're rolling down your cheeks.

At once the boys are surrounding you, Gerard pulling you against his chest and allowing you to cry there as the others lend hands to try and soothe you.

"This is going to sound s...so dumb," you hiccup as Gerard pulls you away from him, looking down into your tear-filled eyes. "B...but I didn't want to tell you because...I've never had friends like you all before. No one's really cared the way you guys d...do." Gerard gives you a sympathetic look and you can't stand it, so you look to the floor, feeling more foolish than ever before. "I hate my birthday. It's supposed to be a day of h...happiness but it was never like that for me." You pause, wondering if you should continue. You do so, but choose your words ever so carefully. "My mother and m...my stepfather never go out of their way to get me a...anything or make a big deal out of my birthdays, and I c...came to not expect anything from them."

"What made you think that we'd be the same way?" asks Bob, his hand on your shoulder.

You shrug, still looking at the ground. "I don't know..."

The boys all look at each other and Gerard makes up his mind. "Well, we're not like your mom or your step-dad and to prove it, we're going to make this the best birthday you've ever had."

You look up, startled, and stutter out, "W...what?"

Gerard laughs and turns you to face the front of the store, his arm around your shoulders. "I'm going to make sure this is your day; whatever you want to do, we'll do it. This day is all about you."

You smile up at Gerard, wiping your tears away as the other boys all crowd around you, walking to the front of the shop as Wally watches from the backroom, a smile on his face. "Thanks Gerard." you say as you exit the shop.

"So first," Gerard stops and turns you to face him in the middle of the sidewalk, his hands still on your shoulders. "We're going to take you birthday shopping. Since you never told us it was your birthday, we have to go buy you gifts!"

Instantly you shake your head. "No Gerard, you don't---"

"We know we don't have to, and though I'd rather not, we want to. It's your birthday!" says Frank, clapping you roughly on the back.

"So it's settled!" says Ray. "We're going shopping!"

Gerard squeals in an unnaturally high manner and starts to drag you off to his car, but you dig your heels into the pavement, stopping him. "What about my car?"

Gerard stops and turns to look at you, his hand still on your wrist. He thinks for a moment and then says, "Give your keys to Ray and he'll drive your car back to your place."

Reluctantly you agree, and make to get your keys from your pocket when you realize they're in your black blazer, not your school one which you are still wearing, along with the rest of the uniform. You break away from Gerard and say, "I'll be right back, my stuff is in Wally's..."

"No you won't!" Gerard grabs your wrist tightly and barks, "Frank! Go get her stuff!"

Frank salutes Gerard and then runs back into _Wally's_ as you laugh, your tears long forgotten. A moment later Frank returns with your things and hands them over to you. Gerard immediately tugs on your arm and opens his passenger side car door for you, bowing you into the seat. You smile, placing your things in your lap as you sit down, the boys piling into the backseat and Ray heading off to your car, keys in hand.

Gerard plops down into the driver's seat and places his key into the ignition as the others pile into the back, smiling widely at you as he puts the car into reverse. "No more crying okay beautiful? You're much prettier when you smile."

Feeling your heart warm with his words, you respond to Gerard by saying:  
Anything for you Gerard.  
Okay.  
Thanks Gerard.  
I'll try, but only for you.  
Ray first drops your car off at your house, thankfully your mother or anyone else not around to know. Then, after the drama of Ray squeezing himself into the backseat with the other three in accompaniment with much difficulty, Gerard drives you all off to the local mall to go gift shopping.

Upon arriving at the mall, everyone wants to take you to their own special store first. When asked where you want to go, you simply shrug, not knowing anything about this mall because you haven't been here yet. In the end, Gerard wins and ends up dragging everybody off to FYE, your personal favorite store in any mall.

Gerard ends up buying you five CDs from FYE, totally against your will. You don't want him buying you things, you don't want anyone buying you things, but these damn boys are relentless. So, in the end, Gerard bought you Nimrod, So Long and Thanks for All the Shoes, Life Won't Wait, Adrenaline, and Americana. You were pleased with your purchases and before Ray could seize you, Frank captured you and started running through the mall with you in tow, laughing all the way.

Frank takes you to Victoria's Secret and upon seeing his destination, you burst out laughing once more. Doubled over, you do your best to catch your breath as the others run up, also out of breath.

"Come on Alex, there's something I want to see you in..." says Frank, grabbing your wrist with a smirk on his face.

"Frank!" you whine, still grinning like a madwoman. "Don't you dare take me in there!"

Frank stops and spins to face you, a similar grin on his face. "Why not?"

And then he sees Gerard. Gerard is glaring at Frank over your shoulders, the others standing behind him looking flushed. But Mikey... Mikey looks blank. There's no emotion on his face whatsoever.

Frank looks slowly away from Gerard and to your puzzled face. He puts on another grin and starts to pull you away from Victoria's Secret, saying, "I was just kiddin' Alex!" With a tug he takes off sprinting down the mall again, you in tow.

Frank takes you to Hot Topic and ends buying you yet another Green Day t-shirt, that you surprisingly don't have, and a studded belt. Mikey also gets your gift there, an Anthrax t-shirt. Smiling, your arms linked with Gerard's and Mikey's, you skip from the store with the others behind, each holding one of your bags.

Next stop is Build-A-Bear where Ray tries and fails to make you a bear. With a red bandana on it's head, a pink t-shirt, some lime-green shoes, and a missing eye, Ray hands you the brown bear that plays 'Happy Birthday' when you squeeze it's tummy. You can't stop laughing, though you do manage to breathe out a, "Thank you for the deformed bear." before erupting into laughter again along with the others.

And last but not least, Bob draws everyone into Saturday Matinee and buys you three of your all-time favorite movies; Gone With The Wind, The Breakfast Club, and Ghost. The guys make fun of your choices but you can't help being a bit of a romantic...or having a thing for Patrick Swayze. You try to explain to them that Gone With The Wind is one of the best movies ever made but they argue that the tie is between There's Something About Mary or Silence of the Lambs, both of which you think are trash.

You six leave the mall around six that evening, your bags in the hands of everyone around you. After stowing them away in the trunk of Gerard's Escort, you go to resume your position of before but Bob refuses.

"I'm not having Frank sit halfway on my lap again. No fucking way." he says stubbornly.

It's quiet for a minute. "Well what should we do?" you ask finally.

Everyone looks at Gerard, since it was his bright idea to take one car in the first place. He looks up when he notices everyone looking at him and exclaims, "What?! Don't look at me! I have no fuckin' idea!"

Your group falls silent again and you sigh, feeling your stomach rumble. _Well figure something out because I'm starving._

"How about we stuff Alex in the trunk?" asks Frank.

"Hey!"

"Well you're small enough!" says Ray.

Your jaw drops. "There's no way you're putting me in the trunk!"

"Well it's either that or you have to sit on someone because A) We're all guys and B) You're the lightest." says Bob. "So it's either the trunk or someone's lap. You pick."

_I can't believe they'd actually put me in the trunk!_ You think hotly.

Feeling uneasy, you frown and hesitantly pick:  
Someone's lap...  
I guess someone's lap.  
I'll sit on someone...  
If I have to I guess I'll sit on someone.  
"Shotgun!" Ray instantly calls, running for the front door.

"No! I call shotgun!" Bob says, also making a lunge for the door.

"Bitches! I want shotgun!" Frank says, doing his best to grope for the doorhandle.

"How about Mikey gets shotgun?" asks Gerard, standing in front of the driver's side door with his keys in hand.

_Gerard!_ You and Mikey both think at the same time unknowingly.

"Why should _he_ get shotgun?" asks Frank with a scowl.

"Well I don't hear _him_ begging for it." says Gerard.

"Ever thought that maybe he doesn't want shotgun?" asks Frank. This boy is determined.

_I'd do anything to have fucking shotgun!_

"Fuck this, I'm taking shotgun whether you whores like it or not." says Ray, ripping open the front door and throwing himself into the passenger's seat.

"Fuckin' hobo!" shouts Bob, getting a look from a passing mother and child on their way into the mall.

Ray grins from the car seat and then looks at you, licking his lips and patting his lap. You laugh and then move to the front, Bob and Frank mumbling about unfairness, Mikey already in the backseat. Gerard climbs into the driver's seat, a little let down that things didn't go as planned, and you carefully sit on Ray's lap, bumping your head on the car roof in the process.

Ray groans as you slam the car door shut and Gerard starts the faulty engine to his trusty Escort. "God Alex you weigh like a fuckin' ton!"

You elbow Ray in the ribs and he pushes you playfully, but a little too roughly, into the dashboard.

"Faggot!" you moan, holding your chest protectively, sitting up straight, well as straight as you can get, and glaring at Ray over your shoulder as Gerard reverses out of the parking lot rather quickly, causing you to bang your head on the sloping ceiling.

"Gerard!" you cry, glowering at him.

"Sorry princess." says Gerard, sending you a grin. Your upper lip curls up in disgust and you look away from Gerard, holding onto the small handle above your head, your other hand resting in your lap.

"So where are we going?" asks Bob from the back as Ray squiggles beneath you, trying to get comfortable with you in his lap.

"The Belleville Diner." answers Gerard.

"They got the best fuckin' food there!" says Frank.

"That's why we're going dickhead." says Gerard, rolling his eyes.

Frank slaps Gerard upside the head and Gerard shrieks, "Hey!" while the car dangerously swerves, Gerard turning around in his seat to hit Frank.

"Gerard!" you screech as the car slowly starts to creep into the oncoming lane. "Watch the road!"

Gerard gives Frank a good smack across the forehead and then turns around just in time to grab the wheel and cut the car quickly back into the right lane, causing you to hit your head on the side of the roof once more.

"Gerard!" you cry again, holding your head where it hit the roof. To make matters worse, Ray suddenly decides that now is a good time to shift your body from one leg to the other, making you bump awkwardly into the door. "Ray!"

"Will you stop complaining?!" shouts Frank.

You turn to glare at him, successfully smacking Ray in the face with your hair. "Well if _someone_ knew how to drive correctly and another certain _someone_ stopped moving..."

"I can't help it if I'm uncomfortable!"

"I know how to drive!"

You let out a growl in frustration and say loudly, "I'm not sitting like this on the way back from the diner. Ray is going to have to squish himself in the back with the other four!"

Immediately you are met by an uproar. Everyone starts shouting and only when Gerard lets out a freakishly high-pitched scream does everyone shut up.

"Damn Gerard!" Frank says after removing his hands from his ears; you, on the other hand, cannot stop laughing.

"We do what Alex wants, this is her birthday." states Gerard, earning a beam from you.

"Thank you." you say, nodding in his direction. "Now on the way back, Ray will be sitting in the back and I'm going to have the front seat to my---"

"Come on Alex, we could hardly breathe with Ray back here!" whines Bob.

You turn around a bit so you're sitting sideways, facing the three in the back, your legs scrunched tightly against the armrest separating you from Gerard. Ray recoils when your hair invades his space, making a face of repulsion. "Well I'm sorry Bob but---"

"No! Not buts! I don't care if it's your birthday or not, I'm not being squished by fuckin' afroman and big bird!"

"Afroman?!"

"I do **not** look like big bird!"

You laugh heartily as Frank starts arguing with Bob on the reasons why he does look like big bird. Finally, when Mikey looks as though he'll explode and Gerard lets out an exasperated sigh for the umpteenth time, you say, "Jesus! Fine, fine, someone can sit up here with me, but it won't be Ray!"

You feel an arm snake around your waist and pull you tightly against Ray's chest. "Aw, come on Alex, I liked sharing shotgun with you!"

You push Ray away best you can as Gerard makes a hard left and you slam into the side door again. "I think I wanna sit in the back next time."

"No!" four shouts ring out through the car.

"Well why not?!"

"Because one of us will have to sit on each other!"

"Can't I just lay out on three of you!?"

"No 'cuz then we all have to share the pain!"

"Pussy!"

"I am not a---"

"Shut up! Damn!" Gerard finally yells. "Okay it's my car and I'm sorry Alex, I know it's your birthday, but you're not doing a very good job arranging seating." he says, making you scowl and Frank snickers. "On the way back Frank will sit up front with Alex."

"What?!"

"You're the smallest!"

"So?!"

"It's either that or you're walkin'!"

Frank glares at the back of Gerard's head and then mumbles, "Fine." sticking his tongue out at you before crossing his arms childishly and looking out the window.

Dinner at the Belleville Diner is on Gerard, well your meal is anyway, and you take advantage of that to the fullest.

Halfway through the meal, Ray asks the waitress if she has any candles and she hesitantly brings a few skinny candles back and gives them to Ray. You watch, laughing the entire way, as Ray sticks the three candles into three of your chicken fingers, despite the fact they're on the verge of falling over. Frank lights the candles with a lighter and then the guys proceed to sing 'Happy Birthday' to you...extremely loud. Blushing, but laughing too hard to care, you make your wish when the song is over and blow out the candles, one of them falling over and onto the wooden tabletop as the boys all clap and cheer, some of the restaurant customers joining in.

*sings 'Happy Birthday' extremely loudly*

WOOHOO!  
After a wonderful dinner, everyone piles back into Gerard's car, this time Frank in the front with you. You all head off to the Way household, another surprise up Gerard's sleeve. He pulls up to his house around seven thirty and sprints up the driveway, to the concrete stairs, and rips open the front door.

"We're home mom!" he calls instantly.

As Bob shuts the front door behind you, Donna appears from the kitchen, drying a dish with a dishtowel. "Where have you all been?" she questions her eldest.

"Well today is Alex's birthday so we took her shopping and then out to dinner." explains Gerard, grinning in your direction as you move forward, Mikey next to you.

Donna smiles warmly at you. "Well happy birthday Alex, how old are you?"

"Eighteen." answers Ray proudly.

You send him a glare and shake your head as Donna says, "Thank you Alex."

The others chuckle a bit and then Gerard says, "Yeah well it was nice talkin' to ya mom but we're gonna go do stuff with Alex now." Gerard immediately grabs your arm and starts dragging you down a familiar hallway.

Donna shakes her head as the rest of the boys follow Gerard into the garage, where you and he now are, the overhead light blaring brightly. You sit down in the ever-present folding chair stationed in front of the band equipment while Gerard moves to the front microphone, Ray turning on the amps.

"In honor of your eighteenth birthday, Alexis Michelle Cooper, My Chemical Romance is going to play you a song." says Gerard into the microphone as the others ready their various instruments.

You smile, crossing your legs under your school skirt uniform. "But I've heard all your songs."

"Ah, you _think_ you've heard all our songs." says Gerard cockily.

You gasp in mock horror, a hand to your heart. "You mean you've kept a song from me?"

"Well it's not really done," says Ray, strapping on his guitar. "But since it's your birthday and all, what the hell."

"It's called Demolition Lovers." says Gerard with a small lisp for effect, causing you to let out a laugh.

In a moment, the entire garage is filled with the blaring music and the lyrics that are My Chemical Romance. You find yourself tapping your foot along with the beat, your eyes moving over all the bandmates. You find their concentration solely on their music though, and this causes you to smile. These guys put so much into their music, their entire souls it seems. And you love them for it. They deserve to be famous, as you know they someday will be.

When finished the song, you clap enthusiastically and jump from your chair, grinning from ear to ear. "That was so good! I loved it!"

Gerard grins as he places the microphone in it's holder, catching you in his arms as you run to him and give him the biggest hug, a smile still on your face. "Thank you so much!" you say into his ear as he releases you, still smiling.

"Anything for our favorite girl." says Ray, coming up beside you and scooping you up into a hug.

"You guys are the best."

"We know." says Frank, stealing you from Ray.

You laugh as Bob appears from behind and pulls you into a hug. "Happy Birthday Alex."

You pull away from Bob and look up at Mikey next who's waiting behind Gerard with a aspirant smile on his face. You smile and walk to him, falling into his arms as his encircle your waist.

"Happy Birthday." he whispers softly into your hair.

Closing your eyes, you give Mikey one last squeeze and then very reluctantly pull away from him, smiling up at him. You try to memorize his smell with what left is clinging to your clothes, and wish that you had more time to hold him. God how it felt so good to hug Mikey, to be in the arms of the one that has been growing in your heart for days on end. You felt so warm, so safe there in Mikey's arms and never wanted to leave, but didn't want to seem too attached in front of the guys.

"Let's go get something to eat!" says Frank excitedly, heading for the garage door.

"But we just ate!" protests Ray, going after his friend.

"It won't hurt to eat some more!" yells Frank, already down the hallway by now.

Gerard and Bob follow the two, and then you, Mikey bringing up the rear. You wait silently for him as he turns off the amps and then the light, grabbing the door on his way out.

Around ten that night, Gerard takes you home, Frank, Ray, and Bob all piling into the backseat. Mikey stays at home, claiming it'll be easier seating-wise, and with one last hug from you and a thank-you for the gift, you say goodbye to Mikey and leave the house after one last smile over your shoulder.

Gerard takes you home first, pulling up behind Steven's vehicle. "Well," he says, turning off his car and getting out of the driver's seat, the others doing the same. "I hope you had a good birthday."

You smile as Gerard moves to the trunk to get your bags out, the others waiting by the end of the car to give you one last Happy Birthday. "It was the best birthday ever. Thanks so much Gerard."

Gerard smiles as you take all your bags from him and, without even closing the trunk first, he pulls you into a tight hug. "I'm just glad we found out when we did. If not, I don't know what would've happened."

You laugh and pull away from him, turning to the other three. "Thanks for everything guys, you really made this one day I'll never forget."

Ray looks at the ground, nervously moving his feet around. "Aw shucks Alex, you're makin' me blush."

You laugh and nudge Ray with your foot, saying, "Shut up."

Ray grins up at you, quitting the act, and says, "Glad you had the best day ever."

"Yeah, you deserved it." adds Bob.

With one last smile, you wave to the guys with a bag-filled hand and then scurry up to your house, not being able to stop yourself from smiling. God your cheeks hurt from doing so all night!

"Bye!" you call to the guys as they pile into Gerard's Escort, halting to send you one last wave. You watch as Gerard starts the car and then backs up out of your driveway, speeding away with screeching tires. Even after they're gone you continue to watch, disappointed that the night had to end so soon.

What are you thinking as you grudgingly move to your front door?  
That really was the best night of my life.  
I had so much fun!  
Wow tonight couldn't have been better.  
I wish I could relive this night over and over.

Steven is already asleep and snoring by the time you get inside, for which you are thankful. You quietly make it to your room, shutting the door and turning on the light before throwing all your new things onto your bed, happily ready to sort through all of it.

_I'm so happy they found out it was my birthday. This really has been one of the best days of my life._ You think, pulling out your CDs first. _I don't know what I would do without them._

After removing all the wrapping from your CDs, the tags from your clothes, your Happy Birthday Bear from his special box, and your VCR tapes from their wrapping, you put everything neatly into place, knowing you'll get to everything soon enough. But right now you're tired after a very exciting day, and crave a good, long shower and then the warm blankets in which you sleep.

So, after that long shower, you come back into your room and drop your red robe, heading for your dresser for some undergarments and then a tank-top and some shorts; it's a bit chilly tonight. After dressing, you climb into bed, profoundly happy with the way things went today. You roll onto your stomach and close your eyes, falling into sleep with a smile on your face.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

You wake up groggily to the sound of something light tapping persistently on your window. Blinking a few times, you swallow and roll onto your side to face your window, a silhouette visible against the curtains from the outside. You catch a glimpse of the clock and see it's 11:48 at night.

_What the hell..._ You think dazedly, getting out of bed, only half aware of your actions.

_Tap. Tap._

_Is someone outside my window?!_ You think irritably, shivering a bit from the cold as you make it to the window and push the curtains to the side, yawning a bit before you register who is standing outside your window in the dead of the night.

It's Mikey.

And in his hands is a steaming, pumpkin pie. Not a perfect pumpkin pie, but a pumpkin pie nonetheless.

Your eyes widen and you struggle to open your window. When you do, you whisper loudly, "Mikey what are you doing here?!"

"It's not twelve yet is it?" he asks, visibly shaking from the cold. You shake your head. "Good, it's still your birthday." He holds the pumpkin pie out to you, the dessert still slightly steaming.

"Mikey what..."

"Since my gift sucked, I made you a little something more." He says, his brown eyes glittering behind his glasses as he smiles. "Happy Birthday Alex."

Not being able to contain a smile, you slide the screen of the window up as well and reach out for the pie, glancing at Mikey with tired eyes. "Mikey... Isn't it a little late for pumpkin pie?"

Mikey shakes his head as you take the pie from his hands. "It's never too late for pumpkin pie." He quickly thrusts his hands into his jacket pockets, still smiling up at you.

"Thank you Mikey! God this means so much!" you say, placing the pie on the windowsill beneath you, still holding it to make sure it doesn't fall. "Do you want to come in for a piece?"

Mikey shakes his head. "Nah, I gotta get home before Gerard tells mom I'm missing and she calls the FBI or something."

You let out a placid laugh, a little disappointed that Mikey dismissed your offer. "Well I'll see you in school tomorrow then."

Mikey nods and turns from the window, about to sprint back to his car waiting idly by the street curb. Before he can though, you call out to him.

"Mikey wait!"

Mikey stops mid-step and turns to face you.

"Thank you. I really appreciate this." You indicate to the pie with another million-watt smile.

"Anything for you Alex." says Mikey. And then he's gone.

You watch Mikey disappear with the lurking darkness, that grin never leaving your face. You know you look a mess in your old tank-top, tousled hair, and sleep-infested eyes, but you don't care. Mikey Way just made you your favorite food in the whole world, besides ice cream, and personally delivered it to you, just in the lasting minutes of your birthday. Mikey Way, the guy you now have a full-fledged infatuation for.


	7. Chapter 7

The bitterness of the late November air whips the bare tree limbs outside and causes ripples against the once green grass. Birds all head south for the winter, to the warmer air awaiting them, and animals dig deep burrows, ready to hibernate for what is sure to be one of the coldest winters in history.

Thankfully you are inside on this dim and blustery evening, wrapped up in a dark blue turtleneck and dark blue jeans, having taken the time to change after school. Your auburn hair is left down, as usual, and is hanging about your bent head as you cut open yet another cardboard box that you decided to neglect until the end of the week, which happens to be today.

_I don't know why Ray couldn't do it._ You think, taking your time unloading the hundreds of CDs whose shipments never seem to cease. _I mean he could at least help me._ At the moment, your only co-worker is sitting up front, scanning the pages of, you guessed it, a magazine.

_Wait. Ray, help me? What am I thinking?_ You think sarcastically to yourself, wishing you could call it true.

You ignore the sound of the mechanical bells as it buzzes, signaling someone has entered the shop. _Well at least he has to do some work._ You think with a soft sigh. You merely concentrate on your task that involves using no brainpower or...

Suddenly, there's a knock on the backroom door and, with another sigh, you stand, brushing the ever-present dirt from your jeans as you do so.

Grasping the doorknob, you swing open the door slowly and say, "What do you want Ray-"

But standing in the doorway is not Ray.

It's Hope.

Over the past couple weeks, you two have talked off and on, but really haven't planned anything solid. Though you will admit you like Hope. She's not as you first judged her to be. Sure she looks like every other snobby, two-faced slut that attends Jersey Prep, but she's really not. Surprisingly Hope is one of the sweetest, nicest people you've ever had the privilege of knowing.

"Hey Alex!" she says cheerfully, offering you a small wave. Dressed in a long sleeved, deep green Aeropostale shirt and dark jeans, her hair pulled into a neat ponytail, Hope looks the epitome of perfection, as always.

"Hi Hope." you say, playing a smile of your own.

"Listen, I was wondering," Hope starts, a small, brown purse clutched in her right hand. "I'm having a get-together tonight for a friend of mine; it's his birthday. I know parties aren't your thing but trust me, this party isn't going to be big at all, I promise. So what do ya say?"

You think for a moment, looking at the smiling Hope. Then, suddenly, over her shoulder you see the door to _Wally's_ open and three of your five favorite people walk in, one of which is carrying a white, Styrofoam box. They greet Ray, the one holding the Styrofoam box setting it on the counter and then leaning on it, looking around the small shop and not noticing you talking with Hope in the doorway to the backroom.

Turning your attention back to Hope after your brief period of thinking, you begin to say, "Well, I don't-"

"Please Alex? I promise it'll be fun!" implores Hope.

Your barrier finally breaking after the constant weeks of nagging, you give in. "Sure, sounds like fun."

"Great!" Hope says, literally bouncing on the soles of her feet. "It starts at eight, but you can come when you want. Your friends can come too if you want, I'm sure they'll probably know some people and I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable."

You nod, following Hope back to the front of the shop as she says all this. Her purse is now in front of her and open while she digs through it. "I wrote the directions down, just in case you did say yes," She stops by the front door, the guys pausing from their earlier conversation to watch you two. She finds her car keys and holds them tightly in her hand, still searching for the paper with the directions on them. "But I can't find them... Ah! Here they are!" Smiling, she hands the paper to you and you quickly glance at it before putting it in your back pocket, returning Hope's smile.

"So I'll see you..."

"Probably after nine. That's when I get off work." you finish for her.

"All right. I'll see you a little after nine then!" Hope turns to leave, giving you a wave on the way out. Gerard and Frank clear a path for her and she gives them both a goodbye before heading out into the cold and to her awaiting red Ford Mustang.

"God how I would like to just-"

"Shut up Frank." you say as Hope drives away, the engine of her Mustang roaring all the way.

"What? Tell me you wouldn't wanna-"

"No, I wouldn't." you say flatly, crossing your arms and sticking your tongue out at Frank after he does it first.

"What was that all about?" asks Ray, gaining your attention.

"Hope wants me to go to some party tonight. Where's Mikey?"

You try so hard to be vague about your feelings for him. In the beginning you even tried to forget about them, but it was no use. Mikey Way is all you think about, all you write about in your notebook, he is everything to you and your feelings for him multiply day by day. You don't care that you'll maybe have to move in a month's time, or that Mikey probably sees you only as a friend. You're fine with only thinking about him, pondering over what it would be like to call Mikey your own.

Nothing was said about the night Mikey showed up at your place with the pumpkin pie the next day, not even a quiet conversation between you two. Your friendship hasn't changed much, though you wish it would, but deep down you know it won't. It just isn't meant to be. Both you and Mikey are too timid to do much of anything.

"He's at work." answers Gerard.

"What party? I wasn't invited!" yells Frank.

"Well you're invited now, Hope said you can all come." Frank grins widely. "It's a "get-together" for one of her friend's birthday."

"Do you know who?" asks Bob.

You shake your head and say:  
Nope. And I don't really care either.  
No.  
I have no clue who it's for.  
Nope.  
You eat dinner with the boys, your meal including a grilled cheese brought to you by Gerard. After dinner, Bob, Gerard, and Frank stay for a little while before heading off to _Barnes and Noble_ to bother Mikey. That leaves you to talk with Ray about the party tonight.

"So what time is this "get-together"?" asks Ray, chewing the last of his grilled cheese and then licking his fingers. You're seated on top of the glass counter, lightly swinging your legs back and forth as you flip through the pages of the magazine that was abandoned by Ray.

"Like eight, but we don't get off until nine so I told her I'd see her then." you reply.

Ray nods from behind you, looking at the magazine over your shoulder. "So are we all going to get a ride with you or what?" he asks, looking at your face which still is turned toward the magazine.

"Are we all going to fit in my Camry?"

"No..."

"Then that answers your question." You turn the page.

"Well I guess Gerard can take half of us..."

"Gerard's car is in the shop. Bob brought them over today." you say blandly.

"Well then Bob can take us."

"Call him." you say, flipping the next page in the magazine.

"What's with you today?" Ray asks, turning from you and walking to the phone behind the counter. "You're all...weird...and shit..."

You still don't lift your head, only your left hand to give Ray the one-finger salute.

"See!" Ray says, lifting the phone from the cradle. "You're PMSing aren't you?"

"No Ray, I'm not PMSing. I'm just trying to read a magazine." you say with a soft sigh in your voice.

Ray rolls his eyes, dialing the _Barnes and Noble_ number he's now memorized. He waits a few seconds before someone picks up the phone.

_"Barnes and Noble how may I help you?"_

"God you act like it's a frickin' Pizza Hut or something; what are you going to do, have me order a book and get it to my house in under thirty minutes still warm or my money back?" asks Ray.

_"Shut up Ray. What do you want?"_

"Is Bob there?"

_"You called me at work to ask if Bob was here?"_

"Put him on the phone."

You smile just a bit, listening to the conversation at hand. There is a slight pause and then Bob is on.

_"Miss me already?"_ you hear him ask.

"Hardly. I just wanted to know since we're all going to that party tonight if you can take like half of us because we all won't fit in Alex's car."

_"What about Gerard's car?"_

_"My car's in the shop!" you hear Gerard yell in the background, causing you to snort in laughter._

_"Well I guess. We'll meet you at Wally's after work and then follow Alex to her place and then leave from there?"_

"Sounds good to me." you say, still not raising your head which Ray does not fail to notice.

"Hey Bob," Ray turns his back to you and you sense this, looking out of the corner of your eye. Your eyes wander fully away from your magazine and to Ray, listening to the conversation that he is trying to keep from you. "Alex is acting really pissy today. Do you know what's wrong?"

You narrow your eyes, straining to hear Bob's answer.

_"Oh, yeah, I do."_ you hear Bob say, which sparks your interest. You finally raise your head and turn it towards Ray. _"It's my fault actually. Tell her I'm sorry last night wasn't as great as the others."_

Your eyes widen and you scream, "Shut the hell up Bob!"

Ray bursts out laughing and you can guess the others are laughing too over at _Barnes and Noble_. You angrily throw your magazine at Ray and he says, between laughs, "All right...I...I gotta go Bob. Later." Still laughing, Ray hangs up the phone and stoops to pick up the thrown magazine, turning to find your glare on him.

"I didn't know you and Bob were so..._close_." teases Ray, tossing your magazine back to you, only to have it fly back at him and smack him in the chest.

"We're not." you snap, vowing to get Bob back in some way.

"So who's coming with me?" you ask, standing before your car with your keys in hand, waiting impatiently as the boys huddle out in the cold in front of _Wally's_, darkness looming around you all.

"Shotgun!" Gerard immediately yells, leaping forward. You roll your eyes as Gerard rips open the door and hops in, Mikey climbing into the backseat; Frank and Ray move to Bob's car.

Sighing, you walk to the driver's side of your Camry, sitting down in the seat and then slamming the door shut behind you. The instant you start the car, Gerard flicks on the radio, turns the volume all the way up, and then turns it to 98 Rock.

"I'll only be a minute; I have to tell Steven where I'm going." you say, opening the door to your car and leaving the engine running. "Don't try stealing my car and don't touch anything, okay _Gerard_?"

Gerard looks up, his hand poised in the air only about an inch away from opening your glove compartment. He smiles widely and innocently and you merely roll your eyes, saying, "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid Mikey." And with that you slam your door, running up to your house, the headlights of Bob's and your car illuminating your way.

You open your front door and immediately see Steven getting comfortable in his blue recliner, a Budweiser between his fingers. You don't even bother to go in the house any further and say to Steven, "I'm going to a party with some friends, I'll be back later."

Steven looks at you, your body halfway in the house and halfway on the front step. He can see the headlights and hear the car engines, and this causes him to frown.

"What friends?" he asks. From the moment he asks you can tell he isn't drunk yet and it's going to be a bit tougher getting out of the house.

"My friends." you say, eager to get going. "Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Ray, Bob?"

Steven frowns again and then takes a swig of his beer, turning back to face the TV. "No." he says simply.

You're shocked. "Excuse me?"

"You can't go."

You're speechless for a second. "Why not?"

"Because I said so." says Steven, his eyes glued to the TV.

"But it's Friday night!"

"I don't care."

"I'm **not** staying home Steven." you say, standing straight and about to back out of the doorway. "I'll be home later."

Steven snaps his head to look at you, a furious look on his face that makes you stop dead in your tracks. "I said no! You're not going to that party with those boys!"

Holding open the front door, you feel rage eat away at your insides. What the hell is Steven trying to pull? "You're not the boss of me! I'll go to that party if I want!"

Your eyes widen and you take a step back onto the concrete step when you see Steven get up from his recliner, his beer can still in hand. He appears at the doorway, looking out at you with inclement brown eyes. "Fine you little bitch. Get the fuck outta here. Go to your little party. Get drunk. See if I fuckin' care." He slams the door in your face, causing you to step back once more, dangerously close to the edge of the step.

You glare at your front door before storming off to your car, your keys grasped tightly in your hand; so tight you're sure there'll be marks.

You rip open the door to your car and plop down heavily in the seat, slamming your car door amidst wide-eyed looks from Gerard and Mikey.

"What was that all about?" asks Mikey, him and his brother having watched the whole ordeal.

You strap your seatbelt across your chest savagely, flinging your car into reverse and hastily doing so after Bob. How do you answer Mikey?  
Don't worry about it.  
Nothing.  
It's none of your business.  
It was nothing. Forget it.  
You get to the party a little after nine thirty, after getting lost four times thanks to Gerard and his inability to read in the dark. The house, you notice, isn't that far from Hope's, and is just as nice and rich looking.

"Damn." Frank says, getting out of Bob's car as you shut your car door; both you and Bob found parking spots in front of the house.

Turns out, this is no small "get-together". Cars line the street on both sides and you can hear pounding music coming from the house as you and your friends all walk up to it. You can also hear the voices of probably over a hundred people packed into the three-story house. Different colored lights flash onto the front lawn and some people are scattered across that as well, drinking, making out, or just talking.

_Just a small get-together?_ You think sourly, reaching the front door. You ring the doorbell and wait patiently for someone to answer, bracing yourself for what you know is going to be a night you'll regret.

At once the door opens and there stands Hope in all her beautiful glory. "Hey Alex! I see you brought your friends!" She moves away from the doorway to reveal an innumerable amount of people swaying to the pounding music, talking, carrying drinks to their friends, trying to navigate through the thick crowds, or hooking up with another person at the party. The lights are dim and smoke swirls thinly through the air, and you can feel the humidity of the house and all the bodies inside as you stand in the doorway.

You try to keep your eyes from widening as Frank pushes you through the door, excited. Gerard seconds him and then Ray, while you, Bob, and Mikey are less eager.

"I'm so glad you came!" Hope yells over the loud music as she shuts the door behind you. Frank and Gerard are long gone, but the other three are still in your range of vision, thank God.

"Yeah." you yell back, giving Hope a smile and then looking up at Mikey with an irritated look about you. You grab his arm and pull him down to you slightly and say into his ear, "Don't lose me. The last thing I want is to be alone tonight."

Mikey nods and pulls away from you, grabbing your left arm and planning to keep you by his side no matter what. You two start to move away from the doorway, Bob already talking with a girl that you recognize is the one he was stalking at _The House of Horrors_, and Ray is talking to a group of three guys off to your right.

"Where do you want to go?" Mikey yells down to you, the lights in the house instantly dimming further as the song changes. You two are doing your best not to get separated so soon.

_Home!_ You think angrily, wishing you never came. "I don't know!" you tell Mikey, looking up at him pleadingly. "Let's just find somewhere where there's less people."

_I agree._ Mikey thinks, wishing he didn't concur to come. Then again he wouldn't be where he is now, right next to you.

So much for finding somewhere with less people. Everywhere you went there had to be at least ten to twenty people in the same room. Even the bathrooms were crowded! You and Mikey just tucked yourselves away in a corner in the living room, watching the raging party, both wishing you could go home.

You can't help but feel guilty though. Maybe Mikey wants to go party. He has friends, you're sure of it, but yet he's standing with you, a bored look on his face.

"You know you can go and talk to some people, I'll be fine by myself for a while." you tell Mikey, leaning closer to him.

Mikey's body instantly tingles with a thousand ripples of pleasure. Your sweet voice so close to his ear, your warm breath on his neck... God it's enough to send him spiraling into a world he never wants to leave.

He looks at you, smiles, and then slopes down and you turn your head to lend him your ear. "You said you didn't want to be alone tonight and I'm not going to abandon you."

You frown a bit, still not being able to control the feeling of guilt swelling inside of you. "But don't you have friends-"

"Alex don't worry about it." Mikey says, cutting you off. "I'm fine where I am."

You give Mikey another smile, feeling the slightest bit relieved. You look away from him after a moments time, a new tint of red on your flawless cheeks after you realized you were staring at Mikey too long. Mikey, on the other hand, does not look away. How could he tear himself from such a beautiful thing?  
He can't.

I don't know.  
I hope he never finds a way.  
**Mikey's Point of View**

You and Alex have probably been talking with each for about an hour now, secluded from the rest of the party in your own little world. But you wouldn't have it any other way. You love your time with Alex and savor every moment you have with her, because you never know when it'll end. You forget all about going home, all about your brother and your friends, all about the other people around you having their own fun. No, your only concern is the wonderful girl you want to spend every minute with, her melodious laugh, her picturesque smile.

But, of course, such things are not meant to last. Around ten thirty your brother stumbles over to you two, obviously drunk, three cans of beer in his pale hands.

"Al-lex!" he says, clapping her on the back roughly. "Mike-kay!"

Gerard shoves a can of beer your way and you reluctantly take it, then hands Alex one, but she merely stares down at it, as if she's afraid to touch it. Gerard notices this and slurs out, "Whatsa matta?"

Alex smiles, but you know right off the bat it's a false one. "I'm not thirsty, thanks Gerard."

Gerard takes the beer back, tilting dangerously on the balls of his feet. His black hair is skewed all about his head, his eyes are glazed over, and he's smiling like an idiot.

_My loving brother._ You think sarcastically, your loose fingers still gripping the beer can.

"Whatta you two doin' all alone back here?" Gerard asks. "Come on, have some fun!"

Alex shakes her head. "I'd rather stay here."

Gerard frowns at Alex, pouting his lips a bit. "Ya sure?"

Alex nods. "Positive." she says firmly.

Your brother turns to you. "Come on Mikey, we'll go-"

"I'm staying with Alex. You go on Gee."

Gerard shrugs and whirls back around, crashing into a nearby couple who looked rather intimate, and then shouts for Frank, who you can see up ahead talking with two girls, a crooked grin on his lips.

"Does he do this a lot?" Alex suddenly asks.

You look down at her but find her gaze on your brother's back, her eyes emotionless. "Yeah." you say, not wanting to admit it.

Alex looks away from Gerard and only then do you see the tears in her eyes that she quickly hides from you by looking in the opposite direction. Your heart does a sort of double-beat and you lay a hand gently on her forearm. "Are you okay?"

Alex looks at you, her eyebrows raised in question. But that does nothing to hide the sorrow in her emerald orbs. But she merely smiles as brightly as she can at you and asks loudly, "What?"

You pause for a moment, thinking it's best not to pry Alex if she doesn't want to talk; and usually she's not very open. You can't help but feel worried though, that look in her eyes is so sad. You hate seeing anyone forlorn, especially Alex. _Especially_ Alex. She's slowly becoming everything to you. Everything you could ever want.

But you simply lean forward and whisper into her ear, "Forget it."

...  
God that's so depressing.  
Why can't we both just be open with each other? I hate all this secrecy!  
**Your Point of View**

By eleven o'clock you just want to go home. The music is hurting your ears, more people are getting drunk, couples are getting openly intimate, and you hate it all. It reminds you of that one night...

Faithful Mikey hasn't left your side, just like he promised. You two have talked the night away, well two hours of the night, and though the feeling of uncomfortableness grows within you, Mikey somewhat soothes the reaction.

Gerard, Frank, Ray, and Bob have been by numerous times this night, all drunk and sporting two or three beers, or some other form of alcohol, some more drunk than others.

"Looks like I'll be the designated driver for tonight." Mikey jokes, trying to lighten your dark mood. But it does nothing to help. And soon enough, you're fed up.

"I think I'm going to go Mikey..." you say, making sure you still have your purse.

Mikey looks startled and stands a bit straighter for he was slumped against the wall while talking with you. "Why? Are you sure?" he asks.

You nod. "Yeah, I'm tired and gotta get home anyway."

Mikey curses his brother and the others for drinking the night away. Now he can't ride home with you! "All right... I'll see you on Monday though, right?"

You give Mikey a smile and then, on impulse, lean in and give him a tight hug. "Monday." You close your eyes and breathe in the scent that makes Mikey so distinguishable from anyone else and, having to drag yourself away, give him one last smile and then turn your back to him, lightly pushing people from your path as you make it to the door. How badly you want to look back and give Mikey one last smile, but you fear if you do you'll reveal your true feelings, for you're wearing one of the biggest smiles; that and the reddest blush. But if you did turn around, you'd find Mikey in the same situation.

Still with a smile, you thankfully see the front door ahead of you, not many people blocking the way. _Thank Go-_

"Hey Alllllex." you hear someone say, and immediately a rough hand grasps your right arm.

Stopping abruptly, you turn to face whoever is talking to you and see someone you've never met before in your entire life looking down at you, a beer in his free hand.

"Where ya goin'?" he asks. He's about your age and has the whole jock-look down, complete with drunken haze.

"I'm leaving." you say, trying to mask your fear.

"But I'm righhhhhhht here!" the boy says, waving around his beer can with a laugh.

"Do I know you?" you ask, trying to loosen the guy's grip on your arm, but to no avail.

The guy looks hurt, though you know it's not true. "We're in the same algerrrbra class!" he states, slurring his words.

You shake your head, managing to relax his fingers a bit. "Sorry I don't-"

"Alex!" you hear someone call once more.

_Dear God!_ You think in annoyance, looking over your shoulder to see Gerard making his way to you, a drunken girl under his free arm and a beer in his other hand.

_Good it's only Gerard._ You think, the boy's hand on your arm letting go as Gerard stops in front of you.

"Where ya goin'?" asks Gerard, noticing your purse hitched on your shoulder and your keys in your hand. "Where's Mikey?"

"I'm going home, and Mikey's back there...somewhere." you say, feeling guilt kick in for having left him there alone. _Shit._ "Why don't you go find him?"

"Good idea! See ya lata Alex!" Gerard stumbles to the left, the girl laughing along the way, and the two walk headfirst into the crowd, laughing loudly with each other.

Feeling sick and sad all at once, you quickly make your way to the front door and rip it open, stepping out into the cold, November air. You wrap your arms around your torso and keep your head down as you walk to your car, tears in your eyes.

_God why does Gerard do that to himself?_ You think, finally reaching your Camry and unlocking it with a shaking hand. A tear manages to course it's way down your cheek and you hastily wipe it away, plopping down into the driver's seat. _He shouldn't drink like that..._

Holding back a muffled sob and not being able to throw the memories from your mind, you start your car and reverse out of your parking space, gunning the car as you race down the street, your sister Shannon's smiling face invading your mind.  
Oh no...  
...

_"And the home, of the, braaaaaaaaaaaave!"_

_People cheer and glasses clink together as the National Anthem finishes, and you smile at your sister, knocking your glass full of Coke into Shannon's filled with Coors Light, giving her a wide smile._

_It is the Fourth of July and your parents are throwing a party in your backyard in Sea Isle. Most of the people on your block, and a lot of friends of the family, are squished into your tiny backyard, the sounds of firecrackers, laughter, singing, music, and talking all filling the air. It's probably a little after ten at night and the party is still going strong, having started at four that same afternoon._

_"I'll be right back Al. You want another Coke?" asks your sister after downing her beer._

_You nod and finish off your drink, putting it down on a nearby table and smiling goofily at a passing couple as they raise their glasses to you and yell, "Great party!"_

_Though you don't like alcoholics, you don't try to stop your sister from becoming one. She loves you and respects you, but damn does she have a hard head. Trying to tell her what is right and wrong is like talking to a brick wall. So your parents just let her do what she wants and no one complains._

_Soon enough Shannon returns, her long, reddish-brown hair swinging wildly behind her as she bounds in your direction, already tipsy. She's taller than you by a few inches, has a much fuller figure, but isn't really that much prettier. You love your sister, she's your best friend. You can tell her anything and she likewise, and you two spend as much time together as possible when she's home from college._

_"Hey Al! Come on, let's go dance!" your sister says, handing you your Coke._

_"I dunno Shan..."_

_"Oh come on! It'll be fun!"_

_You laugh as your sister grabs your free arm and drags you into the massive crowd that is swinging to the beat of 'TNT' by ACDC, pumped out by the large stereo your parents pulled outside for this event._

_An hour or so races by when suddenly, your sister leans over to your sweaty body and yells loudly into your ear, "I'm gonna to get some more beer!"_

_You nod at her and then continue dancing, your body melting in with the others around you._

_About ten minutes goes by and your sister still hasn't returned. You figure she just got caught up with some friends, and go on dancing with the people around you, having the best time of your life._

_Ten more minutes pass._

_Twenty._

_Thirty._

_Finally, forty-five minutes later, you break free from the crowd and stumble inside your house, through the thinning throngs of people._

I wonder where Shannon is?_ You think, having mind to ask someone. To your luck, your see her best college friend Melanie talking with a group of people up ahead. You push on forward, tapping Melanie on the shoulder to get her attention._

_"Oh hey Alex!" Melanie greets with a smile. She's one of the more responsible friends Shannon has; she's not drinking._

_"Hey have you seen Shannon?"_

_Melanie thinks for a moment. "No, I haven't. She left to get so more beer about twenty minutes ago but that's the last time I saw her."_

_"Do you know where she went?"_

_"Seaville Tavern I think."_

_"Okay, thanks Melanie."_

_You hurriedly rush into your kitchen, grab the keys to your new, but used, Camry, and then run outside; the thumping music from the backyard can be heard out front just as clear as out back._

I hope Shan's all right._ You think, turning on your car and reversing out of the driveway, speeding off to the Seaville Tavern._

_Halfway to the liquor store, red, blue, and white flashing lights encroach upon your vision. You slow the car, the traffic before you having done so, and crane your neck to see the problem._

Looks like an accident._ You think nonchalantly after spotting an ambulance or two. You slump against your seat and let out a sigh, reaching forward to turn the radio up a little louder._

_Minutes seem to creep by ever so tardily. The traffic is slowly moving forward, and the scene of the accident comes more and more into view. It seems as though there was a head on collision that caused numerous other crashes. Police vehicles dot the area, along with their officers, and you try to get a good look of what's happening as your car slowly idles on._

_And that's when your heart stops._

_Barely taking the time to put your car into park, you flee from your car, your breath stuck in your throat. Your heart is thumping wildly in your chest and you pay no mind of who you shove out of your path. Your legs seem to know no boundaries as you push through the crowd of people lining the street and finally break the barrier, an officer catching sight of you._

_"Miss! Miss! Stop right there!"_

_You do not heed his warnings though. The medics carrying the gurney with your sister laying on it halt their procession when you stop by the open back doors to the ambulance, your chest heaving from the effort in which you used to get to Shannon._

_"Excuse me..."_

_"Shannon! Shannon!" You start to shake your sister violently, tears running down your cheeks, your legs suddenly becoming jelly-like._

_"Excuse me Miss but I'm going to have to ask you to stop that! This woman is in critical condition and-"_

_"This is my goddamn sister! You're not going to ask me to do anything!" you scream at the medic, your green eyes sparkling with fresh tears. You turn back to Shannon, who is laying on the gurney looking her worst. Bloody, bruised, dirty, and unconscious, your attempts to revive your sister are futile._

_"We have to get this woman to the ER! Now!" yells a medic and in a moment, the gurney is moving again, your sister being lifted into the back of the vehicle._

_"You can't-!" You ignore the cries of the medic as you climb into the back of the ambulance, taking a vacant seat by Shannon and instantly grabbing her left hand. The back doors to the ambulance slam shut and immediately medics get to work on reviving your sister. The blare of the ambulance siren wails loudly through the night as it lurches into action, racing down the cleared street._

_"We've got a heartbeat!"_

_"I can feel a pulse!"_

_"Check her blood level!"_

_You try to block out the sounds around you. You stare down at your older sister as you clutch her deathly pale and cold hand in between your trembling ones, tears still making their way down your cheeks._

_"Shannon...wake up...please..." you moan, lacing your fingers with your sister's. "Don't leave me...You're all I have..."_

_"We're losing her!"_

Oh God... No..!_ You think, starting to shiver uncontrollably._ No Shannon...

_"Hey Shan, remember that one time when you lost mom's pearl earrings?" You say, trying to revive your sister using past memories. Two medics exchange heartbroken glances as you continue. "You were eight and I was five... You dropped them down the bathroom sink when we were playing dress-up... 'Member Shan? 'Member?"_

_"Quick! Give her oxygen!"_

_A mask is placed on Shannon's mouth, yet her eyes remain closed. You squeeze her hand harder as the heart monitor beeps crazily with Shannon's untamed heartbeat._

_And finally, you can't take it anymore._

_"Goddamn it Shannon why the hell did you have to drink and drive!" you screech, immediately getting looks from everyone around you. "You knew it was wrong but you did it anyway!"_

_A medic grabs onto your shoulders in order to calm you but you pay no regard to her._

_"We need to do something fast! We're losing her!"_

_"I hate you Shannon! I hate you! You can't leave me!" you scream, dropping Shannon's hand, tears hurrying down your cheeks as if your life depends on it._

_And then suddenly, the ambulance falls silent. The heart monitor is voicing a steady beep and Shannon's limp arm sways with the moving ambulance, hanging over the edge of the gurney. You stare at her body with wide eyes, your lower lip trembling as your own body becomes rigid._

_"Shannon! No Shannon! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" you wail, ready to fling yourself onto your sister. You're held back by a medic though, who wraps her arms around your shoulders in an effort to restrain you._

_"Shannon don't leave me! Please! I'm sorry! I love you!"_


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of the weekend you stay boarded up in your house. You ignored all phone calls, refused any house calls, and rejected any type of contact with your parents. Though they really didn't pay that much mind to you anyway, you were forced to sit down on Saturday and Sunday nights and have dinner with them, like always. And you were quiet, as always, lost in your own thoughts.

You came home to an empty house after the party on Friday night, Steven out getting some more beer, or so you thought. But you couldn't have been more relieved. You knew Steven would be angry with you and the words you exchanged with him before going to the party, but he'd forget about it the next day.

So you went up to your room and cried. Cried about everything. Your sister, your past, your home life, Gerard and his drinking, how badly you wanted Mikey, anything that came to mind. Eventually you cried yourself to sleep, but woke up the next morning with the horrible memories of the past night.

So all weekend you moped around the house and did nothing but watch TV or write in your notebook. Gerard and the others called all weekend, left messages with your mother or Steven, but you didn't return their phone calls. You didn't feel like it. And even when Gerard and Mikey came to visit, you told your mom to tell them you were asleep or in the shower. Sure, you felt guilty for lying, but you didn't want to talk, or see Gerard's hangover, or go out to another party, which you sure the guys had in mind.

But, on Monday, you are driven into going to school and facing all your fears. You step from your car and into the windless day that is today, your black blazer on your shoulders, along with your black school bag.

_I should've stayed home today._ You think sourly, picking out three familiar figures standing by the front doors of the school.

You walk up to Frank, Bob, and Mikey, and they all greet you, but you don't say anything back, not even pausing your stride. Exchanging glances between themselves, the boys jog to keep up with you as you pass through the glass doors to your tremendous school, keeping your arms wrapped around your torso.

"How come you didn't call me back Alex? I called about a billion times this weekend." says Frank, sending you a smile that you don't even grace a glance with.

"I was busy."

"Too busy to talk to me?" asks Frank as sweetly as possible.

"Obviously."

Frank glares at you as you move through the hallway, oblivious to the fact that he has less than five minutes to get to his locker and then to class.

Mikey and Bob immediately know something is wrong and decide not to press you like Frank. Your anger is something they don't want to experience. That and the fact they don't want to see you more upset then you so obviously are.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Alex? Why are you all pissy?" snaps Frank.

You abruptly stop the hallway, almost causing Mikey to crash into you. You spin quickly to face Frank and bite, "Nothing is wrong and I'm **not** pissy. I just don't want to be late for class."

Frank frowns as you turn from him and continue on your way down the hallway, not bothering to wait for the others.

"Alex! Wait!" Frank says, rushing to keep up, as do Bob and Mikey.

"What Frank." you state, finally coming to your locker. You dial the combination, Mikey not bothering to do so quite yet.

"See! Something's the matter! Tell me!" Frank says.

"That didn't prove anything."

"Yes it did! And so did that!"

"It just proves that I hate Mondays and I wish I wasn't here." you say, opening your locker and swinging your school bag down to open it up and get out your algebra book, which you need.

"Alex! You're being a bitch!" Frank says angrily. "Tell me!"

"_I'm_ being a bitch?" you say, turning to face Frank with a raised eyebrow. Right then, all three boys know there's about to be trouble.

"Well-"

"Just drop it Frank." Mikey says softly.

Frank looks up at Mikey with an astounded look on his face as you merely turn back to your locker to resume what you were doing before.

"Fuck this." Frank says angrily, turning his back to you all. "I'll see you guys later."

Bob looks back and forth between Frank and you, who is still going through your locker, and finally announces, "Uh, I'll go get Frank to cool off. See you in a little while." He skids off after that, following Frank down the hallway.

Mikey watches as you shove your school bag roughly into your locker and then slam the door shut, your algebra book in your clutches, along with a few of your folders.

"Alex, are you-"

"I don't want to talk about it Mikey." you say quickly. "I'll see you in lunch." And, with two minutes to spare, you leave a disappointed Mikey standing by his locker, watching as you disappear into the flock of students.

You walk into the cafeteria with your head facing the floor, Mikey on your right. You two haven't said a word to each other since this morning, though Mikey is dying to know what is bothering you so much.

Soon enough, you and Mikey are sitting at your small table, your school lunches of fried chicken and mashed potatoes sitting before you two. But you do not touch your meal, starting to get the feeling that you wasted 2.50$ for no reason. You don't feel hungry and just staring at your meal is making you feel more worse by the second.

Not being able to take it anymore, Mikey looks at you intently, his brown eyes set, and says, "Alex I hate seeing you like this. If you won't tell Frank then-"

"Hey Alex!"

You drag your gaze from Mikey and up to that of the sound of Hope's voice. Sure enough, you see the bubbly blond poised by your table, as bright as always.

"Hi Hope."

"So did you have fun at the party?" she asks, a smile still on her features.

You like Hope and all, but today you just aren't up for her. "Tons." you reply sarcastically, looking back down at your sickening meal.

Hope catches the tone of your voice and immediately you regret saying it. Hope is just too nice to be mean to. "I'm sorry Alex, I really didn't know so many people would be there! I just wanted you to come and-"

"It's all right Hope, really..." you try to tell her, looking quickly up at her and throwing in a smile for effect.

"No it's not Alex I should've listened to you in the first place." says Hope. "How about, to make it up to you, just me and you hang out sometime?"

How do you respond to that?  
That sounds great.  
Sounds like a plan.  
Okay.  
All right, that works.  
"All right well, let me write down my number for you and I'll be in touch." Hope flashes you a brilliant smile before fishing through a pocket in her blazer and acquiring a piece of crumpled paper. "You wouldn't happen to have something to write with would you?"

Secretly frustrated about being disrupted, Mikey immediately produces a pen from God knows where. "Here." He thrusts the pen at Hope and she takes it eagerly, leaning onto your table to scribble her number out for you.

_She picked the perfect time to interrupt._ Mikey thinks sourly, watching as Hope finishes and then rips the paper in two, handing you the other, blank half.

"Write your number down on this and I'll take it with me." she orders kindly, and you oblige.

Hope takes the paper and you take her's, tucking it away in the pocket of your uniform blazer, making a mental note to not let it go through the wash. "I'll see you later Alex!"

"Bye Hope." you call, giving her a small wave.

When the girl is safely seated at her own table, you sigh and look at Mikey, asking, "What were you saying?"

Now Mikey isn't so sure he wants to continue. His brown eyes slowly look down at his untasted lunch, his sudden courage faded. He hesitates and this causes you to become curious.

"Mikey?" you question, your tone soft.

Reluctantly he looks up, one of his slim hands playing with the plastic fork on his tray. "Why did you leave the party so early on Friday? And what's wrong with you today?"

Of course Mikey noticed. Mikey notices everything, but that's one of the reasons you care for him so much. He notices the little things, the things that make you tick. You give him a smile and then sigh, placing your arms gently on the table before you, prepared to tell a story that you haven't told anyone in a long, long time.

"You know I hate going to parties, or, more specifically, doing anything that involves alcohol. Well I've always been that way. Ever since my father died, and he was a drunk, I've hated everything to do with alcohol. But not my sister. No, Shannon loved drinking, getting drunk, partying. God she'd do it every night! And that's what killed her. The thing she loved stabbed her in the back." you say quietly, looking down at the table as you hands play with each other.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I mean you don't have to-"

"No, you asked, and I'm not going to stop in the middle of an explanation. Just...hear me out." you say, cutting Mikey off. He quiets, and you continue.

"It was at our Fourth of July party last year. My parents always had a reason to throw wild parties, and this was one. And as always, there were cases of beer, tons of rowdy people, and a lot of chaos. I was never too fond of the parties, but I tolerated them for my family, mostly my sister. We were so close, we shared everything with each other, never kept anything from each other..." You trail off, wishing those times were back, but quickly snapping back into reality. "But anyway, so, as usual, Shannon got drunk that night and decided it was a good idea to go drink and drive," You let out a sadistic chuckle. "To go get more beer. When she didn't come back an hour later, I went out looking for her and found her being carted away in an ambulance. I went with her to the hospital of course, but she never made it. She died on the way over."

Mikey sits in stunned silence, wishing he never asked. _So that's why..._

"You know what the last thing I said to her was?" you ask sadly, smiling halfheartedly across to Mikey, doing your best to hold back the tears that are begging to roll down your cheeks.

"What?" whispers Mikey.

"'I hate you Shannon! I hate you! You can't leave me!'" You choke out a forced chuckle, wiping away a tear that managed to slip out. "Kind of pathetic isn't it? The last thing she probably heard was me screaming that I hated her."

Mikey shakes his head. "It's not pathetic, just really, really sad." He pauses. "You don't blame yourself, do you?"

You think for a moment. "In a way, yeah, because I never tried to stop her from drinking. Then again neither did anyone else in her life, but there was no stopping Shannon. She was too stubborn, no one could convince her to do anything she didn't want to, not even me."

"You shouldn't." Mikey says. "You shouldn't blame yourself. There's no way you could've prevented your sister from dying and it's not right to beat yourself up over it now."

You sigh. "I know, but it's hard not to. Someone has to take the blame."

Mikey leans in a bit and says softly, "But not you Alex. Please, don't blame yourself."

You give Mikey a faint smile, feeling better now than you have all day and the past weekend. "You always know what to say to make me feel a whole lot better Mikey, thanks."

Mikey smiles a bit wider, feeling his heart jump as the words flow from your mouth. After smiling at each other for a second more, you both turn bashfully back to your meals, you now feeling brave enough to eat, and feeling hungry to do so.

"I'm worried about Gerard." you blurt out suddenly after swallowing a mouthful of chewed chicken.

Mikey looks up, bringing the plastic fork from his now full mouth. "Why?"

You shrug, feeling shy on the subject. "I don't know... He drinks a lot and I just don't want him to get into any trouble or anything like that."

Mikey sets down his fork and swallows his own food. "Don't worry about Gerard, he knows right from wrong, he would never do anything stupid."

_Somehow I doubt that._ You think, letting out yet another sigh. You fall quiet once more, pondering your next statement and whether you should say it or not as you swirl some mashed potatoes around your beige lunch tray.

"You don't drink, do you Mikey?"

Mikey freezes, his fork halfway to his mashed potatoes. Swallowing hard, he looks up and into your emerald eyes, wishing he didn't have to answer. He knew it would break your heart to tell the truth, but there is no way in hell or on earth that he could lie to you. So, looking away, he nods slowly.

Your heart snaps in two. "Why?" you breathe out. God not Mikey too! "I mean, not to be rude, but it's bad enough that you smoke and have asthma."

Mikey shrugs, feeling extremely guilty. "I don't know..." He looks up hastily and sees your downtrodden face looking at your food, your plastic fork limp in your hand. Quickly, Mikey tries to redeem himself; he doesn't want to look bad in your eyes. "I mean it's not like I drink as much as Gerard..."

You shake your head, feeling the need to apologize. "I'm sorry Mikey, I shouldn't have asked; you don't need to-"

"No, you're right Alex. I shouldn't do the things I do, it's just so hard to try and quit ya know?"

You nod, knowing he is right.

Your little table falls mute once more, the sound of the surrounding students in the large cafeteria chatting away happily. You twirl your mashed potatoes around your fork a bit more, your eyes still on your full tray.

"Just...promise me something?"

Mikey looks up, for his own eyes were on his food. He watches as you slowly look up, the tears in your eyes now gone, but not forgotten. And slowly, Mikey nods, ready to do anything for you.

"Don't be like Shannon. I...I couldn't bare it if something happened to you Mikey." you say gently, the sound of the cafeteria almost drowning you out.

But Mikey heard you clearly. With his mind fully made up, he replies securely, "I promise."

...

You're running late getting to _Wally's_ on account of traffic. You get to the small shop a little after four, only to unluckily find Wally waiting for you, Ray at attention behind the counter.

"Ya can't be late kid! I need ya here!" Wally says as you scurry to the back room, removing your blazer.

_It's not like Ray couldn't handle it!_ You think in annoyance, stowing away your jacket and striding back out into the shop to stand next to Ray, straightening your uniform skirt as you go.

"Sorry Wally, I got caught and traffic and-"

"Yeah, yeah I don't wanna hear it. Just don't let it happen again, all right?" You nod and Wally continues. "There's a shitload of CDs in the back that need to be stacked on shelves and racks, so get on that. I'm goin' down to the docks to pick up an extra box of CDs the bastards forgot."

You and Ray both nod as Wally jiggles a set of keys in his pant's pocket, backing towards the door. "No messin' around." he warns, his stern eyes on you as one hand reaches out to push the door open. When you and Ray nod a third time, Wally turns and exits the shop and you hear a shout of, "Wallay!"

Letting out a groan, you watch as, Frank, Bob, Gerard, and Mikey enter Wally's, a piece of blue paper in Frank's hand. He walks right up to the front counter and slams the piece of paper in front of you and Ray and you both look down at it curiously.

"Look bitches." says Frank, pointing at the headline of the paper; obviously he forgot all about this morning.

You recognize it instantly. It's a flyer from your school, for an up and coming dance that's actually this Friday. The Winter Festival it's called, and it's obviously one of the bigger events of the school. Now that you think about it, you heard a lot of girls discussing it, their dresses, dates, and what they're going to do afterwards.

Obeying Frank, you look down at the flyer and read:

Winter Festival

You are cordially invited to one of the most talked about events of the year.  
**Date:** November 23rd, 1998  
**Time Appointed:** Seven o'clock in the evening  
**Time of Departure:** Eleven o'clock in the evening  
**Location:** The gymnasia at Jersey Prep Highschool  
**Classification:** Formal  
**Admission:** Ten Dollars  
You may bring a guest if you like, but you MUST get permission from the office if he or she does NOT go to Jersey Prep! Hope to see you all there!

"Crash it?" asks Ray with a grin once he's done reading it.

"Hell yeah!" says Frank with a grin as Bob follows suit in the background.

You look thoughtfully down at the invitation as the boys start talking of ways they're going to crash the Winter Festival and ruin everyone's night.

"I don't know... It doesn't look that bad." you think out loud.

_Wally's_ falls silent. You look up to find all the boys staring at you stoically, and you begin to feel your skin crawl in abashment.

Then, at once, all the boys break out into loud laughter. You blush, feeling stupid because you know they're all laughing at you, and ask innocently, "What? It looks fun!"

"Yeah..." chokes Frank between a laugh. "If you like frilly dresses and parent chaperones halfway up your ass!"

You glare at him as the others continue to laugh, some more than others. "There would be no need for parent chaperones if people like _you_ didn't do stupid stuff."

"I resent that!" says Frank, still grinning.

You glare at Frank again and then look back at the flyer longingly. You went to prom last year and loved every minute of it and you'd really like to go to the Winter Festival...

"Aw, Frank, I think Alex really wants to go!" says Ray, draping an arm around your shoulders and then bringing the other to grasp your chin, causing you to pucker your lips. "Don't you Alex?"

You rip away from Ray and bite his hand savagely before answering, "Yes, I do." _And I know who I want as my guest._

Ray cradles his injured hand in his other one, glaring at you as you glare back, making a face at him, which he returns. This goes on for quite some time before Gerard asks, "Do you really? I mean, you want to go? It's this Friday."

You drag your gaze to Gerard. "No. I'm lying. I don't want to go."

_Sarcasticness at it's best._ Thinks Mikey with a smile. He barely listens as you and Gerard start to bicker, forming a plan in his mind. _If Alex wants to go then I wouldn't mind taking-_

"Well if you want to go so bad I'll fucking take you myself!" says Gerard loudly.

You stop shouting abruptly, staring at Gerard with wide eyes. "Really?"

"If you really want to, I don't mind."

You squeal and literally jump over the counter, throwing your arms around Gerard's neck. "Thank you thank you thank you! I'd love to go!"

Mikey looks angrily at his brother and then away, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his slim nose. _Once again Gerard wins._

Gerard laughs and pulls you away from him, saying, "Save that for afterwards beautiful." You smile sheepishly, blushing despite yourself, and plant yourself firmly back behind the counter, smiling goofily at Gerard.

"Wow you really want to go to this thing don't you?" asks Bob.

You roll your eyes and say in exasperation, "Yes! You wouldn't believe it but I actually like doing stuff like this."

"Fuck that. I wouldn't be caught dead goin' to that thing." says Frank, motioning towards the flyer.

"And that, my dear Frankie, is why you don't have a girlfriend." Gerard slings an arm around Frank. He looks to you, shaking his head, as Frank looks at him in disgust. "No sensibility in this fucker whatsoever."

You giggle childishly as Frank tears away from Gerard and says, "I need a cigarette, I'll be outside."

Gerard looks horrified as Frank storms from the shop. "Frank! Frankie baby! I didn't upset you did I?"

He makes to leave but you stop him by saying dramatically, "You're cheating on me Gerard?"

Gerard whirls back around to face you, that look of over exaggerated horror still on his face. "No...Alex...I..."

"I don't want to hear it!" you say, turning to Ray and mock-sobbing into his chest. "I thought I could trust you!" Ray starts to pat you on the back, shaking his head sadly at Gerard.

Gerard looks at you and rolls his eyes. "She's better at that than me." You grin and then break away from Ray, winking at Gerard. "Practice tonight Ray, don't forget." And with a quick wave, Gerard leaves the shop, Bob in his wake.

"Bye Bob! Bye Mikey!" you say cheerfully, waving at the two as they follow Gerard. You immediately stop smiling though when Mikey doesn't bother to return your wave, his hands in his pockets and his head down.

It's then you realize what just transpired.

You're going to the Winter Festival.

With Gerard.

_Gerard._

_Dammit!_


	9. Chapter 9

It's Thursday afternoon and you're lazily sifting through dresses hanging on a tall rack in a boutique at the mall. You've put off buying the "perfect dress" all week, despite the nagging from the guys. Can you believe it? _They_ nagged _you._

Ray told Wally you wouldn't be coming into work today and Gerard literally forced you to go to the mall to pick out a dress; he even gave you money that he got from God knows where. You didn't complain though, you had two-hundred dollars to spend on your own freewill, and if there's anything you know how to do, it's spend money. Or waste money. Whatever. Same thing.

Of course Gerard didn't come shopping with you, having "band stuff" to attend to, and after tiring of begging the other boys to come shopping with you, but to no avail, you did the only thing you could think of. You called Hope.

Turns out she is just the procrastinator you are and hadn't gotten a dress either, after you found out that she was attending the dance. Glad that you now had a shopping partner, you two met up at the mall after school today and have been dress shopping ever since. And you couldn't be happier. Hope is a great girl, as you soon come to discover, and you find yourself liking her more and more with each moment you spend with her.

_She's definitely not the type of person I would even think of becoming friends with, but you can't judge a book by it's cover._ You think, glancing at Hope as she skims a rack off to your right.

You turn back to your own rack and sigh, not very pleased with the selection this boutique has in stock. You make to turn to Hope and tell her so, but find her already turned to you with her mouth open.

You both stare at each other for a moment and then burst into laughter, turning your backs to the rear of the store and then walking out of the shop together, side by side.

"Well, off to shop number three." says Hope, once both your laughter is controlled. "God I regret putting this off until now; we'll be here all night at this rate!"

You smile and say, "I know. Dress shopping was never this hard before!"

"Tell me about it." Hope says with a roll of her eyes as you both enter _5-7-9_, the sounds of Seal vibrating through the overhead speakers.

You two instantly split, going to different racks on the same side of the store to leaf through the dresses that are hanging on display.

"So, who are you going with anyway?" Hope asks, glancing at you briefly. "You do have a date right? Because I don't think I could find you one in less than twenty-four hours."

You make a face at Hope and say, "I do have a date and even if I didn't, I wouldn't need your help getting one."

Hope raises her eyebrows at you, pausing from looking at the assortment of dresses. "Oh really? Who's the lucky guy?"

"Gerard." you say with a sigh.

Hope smirks. "Oh... I see..."

"It's not like that!" you snap, wandering away from the light blue ensemble you were checking out. "He's like my brother! And besides, who are you going with?"

"Uh huh sure." says Hope, still smirking as she follows you. "I don't have a date; don't want one. I like the single life!"

You shiver. "I would never date Gerard; he's not really my type." _But his brother is._

"Why not?"

"I dunno... For one, he's three years older and-"

"So you're telling me you don't like older guys?"

"I never said that it's just-"

"It's just what?"

"You know what Hope Carpenter?" you say, turning to face the girl and poking her in the chest with a slender finger. "If you let me finish my sentences, you'd know what." You turn back around, effectively slapping Hope in the face with your hair, only causing her to laugh and rush to keep up with your stride to the back of the store.

"So who do you like?" asks Hope, her eyes narrowing as her smirk grows thinner.

Without even thinking, you reply, "His brother."

Only when Hope screeches, "Mikey Way?" Do you realize that you, yet again, thought out loud.

"Shh! You don't have to tell the world!" you say hastily, turning to face Hope with a deep frown.

In return, Hope grins, noticing the now very visible crimson blush on your fine cheeks. "Don't worry, I won't. I always thought he was cute in his own little way." You blush again and Hope laughs, her eyes glittering with wonder. "So does he know? Why aren't you going with him to the Winter Festival? How long have you liked him? Does anyone else know you like him?"

Despite the fact that you're flooded with too many questions at once, you somehow manage to answer them all logically. "No, thankfully he does **not** know, I'm not going to the Winter Festival with him because Gerard asked first and I'm not the one to ask a guy anything, I really don't know how long I've liked him, and hell no. No one else knows about him and no one else will know about him, right Hope?" you ask, narrowing your eyes at her.

Hope rolls her eyes and says, "Yes, yes fine. But why don't you tell him?"

"And get shot down?" you question, raising an eyebrow.

"You won't get shot down!"

"You don't know that."

"Well you won't know unless you at least try to tell him!" Hope says as you turn your back to her, taking a few steps forward.

"Guess I'll never know then."

After ditching three more stores with some of the most unappealing dresses you've ever seen, you and Hope slump down on a bench in the mall, a cinnamon-sugar pretzel in your grasp and in Hope's.

"We're getting no where." you say, taking a bite of your snack.

"Thank you Captain Obvious." says Hope, nudging your shoulder with her own, a smile on her face.

What do you ask Hope, ignoring her last comment?  
Where should we go next?  
Know where to go next?  
Have any good shops in mind for our next stop?  
Do you know where to go next?  
Hope shrugs, biting into her own pretzel. "I dunno. You pick."

"I don't know any good dress shops." you confess.

Hope sighs. "Well there's about two other stores we can check out, but after that we'll probably have to go to a different shopping center or something."

You nod, only half listening to what Hope says. You solely concentrate on enjoying your pretzel and resting your aching feet for the time being.

"So is Gerard picking you up at your house?" asks Hope.

"I guess so, I'm not doing anything before then."

Hope looks at you incredulously. "Where are you getting your hair done? Or your makeup?"

_That's what I forgot!_ You think in sudden horror, turning to face Hope with wide eyes. "I'm not! I totally forgot!" Your shoulders slump and you let the hand holding your pretzel to fall into your lap dramatically. "I guess I'll just do it myself..."

To your surprise, Hope squeals happily and turns to face you wholly, her pretzel forgotten. "No you won't! You can come over to my house and get ready with me!"

Startled, and a bit hopeful, you turn to Hope, asking, "Really?"

She nods enthusiastically. "Yeah! My brother Gavin is, well to put it bluntly he's gay, and he owns a hair studio somewhere in Trenton but he's home for the weekend because it's my dad's birthday! He'll do your hair and I can do you makeup!"

You're stunned into silence. Hope has a gay brother? Who can do hair? _And_ makeup? Your dreams have just come true! This is so convenient!

"That would be awesome!" you say with a bright smile, forgetting about your own pretzel.

"Of course Gerard will have to pick you up at my house..."

"I don't think he'll mind." you say quickly.

"Then it's settled!" says Hope, standing. She throws away the rest of her pretzel and then grabs your arm, ready for more shopping. "This is gonna to be great!"

You're in the last dress shop there is in Belleville Mall. Your search for the right dress has been a complete and total failure and the shop you're in now doesn't look promising. I mean it has some of the most beautiful dresses you've ever seen, but you can't say the same for the prices...

"Find anything?" comes Hope's muffled voice from around the corner of another rack.

"No." you say glumly, walking away from the rack you are inspecting and down the carpeted pathway to the dresses hanging on the wall in front of you.

And that's when it catches your eye.

Hanging on the wall, eye-level, is the dress you immediately know you must have. Made out of black satin with white ruffles at the bottom, strapless, sliming, and then fanning out at the end, the dress is simple yet elegant, which draws you to it. You stop in front of it, looking it up and down, running a hand down the fine fabric as you smiling longingly at the apparel.

"Would you like to try it on?"

Startled, you jump about ten feet in the air and then spin to find Hope grinning at you. You glare at her and say, "Fuck you."

"Oh! Alex has a potty mouth!"

You shake your head, narrowing your eyes at Hope. "Who says "potty mouth"? Honestly Hope?" You turn your attention back to the dress and reach up to take it from it's hanger ever so carefully.

"I can't wait to see it on you! It's really nice." gushes Hope as you two walk to the back of the shop amongst curious looks from various clerks. "I think it'll look great."

You open the door to one of the dressing rooms, walking inside with the dress in hand. "Did you find a dress yet?" you ask, hanging the dress on a hanger, shutting the door with your foot, and then lifting your shirt over your head.

"I was lookin' at this one white and blue dress but-"

"Go try it on! I wanna see!" you whine. You hear Hope sigh in exasperation and then move off to go find the dress in the correct size while you change.

A moment later you hear someone enter the stall next to your's and you ask, "Hope?"

"Yeah?"

"Find it?"

"Yeah, hold on."

What are you thinking as you struggle to zip up the back of your dress?  
Okay the perfect dress, but the not so perfect zipper.  
I honestly didn't think I'd waltz in here and find a dress. That was easier than I thought.  
Damn zipper!  
Well that was easy enough.  
"Ready yet?" you ask impatiently after finally succeeding in zipping yourself up.

"Hold on." says Hope.

You wait a few more moments, checking yourself in the small mirror inside of the dressing room, when finally Hope announces, "Done!"

Simultaneously, you both open your doors and then turn to look at each other, grins on your faces.

"You look great!" you both say in unison, letting out laughs afterwards. You spin for Hope, and she for you, and you get a good look at the perfect dress she seemed to pick out effortlessly.

"I'm definitely getting this." says Hope, looking down on herself and then looking up and beaming at you.

"Think I should get this one?"

Hope nods. "Totally."

You laugh and then move back into the dressing room, saying to Hope, "Well that was easy."

After paying for your dresses, your's turning out to be a mere one-hundred and fifty dollars, you and Hope happily leave the dress shop Mystique around seven thirty, swinging your bags and chatting with each other.

"God I didn't think it was so late!" says Hope, checking her cell phone for the time. "And we still have to get shoes!"

You laugh a bit and then follow Hope into _Baker's_ where you both take more than twenty minutes finding the right shoe. In the end, you go with an open-toed, black pair, with long straps that wrap around your ankles three times, eventually tying above your shin. They're not too high, which is good because you don't want to rival Gerard too much in height, and they go best with your dress.

"So do you want me to pick you up at your house tomorrow? Say around four?" asks Hope as you two head for the exit, your money spent and your legs languishing.

_I don't want her to see my house._ You think, but find yourself saying, "Sure, that sounds fine. I'll give the directions to you tomorrow at school."

Hope nods with a smile and you two walk through the two sets of glass doors to exit the mall, darkness already clouding the sky.

"Thanks for coming shopping with me Hope, I had a great time." you say truthfully, as you both look left then right, crossing the street.

"Oh no problem, I had a blast!" You two stop by the front of the parking lot, exchanging smiles before you go your separate ways. "I'll see you tomorrow Alex!" She waves and then dashes off to her Mustang and you stand a bit more waving after her, a goofy smile on your face.

_Who knew I would actually like living in Belleville?_ You think randomly, walking to your own car. You have great friends, a cute someone-you-have-your-eye-on, and things are only looking up from here.

_Let's just hope mom and Steven are good with me going to the dance._ You think, placing your dress and shoe bags in the backseat of your car and then slamming the back door and opening the driver's, setting yourself in it and laying your purse in the passenger's seat. _If they're not then oh well. I didn't spend Gerard's two-hundred dollars for nothing._

Your arrive at your house a little after eight. Your mother is still there and Steven is too, but so is another unwelcome visitor.

Silvio.

You pass his black Mercedes Benz on the way to your front door, bags in hand, and have the sudden urge to rip his hood ornament off and chuck it across the street. But you don't, and then regret it when you open your front door and walk inside your house.

Steven is asleep in the living room, a beer on the floor under his hand hanging over the side of the recliner, and you can hear your mother and Silvio talking quietly in the kitchen.

_God I do not want to be here while she buys drugs from that fuckin' mexican._ You think, striding to your room. You leave the door open and lay your dress out on your bed, having mind to head out again just so you don't have to be home. But first, you need to talk to your mother.

"Mom can I talk to you?" you ask, shyly standing outside in the hallway looking into the kitchen.

Your mother looks up, her eyes bloodshot, and so does Silvio much to your repugnance. He gives you a sickening smirk as your mother stands from her seat at the kitchen table and walks to you as you move away from the doorway and into the hallway, out of Silvio's sight.

"I'm going to a dance tomorrow night at my school with Gerard. I probably won't be home until eleven thirty. Is that okay?" you ask timidly.

Your mother frowns. "Gerard?"

"Yeah, remember he came over on Saturday looking for me with his brother Mikey?"

Your mother thinks for a moment. "The kid with the black hair?"

"Also known as my best friend, yes."

"Yeah Alex that's fine. Just don't anything I wouldn't do." And with that Karen turns to go into the kitchen once more, Silvio awaiting her.

_Well that's certainly not much._ You think critically, walking back down the hallway and out the front door, your keys in hand and purse on shoulder.

_Shit._ You think, stopping halfway down the walkway suddenly. _I should call Wally and tell him I can't come in tomorrow._

Turning around, you run back up to your house, inside, past the kitchen, and to your room. You crack your door before flopping onto your bed, avoiding your dress, and grabbing your phone, bringing it into your lap and dialing the number for _Wally's._

_"Wally's."_

"That's not how you're supposed to answer the phone, Ray."

_"Alex! Hey! How was shopping with Hope?"_

_How did he know I went shopping with her?_

"Great I had a ton of fun. Aren't you supposed to be at band practice?"

_"Gerard cancelled it for tonight."_ answers Ray.

"Oh well, is Wally there? I need to talk to him."

_"WALLY!"_ You hear Ray scream. _"PHONE!"_

You wait a few moments. _"Yeah?"_

"Hi Wally it's Alex."

_"Hey Alex, what can I do for ya?"_

"Well there's a dance tomorrow at my school and I'm going to that so I can't come into work tomorrow."

_"What time?"_

"Seven."

_"You can come in for three hours."_

"I wish I could but I'm going over to my friend's house to get ready."

_"For three hours?"_

"...Yes?"

You hear Wally sigh. _"You women and your damn habits. All right, all right ya can have the day off tomorrow. I'm sure Ray won't mind covering for ya."_

"Thanks Wally!" you say happily.

_"See ya Saturday kid."_

You both hang up and struggle to keep in a squeal of excitement as you bound from your room and back down the hall, almost crashing into Silvio as he heads for the bathroom on your way out.

_"Mire donde usted va a, puta."_ he barks as you pass him. _**Watch where you're going, whore.**_

Unluckily for Silvio, you took Spanish for three years in highschool and know exactly what he just said, which he seems to forget every time he insults you in Spanish. _"Veta a la verga."_ you say before slamming the front door. _**Go fuck yourself.**_

You get into your car and start the engine, backing out of the driveway and then speeding down the street, stopping at the stop sign at the end. _Where am I going?_ You think, looking left, then right, and then continuing to speed along. _Ray is at Wally's, I have no idea where Gerard and the other two are, and Mikey's at work._

A thought flashes across your mind and you ponder it a minute, making a lefthand turn. _I could go see Mikey..._

_Then you could tell him how you feel._

_Oh hell no!_

You think, immediately contradicting yourself.

_Well why not?_

_I don't know..._

_Then what have you got to lose?_

_A lot._

_Says who?_

_...Maybe I should tell him..._

You think. _I mean, it can't be that hard, right?_

Twenty minutes later you find yourself sitting outside of _Barnes and Noble,_ staring through the glass window and at Mikey as he works the register. You've been sitting here for about five minutes now, debating with yourself on whether or not you should go in, and if you do, if you should tell Mikey how you really feel about him.

_Okay so I like him...and I'm sitting out front of where he works, basically stalking him. Wow this is awkward._ You think lamely to yourself, watching as Mikey hands some change to a waiting woman. You're finding it very hard to pry yourself from the driver's seat and actually go inside and talk to Mikey. You're very nervous.

_Gerard and them go in all the time so why should this be any different?_ You think, taking your keys out of the ignition but going no further.

_I can't tell Mikey how I feel!_ You suddenly realize. _It would ruin everything that we have already!_ You reason sensibly. _I don't want to destroy what we have!_

_Doesn't mean you can't go talk to him._

_Fine. I'll go in. We'll talk. But how I feel stays with me...and Hope._

You think, opening up the driver's side door and stepping from your Camry, feeling:  
Anxious. I'm pretty sure I have no idea what I'm doing.  
Frustrated. Why am I beating myself up over this? It's no big deal!  
Relaxed. I got this isht in the bag.  
Sick. I don't think I can do this...  
**Mikey's Point of View**

You watch the woman you just gave change to walk of out of the store, stuffing her wallet in her purse. The door almost swings shut when suddenly a hand grabs it from the opposite side and a figure enters _Barnes and Noble._

Your eyes light up as Alex gives you a shy smile and stands on the opposite side of the counter, her hands in the pockets of her black blazer that she wears over her school uniform.

"Hey." she says gently.

"Hey what are you doin' here?" you ask, not being able to contain a smile as you push your glasses up on your nose some more; a nervous habit.

Alex hesitates. "Just...ya know...lookin' for a book..."

"What book?"

You watch as Alex's face flush a deep red color as she looks towards the rows and rows of books to her right. "Uh, um, just, some book... I'll go look for it now."

Alex leaves the front counter rather quickly, scurrying over to the Political section. You watch her intently, a smile on your face.

_She looks so beautiful blushing._ You think, staring after her as she picks up a book randomly and opens the back, her face still red. _She's so beautiful all the time..._ Suddenly Alex looks up to you and you start, catching her gaze. But, just as quickly as contact is made, it ends and Alex disappears speedily behind a tall shelf.

You continue to watch the space where Alex once stood, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach raging. Your smile slowly fades from your face as your thoughts hit you full force.

_I like Alex._

_Like_

really _like her._

_A lot._

_She's all I think about, all I see, all I want... Why didn't I see this before!_

_I mean I did, but not like this!_

Alex reappears for a moment, wandering across the isle and into the fantasy section. You watch her closely, your smile now fully gone as butterflies continue to flutter nonstop in your stomach. Not only that, but you feel your heart pounding in your chest, your palms start to sweat, and you're beginning to feel the need for your inhaler.

_God this is what she does to me!_ You think in embarrassment, not noticing the woman standing in front of you with two books piled on the counter. _But yet I could never-_

"Young man are you going to ring me up or not?"

You jerk your head to look down at the small and squat woman before you, clutching the hand of a two-year old who is jumping up and down and yelling, "I want chocolate! I want chocolate!"

"Sorry." you mumble, immediately ringing the woman up. She glares at you as you do so and sticks her nose high up into the air as she walks from the store when you're done, the two-year old still jumping and shouting.

And then there's Alex. She stands by the front counter and lays two, hard-back books on the surface. You glance at their titles before ringing them up and have to snort in laughter when you see them.

**Tax Returns: All You Need to Know and More**

**MoveOn's 50 Ways to Love Your Country**

"They're, uh, for my mom." Alex laughs out restively.

"Right." you say, giving her a raised eyebrow before ringing up the two books. "19.76$"

Alex digs around in her pockets a bit before handing you a twenty-dollar bill. You take it from her and then work the cash-register a bit, in the end handing her back the correct change.

"Wanna bag?"

Alex nods and you get a bag out for her and put her books in there, all the while not noting her green eyes on you.

"There ya go." you say, handing Alex the bag. She takes them and smiles at you, not moving from her position. This makes you even more nervous than before, and before you can control yourself, you ask, "Anything else?"

This seems to snap Alex out of her state and her smile falters just a bit before she says, "N...no. See ya tomorrow Mikey!" And with that she turns and hurries out of the shop, her bag swinging violently.

You watch the door sway shut behind Alex slowly, the dull noise in the bookstore drowning out the sounds of the shutting of the door. With brown eyes, you watch Alex deposit herself in her car and then reverse quickly out of her parking space and, with shriving tires, speed off down the road.

_Okay that was weird, but God am I glad it's over. I was about to create a new river with these hands._ You think, wiping your palms on your work-uniform shirt, looking away from the darkness that lurks outside, consuming everything in it's wake.

_Alex seemed really anxious for some reason..._  
Yeah she did.  
I wonder why?  
Hm...

**Your Point of View, Five Minutes Ago**

You enter _Barnes and Noble_ feeling sick to your stomach. Your fingers nearly slip as you take the open door from the woman who's shaking her heading and murmuring about incompetence.

You walk into the bookstore and instantly your gaze finds Mikey's and you both smile at each other timidly as you approach the front desk.

"Hey." you say gently.

"Hey what are you doin' here?" Mikey asks, pushing his glasses up on his nose as he smiles the smile you live to see each day.

You pause, not really having a reason. Well, you do, but you don't want to tell Mikey he's the reason you're standing here like an idiot. "Just...ya know...looking for a book..."

"What book?"

Your face flushes a deep ruby and you look to the books on your right, searching for an answer that doesn't seem to be coming. _Shit!_

"Uh, um, just, some book... I'll go look for it now."

You quickly leave the front counter, scurrying over to the first book section in view; the Political section. You are unaware of Mikey watching you intently as you go, but if you did, you probably would've blushed even more.

_God it was a mistake to come in here!_ You think, picking up a random book and opening the back to read the author information. _I feel like such a loser..._

Not being able to resist the urge to look up at Mikey, you do so and startle when you realize his brown-eyed gaze is on you. With wide eyes you snap the book in your hands shut and place it down hurriedly, disappearing speedily behind a tall shelf.

You lean lightly against the shelf you are hiding behind, closing your eyes and demanding that your heartbeat slow down. _What Mikey Way does to me..._ You think, trying to get the sensation in your stomach to stop storming. _I'm a nervous wreck, I can't go back out there! God Mikey probably thinks I'm a total jackass!_ You open your eyes, take a deep breath, and then continue on your way once more, trying to appear as if everything's all right.

And then, in the middle of looking through a pile of books called, Tax Returns: All You Need to Know and More, the thought hits you like a ton of bricks, harder then it ever has before.

_I like Mikey._

_Like_

really _like him._

_A lot._

_He's all I think about, all I see, all I want... But I knew this already! So why am I freaking out now?_

_Because I fully admit it, that's why._

You walk out from behind the safety of your tall shelf after grabbing one of the books unknowingly, lost in your own thoughts, not really paying attention to where you're going. You wander across the isle and into the Fantasy section, the hardback book between your fingers slipping a bit because of your perspiring fingers.

_This is what he does to me! Make me want him so bad I'm blind to everything else around me and I feel like an absolute ass whenever I'm around him._ You think, suddenly realizing you're in the Fantasy section and quickly leaving, going back to through the Political section and randomly snatching up a book. _Okay I'm outta here._

You wait patiently while Mikey rings up the woman in front of you, her screaming child starting to get on your last nerve.

_God, what I would do to give that kid a good kick in the ass._ You think in annoyance as the two move away, the kid still screaming for chocolate.

You lay your books down on the counter, not even daring to look at Mikey, ready to pay whatever you have to, to get out of here quickly. You didn't want to come in and buy nothing, I mean who does that?

Suddenly you hear Mikey let out a short chuckle and much to your embarrassment, you find him looking at the books you picked up.

Tax Returns: All You Need to Know and More

MoveOn's 50 Ways to Love Your Country

"They're, uh, for my mom." you say with a nervous laugh, feeling the warmth of a blush at the base of your chin, crawling it's way up into your face.

"Right." Mikey says, throwing you a raise eyebrow, which only causes your stomach to churn uncomfortably once more and your heart to perform and odd flip-flop.

"19.76$"

You dig through the pockets in your black blazer and come in contact with the only money you're currently carrying: the twenty-dollar bill your mom gave you for your birthday a few weeks back. You've been trying to save it for as long as you can, but inconveniently it's the only money you have at the moment. So you hand Mikey the twenty-dollar bill and he works the cash-register a bit, in the end handing you the correct change back.

"Wanna bag?"

You nod curtly and Mikey proceeds to bag your purchases, and you have to grimace when you see the books. _What was I thinking?_ You think in nimiety, watching Mikey. _Oh that's right, I wasn't._

"There ya go." Mikey says suddenly, handing you the bag. You take it and smile at Mikey, not moving from your position. You can't move. You don't want to move. You're standing in front of the only guy you've ever really felt for. Who would move?

"Anything else?" Mikey asks.

You quickly break from your state and your smile weaves just a bit before you stutter out, "N...no. See ya tomorrow Mikey!" And with that you turn and hurry out of the shop, your bag swinging violently.

_Okay I will never,_ ever, _do anything remotely like that ever again._ You think to yourself, making it to your car and ripping open the driver's side door, throwing your books into the back and then plopping down into the seat.

You don't even attempt to look up through the glass and into _Barnes and Noble_ once more, too afraid that you may not see Mikey's gaze on you as you would hope it would be. You want to spare yourself the disappointment so you speed away, a little too quickly, without a very much wanted look back.

_I'm not doing a good job of saving myself the disappointment though._ You think, a smile making it's way onto your lips as you head back home, it being well past eight thirty now. _I like Mikey, even though I know it's not going to happen. But you know what, that's okay. I'll go on liking Mikey because I like the way just the thought of him makes me feel._ Your stomach does a strange little jump. _And I like the way I can think of him and not be bitched at for the way I feel._

With those thoughts completed, you turn up the radio a bit louder, bobbing your head to the music pounding on your car stereo system, feeling like you've never felt before in your entire life.


	10. Chapter 10

It's now Friday afternoon and you are on your way home from school. You're very excited about tonight and can't wait for Hope to come and pick you up, and then you both go back to her house and get ready. That's always been your favorite part of any special occasion. Getting ready.

Gerard had agreed to pick you up at Hope's house, but warned you that he didn't get "no fucking fancy-ass limo" and that you were riding in his Escort, along with Hope. Of course you were embarrassed, but Hope laughed it off and said it was fine, something different.

And now that you have your own gay hairstylist and makeup artist, everything is just about perfect. Everything except your date. I mean, don't get me wrong, you love Gerard and all that he's done for you, but you just wish you could've taken...

You pull up to your house a little after three o'clock, after stopping to chat with Ray a bit, who's covering for you at _Wally's._ The entire time though, he did nothing but complain about how he could be catching up on sleep but instead he's covering your ass. In return, you rolled your eyes but thanked Ray and then left, headed for your home to do what you can until Hope came to pick you up.

As you exit your car, you immediately halt in your tracks upon seeing the car sitting in the driveway. A brand new, red Ford F150, complete with the confederate flag painted transparently on the back window. Shiny, clean, and rugged, the perfect vehicle for a man. And that's how it's known in your family. "The Man's Truck". Steven's truck.

_He should __**not**__ be home._ You think hotly, striding up to your house, your school bag barely stable on your shoulder.

You rip open your front door once you get there and again stop in your tracks when you see Steven and your mother arguing in the hallway, and then abruptly stopping when you open the door.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" asks Steven rudely, halfway turned to you.

"Don't talk to her that way!" Karen snaps, sending a glare Steven's way. He turns to glower at her too but before he can yell at your mother once more, you intervene.

"I'm waiting for Hope to pick me up and then me and her are going to her house to get ready for the dance at my school tonight." you answer Steven, knowing it would just be best to get the questions over with.

"Who's Hope?" your mother questions.

"A friend from school."

"Is she like those _boys_ you hang out with?"

"And if she is?" you counter defiantly.

Your mother scowls at you. "You know I don't like you hanging out with them Alex."

You're completely floored. _No I didn't know bitch!_ "Well why not? You've never even met them!"

"They're freaks Alex!" your mother says angrily. "I don't have to meet them to know that much!"

If there's something you hate more than anything in this world, it's judgmental people. And your mother just crossed the line. She's done this before. Insulted your friends. And you've tolerated it. But no more. This is where you get defensive.

"How do you know that mom? By _looking_ at them?"

"Well Alex, yeah, I do-"

"No you don't! You don't know anything about them!" you yell, staring fiercely at your mother. "And I advise you not to say anything like that again until you know what you're talking about!"

Your mother brushes past Steven in the blink of an eye and is standing in front of you with a look on her face that makes you downright scared.

"Don't you ever, _ever_, even _think_ that you can talk to me that way ever again because you _will_ regret it. Do you hear me?"

A flood of silence washes throughout the slim corridor as your mother stares at you angrily, not even flinching. Steven watches you two emotionlessly, standing idly in the hallway.

Finally, you blink your green eyes and then nod once, walking briskly past your mother and down the hallway to your room, on the verge of tears.

You slam your bedroom door shut and lock it as the sounds of another heated argument shake the walls of your tiny house. A tear slips down your cheek as you throw your school bag to the floor and collapse onto your bed, face down, shutting your eyes tightly. You hate fighting with your mother, you hate listening to her and Steven argue, and you hate when your mother says things like that. It's not the first time she's criticized you or your friends, but this time it hit deeper in your soul. She condemned Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Ray, and Bob, the five most important people in your life. And that hurt.

You're sitting in your room, your notebook in your lap, not even caring about the time, when suddenly you hear a few knocks from the front door.

_Shit! That's Hope!_ You think, immediately throwing your notebook to the side and springing from your bed and to your door. You try to pull it open but find it locked and instantly curse yourself as you hear the front door open. _I don't want her to see my parents!_

By the time you appear in the hallway though, you know it's too late. Steven has answered the door and, to your horror, is asking Hope what the fuck she is doing here.

"Hi Hope!" you say falsely cheerfully, running up behind Steven and appearing on his right. "Why don't you come in while I get my stuff together?" Without waiting for an answer, you grab Hope's arm and Steven barely has time to move out of the way as you drag Hope from the doorway and down to your room, your face burning with embarrassment.

You make it to your room and walk briskly to your closet and tear it open, reaching for your dress that is hanging inside. Thankfully, Hope doesn't ask any questions, only waits quietly for you to gather what you need.

"Should I bring my makeup?" you ask Hope quickly as you stand by your dresser, shoe-box and covered dress in hand.

"No, Gavin has any and every kind of makeup." Hope answers, straining a smile.

By the look on her face you know Hope is not happy. You play it off though with a broad, shady smile of your own and ask, "Ready?"

Hope nods and you both move for the doorway, you venturing out first. Appreciatively, you don't meet Steven or your mother on the way down the hall but alas, your luck is short-lived.

"When the hell are you plannin' on bein' home?" asks Steven from the living room, his feet propped up on the expanded recliner while he reads the newspaper.

"I dunno. Around midnight I guess."

"No later or I'm comin' out to find your ass, you got that?" asks Steven, looking at you over his shoulder.

"Got it." you reply coldly, opening the front door and stepping down onto the front step, thinking:  
Stupid Steven.  
Great. Now Hope's never gonna wanna hang out with me again.  
That was horrible.  
Well there goes my growing reputation down the drain. Hope's going to tell EVERYONE at school what a loser family I have and no one will like me. Ever.  
You carefully place your dress in the backseat of Hope's Mustang and then shut the door, moving to the passenger's side door and opening that up. You sit delicately in the seat and wait patiently while Hope gets into the driver's seat and starts the engine.

And she doesn't waste any time starting conversation; Hope is a very to-the-point girl.

"Was that your dad?" she asks, turning around in her seat to watch where she's going as she backs out of your driveway.

"Step-dad." You chuckle a bit in an effort to lighten mood. "A regular a-class asshole."

"I'll say." says Hope with a crooked grin your way. "I saw your mom too. She looks a lot like you."

"Unfortunately." you say with a soft sigh as Hope stops at a stop sign and glances at you again.

"What? Don't you like your mom?"

You look out the window as houses start to speed past you, wanting to drop this subject but somehow finding you can't. "I don't like anyone in my family."

"Why not?"

You continue to look out the window, wondering if you should tell Hope things that you haven't even told Gerard and the others yet. In some unspecified way, telling Hope doesn't sound so bad...

"Alex?"

You look over at Hope at the mention of your name and briefly find her gaze on you before she's forced to turn it back to the road. _Even though I haven't known her that long, I know I can trust Hope._ Sighing once more, you look to your lap where you find your hands fidgeting nervously with each other.

"My mom is a pill-popper and she does a lot of other drugs too. That's all she does, besides work the night-shift at the 7/11 down the street. Steven, my step-dad, is a drunk and I'm really sorry for the way he treated you, that's just him."

Hope looks appalled and that makes your heart sink as you glance at her timidly from the corner of your eye. "Oh Alex I'm so..."

"It's not your fault they're like that, don't apologize." you say softly as Hope makes a right-hand turn.

There's a pause. "Were they always like that?"

You nod your head. "For as long as I can remember. I mean, it got worse after my sister died, but they've always been like that."

"When did your sister die?"

"Last year in a drunk driving accident. She loved to drink too."

"Oh Alex I'm so sorry, that must be really hard to live with." says Hope sympathetically.

You shrug, trying to seem careless. "You learn to deal with it over time."

Hope shakes her head. "No. No one should have to live with that. Especially not you. You don't deserve that."

You look out the window longingly and before you know it, you're pouring your soul out to Hope. "I told myself I'd never be like them, no matter what, but it's hard you know? Being surrounded by it all the time and what with Gerard's drinking and Frank and Mikey's constant smoking, it's just hard. I've tried to talk Frank out of smoking but he won't hear any of it, and talking to my parents about quitting is a lost cause. I mean I know it's hard to stop what you've been doing for so long, but can't you at least try, for someone you care about?"

Hope nods. "They should, and the hard part is getting them to see that."

"I know."

Hope glances at you and notices the forlorn look on your face. "Hey," she says, lightly tapping your arm. "Don't worry, I'll always be here for ya and I won't let you become like your parents or Gerard." She shoots you another grin. "The only thing we have to work on is that mouth of your's."

You immediately look over at Hope and narrow your eyes, sticking out your tongue in the process. She returns the favor and then you both laugh loudly, eventually falling quiet once more.

"Hey Hope?" you ask suddenly as Hope pulls into her development.

"Yeah?"

"Promise you won't tell anyone what I told you?"

Hope falters.

"I promise Alex."

"Alex, doll, these curls of your's aren't working with me!"

"Well I told you not to wash it Gavin!"

Hope tries and fails to stifle a laugh as she sits at her dresser, fully clothed in her elegant dress, lightly dabbing the right amount of makeup on her face. You, on the other hand, are angrily sitting at Hope's vanity with Gavin behind you, trying and failing to work with your curly and frizzy hair. You aren't dressed, you don't have any makeup on, and it's after six o'clock. You've been up in Hope's room for about two hours now and you and Gavin have been arguing nonstop since he first touched your hair; what you wanted and what he wanted are two totally different things and Hope finds this all very amusing.

"Can't you just straighten it or something?" you ask irritably, crossing your arms and glaring at the blond-haired, blue-eyed, skinny man standing behind you, twisting your limp curls up and randomly pinning them to your head. Of course Gavin was done Hope's hair in about fifteen minutes and she looked ravishing.

And complete with dress and correct makeup, you're going to have an extremely hard time comparing to the beautiful blond.

"Do you want split ends?" asks Gavin as Hope's bedroom phone rings and she immediately gets up to answer it.

"At this point and time I don't care! Do _something_ with my hair Gavin!" you plead as Hope answers the phone.

"It'll _at least_ take me fifteen minutes to dry this mess and then to actually _create_ something from-"

"It's for you Alex." Hope calls suddenly.

Appreciative for an interruption but angry all the same, you stalk over to the phone and rip it from Hope's hand, barking loudly into it:  
What!  
Who is it?  
Hello?  
What do you want?  
**Mikey's Point of View**

"Why are you dragging me along?" you ask Gerard for about the umpteenth time as you lay lazily on your bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Do you really want to sit here all night, bored out of your fuckin' mind?" asks Gerard, standing halfway in the closet you two share, looking for a pair of shoes. "Besides, don't you want to see Alex?"

You roll your eyes. "Why do you always have to bring her up?"

"Because," Gerard says, turning to face you. He's wearing black dress pants and a black, long sleeved shirt, a red tie loosely hanging around his neck. "I know you wanna fuck her."

You shoot up from the bed, a stern look on your face. "Will you stop saying that?" you hiss.

Gerard grins and waltzes from the closet. "Nope. And you know what? I think I'll tell her that right now!"

To your horror, Gerard dives for the phone resting on the night stand in between your two beds and grabs it up before you can stop him, hastily dialing Hope's number, where you both know Alex is for the night. Gerard spins in a circle as you scramble up from your bed, groping for any part of the phone to try and stop Gerard.

"Gera-"

"Is Alex there?"

_"Alex it's for you."_

Your heart nearly stops and, thinking quickly, you throw yourself at Gerard, causing you to both fall to the floor and the phone to drop just as you hear someone say something on the other line.

You and Gerard both fight for the phone, the cord getting tangled around one of your legs as Gerard lay beneath you, the receiver of the phone finally clutched in his hand.

"H...Hey Alex!" he says as you elbow him in the gut. He roughly pushes you off him and sits up, hastily scooting away from you. "Guess what?"

_"What Gerard?"_ you hear Alex ask, and in a last attempt to free yourself from humiliation, you tackle Gerard to the floor and grab the phone from him, only to have Gerard place a hand on your face and push you away, ripping the phone from your hand. He grins at you and, panting, you watch as he places the phone back up to his ear and says, "I'm wearing a red tie tonight."

Relief.

_"That's wonderful Gerard."_

"And you know what else?"

Tension.

_"What Gerard?"_

"I think you're the most beautiful girl ever."

Relief.

_"You're an asshole Gerard, you know that?"_

And suddenly, you hear the dial-tone.

Gerard smirks and hangs the phone up, wiping a piece of black hair from his forehead. "Well someone isn't in a very good mood tonight."

You stand from the floor, ignoring your brother as you suddenly feel the strong urge to go out and smoke on your front porch. This has been going on for quite sometime but you won't let yourself have any cigarettes, and surprisingly you've gone three weeks without one, so far. You want to quit. Alex hates smokers. You don't want Alex to hate you. She's already tried to get the others to quit but they won't listen to her. But you do. You'll do anything to make her happy.

To curb your craving, you reach for your inhaler on your bedside table and take a few breathers before turning to glare at your brother again, who is standing in front of your closet with a pair of black dress pants in his hands.

"You're coming Mikey-kins, and I won't hear another word about it." He throws you the pants.

You catch the pants and frown at your brother before shaking your head and moving to the beddoor so you can change in the privacy of the bathroom.

_At least I'll get to see Alex._ You think, walking out into the hallway and shutting your bedroom door behind you, feeling:  
Irritated. Gerard just doesn't know when to give up.  
Excited. I guess this dance thing doesn't sound _too_ bad...  
Indifferent. Whatever. I guess I'll go if it'll make Gerard stop nagging me.  
Slightly happy. I get to see Alex so maybe everything won't turn out to be so bad.  
**Your Point of View**

It's now six fifty and to your utmost relief, Gavin has just finished your hair. Thank _God._

"Alex, darling, I think this is my best work! Your hair looks gorgeous!" Gavin raves, waving around the curling iron as his blue eyes twinkle.

"That's great Gavin now get out so she can get changed. I'll call you back because I need help with her makeup if we're going to be on time!" says Hope, pushing her brother to the doorway.

Gavin drops the curling iron onto the vanity where you're sitting while you rise from it, careful not to mess up your refined up-do. "Hope in case you haven't noticed, I'm gay! I'm not interested in Alex!" Hope glares at her brother and he sighs in frustration. "Well hurry it up! We have," He checks the flamboyant watch around his left wrist. "Eight minutes to make Alex look like a star! Not that you already don't sweetie-!" Hope slams the door once her brother is fully out of the room and turns to you, eyes wide.

"Hurry! Come on!"

Hope moves to her bed for your dress as you bring your shirt over your head and throw it to the floor, careful not to upset your hair. Brushing away the feel of uncomfortableness, you undo your pants and they drop to the floor and you step out of them, now only clad in a black, strapless bra and matching lace underwear, courtesy of Hope who bought you the tasteful duo.

"Be careful." Hope warns, handing over the dress. Cautiously, you lower it to the floor and step into it, making sure you don't tread on the soft material. You bring it up over your slim legs, waist, torso, and finally upper chest, and turn your back to Hope, who has the widest grin on her face you think you've ever seen.

"God you look so good!" she exclaims, zipping up your dress. When finished, she demands, "Turn!"

And you do so. Hope gasps and raises a perfectly manicured hand to her mouth, her eyes glittering like Gavin's. "Alex... Ohmigod! Gavin! Gavin come here quick!"

The door bursts open and you turn to face Gavin, feeling shy yet not being able to rid yourself of the brilliant smile on your face. When Gavin sees you, he immediately brings a hand to his heart, stumbling back.

"Hope, where do you find these beautiful girls to be friends with! It almost makes me want to be straight again!" says Gavin and you all laugh as he strides forward and takes your shoulders in his grasp, steering you to Hope's vanity once more.

"Now sit still, we only have about six minutes left to work the rest of our magic!"

**Mikey's Point of View**

Against your will, you're sitting in the passenger's seat to Gerard's black Ford Escort, dressed in faded blue-jeans and a nice, button-down black shirt. After a heated argument with your brother on what you were going to wear, your mother finally interposed and chose for you, and you weren't too upset with her choice. But you still don't want to go to the stupid Winter Festival. You feel angry, irritated, and you want to smack Gerard a few good times for carting you along.

Though you aren't _entirely_ against coming.

Something in the back of your mind is furiously rebelling against your brother. For asking Alex when it should've been you, for taking away your glory, your only chance to have Alex, if only for one night.

_I'm not going to let him ruin what could've been mine._ You find yourself thinking. _I'm going to have a good time, even if Gerard is Alex's date._

But now, as Gerard pulls up to Hope's house, you can't be more nervous. Your jittery hands are moving restlessly with each other in your lap as Gerard shuts off the engine to his car and grabs the corsage sitting on the armrest between you two; two white roses mingled with baby's breath.

"Comin'?"

You look at your brother who is halfway from his car, and then nod, opening the passenger's side door. Quickly, you both walk up to the large house, Gerard smiling like an idiot while you keep your head down and to the ground, your hands shoved in your pockets.

_God why did I let Gerard talk me into this?_ You think as you both walk onto the porch.

Gerard makes it to the door first and rings the doorbell, stepping back and waiting patiently for it to be answered.

"Don't you dare touch that door mother!" you hear someone scream from inside in a freakishly high-pitched voice. And then, in an instant, the front door is opening and you're faced with one of the weirdest sights you've ever seen.

There, in Hope's doorway, stands a man probably around Gerard's age with shoulder-length blond hair with short bangs, wide, blue eyes, and a skinnier frame than your's, dressed in a lime green t-shirt, black and white striped pants, he has a curling iron grasped in one hand, the cord dragging on the floor.

"Ah! Which one is Gerard?" asks the man, and you immediately know he's gay.

"Me." says Gerard, who doesn't seem at all fazed by this guy. You on the other hand...

"Well I'm Gavin," the man sticks his hand out and he and your brother shake hands. "I'm Hope's brother."

"This is my brother Mikey." Gerard indicates to you and Gavin smiles widely, thrusting his hand out to you next.

"Hello Mikey." Gavin says with a little giggle as he squeezes your hand a little too tightly.

You rip your hand from Gavin's as he ushers you and Gerard inside, where you then meet Hope's parents.

"The girls are still getting ready, but they'll be down soon." says Mrs. Carpenter, holding an expensive looking camera.

_Oh God. Not pictures._ You think, stifling a groan.

"Hope get your ass down here! We're waiting!" Gavin calls impatiently, and immediately earns a glare from his mother.

"True beauty takes time Gavin!" you hear Hope call.

Gavin sighs, agitated, and then goes spewing on how long it took to do Alex's hair. You only half listen though, focused on drowning your need for your inhaler, your eyes locked on the stairs which are directly in front of you.

Gerard glances at you and, of course, notices your discomfort. "You all right?"

You glance at your brother and quickly nod your head, taking a hesitant step back as you hear a door open from upstairs. "Fine."

Gerard grins but looks to the stairs when he hears Hope call down to you all. "Ready?"

"Ready!" The Carpenter family choruses.

You must say, Hope Carpenter was already beautiful before tonight, but tonight she really looks her best. Dressed in one of the most expensive looking dresses you've ever laid eyes on, done-up to perfection, Hope looks wonderful as she glides down the stairs, a smile on her lips.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Gavin claps wildly as his sister reaches the last step and does a little twirl for you all, her mother's camera flashing.

Hope firmly plants herself by the bottom step and lifts a slender arm, palm upturned, to the stairs. "And now, lady and gentlemen, presenting the one and only, Alex Cooper!"

A round of applause rings out through the small hallway, including your's, and you all wait excitedly for Alex to make her grand entrance.

But after a few silent moments, your heart begins to race quicker than it was and you feel your palms starting to sweat again. The tingling in your stomach increases but you won't tear your eyes away from the stairs for the life of you.

"Alex?" Hope calls.

"What?" you hear Alex snap angrily.

"Where are you dear?" Gavin yells.

"Where do you think I am?" You almost laugh.

"Well come downstairs!" Hope shouts.

"I can't!"

"Why not!"

"I can't get my shoe on!"

Immediately everyone bursts out laughing, and Hope rushes upstairs, clutching her abdomen from laughing too hard as she does so.

"What a nerd." Gerard says, shaking his head, still tightly grasping the plastic container with corsage.

A few seconds later, Hope tramples quickly down the stairs holding her dress high, and resumes her position at the bottom, her face flushed and a strained smile on her face.

"And _now_, I present to you, Alex Cooper!"

A silhouette looms into your vision and your body tenses up a bit as the physique takes the first step down, and then the second.

And then she appears. Beautifully clad in a stunning, satin dress, her long hair gracefully pulled up for the first time you've ever seen it, Alex is the most alluring being you have ever had the privilege of seeing. She hasn't laid eyes on you yet, but you could care less.

Her silky, auburn hair shines in the bright light of Hope's home and her green eyes sparkle with happiness. Her hair is elegantly done, something you've never seen before which immediately sends a tingle down your spine, and her makeup is flawless; she's never worn much before, not that she needed it, but she looks wonderful with it. Her smile is infectious as she looks at Hope, Gavin, your brother, and finally you.

And that's when she falters. Stumbling on the last step, Alex almost falls to the floor, if it wasn't for Hope. Alex blushes a deep red color that makes you fall for her all over again and looks at you with wide eyes as Hope helps her stand straight once more and the others ask her if she's all right.

"Mikey..."

"Hi Alex." you say breathlessly.

"I hope you don't mind that I brought him along." Gerard says, grinning from your right.

You and Alex don't break your locked gaze as she answers, "N...Not at all."

"Well don't just stand there! Hurry let's take pictures and then it's off, off, off!" says Gavin, coming forward and immediately placing people in front of the door.

"Have fun!"

"I want you home by midnight Hope!"

"Bye mom! Bye dad! Bye Gavin!"

"Thanks again Gavin!"

Finally, after what seemed like a dreadful hour, you all trudge out to Gerard's Escort, dresses held high. You try and focus on walking down the stairs of Hope's porch but it's extremely hard with Alex walking beside you, looking more gorgeous than you've ever seen anyone. God, just seeing her like that makes you want to take her into your arms and tell her all that she means to you, and then kiss those wondrous, pink lips that you've dreamt about.

Rushing forward once you reach the driveway, you plant yourself in front of the Escort's passenger's side door and open it up with a smile for Alex. Clenching a small, black clutch-purse, she smiles up at you and then delicately places herself in the worn and torn seat, and you smile down at her as you lightly shut the door behind her. You stand for a few seconds outside her door, just smiling at her, until you hear someone clear their throat and snap your head up to see where the sound came from and see Gerard looking at you with a raised eyebrow, the driver's side door open. Hope is already deposited in the backseat and waiting for you to enter the car so they can all head off to the Winter Festival.

Embarrassment clearly showing on your face, you get into the backseat next to Hope and do your best to keep your eyes off Alex, but find it near impossible.

_Who would want to keep their eyes off her?_ You think as Gerard reverses out of the driveway wildly and then speeds off to the school.

"You ladies look wonderful." Gerard compliments, sending Alex a wink. "I like your hair up like that Alex."

"Thanks Gerard."

"Don't you think Alex looks hot Mikey?"

"Yeah." you say without thinking, causing Hope to giggle and Gerard to laugh.

And even five minutes later, as Alex, Gerard, and Hope rock out to Smashing Pumpkins, you still don't realize your slip up. Not that you want to. It was the truth. And tonight is going to be a good night, no matter what.

...  
Yeah!  
I hope so.  
**Your Point of View**

When you saw Mikey waiting with Gerard and the others at the bottom of the stairs this evening, your heart literally stopped. You had no idea Mikey was coming! You won't deny you were happy though. Mikey looked so handsome in the faded jeans and dress shirt he was wearing; though it was nothing special, it meant something to you. No matter how beat Mikey looks, whether it be at school, or at his house, or out on the town, he always looks good to you.

Gerard pulls up to New Jersey Prep a little after seven thirty, and you are more than excited to get inside and start dancing. For some reason, dancing in public doesn't bother you has much as one would think; speaking in public is a different thing though.

As soon as the car is parked, Mikey springs from the backseat and doesn't even close his door before opening your's. You take his extended hand and flash him a quick smile as he lifts you from your seat and then shuts your door for you.

The parking lot of the school is dark, except for the occasional street lamp, and the pounding music can already be heard from the gym. As you take a glance at the school, you see the front doors are open and people are flooding into the entrance, laughing, talking, and united with friends.

Suddenly, Mikey's hand is broken from your's and a colder one takes it's place. "In case you're forgetting, _Michael_, Alex is _my_ date, not your's." Gerard says, ripping your arm away from Mikey and dragging you along beside him.

You give Mikey a sympathetic look over your shoulder and mouth the word, "Sorry" before turning back around and walking with Gerard to the front of the school, your arm connected with his.

"Come on Mikey, you'll get your chance later on." Hope says, linking her arm with Mikey's.

The enormous gymnasium at Jersey Prep is filled to the brim with students and their guests. The theme of the night is, of course, winter, and the decorations look wonderful. Intricate, giant paper snowflakes hang from the ceiling, the dim luminance of the area causing shadows from the fixtures to dance across the floor. Strobe and colored lights add vividness to the gym, reflecting against the sheer, light blue material hanging from various corners of the gym. The DJ is on the far, right-hand side of the gym when you first enter, loud music pumping out of the tall speakers. Refreshments and snacks are on the far lefthand side of the gym, where most people are congregated. The people in the gym are all dressed differently, yet very formally, everyone looking their best, or pretty darn close.

Currently you are on the dance floor dancing happily with Gerard as "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It" thumps through the gym, laughing away at the thought of how ridiculous you must look. You don't mind though. Hope is at your side and doing her best to get Mikey to loosen up, and it's working just a bit. You steal glances at the tall boy from time to time, and each time you find his eyes on you, and immediately when your eyes meet, you both smile and look away quickly, feeling shy for some reason. Though every time you do look away, you can't help but look back and smile more, glad that your life has taken such a positive direction. The way Mikey makes you feel is extraordinary and you wouldn't have it any other way...expect, maybe, to be with him.

About halfway through the night, around nine thirty, Gerard breaks away from you after loudly announcing he has to use the bathroom. Hope and Mikey are sipping punch by the refreshments table so, feeling lonely, you slip from the dance floor in an effort to find them.

Okay?  
Hm...  
Where COULD they be?

**Mikey's Point of View**

Your brown eyes spot Gerard heading for the exit of the gym and you quickly avert them to find Alex to see her wandering through the crowds, looking for someone. The song has just changed to "All My Life" by K-Ci & JoJo and you instantly feel someone nudge your side. Looking down, you see Hope looking up to you with mischievously sparkling blue eyes and a wide smile.

"Go on, ask her." she says, elbowing you again, that smile never leaving her face.

For a second, you find yourself confused. "What?"

Hope rolls her eyes in exasperation as Alex wanders closer to where you two are standing. "Alex! Ask her to dance!"

"What? No!" you say all too quickly.

Hope looks knowingly up at you. "Why not?"

"Because...I...I don't want to dance."

"My ass you don't want to dance! Come on Mikey I know you like her!" Hope says boldly.

"What gave you that idea?"

"Maybe it was because you've been staring at her ever since we got here?"

"Have I?"

"Haven't you noticed?"

"Have you been watching me the entire time?"

"Have you been watching Alex the entire time?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Do you want it to be a rhetorical question?"

You pause, having no other question to come up with. Instead though, Hope bursts into laughter and you can't hold it back any longer either.

"I didn't know you knew that game!" she breathes out, grinning up at you.

"I didn't know you knew it either." you reply.

Hope continues to smile up at you and then looks down briefly before pushing you towards the dance floor, Alex still meandering through the crowds. "Go on Mikey, ask her for a dance. She won't say no."

"How do you know?" you ask, stopping Hope from pushing you.

"Don't question me! Just go for it!" Hope gives you another push and, surprisingly, you lurch forward and almost crash into another couple dancing. You turn and glare at Hope and she smiles innocently and waves.

Sighing, you turn back around to face the dance floor and immediately spot Alex making her way to you, a smile on her face. Letting out a deep breath, you move forward, taking your hands out of your pant's pockets.

"Hey." Alex says, smiling up at you. Her face is a bit pink from dancing and a few rebellious curls have fallen out from her stately up-do, but that makes her look all the more angelic.

"Heyyouwannnadance?" you ask a little too quickly.

Alex smiles up at you quizzically. "What?"

_Take it easy Mikey._ You tell yourself, restraining yourself from wiping your sweaty palms on your pants. "You wanna dance?"

To your utmost relief, Alex says, "I'd love to."

Gently, you take Alex's left forearm and, moving quickly, you both find a clear space on the dance floor and turn to face each other, not moving at first. And then, adventuresomely, you step forward and wrap both lean arms around Alex's waist, and instantly she falls into you by putting her hands on your shoulders, stepping closer to you with a shy smile.

"Are you having a good time?" Alex asks softly.

_Now I am._ "Fabulous."

You hear Alex chuckle lightly and then, suddenly, she shifts and fragilely puts her head on your chest, and you immediately tense. _I knew I should've brought my inhaler._

Her grip on your shoulders tightens and you feel her small but lithe form press up against your's and that's when your heart decides that now's the time it should start to speed up. You can feel your arms wanting to shake but you dare not let them. Instead, you close your eyes and take in a deep breath, relishing the fact that you're holding Alex in your arms at this very moment.

You'd give anything to make this moment last forever.

"Mikey?"

"Yeah?"

Alex wavers just a bit and your heart jumps. "I'm glad you came."

You smile, looking down at Alex lovingly before closing your eyes again and placing your cheek on top of her head. "Me too."

The song doesn't seem to end, and for that you are grateful. Everything about this moment, this time, seems so perfect. Just being here with Alex, the girl you care about more than anything, is enough for you.

And suddenly, you have the startling urge to tell her how you feel.

Everything.

Every single feeling you have, just wants to come spilling out.

Tonight just seems so _right_. The mood is perfect, nothing or no one will interrupt, and maybe if you're lucky, you can hold Alex like this once again.

_I've got nothing to lose._ You think, a new surge of confidence washing through you. _And besides, I know I'll always care for Alex no matter what._

So, taking a deep breath, you lift your head from Alex's, causing her to bring up her own from your chest and look up at you wonderingly.

"I have to tell you something." you start.

Alex's eyes light up, you swear it.

"Mikey what did I tell you about Alex being _my_ date?"

Gone.

Ruined.

Crushed.

Destroyed.

Both you and Alex look to the right and see Gerard standing there, his hands on his hips and a playful smirk on his face. But you don't find this funny, or playful, or joking, or anything like that.

You break away from Alex roughly and, feeling stupid and all your assurance gone, turn your back to Gerard and make to stalk away, when you suddenly feel a light hand on your arm, and everything inside of you ceases to move.

"Mikey." Alex calls softly and without knowing what you're doing, you turn to face her. She's completely ignoring Gerard, who is now fronting a look of confusion. "What did you have to tell me?"

It's as if everything -the dance, everyone around you, the world, time- stops and disappears. It's just you and Alex. Looking at each other. One waiting, one hesitating.

And then you do something you regret the moment you start to move. You turn your back to Alex and walk away from her, pushing past people, leaving the one you care about more than anything in the world, behind.

If you would've looked back, your heart would've snapped in two more than it already had. Alex is looking after you, crestfallen, tears brimming her gorgeous green eyes that you could stare into forever.

But you don't look back. You spare yourself the pain of looking back and hurting yourself.

Walking through the front doors of the school though, out into the cold air of November as you light up a cigarette, you know you just ruined what you've wanted since you first saw Alex. There's no chance of being with her now.


	11. Chapter 11

"Ray!"

You nearly fall off your stool behind the counter at _Wally's_ when Gerard bursts in, shouting Ray's name at the top of his lungs. You do drop your magazine though as Gerard spots you, a white piece of paper clutched in his hand.

"Alex! Look!" Gerard nearly dives over the counter, thrusting the white paper into your face as Mikey, Frank, and Bob all bound into the shop, looking happier then ever.

Of course everyone is a little happier than usual, for it's Christmas break. It's Thursday and your last day working at _Wally's_ until you return to school, which isn't until January third, thank God. You aren't really looking forward to spending all your free time at home, and even though you know you'll be with the guys almost every day, it unnerves you to know that you'll have to be around your parents more than normal.

Things haven't really changed much over the last few weeks. After the strange yet unsettling incident at the dance with Mikey, no one said anything. Not Gerard, not Mikey, and certainly not you. It still bothers you do to this day though, but you dare not bring up the subject. Though, on the way home from the dance in the car, Gerard apologized to you, but you ignored him and pretended like nothing happened. In some ways, you wish nothing did.

It is true that your feelings for Mikey grow with each day, but also a part of your own being dies, knowing that Mikey is keeping something from you, and you can't have him. It hurts so much to want someone you can't have. But still, you don't want to push what you know Mikey won't willingly speak about, so you leave everything alone, too afraid to test the limits yourself.

So things remain how they were before. You and Gerard are as close as ever, Ray and you fight like brother and sister, but can't help but act like best friends, Frank and you playfully flirt from time to time, but slowly it's becoming less and less and this relieves you a bit, you and Bob are getting along great, and you and Mikey are sadly no closer than before. Though the strong feeling is still there, that's all that persists, every waking moment of each day you live.

"What is it?" you ask Gerard, taking the paper from his waving hand as Ray comes running out of the backroom, a hopeful look to his eyes.

"What?"

"We got it!" screams Gerard.

"Shut the fuck up!" Ray says, stopping dead in his tracks at the end of the register. When Gerard shakes his head, Ray yells with a broad smile, "No fucking way!"

Before you even have time to read what is on the paper Gerard handed you, it is ripped from you and thrown to Ray, and he eagerly snatches the paper from the air, skimming the small, black printed writing. You watch Ray curiously, glancing at Gerard to find him literally bouncing up and down, and then raise a finely arched eyebrow as you look to the other three. Mikey is wearing the largest grin you have ever seen on anybody, Frank is bouncing just like Gerard, and Bob is doing a mix between the two.

"Yeah!"

"You're not kidding?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding?"

Not being able to take being in the dark anymore, you ask loudly:  
What?  
Kidding about what?  
What's going on?  
What are you guys talking about?  
Everyone looks to you and of course Gerard is the first to speak. "We gotta gig!"

Instantly, your face lights up with a brilliant smile. "You did? Ohmigod that's great guys!"

The guys have only just started looking for work with their band, which is now quite successful with the whole ten songs they know by heart from the weeks and weeks of long practices, and you're surprised they found a piece of work so quickly. They preform for anyone who will listen, including their parents, Gerard and Mikey's grandmother, Ray's older brother, and Bob's younger sister; some like the hardcore lyrics, others don't. Nevertheless, you are ecstatic and proud, feeling that this is probably the best Christmas gift they could receive, even if it is a bit early.

"That's great! Where?" you ask, placing your palms on the counter and leaning against it, still smiling.

"Some underground place called Faking Innocence, tonight at, like, eleven." answers Bob, the giddiness in his voice apparent.

"You're gonna come, right?" Mikey asks wishfully, his brown eyes shining in the dim light of _Wally's._ It's another cold day, dark, ominous clouds lurking in the distance, signaling a change in the weather very soon. It's windy and very cold, so after school today you went right home and changed into a black turtleneck sweater and a pair of black jeans to keep yourself warm in _Wally's._

"What time?"

"Uh, iuno, eleven?" says Frank sarcastically, exaggerating his voice.

You glare at Frank, your upper lip curling, and then turn back to Mikey and answer, "I'll be there, but I need a ride. My car is on the fritz and I don't want it to break down or anything." Ray brought you to work today, something you'll never do again because his 1992 GMC Sierra doesn't have heating, on account it's broken at the moment, and you nearly froze to death, and that combined with the fact that your ears are _still_ ringing with the sounds of The Cure is enough to keep you away.

"I'll take you." offers Gerard.

"No I wanna take her!" Ray says suddenly.

"I called her first!"

"Well I called her second!"

"So?"

"So?"

"I'll take you Alex." Bob says with a crooked smile as Ray and Gerard continue to argue on who's going to take you.

"Thanks Bob." you say, giving him a smile of your own.

"Hey Gerard," you say suddenly, stopping the argument. "Whatcha get me for Christmas?"

A strange shade of white falls over Gerard's facial features as he abruptly stops arguing and you catch the quick glance he sends to Ray before looking at you, chuckling innocently. "It...It's a surprise."

You raise an eyebrow and lean your elbows on the counter, placing your chin in one of your palms. "Oh really? Well I don't like surprises. Tell me now." You know for a fact that Gerard hasn't gone anywhere near the Belleville Mall in the last couple weeks, and Christmas is in two days.

"Well Alex, you see, whether you like surprises or not," Gerard also leans on the counter, his still pale face now close to your's. "You're going to have to live with the fact that your present is remaining a surprise."

You smirk. "Are you planning on getting me anything at all?"

Gerard shoots up from his position, just as the mechanical bell over the door tolls and in walks Hope, another regular occurrence. She drops by often, and you two have been hanging out a lot with the boys (who have come to accept and like Hope very much) and without, though she still makes time for her friends who you will have nothing to do with. They don't seem to like you because of the people you hang out with, so you refuse to get to know them. Still, you and Hope are as close as ever, and she makes that known when she strides right past the boys to stand behind the counter with you, throwing her purse onto the counter and immediately grabbing your fallen magazine.

"Who said I didn't already?"

"Gerard don't lie to me."

Gerard falters and says nothing, staring at you with wide eyes. A second later though, they narrow and he breathes out, "Bitch." before moving to the doorway of _Wally's_.

"Nothing too cheap!" you call after Gerard with a grin as he exits the shop, waving the one-finger salute in your direction.

"See ya Alex. Bye Ray."

"Bye Alex."

"Later sugars."

Bob, Mikey, and Frank all leave after Gerard, no doubt headed for the mall with him. You smile, knowing Gerard loves you no matter what he says, and turn to Hope and greet, "Hey."

"Hey." she says, leaning up against the counter as Ray walks back to the backroom after announcing that he is doing so.

"What're you doing here?" you ask, perching yourself back onto your stool.

"Came to visit." says Hope, turning the page of the magazine and then taking a glimpse of you quickly. "Tell me you got Gee something? If not you know he'll be pissed." she says, using the nickname out of hearing it all the time from the others.

"Spent two paychecks on getting everyone something." you say with a soft sigh, fiddling with a loose string on your sweater. And it's true. Everyone's presents are wrapped and stowed away in your closet, ready to go.

"Care to share?" shouts Ray from the backroom.

"Not really." you yell back, causing Hope to let out a snort in laughter.

A moment of silence passes and you lazily swings your legs back and forth, staring across the store at the wall opposite you hosting a poster of Bob Marley.

"So what did you get me for Christmas?" asks Hope suddenly, casting the magazine to the counter behind her, before crossing her arms over her white-hoodie covered chest.

"I'm not telling you!" you exclaim, looking up at Hope with a bewildered expression. "What did you get me?"

"I'm not telling you!" Hope mocks, overdoing her facial expressions.

Glaring at the girl, you hiss:  
Whore.  
Bitch.  
Skank.  
Slut.  
Hope leaves when you and Ray do a little after nine, with plans to meet her at _Faking Innocence_ tonight; she wants to see the guys play too. So Ray takes you home that night, all the way expressing to you how excited he is that the band got a gig so early.

"I told you, you guys were good." you say as Ray turns down your street, the engine of his car roaring.

"I know, but this just proves it!" Ray says with a grin, stopping outside your house. "Am I picking you up or is someone else?"

"Bob is." you answer, opening the passenger's side door and jumping to the ground, your purse on your shoulder.

"All right, see you there then!" Ray says as you shut the door and give him one last wave before running around the front of his truck and up to your front door, the chill of winter in the air.

Ray honks his horn before you reach your door and you turn to wave to him one last time as he pulls away from the curb, screeching tires on the way. Wearing a smile, you open your unlocked, front door and walk inside your house, happy that it is warm.

As soon as you shut the front door, you hear arguing from the kitchen, signifying your mother is still home and Steven is with her. Sighing, you make to quietly creep to your room unseen and stay there until Bob comes to pick you up a little before eleven, but you aren't so lucky.

"What the hell was that shit out there?" yells Steven as you pass the kitchen doorway from the hallway.

"What?" you ask, stopping and looking at Steven before doing the same with your mother; she looks ready for work, and angrier then ever.

"That fucking loud ass truck! Who the hell was it?"

"My car isn't working right so I had Ray take me to work and bring me home." you say, already knowing he'd want an explanation.

The kitchen falls silent and you wait a second more for someone to say something but no one does, so you head off to your room again. You almost make it out of sight but suddenly, an icy voice cuts through the air like a razor.

"Alex come here."

You stop and walk back a few steps so you are facing Karen and Steven once more, trying to act innocent, which you are. "Yes?"

"What did I tell you about those boys?"

"I don't know mom, what did you tell me?" Of course you know. She called them freaks. She said she didn't like you hanging out with them.

"I told you I didn't like you hanging out with them..."

"Because of how they look." you cut your mother off shortly, your anger already starting to build.

"Yes, and because of the way I know they are. You know they do drugs, Alex, and they drink alcohol. I don't want you surrounded by that." your mother says.

WHAT?

You're momentarily rendered speechless.

What...the hell...is this woman...thinking?

Before you know it, all your anger over the situation with Mikey, all your anger with your parent's habits, everything that you kept bottled inside for so long, erupts out of you.

"You don't want me surrounded by that? Then why do you do it? You're fuckin' sittin' at home popping pills all the time, you go to work high, Steven gets drunk off his ass every fucking night, and you want me not to be surrounded by drugs and alcohol?" you scream, feeling tears stinging your eyes. You don't know why, but you have the sudden urge to cry. "Yeah Gerard and them drink but I don't know if they do drugs, and you have no right to accuse them of doing so!" A tear cascades down your cheek and you quickly wipe it away, glaring at your mother and Steven who are staring at you, dumbfounded. "I don't appreciate you calling my friends freaks or judging them to be something they aren't, and I really don't like that you tell me I can't hang out with them, and I'm tired of it!"

Your hair flying wildly, you spin and run to the front door, ripping it open as you hear Steven thunder out of the kitchen after you.

"Alex! Alex get your fuckin' ass back here!"

You run out the front door and to your car, tears staining your cheeks. You completely forget about your car being on the fritz as you rip open the driver's side door and Steven appears at the front door, your mother behind him.

"Alex! Stop!"

You ignore all shouts and start your car anyway, lurching away from the curb, not bothering to wipe the tears blurring your vision.

Twenty minutes later you are frantically knocking on Hope's front door, thankful in the back of your mind that your car made it to her house. You are still crying, all your problems racing through your mind like wildfire, and you can feel yourself shaking as you bring a hand to obliterate your tears. You are a very emotional person and if you keep your sentiments to yourself for too long, you find yourself drastic things; like running away for example.

Hope's front door opens and there stands Gavin dressed in a light blue, long sleeved shirt, white pants, and fuzzy pink slippers. He smiles brightly at you and then notices your tears, his face instantly dropping. He rips open the other door and immediately drags you inside, asking, "What's wrong doll face?"

You shake your head, sniffling loudly as Gavin steers you inside, his hands on your shoulders. "I...I..."

"Who is it Ga-" Hope appears at the top of the stairs, her hands poised at her ear ready to put an earring in. When she sees your red and wet face though, her hand immediately falls and she rushes downstairs, a look of concern on her face. "Ohmigod Alex what's wrong!"

How do you try to reply?  
Ihaemahmom!  
Inerewanagaba!  
Mahmomisafuinghor!  
Ihaemylie!  
Gavin and Hope look at each other, and then slowly take you upstairs as you start to cry harder, blubbering all the way.

"Alex, sh, it's okay. Tell me what's wrong." Hope coos, reaching the top of the stairs and directing your trembling figure to her room.

"IdonthinIcandothianmore." you mumble through tears as Hope guides you to her bedroom, Gavin following, looking sympathetic. You sit down on Hope's bed with her as Gavin shuts the door and the moves to sit next to you too, on your other side.

"What?" asks Hope desperately, her arms around you for comfort.

"I don't want to do this anymore!" you sob, hiding your face with your hands.

Again Hope and Gavin exchange looks, and Gavin places a hand on your shoulder. "Do what sweetie?" he asks softly.

"This! All of this! I'm tired of it!" you cry, shaking your head and leaning into Hope. She tightens her arm around your shoulders and focuses solely on you.

"Tell me everything."

And that's what you do. You don't care that Gavin is there. You spill everything to Hope. Your dreams of Mikey and what you could have, what happened at the dance, what your mother said, your worries, how your parents really are, everything. Hope and Gavin listen without interrupting, for which you are thankful, because that's what you need right now. Someone to listen to you. To listen to what you really feel.

Hope leans her head on top of your's when you finish speaking and you close your eyes, feeling exhausted. Gavin is rubbing your back slowly and Hope still has an arm around your shoulders. God what you'd do to have friends like this last year, or better yet, since the day you were born.

Silence ensues and you feel your body becoming weak with enervation and the stressful weight tonight has had on you. With the soothing of Hope and Gavin, you feel completely inclined to fall asleep right where you are. It's been nearly an hour since you've arrived at Hope's, but you don't care. As long as your parents don't know where you are, you don't care.

"Alex, I know you don't want to hear how sorry I am because this is all happening to you, so I'm not going to tell you that I'm sorry. I wish I knew what you were going through, but I don't so I won't pretend I don't either. Not many kids go through with what you have to deal with, and I'm sorry for that." Hope gives your shoulders an extra squeeze and more tears start to fall at her kind words. "But you're _strong_. You can get through this. With awesome friends like me, and Gerard, and all the others, you will get through this, and we'll always be here for you if you need someone to talk to. Don't ever feel that you can't talk to me Alex. I know we haven't known each other as long as I'd like, but I know I can trust you, and you should know you can trust me. You're one of the best friends I have Alex, don't you ever forget that."

Your tears are falling so freely now. No one has ever talked to you this way. Not your parents, not Shannon, not anyone.

"Yeah, and you have me too! Your own personal fashion consultant and makeup stylist!"

You have to laugh at Gavin's comment; he does know how to make you smile, even though you do argue a lot about certain hairstyles and what clothes look right together.

"Th...Thanks guys. This means a lot to me. More th...than you c...could ever know." you say, rubbing away the tears that caress your gentle cheeks.

"And as for that Mikey fellow, I say go for it. You have nothing to lose." says Gavin, giving you a grin. "He was a cutie!"

Hope gives your body a small shake and Gavin drops his hand, standing. "Well ladies," he says, giving his arms a good stretch. "We've talked well past my needed beauty sleep, so I'm going to bed. Good night you two, don't stay up too late!" Gavin leans in and gives you a tight hug before ruffling his sister's perfect, blond hair and then heading out the door, sending you a wink over his shoulder.

You yawn as Gavin leaves, and Hope smiles warmly at you and then asks, "Tired?"

You nod and Hope stands, taking you with her. "You can spend the night here, my parents won't mind. I'll give you some clothes to change into and then we can go to bed. 'Kay?"

You nod again and then, surprisingly, lean in and give Hope a warm hug, one that she readily returns.

"Thank you Hope. Thank you so much."

The next morning you wake to someone ripping the sheets off of you and then profusely doing something that sounds like apologizing.

"I thought you were Hope!"

Opening your eyes against your will, your crust-lined eyes land on Gavin, holding Hope's comforter in his hands. You groan and bury your head into the pillow, Hope leaning up on one elbow to scold her brother; she's laying next to you in her queen-sized bed.

"I didn't mean to!" Gavin cries, gently placing the blanket back on you. "It's okay, go back to sleep."

"No, no, I'm up now." you say, pushing the blanket off your legs and sitting up, scratching your head. "What time is it?"

"Like eleven." says Gavin as Hope moans and flops back onto her bed. "I only came up here to tell you that you both have company."

You look lazily down at Hope and she at you, and then you look back to Gavin. "Company?" you ask, letting out a ferocious yawn.

"Yes dear, Frank and Bob are waiting downstairs for you."

At the mention of the two names, your body goes rigid and your eyes broaden. Frank and Bob! Gerard! Mikey! Ray! My Chemical Romance! The gig last night!

You totally forgot!

Jumping out of bed, Hope doing the same with a similar notion in her head, you tear past Gavin and down the stairs, barely aware that you are dressed in red, plaid pajama pants and a white t-shirt belonging to Hope's father.

Frank and Bob are sitting in the living room being served a cup of coffee by Mrs. Carpenter. She, unlike your mother and stepfather, is very open and accepted all the guys when introduced to them through Hope.

"What are you guys doing here?" you ask finally, a little out of breath, stopping in the doorway to the living room.

Frank and Bob look up after taking their coffees as Mrs. Carpenter leaves and Hope arrives behind you, still not fully awake like you so quickly became.

"We came over to your house this morning and found out you weren't there from Steven so we came here. And when I went to go pick you up last night you weren't there either." Bob takes a sip of the delicious smelling coffee that's taunting you; fortunately, the guys still don't know Steven and Karen's real habits, though they have seen them and heard you talk about them from time to time casually. "Where were you last night?"

You glance at Hope and then down at your feet briefly, not sure if you should tell the guys what happened at home. You rapidly decide against it. "I...I had some personal problems."

Frank snorts into his cup and asks, "What? Break a nail?"

Hope glares at Frank from your side. "Shut up Frank." An inside joke between you all. Hope had been playing tackle football with you all in the park in early December and completely flipped out when one of her acrylic nails broke off. She almost cried.

"What happened?" asks Bob, looking at you with questioning eyes.

You falter once more, not daring to glance at Hope as your cheeks burn with red. "Well, really..."

"Well whatever it was," Frank says, standing and setting his cup of coffee on the coffee table. "You missed a fuckin' screwed performance."

Your eyes widen. _They didn't do good!_

"Don't say that asshole, we got another gig didn't we?" asks Bob, standing too.

Frank shrugs and looks to the ground as you beam, too tired to jump up and down for joy just yet. "That's great! I'm sorry I couldn't be there, I promise I will for the next one! The others aren't mad that I didn't show up are they?"

Bob shakes his head. "No. Gerard and Ray are sick with a hangovers and Mikey is still asleep."

"And that's part of the reason we're here."

"Yeah. Donna always throws a small Christmas Eve party and you're invited. She woke us up and told us to come get you."

A bit shocked, you respond:  
Really?  
That's nice of her.  
A small one? Okay, sounds fun.  
I got nothing better to do so why not.  
"Hope can come too." Frank adds quickly.

You look to Hope, but are saddened to find she's shaking her head. "I can't. I have a party to go to with my parents, or I would come with you guys. Tell the others I'm sorry I wasn't there either last night, but I'll definitely see them soon."

Frank and Bob both nod and then Bob asks, "Want us to wait while you go get dressed?"

"Can we stop at my house? I have to do a few things."

Bob glances at Frank and, yet again, they both shrug. "I guess."

"All right then, wait here."

You and Hope immediately turn and run back up to her room, all the problems of last night pushed far back into your mind.

It only takes five minutes for you to get dressed, express your gratitude to Hope and Gavin, say your goodbyes, and then leave with Frank and Bob. It is very cold on this morning, the wind blowing and numbing your face immediately, even though it's a short walk to the car.

"God it's cold!" you complain, hurrying to open your car door and scoot into the driver's seat; you're wearing your clothes from yesterday which include a thin, black turtleneck shirt and black jeans, which do little to block out the bitter, New Jersey, winter cold.

"Thank you Captain Obvious." Bob teases, already halfway into his own driver's seat.

You playfully stick your tongue out at Bob and then sit down in your car seat, slamming the door. Once you are in, you immediately shove the key into the ignition and crank up the heat, wishing for the relief of warm air.

"Okay you guys can wait in the kitchen. I'm going to get a shower, get ready, and then we can leave." you announce once you, Bob, and Frank are in your house, the door shut tightly behind you.

"How long are you gonna be?" asks Frank, immediately wandering into the kitchen.

"Half an hour. Tops." you say, running down the hallway and into your room. You can already hear the loud snores coming from your parent's bedroom, confirming that your mother is sound asleep. Steven is at work so you will simply leave a note stating where you are going and when you'll be back. Not that they'll care.

Half an hour later, you burst from the bathroom dressed in a wide-necked, red sweater with sleeves that go a bit past your wrists, white pants, and your red Chucks. Your hair is sitting beautifully half up, half down atop your head, and your makeup is just right, sadly not as perfect as Gavin can do it, but wonderful enough.

You rush into the kitchen to find Bob standing in front of an open fridge drinking straight from the milk carton. You freeze, making a disgusted face, and say, "Bob! Stop that!"

Slowly he does, and wipes his mouth on his sleeve, turning to give you a lazy smile. "What?" he asks stupidly.

"You're gross." you say, moving to the kitchen table to fetch a post-it pad and a pen that's always there in case of emergencies. Before you start writing your note though, you ask, "Where's Frank?"

"Talking to Mikey in the living room." answers Bob, putting the milk away.

Sure enough, if you strain to listen over the sound of MTV coming from your TV, you can here Frank talking on the phone.

Turning your attention back to the post-it pad, you hastily pop the cap off the pen and write:

Mom, Steven-

Went to a Christmas Eve party at Gerard's. Be back around 1 AM.

-Alex

You leave the pen and notepad on the table, turning to Bob with your purse on your shoulder, car keys in hand. "Ready?"

Just as you say that, Frank walks into the kitchen after shutting off the TV, a grumpy look on his face. "Donna wants us to go to the grocery store to get a few things before we head back to Gerard's. We have to go pick up some money and the list first though."

If there's anything you love doing, it's grocery shopping. You don't know why, you just do. "Well let's go then!" you say excitedly, a smile on your face as you pull on your black blazer which was resting on the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

You are the first out of your front door, Bob, and then Frank following. It is now around twelve thirty in the afternoon, but the weather hasn't changed much, except now dark clouds loom in the distance for as far as the eye can see.

_Maybe it'll be a white Christmas._ You think thoughtfully, getting into your own car while Bob and Frank get into Bob's.

The minute you arrive at the Way's, Donna rushes out to you and you roll down your window, turning down the volume of the radio. You are parked alongside the curb whereas Bob has parked in the driveway of the Way's house and is now running to your car with Frank in tow.

"Hello Alex." greets Donna, dressed in light blue jeans and a Christmas sweater, fuzzy slippers on her feet. "You don't mind going out, do you?"

"Of course not." you say as Frank and Bob get into the backseat. "I'd be happy to."

"You're such a sweetheart." She smiles at you and hands you a list and some money through your open window. Really, you don't mind doing this for Donna. She's been so kind to you over the past few weeks and opened up her home countless times to you; sometimes it's like you live there. You spend more time at the Way's then you do your own home. "Okay here's the list; you'll probably have to make a few stops but there's plenty of money there to get what you need. I would send the others with you but Ray and Gerard aren't feeling too good," She rolls her eyes, "And Mikey is in the shower."

You smile. "That's fine Donna. We'll be quick, promise."

Donna flashes you another smile and then turns her hazel eyes to the boys shivering in the backseat. "Be good." She narrows her eyes and Bob and Frank both nod obediently.

"All right then! Be careful, the roads are slick!" Donna steps back from your car and you roll up your window before zooming off down the road, the heater blasting warm air throughout your tiny Camry.

Turns out you had to go to at least three stores before everything on Donna's list was in your possession. First stop, the grocery store.

Upon arriving at _Redner's Market Warehouse_, Frank immediately jumps into an idle cart in the parking lot and Bob gets behind the wheel, running and pushing the cart with Frank screaming, into _Redner's_. Embarrassed beyond belief, you walk slowly with mind to lose the two boys, and grab a small arm basket when you enter the store. To add to your embarrassment, you can still hear Frank screaming at the top of his lungs out of sight so you walk the opposite way from the outcrying, your legs moving quickly, the list clutched in your hand.

You're looking at pie fillings for Donna, the sound of screaming so suddenly stopped a few moments ago.

That is, until you hear someone screech your name.

You look up and to the left just in time to see Frank in a cart heading your way dangerously fast, Bob collapsed on the floor near the end of the isle. You flatten yourself against the shelf as Frank goes whizzing past, screaming still, not being able to do anything about the wild cart that is heading straight for a small, cardboard display of paper plates.

Other shoppers in the aisle watch as the rambunctious teen known as Frank Iero goes crashing into the cardboard display, sending packs of paper plates flying, and the cart to smash into a shelf of aluminum pie plates, sending some of those to the floor as well. Frank is laughing hysterically inside the cart and, when you look back, Bob is still laying on the floor, red in the face from laughing so hard. Your face burns crimson as you randomly grab a can of pie filling and quickly leave the aisle so the boys don't embarrass you further.

What are you thinking as you finish up in the grocery store, Bob and Frank still in the frozen food aisle pretending to hack away at each other using frozen lamb legs as swords?  
Note to self: Never agree to go grocery shopping with Frank and Bob **ever** again.  
This is probably in the top five of the most embarrassing moments of my life.  
Can't they act their ages for once?  
I'm definitely never volunteering for this again.  
**Mikey's Point of View**

You grimace as Gerard slams the bathroom door and immediately starts retching into the toilet. He had been up all last night drinking with Ray, celebrating on getting another gig after your _okay_ performance last night. Of course you drank too, along with Bob and Frank, but no one drank more than Gerard. No one ever drinks more than Gerard.

You just got out of the shower and are currently wearing nothing more than a towel around your slim waist as you walk into the bedroom you share with your brother, your glasses on your face. You can hear the TV on from downstairs as you shut your bedroom door behind you, signaling Ray must be down there as your mother nurses his hangover; his are never as bad as Gerard's.

_I don't know why he drinks._ You think, resisting the urge to shake your head in disappointment. _Sure, Barbra broke it off on short notice and Gerard loved her more than anything, but that was a few years ago... He hasn't stopped drinking since._ You think, walking to your dresser and opening the bottom drawer to reveal your stash of boxers. _He gets sick off his ass every morning after he drinks himself dry, but he still does it._

You drop your towel and pull out a pair of plain, navy boxers, quickly drawing them up your cold legs. It's around two in the afternoon and your mother is currently scurrying around the house, trying to get everything ready for her party tonight. You have no idea where Frank and Bob are, you haven't seen them since last night, but you really don't care.

_Alex has tried so many times to get Gerard and Ray to stop drinking but they never listen. I feel bad for her, it must kill her more than anyone to see Gerard do that to himself._ You think sadly, remembering what Alex told you about her sister Shannon. Last night, every time you even so much as looked at a can of beer or took a sip from one of the many bottles of alcohol now piled in your recycle bin in the garage, you thought of Alex. How you made that promise to her. How you wouldn't become a Shannon. And that's why you had no more than one drink last night. You stopped after not even finishing your first.

You've also curbed your other habit. Though it makes you sick as hell, you have given up smoking for quite some time (though that has taken a toll violently on your asthma). Your asthma attacks have gotten worse and more frequent, but that's only because not smoking makes you anxious. I mean, you've been doing it since you were fifteen, and have at least half a pack a day.

You know it'll pay off though. When you think about it, you really don't know why you started in the first place. It's pointless, really. Just an earlier way to die. Who wants to die earlier than they should? And besides, Alex doesn't like smokers, or drinkers, and you don't want to look bad in her eyes.

You lazily shut the bottom drawer of your dresser with your foot and then open the top one, looking for a t-shirt, or something like that, to wear. Your house is pretty warm thanks to your dad who insists on keeping the heat on full blast, for which you are grateful. _I wonder what Alex is doing now?_ You think absentmindedly.

As you pull a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt over your head, your mind lingers on Alex for a bit more. _She wasn't at the gig last night..._ That really hurt. You looked for her before, during, and after the show, but she never came. And neither did Hope for that matter. And it really made you depressed to see that she forgot.

_I wonder if mom invited her to the party? I'll go ask._ You think, leaving your bedroom as you hear Gerard start another round of spewing from the bathroom. You sigh as you move down the five steps to the bottom level of your house and move straight to the kitchen after peeking into the living room to indeed see Ray slumped onto the couch, watching MTV.

"Hey mom." you say, walking to the fridge to get a soda.

Your mother looks up from the cutting board she is using to chop come carrots and sends you a hurried smile. "Sleep okay?"

"I guess." you reply, pulling out a Pepsi and popping it open, taking a swig. "Where's Frank and Bob?" You take another sip.

"I sent them off to the store with Alex to get a few extra things that your father forgot." your mother says, turning back to her task.

You nearly spit out your drink. "Alex was here?"

Your mother stops what she's doing and looks over her shoulder at you, raising an eyebrow at the soda dribbling down your chin. "A few hours ago, why?"

"Why'd you send her **grocery shopping**?" you exclaim.

"She didn't mind going! It's not like a forced her!" your mother retorts, sending you a glare.

"Mom! You don't send guests **grocery shopping**!"

"Michael she didn't mind going shopping! I would've gone myself but I'm too busy here! Besides, she's with Frank and Bob."

_Like they help._ You think in agitation. Gaining control of yourself, you wipe the soda from your chin and look away as you ask, "Is she coming to the party?"

"Of course! I wouldn't ask her to go get things for it if she wasn't invited!" your mother says, smirking with an eyebrow still raised. "Where's Gerard?"

"Upstairs in the bathroom." you say, taking another drink of your soda. "Sick as hell."

Donna sighs and turns back to her task, appearing letdown. "I told him to go easy on the drinking, but he won't listen to me. Have you tried to talk to him? Maybe he'll listen to you."

Instantly you feel guilty. No, you really haven't, but you don't want to tell your mom that. "Alex has, but he won't hear her out; he won't hear anyone out. You know how he is mom."

"I know Mikey, but that's not the point. I don't want Gerard to hurt himself, or do something to hurt the people he cares about."

You fall silent, having the same feeling as your mother. Finally, you decide to respond with:  
I know mom.  
Gerard's a big boy mom, he can handle himself.  
I feel exactly the same way.  
Gerard's responsible, you don't have to worry about him mom.  
**Your Point of View**

After stopping at _Party Favors, Buchanan's Buds and Blossoms,_ and finally _Happy Harry's_, you, Frank, and Bob make your way back to the Way's around four thirty, bags and flowers piled in the backseat.

"Why the hell did she order flowers?" Frank asks, smelling one of the red carnations in the bouquet he is holding.

"To make everything look nice." you say, pulling up in front of the Way's house and shutting off the engine to your Camry. "All right let's get everything inside."

Bob and Frank moan and you smile, getting out of the driver's seat and then shutting the door behind you. You wait for Bob to move out of the way so you can get some of the bags from the backseat, Frank already halfway up to the house. Soon enough, with his arms full, Bob trails up to the house after Frank as you bend into the backseat, reaching for what bags you can carry.

You sigh as you stand straight, two bags in each hand, and turn around only to run into something soft and firm, sending you stumbling back. Before you can fall into the backseat though, something snakes around your waist and rights you, and that's when you look up into Mikey's smiling face.

"Need some help?" he asks, removing his arm from your waist as you steady yourself.

Aware that you're blushing profusely, you nod and move out of the way for Mikey to retrieve the bags remaining the backseat. You notice he's only wearing a t-shirt and boxers, not even socks, and you wait impatiently on the sidewalk for him, scolding him as he comes jogging up to you, his hands loaded with bags.

"Mikey! You're not wearing any socks!" you say, letting him go first up the walkway and into the house.

"Well you needed help!" Mikey says, opening the door to his house. "I wasn't gonna let you carry in everything alone!"

"I could've made two trips!" you proclaim, walking into the kitchen after him. "God now you're going to catch like pneumonia or something and it'll be all my fault!"

Mikey laughs as he sets his bags on the table and then takes your's. "I will not."

You send Mikey a glare as Donna comes over and peers into all the bags briefly before looking up at you with a wide smile. "You're an angel! Thank you so much Alex!"

"Oh you're welcome Donna, it was no trouble." Mikey lingers in the kitchen, watching you talk with his mother. "Now what can I do to help?"

Donna falls mute for a moment, looking at you with wide eyes, and then finally saying, "Oh you don't have to help me! I'm fine in here, you go and hang out with the boys."

You make a disgusted face. "I'd rather not." Mikey shoves you a bit and you send him a playful smirk over your shoulder. "From what I hear Ray and Gerard are sick and I've already had enough of Frank and Bob and plus, it's probably a lot of work getting a Christmas Eve dinner ready, and I'd be glad to help."

"What about me?" Mikey asks.

You barely glance over your shoulder. "I don't hang out with losers."

Donna laughs and Mikey pushes you again, inducing you to turn and do the same, making him laugh at how weak your shove was. "All right, you can help me in here. I'd actually love the help."

Around six o'clock that night, you hear Donald, Donna's husband and Mikey and Gerard's dad, answer the front door after the doorbell rang for the fourth time tonight. Already about eight people are crowded into the Way's living room, talking with Gerard (who is now feeling much better) and/or Mikey, as you and Mrs. Way and a few of the other women put the final touches on dinner, that should start in a few moments.

"Is the gravy over there Alex?" Donna calls from the opposite side of the kitchen from where you are standing near the entranceway into the hallway, a stack of plates in your arms.

"I put it on the table already!" you call back.

"Okay perfect!"

"Do you want me to take the plates out?"

"That would be great!"

Careful not to let your hands slip, you resume carrying the plates across the hallway and into the dining room that has a few people dallying in it. Cautiously you set down the plates and begin to place them around the extended dining room table; still there won't be enough seats, so you and the guys are eating in the living room on TV dinner trays.

Once all the plates are on the table, you make to go back into the kitchen but find yourself stopped by Mrs. Iero carrying a platter of potatoes between her oven-mit-covered hands. "Donna said you can sit down, everyone else should be coming in soon."

You nod and smile at Mrs. Iero before moving out of her way and turning back to the table, just as the grown-ups start to move into the dining room.

Suddenly, Gerard comes bounding into the dining room wildly, dragging an older looking woman behind him, a grin on his face.

"Alex!" He stops in front of you, still holding the old woman by the elbow, pushing his hair out of his face with his other hand. "I want you to meet my Grandma!"

The elderly woman smiles at you, and you do so back, saying, "Hi, I'm Alex."

"Elena." she says raspily; you immediately know she's a smoker. She extends her hand and you take it in your grasp, still smiling.

Elena doesn't look to be as old as you would think a grandmother would. She has dark grey hair, brown eyes, and dark skin. She has Gerard's nose, and she's about as tall as him, and a little bit thicker. She looks a lot like Donna, and you guess Elena is her mother.

"This woman right here," Gerard puts an arm around his grandma's shoulders, smiling down at her and she up at him. "Taught me everything. How to draw, sing, dance... She's the greatest."

You smile at Elena as she slaps her grandson on the arm playfully. "You make me sound like a saint."

Gerard laughs and kisses his grandmother quickly before saying, "You are to me."

Elena rolls her eyes at Gerard and then says to you, "He's so naive."

You laugh and then Gerard separates himself from his grandmother, saying, "Well you go have fun with all those old people you like hanging out with. Me and Alex are gonna go be cool."

"_Old_ people?" asks Donald, walking into the dining room from the hallway, raising an eyebrow at his son.

Gerard nods enthusiastically, causing you to laugh once more. He then grabs your arm and you both make your way into the living room. You smile softly when you see the tall Christmas tree resting in the corner next to the couch, presents scattered around the bottom of it. The front, bay window curtain is open to reveal a dark sky, clouds still meandering in the chilly air. Gerard lets go of your arm suddenly and runs for the last free spot on the couch, leaving you tray-less and seat-less.

_Thanks assholes._ You think, roughly pushing Ray's leg out of the way so you can sit down on the floor and lean against the leg of the couch.

Dinner sweeps by all too quickly for your liking. This is the first real Christmas Eve dinner you've ever been invited to and you want to make it last forever. Your parents never bothered to celebrate Christmas or throw parties after Shannon died. Sure, they got you a few presents, but it was never anything special. So this year, everything is new to you. You have friends, the Way's, (who you wish were your parents) a belly full of delicious ham, green beans, and potatoes smothered in gravy, and a feeling inside of you unlike any you've ever felt before.

After dinner, Donna and Elena coerce the boys to clean up and practically orders you to go and relax, but you decide to help the boys out in the kitchen instead. And you're glad you do. You've never had so much fun with a retractable sink spout, Dawn dishsoap, and dirty dishes, in your entire life.

It's around nine o'clock and you're standing at the windows in the kitchen alone, smiling gently to yourself. It's snowing. Light flakes of purity fall delicately to the ground and stick to everything they touch. The luminance of the street lamps lining the street cast orangish light onto the pavement where a thin blanket of white snow now rests, sure to get thicker as the night proceeds.

_God it's beautiful._ You think happily, your eyes flickering to different flakes as they drift slowly to the ground. You live for moments like these. Ones that leave an imprint in your mind, ones that you'll always remember. And you're happy to call this night one of them.

Currently, the other guests are all packed into the living room with the Way's playing a funny Christmas game. You excused yourself to get a drink quite some time ago, but no one noticed you were gone.

Except one person.

"Hey." Mikey greets as he enters the kitchen. He's no longer dressed in boxers and a t-shirt, but faded jeans and a black zip-up hoodie, a red shirt underneath.

You spin around halfway in surprise, your green eyes wide until you see who it is. You smile and then turn to face Mikey completely, a glass of water between your small hands. "Hey."

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Mikey asks, coming to stand by the windows next to you.

All the while he moves, your eyes never leave his body. God your feelings for Mikey are so strong and you can't help but allow your heart to swell as he stops next to you, his brown eyes narrowed as he catches sight of the snow falling through the pane of the windows before him.

"I love the snow." Mikey says, turning to look down at you standing on his right, and smiling.

You return the smile with a shy one of your own before looking out the windows once more and saying, "Me too."

A hush falls over the kitchen as you and Mikey continue to look out the windows, not daring to look at each other. A whoop is suddenly heard from the living room and you have to smile once more when you hear laughter flow from the living room.

"I heard you guys did good at the gig last night." you say, your eyes still locked on the falling snow.

"I didn't think we were that great, but the crowd seemed to love us and we got another gig there." Mikey answers, his heart starting to beat faster. _Ask her._ "Why weren't you there?"

And the guilt kicks in full force. You turn to Mikey quickly, the water in your cup sloshing dangerously from side to side, a look of apology on your face. "I'm so sorry Mikey! I wanted to be there, I really, really did but..." You trail off and look to the floor, feeling horrible. "I'm sorry, I promise I'll be at the next one."

Mikey looks down at you sadly. He knows you're hiding something. He's put the pieces together. He's never met your parents formally, he's never been inside your house, you never speak about your home life, and, come to think of it, none of the guys have had anything to do with the rest of your family.

But Mikey wonders if he should ask. If you've never talked about your family, well, barely, maybe you don't want to. But he's dying to know. Something inside of him is nagging him to find out.

"What kept you from this one?" he asks, and to make it not sound so ill-mannered, he adds while lowering his voice, "I really wanted you there to see us play. It was our first gig..."

"I know Mikey!" The most sympathetic look in your eyes, you reach out and place a hand on Mikey's left arm, and instantly something shoots through you, but you focus on him entirely. "And I really wanted to be there! I just...couldn't. It involves a really long story and I promise I'll tell you someday, but now's not the time. Just please, don't be mad at me Mikey." _I couldn't bear it._

"Alex I could never-"

"_Now_ what are you two doing?"

You and Mikey both look over but neither of you move, placing you so close to Mikey that if you wanted, you could stand on your tip-toes and kiss him, and your hand still on his arm. Gerard is smirking widely as he stands in the entranceway to the kitchen, an empty bottle of wine in each of his hands.

Recovering from the initial shock, you take a step back from Mikey and remove your hand, blushing. What do you tell Gerard?  
Nothing!  
We're just...talking.  
Uh, um, well, we're, uh...talking. Ya know. Like, talking.  
N...nothing! Just having a wonderful conversation, right Mikey?

**Mikey's Point of View**

Alex's hand leaves your arm and you feel the heat from her body depart as she takes a step back and answers Gerard. Your mind races with angry and distorted thoughts as you look down at Alex and then to your brother who is moving to the counter next to the sink, a smirk still on his face.

Only when you feel Alex's hand on your arm once more do you turn your attention back to her.

"I'm leaving."

You try not to let your jaw drop, but find it near impossible; that and your heart. "Why?"

Alex's eyes flicker to the floor before looking back up to you, but not locking like they were before. "I...I told my parents I'd be back before ten and it takes a while to get home..." _I hate lying to Mikey!_

Gerard is frozen by the counter, looking at you over Alex's shoulder. A look of confusion and question is on his face, suddenly getting the feeling that he may have interrupted something he shouldn't have. You don't dare look at him, feeling as though if you did, you might push Alex out of the way and tackle your brother to the ground and pound his face in.

"I'll walk you to the door." you say lowly, leading the way out of the kitchen with your head kept down. Alex follows you, doing the same, after uttering a small goodbye to Gerard.

_He always barges in at the wrong fuckin' time!_ You think heatedly, passing the rowdy people in the living room and finally stopping in front of your front door, shoving your hands into your pockets. Alex stops in front of you, keeping her head down. You stare down at her, wanting to reach out to her, cup her chin in your hand, and lift her face to your own...

"Well, tell your mom I said thanks for having me; I had a great time." Alex says, looking up to you. She doesn't engage her gaze with your own, but something above your head. Quickly though, she looks away and to the ground, and you swear a pink tint reigns on her cheeks. You think nothing of it though, and concentrate on pushing away the depression looming into your being.

"I will." you say, smiling just for Alex as she looks up to you, smiling herself. "Thanks for coming."

Alex beams and nods her head a bit, finally catching your brown-eyed gaze. You feel the corners of your lips itching to smile more and you allow it, shyly looking away from Alex.

"So... I guess I'll see you..."

"Tomorrow." you finish quickly. "We'll do something tomorrow."

Alex's smile seems to brighten. "Okay then, tomorrow."

Awkwardness prevails thickly as silence falls and more cheering can be heard from the living room. Alex still isn't moving, and neither are you, and you're feeling the need for your inhaler as anxiety kicks in.

And then, before you know it, Alex is stepping forward slowly and wrapping her arms around your torso, through the gaps in your bent arms. She leans into you and gives you a tight hug that you don't respond to at first, too shocked by what she is doing.

_Oh God Mikey don't just stand there!_ She thinks, closing her eyes and wishing for you to hug her back.

And you don't deny her, her wish. You take your hands from your pockets and firmly wrap your arms around Alex's shoulders, holding her body close to your's. A million volts of electricity seem to fly between the two of you and, as you close your eyes, you smile to yourself, giving Alex a small squeeze. God she smells so good, and just having her to hold in your arms feels so...

Alex pulls away slowly and gives you a hesitant smile. "Bye Mikey." she says, taking a step back as you open the front door for her, a goofy smile on your face as you push your glasses up your nose with your free hand.

"Bye."

You watch Alex walk out to her car, get into the driver's seat, and then give you one last wave before she drives away through the falling snow. And even after the red of the rear lights of her car fade into the darkness, you still watch, that smile never leaving your face.

_She hugged me..._ You think, finally stepping back and shutting the door, placing your hands in your pockets once more. _I could do that every day..._

You turn your back to the door slowly, the encounter running numerous times in your head as if on a movie reel flowing on a loop. You two talked, walked to the door, stared at each other, then hugged...

Absentmindedly remembering that for some odd reason Alex looked up and then speedily away, you look up too and immediately your happy mood is destroyed.

Of course it's _then_ you notice the mistletoe hanging above the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Steven and Karen have already left for the evening with some friends, ready to drink the night away; it's New Year's Eve. You're frantically in the bathroom trying to blow-dry your hair and style it for tonight. Ray's mom's party is in less than a half an hour and you're behind schedule, much to your displeasure.

_Well it's my own fucking fault._ You think angrily, running your fingers through your hair numerous times in a effort to make it dry quicker, along with the aide of the blow dryer. _If I hadn't gotten so caught up in that damn movie..._

Suddenly, much to your irritation, you hear the doorbell ring. Shutting off the blow-dryer you run from the bathroom, mumbling to yourself, "Who the fuck is at my front door?"

Flipping your hair over to one side, you grasp the front door handle and twist it, a look of annoyance on your face. It instantly disappears when you see Mikey standing on your front doorstep.

"Mikey!" you say with surprise, opening the other door and holding it open. "Come in!"

Mikey steps into your house and immediately takes the hood of his jacket off his head, revealing the grey beanie underneath, light brown hair peeking out randomly in some places. He wears blue-jeans and his new Anthrax t-shirt under his puffy jacket with fur-lined hood. His brown eyes are forever shielded by the glasses he wears, though you don't mind. His eyes always look beautiful to you, with or without his glasses.

"What're you doing here?" you ask with a smile, looking up at Mikey as he takes off his jacket and puts it on a nearby coatrack tucked away in the right-hand corner, next to the door.

"I came to see if you wanted a ride over to Ray's." Mikey says, turning back to you.

Your smile brightens. "That would be great! I'm still getting ready though, but you can come back and wait if you want, I won't be long."

Mikey nods and you lead the way back into your bedroom, not having a need to be ashamed of anything. You figure you can let the rest of your hair dry naturally and you're already done your makeup, so there's no need for further use of the bathroom. You walk straight to your closet to look for a pair of shoes to match your outfit; a black Misfits t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. You settle for a pair of white Reeboks and emerge from your closet holding the shoes, walking to your bed to lace them onto your feet.

"Steven and your mom already out for the night?" Mikey asks, standing in the doorway to your room.

"Yeah, they left around seven." you answer, moving to the next shoe once the first is securely in place.

Mikey nods and watches as you stand from your bed, walking to the taller dresser dwelling near the door. You pick up your gold necklace, which has become sacred to you, and latch it around your neck, looking at Mikey from the corners of your eyes as you do so.

"Are the others at the party already?"

"Yeah."

"Goddamn it I knew I was late!" you seethe, picking up your rhinestone earrings next after glancing at your digital alarm clock nervously. It reads 7:41 PM.

"You're not that late." Mikey comments as you move your hands to place the other earring in your ear. "Gerard and them left only a few minutes before I did. Everyone's going to show up at different times."

"I know but I hate being late." you say, your upper lip curling as you search for your purse and find it roosting on your bed. You grab it up and hoist it onto your shoulder, finally turning to Mikey. "Ready?"

"Don't you want your jacket?" Mikey asks. "It's cold."

"Oh!" You give Mikey a grateful smile before returning to your closest. "Thanks for reminding me!" you call out from the closest, causing Mikey to smile.

"Okay, now are you ready?" you ask, appearing from your closest, black blazer in place.

Mikey nods and leads the way from your room, hands in his pockets. He doesn't say a word, but you're content nonetheless.

_At least he thought about me._ You think pleasantly, sending Mikey a smile and uttering a thank you as he holds open the door for you to walk out first after dressing in his jacket once more, lifting the hood over his head.

The perfect gentleman, Mikey opens the passenger's side door of his red '91 Acura NSX for you and you give him yet another dazzling smile as you place yourself in the seat and he shuts the door, careful not to slam it. He jogs over to the driver's side door and opens it up, sitting carefully in the seat and then sticking the key into the ignition, starting the car.

You notice, as Mikey reverses from your driveway, that his car is unbelievably clean. Not only that, but it smells nice too, despite the fact that he, his brother, and most of his friends smoke.

"Your car is _really_ clean." you comment, glancing at Mikey with a slightly shocked expression on your face.

Mikey takes a quick glimpse at you before urging his car through the intersection. "Yeah well, I cleaned it." He blushes a bit, but you don't notice in the dim light.

You run a slender hand along the side of the door, looking around. "And it doesn't smell like smoke."

"I quit."

Floored, you snap your head to look at Mikey, a growing smile on your face. "What?"

Mikey can't stop the blush from invading his cheeks, or the tingles running down his spine, or the raging butterflies in his stomach. "Y...Yeah. A few weeks ago."

You smile brilliantly and reach out to lay a hand on Mikey's arm. "Mikey that's great!" You give his arm a small squeeze. "I'm so proud!"

Mikey tries not to jerk the wheel as his heart skips a beat and his lungs contract when you touch his arm. "Thanks." he manages to breathe out.

You continue to smile as you remove your hand from Mikey's arm, placing both in your lap and looking through the windshield, feeling happy for some reason.

Unlike when riding in Gerard's car, or Bob's, or Ray's, you don't lean forward and toy with the radio or talk constantly in Mikey's car. You sit in silence. And this starts to bother you immensely.

What are you thinking as the moments seem to drag by with the increasingly awkward silence?  
At least it's an uncomfortable silence in a nice-smelling car.  
I wish I knew how to teleport.  
Maybe I should turn on the radio...  
I would've rather liked to drive alone to have to sit through this.  
The minutes still trail along through the car ride, and you do your best to try to play it off by looking out the side window.

_Why are all my silences with Mikey awkward?_ You think rhetorically, knowing the answer.

Because you like him beyond belief, that's why.

"So Ray's mom always throws stuff like this?" you ask. _God great way to break the ice retard!_

"Yeah. She always invites everyone. Frank's mom, my parents, Bob's parents, a lot of her friends, Ray's friends..." Mikey shrugs one shoulder and you nod a bit, still feeling stupid.

"So are your mom and dad going to be there?"

"Probably. They're all good friends, ya know." Mikey answers.

You nod again, not being able to think of anything else to say. _It shouldn't be this hard to make conversation!_ You think as Mikey goes speeding through a yellow light.

"I really appreciate you coming to pick me up." you say suddenly. "You didn't have to."

Mikey flashes you a small smile. "Well I wanted to. I know how you don't like parties and walking into one alone doesn't really help."

You let out a soft laugh. "Yeah."

Once again the noise in the car dies down, but thank God Ray's block comes into view. His house isn't that far from your own, only about ten minutes, but it is a lot nicer. Not extravagant like Hope's, but his mom rakes in a hefty sum each year and makes enough to sustain decent living conditions; you don't know where Ray's father is and the guys never talk about him, so you suspect he either walked out on the family years ago, or died. You never really asked.

From what you can see, the house is already full. The street is lined with cars on either side and the house is lit up brightly, inside and out. People file into the house and you can see silhouettes moving against the windows from the inside.

_At least it's controlled._ You think as Mikey races to your side of the car after shutting off the engine, and rips open the door for you. You give him a grateful smile and then exit the car, waiting for Mikey. When he shuts the door he turns back to you while pocketing his keys and then extends his arm to you. You smile and take it, and then start the walk up to Ray's house.

"Mikey! Alex!" Ray's mother greets you as when you both arrive at her front doorstep. "Come in come in!" You've met the woman before and she's always very busy, but nice. She has the eyes and height of her son, but her hair is deep brown and her nose is a lot slimmer, along with her aging body.

You smile at Mrs. Toro and briefly look around you at all the bodies packed into the house. It makes you uneasy and you try to keep yourself from squirming as Mikey makes polite conversation with Mrs. Toro, his arm still latched with your's. A Christmas song is being blared throughout the house, though you can barely hear it over the noise of people all around you, laughing, chatting, and having a good time. Most all of them have alcohol.

"Well Ray is in the living room with some of his friends; the others should be in there too! You kids have fun!"

You smile genteelly at Mrs. Toro and then you and Mikey move down the hall to the living room at the end, your smile instantly dropping. _Another alcohol-filled evening._

"Well it's about time you two finally showed up!" Gerard yells happily when you appear in the doorway to the living room. He throws an arm around your shoulder, his other hand grasping a beer, and you can tell by the look of him he's already more than tipsy. Wearing a Santa Claus hat, the rest of his clothing black, his shoulder-length hair askew, and his face flushed, Gerard is as happy as can be.

"Sorry we're late, it was my fault." you say loudly over the music as Mikey slowly removes his arm from your's as Ray, Bob, and Frank also approach you two, ditching the other boys and girls scattered about the humid living room.

"I figured." Gerard says, rolling his eyes and earning a punch from you. He glares and opens his mouth to say something when you suddenly become aware of someone standing unnaturally close to you.

"Hey Alex." Frank says with a sly tone as you look to him, Gerard's arm still around your shoulders and Mikey now fully unattached from your form. "Look what I got."

Frank's eyes drift upwards and it's then you notice his arm is raised and above your head. Curiously, but holding an idea, you look up too and then instantly away, taking a step back from Frank.

"No way." you state, causing everyone to laugh, even Frank.

"All right, all right. Can't blame me for trying though?" You roll your eyes but smile. "All right well I'm gonna go find me a bitch for tonight. You have fun." Frank wanders off, pocketing his mistletoe to probably use again on some other helpless soul.

"Glad ya made it Alex. Hope ya have a good time." Ray calls, placing a hand on your shoulder before saying, "I'm gonna go talk to some friends, I'll be by later."

You nod as Ray disappears, Bob behind him with a small wave. You notice both have plastic, red cups in their hands, filled to the brim with beer.

"Well," Gerard says, taking his arm away from your shoulders and hitting you toughly on the back. "I'm gonna go get some more to drink. Want anything?"

Frowning, you shake your head, Mikey doing the same.

"All right. Be right back!" Gerard maneuvers his way out of the living room as you watch after him worriedly.

_I'll have to keep an eye-_

"Come on Alex, there's a seat on the couch." Mikey says suddenly, grabbing your closest elbow lightly and pulling you along to the couch directly in front of you two where a couple and a friend are just leaving.

You allow Mikey to drag you to the couch and are grateful for the comfortable warmth of the cushion as you sit down. You feel hot in your black blazer but don't want to remove it, knowing if you put it somewhere, it's likely to be stolen.

"So-"

"Mikey!"

Both you and Mikey look up, and you're a bit aggravated to see a girl and two guys standing before you, all looking a bit red in the face, and all holding plastic cups of beverage.

"How's your break comin'?" asks the guy that had spoken before. The girl is hanging off his arm but is eyeing Mikey with desire, a sinful smile on her thin lips. This causes a painful itch of jealousy to arise within you, and you immediately smother it, but still can't help to glare at the girl.

"Fine." Mikey replies. _Go away._

The guy's eyes flicker to you momentarily. "Date?"

Mikey pushes his glasses up more on his nose, daring not to look at you. "Just a friend." he says softly.

Your heart plummets to the bottom of your stomach but the guy before you grins widely. "Come with me for a second then." He grabs Mikey's free arm and before you know it, he has an arm around Mikey's shoulders, the girl on his right, the other guy next to her.

"I'll be right back!" Mikey calls over his shoulder, barely having the time to do so.

You say nothing back, fear instantly seeping into you. You don't know anyone around you. What if someone talks to you? What if they try to give you something to drink? What if-

"Hey where's Mikey?" asks Gerard, plopping down in Mikey's old seat before anyone else can.

You secretly thank God that Gerard reappeared so quickly and answer:  
He went off with some friends.  
I have no idea.  
I think he went off with a few of his friends.  
Some of his friends came and he went with them for a while.  
"Well I'll stick with ya, don't worry." says Gerard, taking a swig of his beer.

_Fabulous._ You think, faking a smile, just to make Gerard happy.

Only ten minutes later, Mikey reappears looking irritated and flushed. You let out a breath of relief and smile up at him as he stops before you and Gerard. Gerard abruptly stops talking, which he has been doing nothing but since he joined you, and looks up at his brother, his beer almost finished.

"Hey Mikey!" Gerard says with a big smile.

"Hey Gee." Mikey says, still not moving.

Gerard continues to smile up at brother, obviously not getting the hint that Mikey wants to sit down. You sniff once and then clear your throat, looking the other way in anxiousness. _Come on Gerard._

Gerard looks back to you, then up to Mikey, and then back to you, the idea finally clicking. "I'm gonna go...find Frankie." He stands after hoisting himself up with the help of your shoulder. "You two have fun! Don't do anything I wouldn't!" He gives Mikey a rough clap on the back and then is gone.

Mikey sighs and sits down next to you as you smile and prop your left elbow up on the arm of the couch, placing your head in it. "Who was that?"

Mikey looks at you questioningly before it registers in his mind. "Friends from school. They came to our first gig and I guessed they liked it. We've been talking ever since."

You nod, looking away and at the many beings piled into the room. People of all ages roam about, most all of them holding a drink and talking with another person. This isnt like Hope's wild party, mainly because there's adults here and people try to behave more around older people, but that doesn't stop anyone from drinking.

Mikey watches you as you green eyes trail from one person at the party to the next, seemingly unhappy. Though the music isn't loud and there's less people around, you still do not appear to be having a good time.

_Maybe that'll change._

Around nine o'clock you drag Mikey into the kitchen with you to see if you can find a safe beverage to drink while Frank saves your seats on the couch. You've left your blazer with Frank too; the living room became unbelievably hot.

You and Mikey hadn't moved from the couch until now, but didn't find a problem with just sitting there for an hour. You were content talking with yourselves, with an occasional disruption from Gerard or Bob. You always liked talking to Mikey, and you two had so much in common that it didn't matter what you talked about. Though the occasional uncomfortable silence wasn't wanted, another topic of conversation always presented itself soon enough.

"Don't lose me!" you call to Mikey over the loud music, looking back at him.

And then, an idea hits you. You sharply halt halfway to the kitchen and stick out your hand to Mikey, looking up at him innocently. _If I could hold his hand just this once..._

To your ultimate surprise and delight, Mikey slowly reaches out with his own hand and slides it into your's, immediately lacing his fingers with your own. You smile up at him and then quickly look away, a ruby blush on your fine cheeks.

_I can't believe this is happening!_You think happily, a smile taking over your features as you and Mikey make your way to the kitchen, weaving through the various bodies in your path.

You feel Mikey's fingers tighten around your's as a physique threatens to break you two apart, and you smile even wider as you enter the kitchen, Mikey behind you. You walk to the fridge, less people crowding the way than in the hallway, still grasping Mikey's hand tautly.

"You want anything?" you yell to Mikey over your shoulder, stopping in front of the fridge, about to help yourself.

To your dismay, Mikey lets go of your hand and walks up behind you, looking into the fridge as you hold it open, your attention on him.

Your eyes widen and you quickly snap your head forward to face the refrigerator when Mikey leans into you from behind, looking into the contents of the open fridge. You close your eyes, your blood swirling madly through your veins and your heart pounding in your chest as Mikey leans his head over your shoulder, helping you hold open the refrigerator door. His body is pressed against your's from behind, and you pray to God your knees can hold out just a _little_ longer.

"Pepsi." Mikey finally says into your ear, his breath heavy.

Snapping out of your coma-like state induced by the one and only Mikey, you reach out with a shaking hand and grab a cold can of Pepsi, handing it to Mikey over your shoulder. He takes it slowly and then backs away from you as you go for your own Pepsi, your hastening heart still not calm.

_Jesus..._ You think, standing straight as you open your Pepsi, hitting the refrigerator door shut with a swing of your hip. You look up to Mikey as you take a sip with your Pepsi and he asks, "Ready?"

You nod and start to move out of the kitchen ahead of Mikey, can of Pepsi in hand. Once you are ahead of Mikey you let out a sigh at seeing all the people you once again have to-

You feel a strong hand suddenly grab your free hand and you abruptly stop and spin, looking to see the source of the hand.

And you look up into the face of Mikey.

He smiles down at you and you return the gesture, twisting back around to continue your path through the hallway and back to the couch.

_He's holding my hand._ Is all that's going through your head. _Mikey is holding my hand._

When you enter the living room, your fingers still entwined with Mikey's, you suppress a groan when you see Frank sitting on the couch in your spot making out with a girl that looks a bit too old for him.

_Dammit._ You think, Mikey seconding that thought as you two approach Frank and his make-out buddy.

"Frank." you say loudly, trying to capture his attention. Though it seems he doesn't even notice you. He shoves his tongue deeper into the girl's mouth and you watch as smile snakes onto her lips and she wraps her arms tighter around Frank's neck, her left leg also starting to creep into Frank's lap.

"Frank!" you yell angrily.

You get his attention, thank God, but it isn't pleasant.

"What?" he growls furiously, glaring at you.

"You're in our seats." you say just as meanly, narrowing your eyes at the brunette as she glares at you for having interrupted her and Frank. "Remember I asked you to save it for us?"

Frank stands hastily, taking the girl's hand in his own, and she follows suit. You see your black blazer crumpled in Frank's empty space and you frown as he passes you without so much as a glance, and the girl roughly crashes into you with her shoulder, not even bothering to apologize.

_Bitch._ You think evilly, sitting down on the couch after placing your blazer over the arm of the couch, Mikey next to you. Amazingly, your hands are still attached.

"Mikey I-"

"Heeeeey lovebiiiirds!"

You look up, frustrated, and meet the glazed eyes of Gerard Way looming over you and Mikey, another beer in his hand. What are you thinking?  
Go away!  
Gerard I hate you.  
Okay well that moment was ruined.  
THANKS GERARD!  
Instantly your feel Mikey's hand leave your's quickly, and Gerard doesn't notice. You do though, you miss the warm feeling...

"Hey Gee." you greet Gerard, giving him a false smile before sipping your Pepsi.

"Havin' a good time?" asks Gerard. He's drunk off his ass.

"Wonderful." you reply, only half truthfully.

"Well you keep doin' what you are then! I'll see ya lata!" Gerard gives you a wide grin and whirls around, on the verge of falling, about to walk back into the crowd.

And despite how mad you are at him for getting drunk so early, you quickly stand and detach yourself from Mikey, quickly stopping Gerard from going any further.

"Gerard!"

Gerard stops and turns to face you, a few drops of beer flying from the top of his can. Mikey watches on curiously from his spot on the couch as you move forward and stop directly in front of Gerard, straining to hear the words you are about to exchange, but it'll be nearly impossible with the surrounding noise.

You softly step up to Gerard, his alcohol-heavy breath almost overwhelming, but you push the repulsion from your mind, a more serious matter at hand.

"Gerard," You lay a gentle hand on his forearm, lowering your voice and leaning towards him, seriousness in your eyes. "Please promise me you won't drive tonight."

Gerard looks at you funny, and your heart drops, thinking maybe he's too drunk to understand anything you're saying.

"Why?" he finally slurs out.

Your eyes become pleading and you give Gerard's arm a tight squeeze to help get your point across. "Gerard, please, don't get in a car tonight. If you want to go anywhere, I'll take you okay? You come find me."

Gerard stares at you oddly for a moment before slowly nodding his head and then turning his back to you, shouting for Ray who he instantly spots up ahead. You don't move from your position, watching as Gerard's body melts in with the others swarming around him, becoming lost in the crowd.

Sadly you turn back to Mikey, keeping your head down as you sit next to him once more, all the while his brown eyes on you.

"What's wrong?" he asks, bending his head a bit to get a better look at your face.

Closing your eyes, you take in a deep, shuddering breath, knowing Mikey's eyes are on you. You can feel it. Every time they are, your skin crawls with anxiety. But a good kind.

Tilting your head up once more, you give Mikey a dazzling smile and say, "Nothing. Come on, let's enjoy the last moments of the year."

:-/  
Yeah...  
WOOHOO! IT'S ALMOST THE NEW YEAR BABY!  
**Gerard's Point of View**

You're more fucked up now then you could ever imagine. You don't know who you're talking to (not that you care) and you're barely aware you're in Ray's kitchen.

"God I need something to fucking drink!" you say quite loudly, earning you glances from the people around you as you briskly disconnect yourself from the conversation the previous person was trying to have with you.

As you pass the microwave, you make out the blurry, green letters to read 11:15 PM. _Forty-five minutes 'til the new fucking year!_You think happily, ripping open the fridge door once you get there.

"What?" you shout furiously.

The refrigerator is completely empty. Not a thing remains.

_Fucking losers._ You think heatedly, instantly delving into your jacket pockets to search for your car keys. _Drank all the fucking shit._

As you walk out into the hallway, bumping into numerous people, you pass the living room doorway. You peak inside for a brief moment and see your brother and Alex sitting on the couch quite close to one another. Alex is facing Mikey, her back against the arm of the couch with her legs drawn up to her chest, a smile on her gorgeous face. Mikey is facing her too, though not fully, and the moment you look at him, he throws his head back and laughs, along with Alex.

_God why can't they see they're fuckin' perfect for each other?_You think with a crooked grin, watching the two a moment longer before stumbling towards the doorway.

You force people out of your way roughly as the door at the end of the hall comes into sight, the door to freedom...and more alcohol.

But suddenly, you stop.

Warnings are going off all over your body, and all your movement ceases for some strange reason.

_What the..._

Something in the back of your head...is nagging you...to...

You shake your head but don't move, instead turn around and face the hallway behind you. People are packed into it, some moving and others just standing and talking, and everyone is having a good time, waiting for midnight to strike.

_**Gerard, please, don't get in a car tonight. If you want to go anywhere, I'll take you okay? You come find me.**_

You frown, the keys in your hand becoming loose. Your body shivers with an unexpected chill as your hazel eyes slip in and out of focus.

_Who..._

Shaking your head once more to rid the voice from your mind, you turn back around to face the front door and stride forward, the alcohol in your system taking over.

Oh God...  
NO!  
Stupid fucking alcohol!

**Your Point of View**

Three minutes until midnight.

You are sitting alone on the couch, your legs stretched out in Mikey's spot. He had slipped off to the bathroom quickly and asked you to save his seat, which you did, but it's becoming hard. A lot of people are packing themselves into the living room to get a glimpse of the large TV that is broadcasting live from Time's Square, where the ball will drop. Of course there's other TVs, but everyone feels the need to watch it on the big screen.

_Unfortunately._ You think, glaring as someone tries to sit on your feet and then apologizes when they realize there's an obstacle in their path, moving away hurriedly.

You and Mikey spent the entire night on the couch, just talking. It seemed you two did that whenever you went to a party, but you wouldn't have it any other way. What you liked most about this party though was that you were hardly interrupted by anyone, it was just you and Mikey to laugh and talk freely.

"Back."

You look up and see Mikey standing by the couch and you hastily move your legs and sit up straight so Mikey can sit down. He does so, but it's then someone else decides now's a good time to sit down, so four people now sit on the couch, putting everyone basically in each other's laps.

Two minutes.

"So do you have a new year's resolution?" you ask Mikey, looking at him with a smile.

_To tell you how I feel._ "N...No. Not really." Mikey says, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

You nod your head a bit, turning your face towards the TV which you can barely see through the various limbs of the people in the living room. The room is mostly dark, except for the blare of the TV, and it is hot and humid with the bodies pressed up against each other. You can smell the alcohol and sweat in the air, but none of this bothers you because of one thing.

Mikey.

"Do you?"

You look back at Mikey and appear to be thinking for a second as you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. You know what you _want_ to say. "Yeah, actually, I do. I want to tell you how I feel about you and know if you feel anything for me too. I can't stop thinking about you, I can't stop dreaming about you, and I want to see if we can have anything other than friendship together. I want to be with you Mikey, a lot."

But of course that's not that you say.

"Not really."

Mikey nods and looks away from you and you mentally start to kick yourself as the one minute countdown begins.

Timidly you take a glance at Mikey, and look away speedily when you find his eyes on you. The panes of his glasses flicker in the light of the TV and moving bodies as he turns his head more towards you, his chocolate eyes fixated on you.

"30! 29! 28! 27!"

For some odd reason, you look at Mikey too and smile, your emerald eyes shining. You can feel your heart pumping wildly in your chest and your hands start to shake a bit, causing your breathing to quicken. A lump lodges in your throat as Mikey returns your smile with a kind one of his own.

"15! 14! 13! 12!"

You look away from Mikey, the burning sensation in your cheeks becoming too much. You're positive Mikey can see them, for he is still looking at you and they're as bright as red as they're going to be.

"7! 6! 5! 4!"

You turn your attention to the crowd as the countdown reaches the last digit, and prepare to cheer along with everyone else when it does.

So as soon as everyone shouts, "Zero!" you open your mouth to cheer loudly, to bring in the new year, but suddenly find yourself incapable to do so, for there's a something covering your mouth.

A pair of lips, to be exact.

Your broad, emerald eyes stare into the face of Mikey Way as he continues to kiss you, his hand on your chin to keep your head turned towards him. His eyes are closed and the kiss is strong, unlike anything you would've anticipated from Mikey.

And all too soon you find yourself responding to the kiss, bringing your left hand up to Mikey's cheek, your right beginning to curl behind the back of his neck as he moves his own to the small of your back.

People all around you cheer loudly and give each other hugs and kisses, but this is all oblivious to you and Mikey. Your lips are still locked, your bodies slowly moving towards one another as the kiss deepens, feeding both of your passions.

A thousand, and probably more, tingles run through your body as you turn your head to the right, getting a better angle as Mikey leans forward a bit more, pressing his lips onto your's harder. The lump in your throat has vanished, and for some odd reason your hands have stopped trembling, and your breathing has quieted. Your lips feel as though they're on fire, but you won't dare pull away. You've waited for this for too long.

Slowly, the need for air becomes dire and both you and Mikey break, separating your lips only by an inch or two. He leans his forehead against your's lovingly and smiles at you, his brown eyes now open and filled with joy. You return the smile when you open your beautiful green eyes, your lips and soul begging for another mind-blowing kiss.

"I've wanted to do that for so long." Mikey whispers, the actions of the people around you still forgotten.

"I've wanted you to do that for so long." you admit, causing Mikey to smile and lean in once more, sensually kissing your lips again.

"Mikey!"

You break apart from Mikey abruptly and look towards the hallway, where the voice came from. Mikey does the same, mentally cursing who would ever dare to interrupt him at this specific moment.

"Mikey where the fuck are you?"

Ray suddenly appears in the doorway to the living room, looking frantically over the heads surrounding him. When he catches sight of Mikey he immediately shoves people out of the way and rushes over to Mikey, stumbling all the way.

_What..._

"Mikey..." Ray breathes out, unable to catch his breath as he leans forward, his palms on his knees.

Mikey glares at Ray through narrowed eyes. "What."

Ray looks up at Mikey, his face sweaty and red, his breaths coming out ragged and strained.

And it's then you notice the horror reflecting in his eyes.

"Gerard's been in an accident."


	13. Chapter 13

The surrounding noise about you continues to roar as you stare into Ray's face, his words not registering in your dazed mind quite yet. Mikey seems to share the sentiment, for he is staring at Ray with narrowed eyes, not fully understanding the words that he just uttered.

"Did you fucking hear me? Your fucking brother's been in a fucking car accident!" Ray yells angrily, his eyes ablaze with frustrated rage.

And it hits you like a ton of bricks.

Your jaw falls and you instantly feel a sickening swirl arise in your stomach. Your heartbeat speeds up once more as Mikey nearly knocks Ray over as he jumps to his feet, shouting, "What?"

"Come on, your mom and dad are outside waiting." Ray says breathlessly, turning around and running back out of the living room, pushing people mercilessly out of the way as he goes. Mikey follows quick enough, barely able to rush down the path created by Ray.

You make no haste to follow. You sit on the couch, too stunned to move.

_Gerard..._

You swallow hard, tears stinging your eyes as you stand speedily, pulling your blazer up with you. You shove your arms through the sleeves as you run through the living room and out into the hallway, watching as the front door swings shut feet from you.

You squeeze through the people in the hallway, all oblivious to what is happening, until you finally reach the front door. You rip it open and run outside where you see a waiting car in the driveway and another backing out, a few dark silhouettes visible in the delayed car.

You run to the waiting car and rip open one of the back doors, hastily taking a seat. Once you slam the door shut, the car is thrown into reverse and it's then you realize you slipped into Bob's car, Ray in the passenger's seat, Bob driving, and Frank next to you in the back.

It is only Frank who dares to speak.

"What the fuck happened Ray?"

You can see Ray visibly shaking, an expressionless look on his face. His appearance is gaunt and by the way his hands keep moving in his lap, you know he is worried beyond belief, though he still may be tipsy.

"I was watching the fucking countdown when all the sudden the doorbell rings and since my mom was drunk off her ass, I answered the door. Well there's a fuckin' policeman standing there and I thought we were gettin' in some kinda trouble for the party, but he tells me Gerard's been in an accident."

Bob's hands grip the steering wheel tightly as he speeds through a red light, not willing to lose the Way's ahead of him, who are driving like bats out of hell.

"How did he know?" Frank asks curtly, his gaze stuck straight ahead.

"Said Gerard told him to come get us before he passed out. He's at the hospital now, in the ER probably." Ray runs a hand down his sweaty face as you do the best to swallow the lump in your throat.

"I just hope he'll make it."

How does that statement make you feel?  
Angry. Does he think that Gerard won't make it or something? Does he even want Gerard to make it!  
Scared. D...Does he think Gerard...won't...  
Nervous. Goddamn Gerard, he better make it!  
Horrible. He doesn't seem to have much faith...  
The rest of the ride to the hospital is completely silent, giving Bob the concentration he needs to make it to the Belleville Hospital in under ten minutes. All you think about the entire time is how badly you wish for Gerard to be okay, and nothing else.

You sprint from Bob's car along with everyone else once you all reach ths hospital, catching up to Mr. and Mrs. Way as they enter the building, Mikey behind them. Your eyes are wide with fear as you rush up to the front desk behind everyone else, already out of breath from the energy you put forth to keep up with everyone.

"My son, Gerard Way, was brought here a while ago." Donna breathes out, leaning heavily on the counter, her younger son and husband on either side of her.

The hospital, like most, is brightly lit and completely white. White-tiled floors, white walls, white waiting chairs, white everywhere. It almost gives you a headache, if it weren't for the fact that every fiber of your being is concentrated on the woman sitting behind the desk in front of you all, scanning the registration on her computer.

"Gerard is in the ER right now Mrs. Way, you'll have to wait out here." says the receptionist, looking up from her computer screen, a sad look in her eyes.

Donna nods and moves away from the counter, Donald's arm around her shoulders. She turns to face you and it's then you see the tears coursing down her cheeks like rivers. You watch with tears of your own in your emerald orbs as she lifts her head and catches your gaze, stopping Donald from moving as she does so.

And then your arms are around each other, allowing the other to cry into the other's shoulder. Donna's trembling body racks with sobs as she clings to you for support, her husband standing behind her looking melancholy, his face pale.

And suddenly, you feel another pair of arms wrap around you. And then another. Opening your eyes for a moment, you look behind you and see Mikey's head resting on your shoulder from behind, his eyes closed as he embraces you. You feel another set of arms holding you and when you look around, Ray is hugging Donna, Bob is holding both of you, and now Frank is looking for an open space, wanting to do something to make the pain go away.

So you six stand there, hugging each other, Donna and you exchanging tears, praying to God that Gerard makes it out of the ER all right.

You won't let yourself fall asleep in the plastic chair you're sitting in, your head resting on Mikey's shoulder. He has an arm around your shoulders and his head is leaning on top of your's, his own eyes almost closed. Donna and Donald are talking lightly with each other a few seats down from you and Mikey, and the rest of the boys are spread about, awake and waiting impatiently to know if Gerard is okay.

Mrs. Iero, Mrs. Toro, Gerard and Mikey's grandmother Elena, and Mr. and Mrs. Bryar arrived about a half an hour ago, looking sober and panicked. They now sit with their individual family after talking to Donna, daring not to say a word.

It's close to four o'clock in the morning and you're dying to fall asleep. But you won't. You have to make sure Gerard is okay.

"Mikey?" you whisper suddenly.

"Hm?" His chest vibrates with the sound, making your insides rage with butterflies.

"Do you think Gerard will be okay?"

Mikey doesn't respond to you at first. His hand circling your shoulders loosens a bit, but he doesn't move his head as he thinks about his answer.

"I don't kn-"

"Mr. and Mrs. Way?"

Everyone practically jumps from their seats upon hearing the voice, and looks over to the left to see a tired looking doctor standing there in a white lab coat, a white clipboard in one hand.

The doctor lets out a sigh and puts a pair of glasses on his face as Donna strides forward and asks hopefully, "Is Gerard okay?"

"Gerard will be fine, Mrs. Way." the doctor says, relieving everyone. You feel your body become instantly less tense and your find yourself letting out the breath you didn't know you were holding.

"He suffered a few injuries though. Some head trauma, lots of scrapes and bruises, but that's about it; it wasn't a very nasty accident, luckily for Gerard. Though it'll take a while for him to fully recover, he should be fine in a day or two."

You find tears of joy running down your face and Bob puts a supportive arm around your shoulders, bringing your smaller body to his. _Gerard's going to be okay._

"Can I see him?"

The doctor nods and then says, "This way." He turns his back to everyone and begins to escort Mr. and Mrs. Way down a white-tiled hallway, Elena following, clutching her purse tightly.

"I'll be right back, okay Alex?" Mikey asks before following.

You nod, knowing you'll be all right with the rest of the people back here, and give Mikey a sad smile before watching him jog after his mother, father, grandmother, and the doctor.

Almost too scared to do so, you push open Gerard's hospital room door, peeking your head in, tears clouding your vision. You can see Gerard sitting up in his hospital bed, his head down, black hair hiding his face from the world. His hands rest together in his lap, surprisingly calm, one wrist sporting a hospital band. There's a white bandage around his forehead, but it doesn't wrap entirely over or around his head. He's dressed in a worn hospital gown and he holds perfectly still, not bothering to look up as you close the door silently behind you.

You're the last to visit Gerard. You wanted to be last. You wanted to be alone. It's almost six o'clock in the morning now, darkness still lurking outside, a deathly chill in the air.

You sit silently and slowly in the chair beside Gerard's bed, looking at him with hurt eyes as a tear slides down your cheek. You place your hands daintily in your lap as your hair settles about your shoulders and pale face, your ankles crossed.

You just stare at Gerard, at a loss for words. He still doesn't look at you and you wish that he would so he could see how torn up you are over this. He almost died. _Died._ That would mean no more Gerard. No more of that quirkiness you live for, no more of the sarcasticness you love, no more of that smile you enjoy to see, nothing of Gerard would be left, but memories.

Another tears falls from your eyes as you try to stifle a sob, but it's useless. Gerard flinches as it leaves your mouth, and his hands clasp each other tightly, his eyes still unable to meet your's.

"Why?" you croak out, the tears evident in your voice.

You watch as Gerard clenches his fists and a drop of liquid falls from his face, landing on his pale, calloused hands. His hair still hides his face, so you don't know what's going on behind the shield of black, greasy hair, but you don't care. You want to know why.

"I'm sorry Alex." Gerard rasps out, his hands gripping each other toughly once more. "I'm so sorry." he chokes.

Feeling your barrier of anger collapse at Gerard's soft words, you rise from your seat and lean over to the boy, wrapping your arms tenderly around his shoulders and embracing him tightly.

"God Gerard, don't you _ever_ do that again." you mumble, squeezing his shoulders as he lifts his hands and places them on your back. "I thought I lost you... You scared me so much."

"I'm sorry Alex." Gerard repeats, burying his head into your chest, not allowing you to see the tears on his face and in his eyes. "I wasn't thinking... I was drunk and I wasn't thinking..."

The words sting you and your chest heaves with another quiet sob, one that breaks Gerard's heart. Slowly, you breach from him and look into his hazel-green eyes as you choke out, "I told you to come get me! I told you if you wanted to go anywhere that you should come get me!"

Gerard gazes into your green eyes, tears again blurring his vision. "I know... I'm sorry..."

You shake your head, sitting beside Gerard on the hospital bed, placing a hand over his own shivering ones. "Gerard you can't be sorry for something you meant to do. I know you were drunk, but that's not an excuse. God this almost cost you your life!"

Your words hurt Gerard more than anything, mostly because he knows you are right. He wants to be angry with you for your words, but he can't, and this irritates him.

"I know Alex. I know I was wrong."

"Then why do you drink?"

Gerard falls mute, not having anything to say to that. What can he say? Anything he will, he knows you'll have a comeback to, and his reason will be useless. Whatever he says will go in one ear and out the other. There's no reasoning with you when it comes to serious matters like this one.

You let out a sigh and wipe away your remaining tears, drawing in a shuddering breath as you do so. "Gerard, you've got to get control of your life. You can't go on like this. It'll break everyone's heart if something like this happens to you again." You look at your and Gerard's hands, which are now tightly holding on for dear life to one another. "Promise me you'll at least try and stop drinking. I know it's hard to quit a habit, but you have to try. If anything like this happens again... I don't know what I'll do."

_And that's not even half the truth._

Gerard nods solemnly, and you catch the last of it. For the first time since the New Year's Eve party, you smile a ghost of a smile, your eyes sparkling with new tears. You lean in once more and encircle Gerard's shoulders with your arms again, whispering to him, "Thank you."

He's okay! Thank **God**!

STUPID GERARD! I'm NEVER going to forgive him for this, NO MATTER WHAT!  
**Mikey's Point of View**

You lift your head when your ears pick up the sound of light footsteps coming from the hallway off to your left. Your bloodshot eyes see Alex walking your way, her head down and her arms wrapped around her abdomen. Her long, auburn hair falls over the front of her shoulders and sways lightly as she continues to walk your way, her legs moving slowly.

You rise from the plastic seat you're sitting in, everyone else oblivious to your actions, and walk to Alex swiftly. You meet her in the middle of the lobby and immediately take her into your arms, crushing her small body to your's.

She readily falls into your embrace, her face nuzzling into your chest as her arms wrap around your waist. You lower your head and squeeze her gently, comforting her as her body shakes with sobs.

You two remain like that for quite sometime before Alex pulls away slowly and looks up at you, her eyes red with sorrow. Slanting down, you kiss her forehead gently, closing your eyes as you do so. Alex closes her eyes too until you pull away and drape an arm around her shoulders, leading her over to the group of people awaiting you.

The car ride to your house is silent, except for when your mother invites Alex back to get some sleep. She obliges, for which you are secretly happy, but try not to let it show.

This whole night has had colossal effects on you; some good, and some bad. First it was spending the night with Alex, then the kiss with her, your brother's accident, and just now being in the hospital all morning.

Now that your feelings about Alex are plain, you aren't afraid to let the others know how you feel too. You openly comfort Alex, care to her every need, and think of before anyone else. Well, you always did, but now you don't have to hide it. You don't want to hide it. You want the world to know.

But what if Alex doesn't feel the same way? You don't know, but you desperately want to. No, scratch that, you _need_ to. If she doesn't return the feelings then it would-

_But she has too. She kissed me back, she never pushed me away, and she seems to have the same feelings as me._ You think, your father finally pulling up to your house. Your grandmother is right behind you four in her own car, but the other families have gone home to get some much needed sleep of their own.

_I'll talk to her later._ You conclude, helping her out of the car as your parents exit it. _After we both get some sleep._

Your father is the first to enter the house, sighing and running a hand through his hair as he does so. Your mother follows, and then your grandmother, and then finally you and Alex. Everyone is quiet and standing idly in the hallway, not knowing what to do next.

"Mikey take Alex upstairs and get her some clothes to sleep in." your mother orders, setting her purse on a nearby end table. "She can sleep in Gerard's bed for the time being."

Immediately Alex objects. "Oh no Donna I couldn't..."

Your mother smiles kindly at Alex. "Gerard won't mind dear. Go on, I know you don't want the couch."

Alex hesitantly nods and then gives your mom a smile before you both start to head up the stairs to your and Gerard's joint room. Alex still doesn't say a word, and your paranoid mind starts to rage with worried thoughts.

_What if she regrets what happened? What if she didn't like it? What if she just wants to be friends?_ You think, opening the door to your room, Alex finally breaking from you and walking to the first bed, sitting down on it and looking at the floor.

You watch her for a second before moving to your dresser and opening a few of the drawers, pulling out a random pair of boxers, and then a shirt. _God I'm such a retard. Alex is just tired._ You try to tell yourself, turning to face Alex.

"Here," you say, handing her the clothes. "You can wear these."

Alex looks up at you and smiles warmly, standing from Gerard's bed. "Thanks." she says, and then is gone.

You sigh as the door snaps shut behind Alex. You walk to your own bed as you rub your eyes wearily and then run your hands through your hair, your beanie falling to the floor. You take off your glasses and throw them onto your bed before removing your shirt and discarding that onto the floor. You put your glasses back on and then unbuckle your jeans, stepping out of them as they collapse to the floor too.

Just as you're crawling under the blankets of your bed, your glasses on your night-stand, there's a knock on your door and you say, "Come in."

Alex enters, wearing only the overly large Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt you gave her, the boxers in her hands. Immediately your eyes flicker to her slim legs, which are clearly visible for the shirt barely reaches the middle of her thighs. She puts her clothes on top of Gerard's dresser and then turns to you and you instantly break your gaze from her beautiful legs as she hands the boxers back to you.

You take them without question and throw them to the floor, turning back around to find Alex slowly placing herself lightly in Gerard's bed, looking exhausted.

Alex looks at you when she is fully under the blankets, her green eyes shining in the dim morning light that peeks through the curtains of your room. "Thank you Mikey." she says, giving you another small smile.

You return the smile, though you are clueless. The blankets of your bed resting around your waist, your chest bare, you question, "For what?"

Alex's smiles widens just a bit and she says softly, "For everything."

:)  
Aww!  
Okay...  
**Your Point of View**

You feel yourself being shaken awake after what felt like five minutes of sleep.

"Alex sweetie, it's time for dinner."

You open your bleary eyes and immediately they focus on Donna who is kneeling by Gerard's bed, one of her hands on your shoulder.

"We're waiting for you downstairs." Donna says, giving you a tiny smile and then standing, exiting the bedroom.

You yawn widely and then sit up in bed, scratching your head as you do so. You remember everything that happened today and aren't startled to find yourself in a barely familiar place in an even more unfamiliar bed.

Lazily, you throw the blankets from your au naturel legs and stand from the bed, the thing creaking with the weight release. You stretch widely and then turn to face Mikey's bed, wanting to see him sitting there and smiling at you. But he's not. You're alone.

Searching the bedroom quickly for the pair of boxers you cast away earlier, you find them and then slip them up your legs, quickly walking to the small mirror hanging over Gerard's dresser. Making a face at your disgusting appearance that includes bags under your eyes, messy, greasy hair, and a pale face, you try your best to make yourself presentable.

_God I've never cared about how I look before._ You think in annoyance, doing your best to flatten a piece of rebellious hair.

You know why it's different this time.

You know why you care so much.

Abandoning your unruly hair with an angry growl, you storm downstairs, yawning widely despite your mood. The smell of fried chicken instantly hits you and your mouth starts to water when you realize you haven't eaten since last night at the New Year's Eve party.

You enter the kitchen, your eyes traveling over everyone briefly. Donald looks tired and a bit grumpy, you can tell Donna is exhausted, but yet she still managed to put dinner on the table, Elena is helping Donna around the kitchen, and Mikey is sitting at the table with his father, his shirt missing. He's scratching his head and yawning as his glasses slide down his nose.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" you rasp out, having to clear your throat afterwards.

Donna looks over her shoulder as she stands by the stove, stirring a pot of macaroni and cheese. "Oh no dear, you go sit down. Elena and I have everything under control."

You nod a bit and then walk towards the wooden table, the shades of the windows drawn closed in front of them. Still you can tell it is dark out and when you glance at the kitchen clock you find it's 6:47 PM.

_I slept a long time._ You think in amazement, taking the seat Elena directs you to as she sets a plate of fried chicken on the table; you sit across from Mikey, next to an empty seat. Mikey is in front of the windows, his back to them, Donald on your left at the head of the table.

Dinner goes much the same way the car ride did. Silent, tense, and slow. You still feel tired and you know you look horrible, and this bothers you all throughout dinner because, again, you can feel Mikey looking at you. It makes you squirm, but you can't do anything about it.

Everyone sits in soundlessness, not really having anything to say. No one tries to joke, no one tries to start conversation. Everyone's mind is on Gerard, wondering if he's faring okay in the infirmary.

"I'm going to go see Gerard at the hospital after I clean up." Donna announces once dinner is over.

"I'll go with you." Donald says quickly, Elena nodding along with him.

Quickly you and Mikey exchange glances, but before you can say anything Donna says, "I think it would be best if you went home Alex. You can come and see Gerard tomorrow, he'll be home by then."

You nod and Mikey instantly says, "I'll take her home."

Donna nods as she stands, her empty plate in her hand. "That's fine Mikey."

You and Mikey glance at each other again but you quickly look away, blushing at the thought of being alone with Mikey after what happened. Pulling away from those thoughts, you stand and take Donald's empty plate as he leaves to go get ready to go back to the hospital.

"Can I help?" you ask Donna, taking the dishes and silverware to the sink.

Donna looks up as she puts a few drops of dish soap onto a sponge and then turns on the sink faucet. "No Alex, you can go get cleaned up; Elena and I will take care of everything."

"Are you sure?" You hate being at someone's house and not doing anything to help.

Donna smiles, taking the dirty dishes from you as Mikey brings over his own. "Alex, I know you're tired and your parents are probably wondering where you are."

_Not really._ You think, giving Donna a pained smile. "Okay."

Donna smiles and then turns her attention back to the dishes as you walk from the kitchen, headed back upstairs with Mikey behind you.

"I'll show you how to work the shower." Mikey says, climbing the few steps that lead to the hallway upstairs. "And I'll give you some clean clothes."

You move out of the way so Mikey can go into his room first, choosing not to answer him. You wait in the doorway as he retrieves some more of his clothes for you to wear and a smaller pair of his jeans. He hands you the clothes and you take them, flashing him a small smile before you turn your back to him and walk down the hall to the bathroom.

Again you let Mikey enter the room first and wait patiently while he turns on the light and moves to the bathtub. It is a small bathroom, much like your's. A sink to the left, a tall mirror that doubles as a medicine cabinet above it, the toilet next to that, then the shower/tub on the far wall. On the wall to your right is a towel rack and a few pictures. The theme of the bathroom is light teal and pink stipes, with matching towels and rugs.

"You just adjust the temperature and then pull this thing." Mikey explains, bending over the tub and pointing to what he described on top of the spout. You nod in understanding and wait for Mikey to leave, beginning to feel uncomfortable already.

Mikey walks to you, looking down at his feet as he stops in front of you, wishing he had pockets to put his hands in. But he merely stands in front of you wearing boxers and glasses, his hair messy and his eyes timeworn.

Finally, not being able to take the awkwardness anymore, you sidestep Mikey and walk to the toilet, placing your clothes and things on top. Mikey closes his eyes and lets out the breath he was holding, his heart pounding in his chest as he walks from the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later you depart from the bathroom, your hair hanging in wet locks down your back, soaking the plain, too-large t-shirt you are wearing, along with a pair of jeans that are also too big for you. You feel more awake now that you've showered and cleaned your hair, taking the time you needed to think about certain things.

Like about what happened last night. The Kiss.

Of course you meant it. Of course you'd been waiting for it. But why did Mikey do it? Was it spur of the moment? Was he just going along with the tradition that you should kiss someone to bring in the New Year?

Sadly, all thoughts of Gerard are pushed from your mind as you enter Mikey's bedroom, your clothes balled up in your hands. Mikey is sitting on his bed, a shirt now on his chest as he strums the strings of his guitar.

_Thank God he put a shirt on._ You think, stealing a glance at Mikey as you throw your clothes onto Gerard's bed and start to fold them. _That was getting too tempting._

Mikey absentmindedly fingers chords on his guitar, not really paying attention to what he is doing. He is watching you, a plan in his mind. He's thought about last night and knows the questions he wants answers to. He knows exactly what he's going to say to you, now all he has to do is drive up the courage to say it.

"Alex?"

You look up, across Gerard's bed, and meet Mikey's eyes, looking at you questioningly. How do you reply, fighting to push down the blush threatening to rise on your cheeks?  
Yes?  
Hmm?  
What?  
Yeah?  
"I think we need to talk."

You hesitantly nod, knowing Mikey is right. Setting down the shirt you are currently folding, you walk around Gerard's bed and over to Mikey's, sitting next to him as he lays his trusty Fender behind him on his slim bed, which creaks under your weight as you sit down.

"What's going on with us?"

And then it comes. A full-on blush invades your cheeks, reddening your entire face. What makes it worse is that Mikey is watching you, waiting for an answer. If you looked at him though, instead of at your fidgeting hands, you'd see a similar blush on his own cheeks.

"I don't know..." you start, feeling foolish.

And suddenly a hand appears in your vision. Mikey grabs your chin softly and lifts your head, turning it to face him. This causes the ruby color on your cheeks to deepen and you bite the inside of your lip as you look into Mikey's chocolate eyes reluctantly.

"Did it mean anything to you?"

"What?" you squeak out, knowing what he means, but not knowing if you heard him correctly.

"Last night. Did it mean anything to you?"

You pause, biting the inside of your lip a little harder. Mikey's hand falls from your chin and into his lap, his body turned partially to you. You try and swallow the knot in your throat but you can't, and this makes you even more anxious then you already are.

"Alex, please, you have to tell me." Mikey pauses, his eyes pleading with you to comply to his wish. "I've liked you for so long...but I never got the courage to tell you how I feel, mostly because I was afraid you didn't feel the same way. But I can't take it anymore. After what we shared last night, I have to tell you."

Your blood turns to ice in your veins as Mikey utters the words you've waited to hear for so long. All you can do at the moment is stare at Mikey, your jaw slowly becoming unhinged as your emerald eyes broaden.

Mikey watches your reaction, daring not to say a word until you have spoken. Surprisingly, he doesn't regret what he just said to you. In fact, he's glad that he's finally told you how he really feels.

_God it feels so good to get that off my chest._ Mikey thinks, watching your reaction further as you continue to stare at him, shocked beyond belief. _I just wish she would say something._

_He feels the same way I do..._

You finally realize, a smile starting to blossom on your face. _Mikey likes me too!_

With a grin, you throw your arms around Mikey's neck and hug him tightly, causing him to fall back onto his bed in shock. You smile stupidly for a few seconds before you pull back from Mikey just a bit, so your face hovers above his by a few inches.

"I like you too Mikey. I have liked you since the day we met."

What.

A.

Relief.

Mikey grins wider then you already are and, with no time to spare, your lips connect with his, and your heart soars once more.

After taking some time to sort through your feelings, talk about why it took so long for you each to come forth with your feelings, and speak about anything else that surfaced in the conversation, Mikey tells you it would be best if he took you home, thinking it wouldn't be a good idea if his parents came home and you were still there. So, a little after seven thirty that evening, you and Mikey walk hand-in-hand out to his Acura NSX, talking quietly with one another.

Though the car ride to your house is quiet, for once it isn't awkward. You and Mikey's fingers are still laced and resting on the arm rest between you two as he drives, a smile on his face. You also cannot wipe the soft smile from your face as you gaze out the side window, relishing in the warmth your body now seems to possess.

Mikey pulls up to your house a little around seven fifty and shuts off the engine to his car. He turns to face you, his hands still clasped in your's, his eyes twinkling through the panes of his glasses.

"I'm glad I finally told you how I feel Alex, I really am." Mikey says softly, his eyes flickering over every aspect of your beautiful face.

You smile. "I am too Mikey."

You two lean in towards each other and your lips meet in an innocent and gentle kiss. It lasts but a moment and then you two break away, smiling at each other.

"I'll walk you to your door."

Of course **that** ruins the night.

"No!" you say quickly, and quite loudly. Mikey looks at you, an eyebrow raised, halfway poised to take off his seatbelt. You blush. "It's just...I haven't been home in a while and I don't want my parents anger to be taken out on you too."

Mikey frowns. "Well maybe I can explain..."

"There's no explaining to my parents." you tell Mikey with a sad smile. "It's okay, just call me later or something." You take off your seatbelt and open the car door.

Mikey watches you oddly, the clothes that were once in your lap now under your free arm. "You sure?" he asks.

"Positive." You give him another smile and then say, "Bye Mikey."

Smiling just for you, Mikey says, "See ya Alex."

You slam his car door shut and then run up to your house, keeping your clothes tucked under your arm tightly. The last thing I would want is Mikey seeing Steven yell at me. You think, reaching your front door. As usual, it's unlocked, so you swing it open and then prop it against with your hip, opening the other door with your free hand.

Thankful to be in from the cold of the winter in New Jersey, you quietly shut both doors behind you, trying not to be heard by anyone.

You turn back around slowly to trek to your bedroom unseen, and let out a breath in alleviation when you find the way clear. You run to your room and shut your door soundlessly, dumping your clothes onto your bed. Swiftly, you strip out of Mikey's clothes and put on a fresh pair of your own; a pair of sweat-pants and a black t-shirt. After changing you brush your hair, humming an unknown tune to yourself, and then grab your keys and purse, deciding some ice cream sounds good right about now. Since your parents don't seem to be home, why not?

_I think I deserve it._ You think happily, walking from your room and then turning to shut your door. _Since I finally admitted to Mikey how I feel._

You turn around and are about to walk down the hallway and out the front door once more, but find your path blocked by Steven. An enraged Steven.

"Where the FUCK have you been?"

You stare at your step-father, too stunned to speak at first. You can see your mother standing behind Steven, her arms limp at her sides, staring at you blankly.

"I asked you a fucking question!" Steven bellows, taking a few steps forward.

You take a step back, instantly frightened. "I...I was out..."

"That's not what I fucking asked!" Steven is now directly in front of you and you watch in horror as he raises his left hand and brings it down roughly, backhanding you across your face, sending you slamming into the wall adjacent.

"Where the fuck were you, you little whore?"

Slowly you look at Steven, cradling your cheek with both hands as your green eyes blur with tears and your mouth fills with blood. Your cheek is throbbing and you feel a tear slip out from your eye as you fully focus on Steven's face, red with anger and alcohol.

Your mother makes no movement to stop Steven or reprimand him for his actions. She simply stays put, and remains where she is to this moment.

You look back to Steven, more tears cascading down your delicate cheeks as you think:  
Ohmigod...  
Jesus...  
Fuck no.  
What the...

"Why the fuck are you fucking crying?" Steven shouts, and that's the last of it. With what strength you have, you push past Steven and bolt for the front door, keeping your gut-wrenching sobs to yourself.

You fling open both doors and run outside to your car. You run for your life. You can hear Steven yelling after you, and suddenly a more feminine voice joins the fray. But you don't care. You tear open the driver's side door to your car and spit out the blood in your mouth before throwing yourself in the front seat, your body starting to tremble.

Now crying almost hysterically, you start your car and reverse dangerously out of your driveway, almost taking your mailbox with you. With screeching tires you drive away from your house, your cheek pulsating with pain.

_Oh God...where do I go?_ You think frantically, realizing you don't have a plan. _I'm not going to Mikey's...his family has enough problems as it is..._

You run straight through the stop-sign at the end of your street, causing a car to honk loudly at you. But you don't even hear it. Your mind is set. You know where you're headed.

_Hope's._

You pound loudly on Hope's front door, tears still branded onto your face. You can feel your cheek and area under your eye starting to swell from the blow from Steven, blood still pouring from the cuts from your teeth inside your mouth. You regret coming to anyone for help, and even considered parking your car at the park for the night and sleeping there, for you know there will be questions, but you don't know who to turn to.

"I'll get it!" you hear Hope shout from inside.

The first door opens and there stands your friend, a pleasant smile on her face. She's dressed in her pajamas, her hair in a ponytail, and when she sees you, she says, "Hey Alex..."

Hope's smiles drops like a dead fly when she sees the tears rolling out of your eyes and the large red mark on your face.

"Alex!" She opens the other door and drags you inside as you start to cry more, not being able to control it. "What the hell happened to you?"

And then you collapse. Heaving a giant sob you fall to your knees, bringing a hand to your face to hide your shame. Hope falls with you, her hands on your shoulders as her mother appears from the kitchen.

"Hope who is it..."

"Alex! Alex what's wrong?" Hope begs, grasping your shoulders as she kneels beside you, trying to look into your face which you keep covered.

"I never wanna go back..." you weep, your tears falling all around you.

"What happened?"

You hesitate. "St...Steven hit me."

You hear a gasp, and that only makes you cry harder. Hope looks at her mother with wide eyes and Mrs. Carpenter says, "I'll go get an ice pack."

Hope pulls you into her arms, rocking you back an forth, cooing to you gently. "Alex..."

"I never want to go back Hope." you cry. "I never want to go back."


	14. Chapter 14

The surrounding noise about you continues to roar as you stare into Ray's face, his words not registering in your dazed mind quite yet. Mikey seems to share the sentiment, for he is staring at Ray with narrowed eyes, not fully understanding the words that he just uttered.

"Did you fucking hear me? Your fucking brother's been in a fucking car accident!" Ray yells angrily, his eyes ablaze with frustrated rage.

And it hits you like a ton of bricks.

Your jaw falls and you instantly feel a sickening swirl arise in your stomach. Your heartbeat speeds up once more as Mikey nearly knocks Ray over as he jumps to his feet, shouting, "What?"

"Come on, your mom and dad are outside waiting." Ray says breathlessly, turning around and running back out of the living room, pushing people mercilessly out of the way as he goes. Mikey follows quick enough, barely able to rush down the path created by Ray.

You make no haste to follow. You sit on the couch, too stunned to move.

_Gerard..._

You swallow hard, tears stinging your eyes as you stand speedily, pulling your blazer up with you. You shove your arms through the sleeves as you run through the living room and out into the hallway, watching as the front door swings shut feet from you.

You squeeze through the people in the hallway, all oblivious to what is happening, until you finally reach the front door. You rip it open and run outside where you see a waiting car in the driveway and another backing out, a few dark silhouettes visible in the delayed car.

You run to the waiting car and rip open one of the back doors, hastily taking a seat. Once you slam the door shut, the car is thrown into reverse and it's then you realize you slipped into Bob's car, Ray in the passenger's seat, Bob driving, and Frank next to you in the back.

It is only Frank who dares to speak.

"What the fuck happened Ray?"

You can see Ray visibly shaking, an expressionless look on his face. His appearance is gaunt and by the way his hands keep moving in his lap, you know he is worried beyond belief, though he still may be tipsy.

"I was watching the fucking countdown when all the sudden the doorbell rings and since my mom was drunk off her ass, I answered the door. Well there's a fuckin' policeman standing there and I thought we were gettin' in some kinda trouble for the party, but he tells me Gerard's been in an accident."

Bob's hands grip the steering wheel tightly as he speeds through a red light, not willing to lose the Way's ahead of him, who are driving like bats out of hell.

"How did he know?" Frank asks curtly, his gaze stuck straight ahead.

"Said Gerard told him to come get us before he passed out. He's at the hospital now, in the ER probably." Ray runs a hand down his sweaty face as you do the best to swallow the lump in your throat.

"I just hope he'll make it."

How does that statement make you feel?  
Angry. Does he think that Gerard won't make it or something? Does he even want Gerard to make it!  
Scared. D...Does he think Gerard...won't...  
Nervous. Goddamn Gerard, he better make it!  
Horrible. He doesn't seem to have much faith...  
The rest of the ride to the hospital is completely silent, giving Bob the concentration he needs to make it to the Belleville Hospital in under ten minutes. All you think about the entire time is how badly you wish for Gerard to be okay, and nothing else.

You sprint from Bob's car along with everyone else once you all reach ths hospital, catching up to Mr. and Mrs. Way as they enter the building, Mikey behind them. Your eyes are wide with fear as you rush up to the front desk behind everyone else, already out of breath from the energy you put forth to keep up with everyone.

"My son, Gerard Way, was brought here a while ago." Donna breathes out, leaning heavily on the counter, her younger son and husband on either side of her.

The hospital, like most, is brightly lit and completely white. White-tiled floors, white walls, white waiting chairs, white everywhere. It almost gives you a headache, if it weren't for the fact that every fiber of your being is concentrated on the woman sitting behind the desk in front of you all, scanning the registration on her computer.

"Gerard is in the ER right now Mrs. Way, you'll have to wait out here." says the receptionist, looking up from her computer screen, a sad look in her eyes.

Donna nods and moves away from the counter, Donald's arm around her shoulders. She turns to face you and it's then you see the tears coursing down her cheeks like rivers. You watch with tears of your own in your emerald orbs as she lifts her head and catches your gaze, stopping Donald from moving as she does so.

And then your arms are around each other, allowing the other to cry into the other's shoulder. Donna's trembling body racks with sobs as she clings to you for support, her husband standing behind her looking melancholy, his face pale.

And suddenly, you feel another pair of arms wrap around you. And then another. Opening your eyes for a moment, you look behind you and see Mikey's head resting on your shoulder from behind, his eyes closed as he embraces you. You feel another set of arms holding you and when you look around, Ray is hugging Donna, Bob is holding both of you, and now Frank is looking for an open space, wanting to do something to make the pain go away.

So you six stand there, hugging each other, Donna and you exchanging tears, praying to God that Gerard makes it out of the ER all right.

You won't let yourself fall asleep in the plastic chair you're sitting in, your head resting on Mikey's shoulder. He has an arm around your shoulders and his head is leaning on top of your's, his own eyes almost closed. Donna and Donald are talking lightly with each other a few seats down from you and Mikey, and the rest of the boys are spread about, awake and waiting impatiently to know if Gerard is okay.

Mrs. Iero, Mrs. Toro, Gerard and Mikey's grandmother Elena, and Mr. and Mrs. Bryar arrived about a half an hour ago, looking sober and panicked. They now sit with their individual family after talking to Donna, daring not to say a word.

It's close to four o'clock in the morning and you're dying to fall asleep. But you won't. You have to make sure Gerard is okay.

"Mikey?" you whisper suddenly.

"Hm?" His chest vibrates with the sound, making your insides rage with butterflies.

"Do you think Gerard will be okay?"

Mikey doesn't respond to you at first. His hand circling your shoulders loosens a bit, but he doesn't move his head as he thinks about his answer.

"I don't kn-"

"Mr. and Mrs. Way?"

Everyone practically jumps from their seats upon hearing the voice, and looks over to the left to see a tired looking doctor standing there in a white lab coat, a white clipboard in one hand.

The doctor lets out a sigh and puts a pair of glasses on his face as Donna strides forward and asks hopefully, "Is Gerard okay?"

"Gerard will be fine, Mrs. Way." the doctor says, relieving everyone. You feel your body become instantly less tense and your find yourself letting out the breath you didn't know you were holding.

"He suffered a few injuries though. Some head trauma, lots of scrapes and bruises, but that's about it; it wasn't a very nasty accident, luckily for Gerard. Though it'll take a while for him to fully recover, he should be fine in a day or two."

You find tears of joy running down your face and Bob puts a supportive arm around your shoulders, bringing your smaller body to his. _Gerard's going to be okay._

"Can I see him?"

The doctor nods and then says, "This way." He turns his back to everyone and begins to escort Mr. and Mrs. Way down a white-tiled hallway, Elena following, clutching her purse tightly.

"I'll be right back, okay Alex?" Mikey asks before following.

You nod, knowing you'll be all right with the rest of the people back here, and give Mikey a sad smile before watching him jog after his mother, father, grandmother, and the doctor.

Almost too scared to do so, you push open Gerard's hospital room door, peeking your head in, tears clouding your vision. You can see Gerard sitting up in his hospital bed, his head down, black hair hiding his face from the world. His hands rest together in his lap, surprisingly calm, one wrist sporting a hospital band. There's a white bandage around his forehead, but it doesn't wrap entirely over or around his head. He's dressed in a worn hospital gown and he holds perfectly still, not bothering to look up as you close the door silently behind you.

You're the last to visit Gerard. You wanted to be last. You wanted to be alone. It's almost six o'clock in the morning now, darkness still lurking outside, a deathly chill in the air.

You sit silently and slowly in the chair beside Gerard's bed, looking at him with hurt eyes as a tear slides down your cheek. You place your hands daintily in your lap as your hair settles about your shoulders and pale face, your ankles crossed.

You just stare at Gerard, at a loss for words. He still doesn't look at you and you wish that he would so he could see how torn up you are over this. He almost died. _Died._ That would mean no more Gerard. No more of that quirkiness you live for, no more of the sarcasticness you love, no more of that smile you enjoy to see, nothing of Gerard would be left, but memories.

Another tears falls from your eyes as you try to stifle a sob, but it's useless. Gerard flinches as it leaves your mouth, and his hands clasp each other tightly, his eyes still unable to meet your's.

"Why?" you croak out, the tears evident in your voice.

You watch as Gerard clenches his fists and a drop of liquid falls from his face, landing on his pale, calloused hands. His hair still hides his face, so you don't know what's going on behind the shield of black, greasy hair, but you don't care. You want to know why.

"I'm sorry Alex." Gerard rasps out, his hands gripping each other toughly once more. "I'm so sorry." he chokes.

Feeling your barrier of anger collapse at Gerard's soft words, you rise from your seat and lean over to the boy, wrapping your arms tenderly around his shoulders and embracing him tightly.

"God Gerard, don't you _ever_ do that again." you mumble, squeezing his shoulders as he lifts his hands and places them on your back. "I thought I lost you... You scared me so much."

"I'm sorry Alex." Gerard repeats, burying his head into your chest, not allowing you to see the tears on his face and in his eyes. "I wasn't thinking... I was drunk and I wasn't thinking..."

The words sting you and your chest heaves with another quiet sob, one that breaks Gerard's heart. Slowly, you breach from him and look into his hazel-green eyes as you choke out, "I told you to come get me! I told you if you wanted to go anywhere that you should come get me!"

Gerard gazes into your green eyes, tears again blurring his vision. "I know... I'm sorry..."

You shake your head, sitting beside Gerard on the hospital bed, placing a hand over his own shivering ones. "Gerard you can't be sorry for something you meant to do. I know you were drunk, but that's not an excuse. God this almost cost you your life!"

Your words hurt Gerard more than anything, mostly because he knows you are right. He wants to be angry with you for your words, but he can't, and this irritates him.

"I know Alex. I know I was wrong."

"Then why do you drink?"

Gerard falls mute, not having anything to say to that. What can he say? Anything he will, he knows you'll have a comeback to, and his reason will be useless. Whatever he says will go in one ear and out the other. There's no reasoning with you when it comes to serious matters like this one.

You let out a sigh and wipe away your remaining tears, drawing in a shuddering breath as you do so. "Gerard, you've got to get control of your life. You can't go on like this. It'll break everyone's heart if something like this happens to you again." You look at your and Gerard's hands, which are now tightly holding on for dear life to one another. "Promise me you'll at least try and stop drinking. I know it's hard to quit a habit, but you have to try. If anything like this happens again... I don't know what I'll do."

_And that's not even half the truth._

Gerard nods solemnly, and you catch the last of it. For the first time since the New Year's Eve party, you smile a ghost of a smile, your eyes sparkling with new tears. You lean in once more and encircle Gerard's shoulders with your arms again, whispering to him, "Thank you."

He's okay! Thank **God**!

STUPID GERARD! I'm NEVER going to forgive him for this, NO MATTER WHAT!  
**Mikey's Point of View**

You lift your head when your ears pick up the sound of light footsteps coming from the hallway off to your left. Your bloodshot eyes see Alex walking your way, her head down and her arms wrapped around her abdomen. Her long, auburn hair falls over the front of her shoulders and sways lightly as she continues to walk your way, her legs moving slowly.

You rise from the plastic seat you're sitting in, everyone else oblivious to your actions, and walk to Alex swiftly. You meet her in the middle of the lobby and immediately take her into your arms, crushing her small body to your's.

She readily falls into your embrace, her face nuzzling into your chest as her arms wrap around your waist. You lower your head and squeeze her gently, comforting her as her body shakes with sobs.

You two remain like that for quite sometime before Alex pulls away slowly and looks up at you, her eyes red with sorrow. Slanting down, you kiss her forehead gently, closing your eyes as you do so. Alex closes her eyes too until you pull away and drape an arm around her shoulders, leading her over to the group of people awaiting you.

The car ride to your house is silent, except for when your mother invites Alex back to get some sleep. She obliges, for which you are secretly happy, but try not to let it show.

This whole night has had colossal effects on you; some good, and some bad. First it was spending the night with Alex, then the kiss with her, your brother's accident, and just now being in the hospital all morning.

Now that your feelings about Alex are plain, you aren't afraid to let the others know how you feel too. You openly comfort Alex, care to her every need, and think of before anyone else. Well, you always did, but now you don't have to hide it. You don't want to hide it. You want the world to know.

But what if Alex doesn't feel the same way? You don't know, but you desperately want to. No, scratch that, you _need_ to. If she doesn't return the feelings then it would-

_But she has too. She kissed me back, she never pushed me away, and she seems to have the same feelings as me._ You think, your father finally pulling up to your house. Your grandmother is right behind you four in her own car, but the other families have gone home to get some much needed sleep of their own.

_I'll talk to her later._ You conclude, helping her out of the car as your parents exit it. _After we both get some sleep._

Your father is the first to enter the house, sighing and running a hand through his hair as he does so. Your mother follows, and then your grandmother, and then finally you and Alex. Everyone is quiet and standing idly in the hallway, not knowing what to do next.

"Mikey take Alex upstairs and get her some clothes to sleep in." your mother orders, setting her purse on a nearby end table. "She can sleep in Gerard's bed for the time being."

Immediately Alex objects. "Oh no Donna I couldn't..."

Your mother smiles kindly at Alex. "Gerard won't mind dear. Go on, I know you don't want the couch."

Alex hesitantly nods and then gives your mom a smile before you both start to head up the stairs to your and Gerard's joint room. Alex still doesn't say a word, and your paranoid mind starts to rage with worried thoughts.

_What if she regrets what happened? What if she didn't like it? What if she just wants to be friends?_ You think, opening the door to your room, Alex finally breaking from you and walking to the first bed, sitting down on it and looking at the floor.

You watch her for a second before moving to your dresser and opening a few of the drawers, pulling out a random pair of boxers, and then a shirt. _God I'm such a retard. Alex is just tired._ You try to tell yourself, turning to face Alex.

"Here," you say, handing her the clothes. "You can wear these."

Alex looks up at you and smiles warmly, standing from Gerard's bed. "Thanks." she says, and then is gone.

You sigh as the door snaps shut behind Alex. You walk to your own bed as you rub your eyes wearily and then run your hands through your hair, your beanie falling to the floor. You take off your glasses and throw them onto your bed before removing your shirt and discarding that onto the floor. You put your glasses back on and then unbuckle your jeans, stepping out of them as they collapse to the floor too.

Just as you're crawling under the blankets of your bed, your glasses on your night-stand, there's a knock on your door and you say, "Come in."

Alex enters, wearing only the overly large Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt you gave her, the boxers in her hands. Immediately your eyes flicker to her slim legs, which are clearly visible for the shirt barely reaches the middle of her thighs. She puts her clothes on top of Gerard's dresser and then turns to you and you instantly break your gaze from her beautiful legs as she hands the boxers back to you.

You take them without question and throw them to the floor, turning back around to find Alex slowly placing herself lightly in Gerard's bed, looking exhausted.

Alex looks at you when she is fully under the blankets, her green eyes shining in the dim morning light that peeks through the curtains of your room. "Thank you Mikey." she says, giving you another small smile.

You return the smile, though you are clueless. The blankets of your bed resting around your waist, your chest bare, you question, "For what?"

Alex's smiles widens just a bit and she says softly, "For everything."

:)  
Aww!  
Okay...  
**Your Point of View**

You feel yourself being shaken awake after what felt like five minutes of sleep.

"Alex sweetie, it's time for dinner."

You open your bleary eyes and immediately they focus on Donna who is kneeling by Gerard's bed, one of her hands on your shoulder.

"We're waiting for you downstairs." Donna says, giving you a tiny smile and then standing, exiting the bedroom.

You yawn widely and then sit up in bed, scratching your head as you do so. You remember everything that happened today and aren't startled to find yourself in a barely familiar place in an even more unfamiliar bed.

Lazily, you throw the blankets from your au naturel legs and stand from the bed, the thing creaking with the weight release. You stretch widely and then turn to face Mikey's bed, wanting to see him sitting there and smiling at you. But he's not. You're alone.

Searching the bedroom quickly for the pair of boxers you cast away earlier, you find them and then slip them up your legs, quickly walking to the small mirror hanging over Gerard's dresser. Making a face at your disgusting appearance that includes bags under your eyes, messy, greasy hair, and a pale face, you try your best to make yourself presentable.

_God I've never cared about how I look before._ You think in annoyance, doing your best to flatten a piece of rebellious hair.

You know why it's different this time.

You know why you care so much.

Abandoning your unruly hair with an angry growl, you storm downstairs, yawning widely despite your mood. The smell of fried chicken instantly hits you and your mouth starts to water when you realize you haven't eaten since last night at the New Year's Eve party.

You enter the kitchen, your eyes traveling over everyone briefly. Donald looks tired and a bit grumpy, you can tell Donna is exhausted, but yet she still managed to put dinner on the table, Elena is helping Donna around the kitchen, and Mikey is sitting at the table with his father, his shirt missing. He's scratching his head and yawning as his glasses slide down his nose.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" you rasp out, having to clear your throat afterwards.

Donna looks over her shoulder as she stands by the stove, stirring a pot of macaroni and cheese. "Oh no dear, you go sit down. Elena and I have everything under control."

You nod a bit and then walk towards the wooden table, the shades of the windows drawn closed in front of them. Still you can tell it is dark out and when you glance at the kitchen clock you find it's 6:47 PM.

_I slept a long time._ You think in amazement, taking the seat Elena directs you to as she sets a plate of fried chicken on the table; you sit across from Mikey, next to an empty seat. Mikey is in front of the windows, his back to them, Donald on your left at the head of the table.

Dinner goes much the same way the car ride did. Silent, tense, and slow. You still feel tired and you know you look horrible, and this bothers you all throughout dinner because, again, you can feel Mikey looking at you. It makes you squirm, but you can't do anything about it.

Everyone sits in soundlessness, not really having anything to say. No one tries to joke, no one tries to start conversation. Everyone's mind is on Gerard, wondering if he's faring okay in the infirmary.

"I'm going to go see Gerard at the hospital after I clean up." Donna announces once dinner is over.

"I'll go with you." Donald says quickly, Elena nodding along with him.

Quickly you and Mikey exchange glances, but before you can say anything Donna says, "I think it would be best if you went home Alex. You can come and see Gerard tomorrow, he'll be home by then."

You nod and Mikey instantly says, "I'll take her home."

Donna nods as she stands, her empty plate in her hand. "That's fine Mikey."

You and Mikey glance at each other again but you quickly look away, blushing at the thought of being alone with Mikey after what happened. Pulling away from those thoughts, you stand and take Donald's empty plate as he leaves to go get ready to go back to the hospital.

"Can I help?" you ask Donna, taking the dishes and silverware to the sink.

Donna looks up as she puts a few drops of dish soap onto a sponge and then turns on the sink faucet. "No Alex, you can go get cleaned up; Elena and I will take care of everything."

"Are you sure?" You hate being at someone's house and not doing anything to help.

Donna smiles, taking the dirty dishes from you as Mikey brings over his own. "Alex, I know you're tired and your parents are probably wondering where you are."

_Not really._ You think, giving Donna a pained smile. "Okay."

Donna smiles and then turns her attention back to the dishes as you walk from the kitchen, headed back upstairs with Mikey behind you.

"I'll show you how to work the shower." Mikey says, climbing the few steps that lead to the hallway upstairs. "And I'll give you some clean clothes."

You move out of the way so Mikey can go into his room first, choosing not to answer him. You wait in the doorway as he retrieves some more of his clothes for you to wear and a smaller pair of his jeans. He hands you the clothes and you take them, flashing him a small smile before you turn your back to him and walk down the hall to the bathroom.

Again you let Mikey enter the room first and wait patiently while he turns on the light and moves to the bathtub. It is a small bathroom, much like your's. A sink to the left, a tall mirror that doubles as a medicine cabinet above it, the toilet next to that, then the shower/tub on the far wall. On the wall to your right is a towel rack and a few pictures. The theme of the bathroom is light teal and pink stipes, with matching towels and rugs.

"You just adjust the temperature and then pull this thing." Mikey explains, bending over the tub and pointing to what he described on top of the spout. You nod in understanding and wait for Mikey to leave, beginning to feel uncomfortable already.

Mikey walks to you, looking down at his feet as he stops in front of you, wishing he had pockets to put his hands in. But he merely stands in front of you wearing boxers and glasses, his hair messy and his eyes timeworn.

Finally, not being able to take the awkwardness anymore, you sidestep Mikey and walk to the toilet, placing your clothes and things on top. Mikey closes his eyes and lets out the breath he was holding, his heart pounding in his chest as he walks from the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later you depart from the bathroom, your hair hanging in wet locks down your back, soaking the plain, too-large t-shirt you are wearing, along with a pair of jeans that are also too big for you. You feel more awake now that you've showered and cleaned your hair, taking the time you needed to think about certain things.

Like about what happened last night. The Kiss.

Of course you meant it. Of course you'd been waiting for it. But why did Mikey do it? Was it spur of the moment? Was he just going along with the tradition that you should kiss someone to bring in the New Year?

Sadly, all thoughts of Gerard are pushed from your mind as you enter Mikey's bedroom, your clothes balled up in your hands. Mikey is sitting on his bed, a shirt now on his chest as he strums the strings of his guitar.

_Thank God he put a shirt on._ You think, stealing a glance at Mikey as you throw your clothes onto Gerard's bed and start to fold them. _That was getting too tempting._

Mikey absentmindedly fingers chords on his guitar, not really paying attention to what he is doing. He is watching you, a plan in his mind. He's thought about last night and knows the questions he wants answers to. He knows exactly what he's going to say to you, now all he has to do is drive up the courage to say it.

"Alex?"

You look up, across Gerard's bed, and meet Mikey's eyes, looking at you questioningly. How do you reply, fighting to push down the blush threatening to rise on your cheeks?  
Yes?  
Hmm?  
What?  
Yeah?  
"I think we need to talk."

You hesitantly nod, knowing Mikey is right. Setting down the shirt you are currently folding, you walk around Gerard's bed and over to Mikey's, sitting next to him as he lays his trusty Fender behind him on his slim bed, which creaks under your weight as you sit down.

"What's going on with us?"

And then it comes. A full-on blush invades your cheeks, reddening your entire face. What makes it worse is that Mikey is watching you, waiting for an answer. If you looked at him though, instead of at your fidgeting hands, you'd see a similar blush on his own cheeks.

"I don't know..." you start, feeling foolish.

And suddenly a hand appears in your vision. Mikey grabs your chin softly and lifts your head, turning it to face him. This causes the ruby color on your cheeks to deepen and you bite the inside of your lip as you look into Mikey's chocolate eyes reluctantly.

"Did it mean anything to you?"

"What?" you squeak out, knowing what he means, but not knowing if you heard him correctly.

"Last night. Did it mean anything to you?"

You pause, biting the inside of your lip a little harder. Mikey's hand falls from your chin and into his lap, his body turned partially to you. You try and swallow the knot in your throat but you can't, and this makes you even more anxious then you already are.

"Alex, please, you have to tell me." Mikey pauses, his eyes pleading with you to comply to his wish. "I've liked you for so long...but I never got the courage to tell you how I feel, mostly because I was afraid you didn't feel the same way. But I can't take it anymore. After what we shared last night, I have to tell you."

Your blood turns to ice in your veins as Mikey utters the words you've waited to hear for so long. All you can do at the moment is stare at Mikey, your jaw slowly becoming unhinged as your emerald eyes broaden.

Mikey watches your reaction, daring not to say a word until you have spoken. Surprisingly, he doesn't regret what he just said to you. In fact, he's glad that he's finally told you how he really feels.

_God it feels so good to get that off my chest._ Mikey thinks, watching your reaction further as you continue to stare at him, shocked beyond belief. _I just wish she would say something._

_He feels the same way I do..._

You finally realize, a smile starting to blossom on your face. _Mikey likes me too!_

With a grin, you throw your arms around Mikey's neck and hug him tightly, causing him to fall back onto his bed in shock. You smile stupidly for a few seconds before you pull back from Mikey just a bit, so your face hovers above his by a few inches.

"I like you too Mikey. I have liked you since the day we met."

What.

A.

Relief.

Mikey grins wider then you already are and, with no time to spare, your lips connect with his, and your heart soars once more.

After taking some time to sort through your feelings, talk about why it took so long for you each to come forth with your feelings, and speak about anything else that surfaced in the conversation, Mikey tells you it would be best if he took you home, thinking it wouldn't be a good idea if his parents came home and you were still there. So, a little after seven thirty that evening, you and Mikey walk hand-in-hand out to his Acura NSX, talking quietly with one another.

Though the car ride to your house is quiet, for once it isn't awkward. You and Mikey's fingers are still laced and resting on the arm rest between you two as he drives, a smile on his face. You also cannot wipe the soft smile from your face as you gaze out the side window, relishing in the warmth your body now seems to possess.

Mikey pulls up to your house a little around seven fifty and shuts off the engine to his car. He turns to face you, his hands still clasped in your's, his eyes twinkling through the panes of his glasses.

"I'm glad I finally told you how I feel Alex, I really am." Mikey says softly, his eyes flickering over every aspect of your beautiful face.

You smile. "I am too Mikey."

You two lean in towards each other and your lips meet in an innocent and gentle kiss. It lasts but a moment and then you two break away, smiling at each other.

"I'll walk you to your door."

Of course **that** ruins the night.

"No!" you say quickly, and quite loudly. Mikey looks at you, an eyebrow raised, halfway poised to take off his seatbelt. You blush. "It's just...I haven't been home in a while and I don't want my parents anger to be taken out on you too."

Mikey frowns. "Well maybe I can explain..."

"There's no explaining to my parents." you tell Mikey with a sad smile. "It's okay, just call me later or something." You take off your seatbelt and open the car door.

Mikey watches you oddly, the clothes that were once in your lap now under your free arm. "You sure?" he asks.

"Positive." You give him another smile and then say, "Bye Mikey."

Smiling just for you, Mikey says, "See ya Alex."

You slam his car door shut and then run up to your house, keeping your clothes tucked under your arm tightly. The last thing I would want is Mikey seeing Steven yell at me. You think, reaching your front door. As usual, it's unlocked, so you swing it open and then prop it against with your hip, opening the other door with your free hand.

Thankful to be in from the cold of the winter in New Jersey, you quietly shut both doors behind you, trying not to be heard by anyone.

You turn back around slowly to trek to your bedroom unseen, and let out a breath in alleviation when you find the way clear. You run to your room and shut your door soundlessly, dumping your clothes onto your bed. Swiftly, you strip out of Mikey's clothes and put on a fresh pair of your own; a pair of sweat-pants and a black t-shirt. After changing you brush your hair, humming an unknown tune to yourself, and then grab your keys and purse, deciding some ice cream sounds good right about now. Since your parents don't seem to be home, why not?

_I think I deserve it._ You think happily, walking from your room and then turning to shut your door. _Since I finally admitted to Mikey how I feel._

You turn around and are about to walk down the hallway and out the front door once more, but find your path blocked by Steven. An enraged Steven.

"Where the FUCK have you been?"

You stare at your step-father, too stunned to speak at first. You can see your mother standing behind Steven, her arms limp at her sides, staring at you blankly.

"I asked you a fucking question!" Steven bellows, taking a few steps forward.

You take a step back, instantly frightened. "I...I was out..."

"That's not what I fucking asked!" Steven is now directly in front of you and you watch in horror as he raises his left hand and brings it down roughly, backhanding you across your face, sending you slamming into the wall adjacent.

"Where the fuck were you, you little whore?"

Slowly you look at Steven, cradling your cheek with both hands as your green eyes blur with tears and your mouth fills with blood. Your cheek is throbbing and you feel a tear slip out from your eye as you fully focus on Steven's face, red with anger and alcohol.

Your mother makes no movement to stop Steven or reprimand him for his actions. She simply stays put, and remains where she is to this moment.

You look back to Steven, more tears cascading down your delicate cheeks as you think:  
Ohmigod...  
Jesus...  
Fuck no.  
What the...

"Why the fuck are you fucking crying?" Steven shouts, and that's the last of it. With what strength you have, you push past Steven and bolt for the front door, keeping your gut-wrenching sobs to yourself.

You fling open both doors and run outside to your car. You run for your life. You can hear Steven yelling after you, and suddenly a more feminine voice joins the fray. But you don't care. You tear open the driver's side door to your car and spit out the blood in your mouth before throwing yourself in the front seat, your body starting to tremble.

Now crying almost hysterically, you start your car and reverse dangerously out of your driveway, almost taking your mailbox with you. With screeching tires you drive away from your house, your cheek pulsating with pain.

_Oh God...where do I go?_ You think frantically, realizing you don't have a plan. _I'm not going to Mikey's...his family has enough problems as it is..._

You run straight through the stop-sign at the end of your street, causing a car to honk loudly at you. But you don't even hear it. Your mind is set. You know where you're headed.

_Hope's._

You pound loudly on Hope's front door, tears still branded onto your face. You can feel your cheek and area under your eye starting to swell from the blow from Steven, blood still pouring from the cuts from your teeth inside your mouth. You regret coming to anyone for help, and even considered parking your car at the park for the night and sleeping there, for you know there will be questions, but you don't know who to turn to.

"I'll get it!" you hear Hope shout from inside.

The first door opens and there stands your friend, a pleasant smile on her face. She's dressed in her pajamas, her hair in a ponytail, and when she sees you, she says, "Hey Alex..."

Hope's smiles drops like a dead fly when she sees the tears rolling out of your eyes and the large red mark on your face.

"Alex!" She opens the other door and drags you inside as you start to cry more, not being able to control it. "What the hell happened to you?"

And then you collapse. Heaving a giant sob you fall to your knees, bringing a hand to your face to hide your shame. Hope falls with you, her hands on your shoulders as her mother appears from the kitchen.

"Hope who is it..."

"Alex! Alex what's wrong?" Hope begs, grasping your shoulders as she kneels beside you, trying to look into your face which you keep covered.

"I never wanna go back..." you weep, your tears falling all around you.

"What happened?"

You hesitate. "St...Steven hit me."

You hear a gasp, and that only makes you cry harder. Hope looks at her mother with wide eyes and Mrs. Carpenter says, "I'll go get an ice pack."

Hope pulls you into her arms, rocking you back an forth, cooing to you gently. "Alex..."

"I never want to go back Hope." you cry. "I never want to go back."


	15. Chapter 15

And you never do go back.

For two days you stay with Hope, living with her family, soaking up the comfort you want and need. You haven't spoken to any of the boys, not even Gerard, though you did have Hope call and ask if he was all right. You told her all about New Year's Eve and the events that followed and, as always, she was an avid listener.

It wasn't even a question whether or not you'd stay with the Carpenters. They welcomed you with open arms, though not without a talk first. They wanted to call Child Services and report Steven, but you aren't a child anymore and it would be useless. Mr. Carpenter suggests getting the authorities involved, but you would hear none of it. You're sure if you tried to lock Steven up, he'd find a way to get out and come after you. What he did to you, proves it.

Besides, if the police go to your home, they'll find your mother high on pills or some other drug and you don't want her to go to jail. She's the one thing that stands between you and Steven. Though she isn't much of a barrier, she is something.

School starts back up in two days, but you don't want to go back. You have an awful looking bruise covering almost the entire right side of your face, and you know you won't be able to cover it all, leading to questions that you don't want to answer. Mrs. Carpenter said you would be allowed to stay home, and she would simply write you a note of absence, and you consider her offer.

You've thought about a lot of things over the last two days. All this chaos with your family is really starting to nip at you. Your mother's drug habit, her nonexistent actions when Steven hit you, and Steven's behavior, as well as his drinking. You are starting to hate your family with a passion more than ever before, and have even thought about moving out, but haven't told anyone, not even Hope.

Gerard's accident is still on your mind as well. Hope reports that he is fine and at home, ready to go back to band practice, but what worries you is that he'll just overlook the seriousness of what happened and drink again. Gerard _must_ understand that he almost _died_, and he's lucky he made it out alive. But you know he doesn't see that, and that saddens you greatly.

But most of all, you think about Mikey. The guilt builds up inside of you as each minute of every day passes when you don't pick up the phone and tell him what has happened. Hope tells you he's asked for you when he's called her house looking for you (which is almost four times a day), she says that he's worried because he hasn't talked to you. You won't allow Hope to tell anyone where you are until you see fit, so Hope is forced to reassure Mikey that you're all right and that he shouldn't worry. But you know he will. Mikey is smarter than that.

So it's January 2nd, 1999, and you're sitting in Hope's room lazily watching TV as she showers. It's a Monday and it's about one in the afternoon. The sun peeks out from behind a few clouds and a sheet of ivory snow still rests on the ground, the weather still mercilessly bitter. You and Hope stayed up late last night watching a movie and slept away most of the morning before making breakfast and beginning to start your day, for you want to savor your last few days of vacation. Hope's parents are at work and you're grateful to have a moment's peace that isn't sure to last long.

_There's nothing on._ You think with a sigh, shutting off the TV just as Hope conveniently enters her bedroom dressed in not but a towel, her hair dried and straightened to perfection.

"Awake yet?" she asks with a smile, moving to her dresser to pick out come clothes to change into.

You return the smile a bit, but it hurts immensely. "As awake as I'm gonna get."

Things with you and Hope have been strained these last two days. Hope begs you to tell someone about your problems other than her, but you won't hear a word of what she has to say. You don't want to tell anyone, you don't want anyone to know about your horribly embarrassing home life, you don't _want_ any help from anyone.

"Well that's good because-"

Cutting off Hope's statement is her phone ringing. Sighing, she crawls onto her bed, forgetting her clothes, and reaches out to pick up her cordless phone.

"Hello?" There's a pause, and you listen nosily. "Oh hey Mikey."

Your eyes widen and you immediately start making hand gestures and shaking your head to Hope, urging her to tell Mikey you're not here and she hasn't heard from you since yesterday.

Hope frowns at you as she says slowly, "No... I haven't talked to her since yesterday."

You bite your lip and wait for Hope to talk next. She continues to glower at you as she listens to Mikey speak, almost frantically.

"Sure, if I can get a hold of her I'll tell her to call you. Bye Mikey." Hope hangs up her phone and then turns back to you, glaring at you.

"I'm not lying to him again if he calls."

You look guiltily down at Hope's bed sheets, picking at a nonexistent spot. "Hope..."

"No Alex." Hope says firmly, still staring fiercely at you. "You have to talk to Mikey. He cares about you, a lot, and he's worried."

Your insides twist uncomfortably, and again you feel the weight of all your problems baring down on you. _Hope's right..._

"Why don't you go see him?" Hope suggests, not caring about the fact that she's dressed in her towel still, her hair hanging limply about her shoulders.

"No!" you say quickly, looking at Hope. "I can't do that!"

"Well why not?" Hope snaps, standing from her bed furiously. "God Alex, can't you see that Mikey cares about you more than _anything_? What you're doing is killing him! Calling him won't make anything better, and you know it!" She pauses, staring at you with angry eyes; you're surprised because you've never seen Hope like this. Never has she lashed out on anyone before.

"Mikey has a right to know Alex, he's the closest to you out of all those boys, you and I both know that! You care for him as much as he does for you, maybe even more, and if you two plan on having a relationship then you have to be honest with him!" Hope yells.

Guilt prickles down your spine as you lower your head to look at Hope's bed on which you sit, closing your eyes.

What do you whisper, tears once again flooding out of your eyes?  
You're right.  
I'm sorry Hope, I should've listened to you from the beginning.  
I hate when you're right.  
I'm sorry for all of this Hope, you're so right.  
"Oh Alex..." You feel Hope's bed sink with her weight as she sits next to you, putting a comforting arm around your shoulders as you cry silently, bringing a hand to hide your face.

"No Hope, you're right. I should tell Mikey, and over the phone is not the way." You look at Hope after wiping away your tears, a hard look to your green eyes. "I'll go see him today."

"Do you want me to come?" Hope asks, rubbing your back gently.

"No. This is something I want to do on my own."

After a quick shower, you throw your hair up in a ponytail and then change into a pair of Hope's jeans and put on the black t-shirt you wore to her house. Hope lets you borrow one of her nicer jackets and then sees you off to Mikey's, speaking words of encouragement to you.

Hope did her best to hide the bruise on your face with the aide of makeup, but it was nearly impossibly. A sickly yellow and purple color, the injury is not pretty to look at, and you suggest wearing sunglasses, but that would seem a little odd considering the sun really isn't shining it's brightest today. So, with about a pound of coverup on your face, you drive to Mikey's, pushing the anxiety from your mind.

You pull up to the Way's a little after two o'clock that afternoon, feeling your courage failing. You want to tell Mikey, and Hope's words of solace helped you to work up the bravery to do so, but it is quickly leaving you. Your body is shaking and your face still hurts tremendously, and you're doing your best to hold back the tears you wish to shed. You have to be strong. You have to show everyone you can get through this without their help.

Taking a deep breath and then slowly letting it out, you open your car door, exiting your tiny Camry. _I can do this._ You tell yourself, not bothering to lock your car behind you. _It's not going to be as hard as I think._

But in the back of your mind, you know that's far from the truth.

You knock quietly on the Way's front door, your face towards the ground. You swallow hard, coercing your tears away as the threaten to spill out once more, and then tuck a piece of hair behind your ear nervously. You wish, to spare yourself the pain, that no one heard your knock on the door and you can just tell Hope that-

"Why hello Alex! I haven't heard from you in a couple days!"

You jerk your head up quickly, realizing you were too deep in your trouble to hear the door open. Your eyes meet those of Donna's, smiling warmly at you from the inside of her house.

"Is Mikey here?" you ask, not bothering to return the greeting.

Mrs. Way takes note of the agonizing emotional pain in your voice immediately, but doesn't question it. "Up in his room. You're free to go up and talk with him if you'd like."

"Thank you." you say, barely audible as Donna ushers you into the house, holding both doors open for you.

Bowing your head once more, you hide your sorrow-filled eyes from the likes of Donna and swiftly make your way to Mikey and Gerard's room, hoping that the older boy isn't around.

Again you knock softly on Mikey's bedroom door, waiting a response anxiously, your bottled up emotions endangering to burst within you.

"Come in."

The words aren't even fully out of his mouth before you hurtle into Mikey's and Gerard's room, a tear finally managing to escape the confines of your eyes. Mikey's head snaps up from his guitar he's worshiping, but he instantly puts it aside when he sees you standing in front of his open door.

"Alex..."

Mikey stands and catches you in his arms as you throw yourself at him, sobbing into his chest as your delicate hands grasp his worn shirt. Mikey hugs you tightly to him, not bothering to ask what's bothering you quite yet. He knows questions aren't what you need now, just by taking one look at you. You need console. You need him.

Mikey strokes your rusty-red hair as he sets you down gently on his bed, your body shaking with sobs. You adhere to Mikey, your face pressed against his chest though it hurts, but you don't care. His soothing caresses are slowly calming you and you try to push your emotions away, feeling foolish all of the sudden.

Your weeps finally die out and you pull back from Mikey, keeping your face down as you wipe away your woes...and your makeup. Mikey reaches out to you, gripping your chin lightly and pulling your face up in his direction. You close your eyes, knowing your makeup is smudged and your bruise is visible, more tears spilling out from under your eyelids.

You don't get to see Mikey's reaction, but you can feel it. His hand holding your chin flinches just the slightest and you hear him draw in a breath of horror as he turns your head to the left, getting a better look at your injury.

"Alex... What the hell happened to your face?"

You open your watery eyes and stare into Mikey's own, stricken with terror and worry. Your bottom lip quivers and a few more tears slip past their boundaries, scaring your face in their wake. Mikey looks at you sadly, his hand falling from your chin as both now rest on your shoulders, forcing you to face him fully.

"Alex, please, tell me what happened." Mikey begs, running the back of his hand down the side of your face, careful not to press down too hard.

You look away from Mikey, too repentant to look into his eyes as you respond, "Steven hit me."

You close your eyes once more, biting your lip to muffle a sob as Mikey's eyes widen and he rasps out in disbelief, "What?"

You open your eyes finally and look at Mikey, your eyes shining with tears. "Steven hit me." you choke out once more.

At once you are crushed against Mikey's chest, bawling your eyes out as he holds you tightly to him, but this time whispering words of consolation as he does so.

"God Alex..." Mikey mumbles, shutting his eyes tightly as he gives you a squeeze.

What are you thinking as of now?  
This isn't helping...  
God...Mikey...  
I wish this never happened... All of it.  
I hate my life. I wish I were someone else.  
After a while, your crying has calmed somewhat, and your body has stopped quaking, all thanks to Mikey. His soothing words and caresses pacified you so much that you almost felt yourself relaxed.

Mikey pulls away from you a bit, looking at you sadly before taking your face in his hands, cupping your cheeks softly. "No matter what Alex, you'll always have me." Mikey says, his eyes traveling over your face lovingly as his thumbs stroke your cheeks, wiping away your remaining tears. "You'll always have me."

You nod, your face creasing with tormenting once more as your heart melts at Mikey's words. He sees your tears again and leans forward, pressing his lips onto your forehead before pulling you into another embrace.

"You're too beautiful to be treated this way." Mikey murmurs, one of his hands rubbing your back tenderly. "You don't deserve this."

Another few moments of silence ensue while you and Mikey just hold each other, soaking in the feelings of the person they hold dear.

Though Mikey could never even imagine how your life is and was, he can be there for you, and he will. Sure, he doesn't know what your life is like, but that doesn't mean he won't help you through it every step of the way. Now that he has you, he doesn't want to lose you, and those feelings are mutual.

You know Mikey cares for you more than anything, but you are uncomfortable with the fact that you came to Mikey as you did. Breaking down in front of someone you have feelings more than a friend for isn't high on your To Do List, but somehow, deep down, you knew it was the right thing to do. Hope was right. Mikey was right. And somewhere inside of you, a part of your being is relieved that you have Mikey to confide in, as you're about to do.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mikey asks softly, still holding you in place to his physique.

You nod and the sniffle as you pull yourself away from Mikey reluctantly, ridding your eyes from tears with the back of your hand.

"There's some things I need to-"

"Looks like somebody had a rough night."

You and Mikey both look over to the doorway of the bedroom speedily, you just now realizing that you didn't shut the door. In the doorway stands Gerard, a quirky smirk on his face as he leans on the doorframe, his arms crossed.

He looks good for just having been in a car wreck. His long, black hair looks brushed for once, but is still messy as it frames his round face, which has numerous scratches and bruises. There's a long gash on his forehead, reaching from one side to the next in a crooked line, but other than that Gerard looks fine.

Mikey glares at his brother and you look away, embarrassed to let Gerard see you like this. Gerard notices this and is about to say something, but his brother beats him to it.

"Gerard shut up and get the hell outta here. Me and Alex are talking and you're not included."

Your eyes widen probably to their fullest extent when you hear Mikey say this, and you cannot keep yourself from jerking your head to look at him in surprise. He's still glowering at his brother, who is staring at Mikey similar to a way you are.

Gerard looks at his brother and then at you, and then back to Mikey with a hard look on his face before doing a double take on you.

"Jesus fucking Christ Alex what happened-"

"Gerard get out!" Mikey yells, preparing to stand to use force if needed.

Gerard stops halfway through the room and you, feeling guilty, say softly, "I'll tell you later Gerard."

Gerard looks at you and nods curtly before turning his back to his brother and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him, but not fully. Mikey doesn't notice though as he turns his attention back to you, saying, "Sorry about that."

Gerard lingers outside of his bedroom door, straining to hear what is going on inside through the crack in the door when suddenly, his mother appears, looking timid and worried.

"What-"

Gerard presses a finger to his lips and beckons his mother forward with the wave of his hand, urging her to be as quiet as she can.

"There's...some things I need to tell you Mikey." you say from inside Mikey's room, completely oblivious to the people eavesdropping outside the door. "Some things that I've kept from you because...I didn't want anyone to know..."

Gerard and Donna look at each other, exchanging sympathetic looks. Of course Gerard knows what's coming, but Donna has no idea.

"Alex, you don't have to tell me if-"

"Mikey, I need to tell you this." you pause, and Gerard can almost guess that you're not looking at Mikey and tucking a piece of auburn hair behind your ear. "If we plan on having a relationship, then I need to tell you this." Gerard can hear the tears in your voice.

There's another pause and finally Mikey says, "All right Alex."  
*takes deep breath*  
*chews lip nervously*  
*taps foot in anxiousness*  
*suddenly feels itchy*

Donna and Gerard listen intently to the atrocious true story through the rickety wooden bedroom door. Neither can believe the horror you tell Mikey, and though Gerard already knows most of it, it still torments his heart to hear it again.

Donna's eyes are filled with tears as she hears you sob into Mikey's chest, repeating over and over how sorry you are that you never told him sooner and that you never want to go back to live with your parents.

"Alex, please don't cry..." Mikey begs, doing his best to try and calm you. "You don't have to go back if you don't want to."

"Where do I go though?" you ask, looking at Mikey with red, puffy eyes. "I don't have anywhere to go!"

"I'm sure if I talk to my mom about it and explain the situation to her-"

"I don't want anyone else to know though!"

"Alex you can't keep this from anyone else, this is serious."

"But no one can do anything about it!" you say frantically.

Mikey pauses, looking away from you momentarily. Finally he says, "For now you're going to stay here." You open your mouth and Mikey sees this and immediately continues. "No, I don't want to hear it. There's no way I'm letting you go back there to that hell hole. You're staying with us whether you like it or not; I'm not letting you get hurt again."

You stare at Mikey, knowing you can't sway his mind on a matter like this. Slowly, you nod your head and then Mikey leans forward, enveloping you in another hug.

"I don't want anything to happen to you Alex. I care for you too much." Mikey whispers, massaging your back as you let out a shuddering breath, closing your eyes.

"Thank you Mikey."

You two remain that way until you suddenly hear a few light knocks on the bedroom door. You and Mikey quickly separate and then look over to the door as it opens and there stands Donna, her eyes red and a strained yet sad smile on her face. Gerard is standing behind her looking at his feet, his black hair falling around his face.

"Alex..." Donna walks swiftly to you and you look at her questioningly as she stops before you and then leans down to hug you tightly, taking in a breath as she does so.

"I'm so sorry Alex..." she says, and your eyes widen a bit when you realize she's crying.

"Sorry for what?" you ask Donna, beginning to feel uncomfortable as she continues to hug you, Gerard now standing further into the room.

Donna pulls back from you and you get a good look at the hazel eyes filled with tears, for some unknown reason to you. She grasps your shoulders, bending down so she is level with you, and says softly, "I couldn't help but listen in..."

Your heart stops and you stare at Donna, your eyes widening as shock races through you. _She heard everything I just said?_ You think angrily. But that anger quickly changes to unhappiness when you see the look Donna is giving you. You can't be angry with her. She's like your second mother, and your mood instantly drops once more.

"If I would've known how bad your home life was sooner, I would've had you living with us long ago." Donna says, giving your shoulders a squeeze. "Don't ever feel that you can't come to us for help dear, we're here for you, all of us."

Gerard moves forward at this point, his eyes fixated on your figure, as if to show he agrees with all his mother says. But, to you, all this conversation does is make you more embarrassed and ill at ease by the second.

_I don't want their help._ You think, biting your lip and restraining a sniffle from emerging. _This isn't their problem and I don't want them to be burdened by more than they have to..._

"Alex," Donna says gently, making you lock eyes with her once more. "We're here for you." she repeats. "We always will be."

You force yourself to look into her eyes, the ones that shine with tears. At that moment you feel Mikey grab one of your free hands and clasp it tightly between his fingers, reinforcing what his mother just said.

You feel your composure at that very moment break. A tear running down your cheek idly, your nod your head at Donna and she, once again, pulls you into another loving hug, one that you wish you could feel every day for the rest of your life.

But, somewhere in the back of your mind, a voice is screaming at you that this isn't right. That you shouldn't be excepting help from people who have enough problems as it is.


	16. Chapter 16

Just like with the Carpenters, you stay with the Ways until school starts. You took your things from Hope after explaining to her what happened, and she smiled and wished you the best of luck. She even gave you a few of her clothes to take, saying you could give them back to her whenever.

You stayed in Mikey's and Gerard's room while Gerard took the couch in the living room to sleep on during the night. You didn't want it to be that way, but Gerard insisted, saying he liked sleeping on the couch anyway.

Steven nor your mother had called to ask about your whereabouts, and you hadn't heard anything of or from them, but you didn't care. You're glad they don't worry about you.

Living with the Ways turned out to be like a dream. Like you always thought a normal family would be like. Mikey and Gerard argue over petty things from time to time, Donna and Donald get along wonderfully, they all sit down and have a peaceful dinner most of the time, and everything is just so right, that you want to stay forever.

But you know you can't.

Unfortunately for you, your bruise isn't going away. School approaches faster than you expect and you become anxious, not wanting to go back to have to face all the questions. So you ask Donna if you can go back on the second day instead of the first, and to your relief she agrees. Even if it is only a day later, you'll feel more comfortable.

You and Mikey have become inseparable. When he isn't practicing in the garage with the rest of the band or sleeping, his time is spent with you; being apart is unbearable, so you soon come to find out. And you wouldn't have it any other way. Your care for Mikey runs so deep that it pains you to think what life would be like without him now that you have him. He's so sweet and caring and loving and... Oh God he's fucking perfect, and you know it. You've never been so happy in your entire life, despite the path your life has taken, and will continue to take.

When the other guys asked about your bruise, Gerard and Mikey forced you to tell them the truth, saying there will be no secrets in this friendship. Reluctantly, you told Bob, Ray, and Frank the truth, and were immediately met by an uproar. Frank wanted to rip Steven's throat out, Ray wanted to "give him a piece of my mind", and Bob wanted to destroy his brand-new truck to teach him a lesson, and this is exactly what you feared. The anger this situation would ensue in your friends was something you didn't want to deal with. They claim they'll be there for you no matter what, and this makes you feel slightly better, but also more worse.

For some reason, something insists on nagging you in the back of your mind. Something is warning you. Telling you this isn't right. That you shouldn't be doing what you're doing. That it's wrong and you need to sort your problems out on your own. That you shouldn't be sponging off the Ways any longer. It's not right. And with each hour that passes through your days, this concern in your conscience grows.

So you have mind to do something about it.

"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Mikey asks softly, gently tucking a piece of auburn hair behind your ear as his other arm rests around your hips, his body almost fully pressed up against your's.

You nod up at Mikey, giving him a strained smile. Thankfully he doesn't notice the falseness of your impure happiness for once and leans down to softly press his lips against your's.

After a moment Mikey means to pull away, but you don't allow him. Standing up on your tippy-toes, you urge your lips more onto Mikey's, grabbing the front of his shirt gently and bringing his body down to your's to make the kiss last as long as you want.

"God let him breathe!" Gerard says suddenly, emerging from the kitchen with a bagel slopped with cream cheese in hand. "I don't know how to give CPR!"

You and Mikey break away from each other and both glare at Gerard, which only causes the boy to smirk. You and Mikey are now open with the relationship you have, the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship you've always wanted, but the one you're giving up on so easily.

You turn back to Mikey as Gerard walks into the living room, chomping on his bagel heartily. "You have fun in school."

Mikey captures you in his arms, giving you a squeeze. "Without you it's going to suck."

You let out a soft chuckle, suddenly feeling the impulse to cry. You push the feeling away though as Mikey draws away from you and leans down once more to get another kiss from your beautiful lips.

"Michael you're going to be late!" Donna calls, sticking her head out from the kitchen, late for work herself.

Groaning against your lips, Mikey pulls away and says, "I'll see you later."

"Bye." You give Mikey another kiss and then walk him to the door, your hand on his arm as if to guide him.

"If you need anything, nag Gerard." Mikey says, turning to you one last time before walking completely out the open door he's holding. "Get some rest and I'll-"

You laugh, a choke coming out along with it for some odd reason. "Mikey! I'm not five! Go on before you're late!"

Mikey leans through the doorway one last time to give you a quick kiss before running to his Acura, his messenger bag bouncing wildly on his hip. You give him a small wave and a pained smile before he pulls out of the driveway and tears down the street with only five minutes left to get to school on time.

"Okay! I'm leaving!" Donna announces, running out into the hallway with a mug of coffee in her hand. She wears a knee-length jean skirt and a blue sweater, ready for another grueling day at work.

"Bye mom!" Gerard calls from the living room.

"Bye Donna." you say, holding open the door from her as she flashes you a smile and then is gone.

_Two more._ You think, trudging into the living room and plopping down on the couch next to Gerard, immediately planting your head on his shoulder, staring at the cartoons on the TV screen. You're wearing his clothes that are entirely too big for you, but you have no clothes of your own, considering you haven't been to your house in four days.

_Well that's all going to change._

You and Gerard waste the morning away watching the Power Puff Girls, Donald leaving around eight o'clock after bidding you both a quick goodbye.

"Got any plans for today?" you ask Gerard nonchalantly as he finally snaps off the TV and stretches, yawning widely to expose his yellow-stained teeth.

"I gotta go see a man about a place where we might do our next gig." Gerard stands from the couch as you look up at him, appearing tired. "Wanna come?"

How do you reply?  
Nah, no thanks.  
Not really.  
Nope.  
No, not really. But thanks for askin'.  
Gerard shrugs and says, "Well I'm going to go shower then I'm off."

You nod and watch as Gerard exits the living room, stretching still all the way. You turn your blank stare to face the equally blank TV screen, a thousand thoughts scouring your mind, but none coherent to you at this moment. All that fills your mind, is what you have planned to do next.

Gerard emerges from the bathroom about a half an hour later looking more awake, dressed in a nice pair of black jeans and a nice black dress shirt with a blue and white striped tie around his neck.

"How do I look?" he questions, coming into the living room and standing in front of you, holding out his arms for you to get a good look at him as he spins slowly in a circle.

You haven't moved from your position on the couch, not even to turn on the TV. You smile up at Gerard and tell him, "You look frickin' sexy."

Gerard smiles and then tackles you with a hug into the couch, causing you to laugh. Somewhere in the back of your mind something screams at you that this is wrong and you'd love to just feel one more of these kind of hugs before-

"Well, wish me luck." says Gerard, standing and fixing his outfit. He reaches into his pants pocket and produces his car keys, jingling them nervously in his pale hand.

"Luck." you say raspily up to Gerard, giving him one of the shadiest smiles you've ever given anyone. Gerard doesn't seem to notice.

"If you need anything, Ray took the morning off from Wally's today so you can bug him. I'll be back in the afternoon sometime, but I think Mikey'll be home before me." explains Gerard, backing out of the living room, his hazel-green eyes on you. "So don't do anything I wouldn't."

You glare playfully at Gerard who merely grins and says, "You sure you're going to be okay here alone?"

"Positive."

"Okay then. See ya later beautiful!" Gerard jogs out into the hallway, out the front door, and then disappears from your sight completely.

You remain sitting on the couch, still as a statue, until you hear the sound of Gerard's Escort engine starting, and then pulling out of the driveway, straining all the way. You continue to sit on the couch until you cannot hear the Escort engine anymore, and then five minutes after that, just to make sure Gerard doesn't come back.

With a heavy heart and a tight knot in your throat, you stand from the couch slowly, drawing in a shuddering breath as you do so. Slowly you trek up to Mikey's room, your head down, wishing you didn't have to do what you're going to do, but knowing you have to.

What?  
I'm lost.  
I think I have an idea of what's going on...  
**Mikey's Point of View**

You sit at your little lunch table, pushing your food around your tray in a lonely and bored manner. You're staring at your food with downtrodden eyes, wishing with every fiber of your being that Alex was sitting next to you, smiling the smile you wake up to see every morning.

_I wonder what she's doing?_ You think, not noticing a figure heading your way.

_God I didn't think being apart from her would feel this way._ You muse, absentmindedly bringing a spoonful of salad to your mouth and chewing it, not realizing that the school "salad" simply consisted of lettuce and salad dressing. _I should just skip the rest-_

"Hey Mikey."

You look up quickly and see Hope standing by your table, giving you a small smile before asking, "Can I sit down?"

You nod and Hope takes the seat opposite you, letting out a tiny sigh. "How's Alex? I see she didn't come today."

You let out a heavy sigh of your own. "She's okay I guess. I've been spending a lot of time with her to try to get her mind off things."

Hope nods. "That's good. I'm glad she's doing better." Hope pauses. "When she came over to my house the night Steven...you know...she was really upset. She kept crying and saying she never wanted to go home."

"I know. My mom said she could stay with us for as long as she wants, and that's where she is now."

"I figured." Hope says. She suddenly stands, giving you another smile. "I should get back to my table before they wonder why I'm talking with such a loser."

You glare at Hope playfully, despite the mood you are in, and say, "Well get ta steppin'."

Hope lets out a loud laugh and then says, "Tell Alex I'll call her later."

You smile. "Bye Hope."

Hope gives you a small wave and then saunters off to her lunch table, blond hair swaying gently behind her. You look away from her the moment she is seated at her table, frowning as you look at your uneaten food.

_I don't want Alex going back home._ You think, stabbing a piece of lettuce violently, your hatred for Steven still fresh. _Her family is abusive. That's something no one should live with._

You make up your mind as you chew the crunchy lettuce in your mouth, your eyes fixed on the trash can across the cafeteria.

_I'll ask Alex to move in with us tonight._

**Your Point of View**

You slip quietly out of the Way house, though no one is there to hear you leave. You're dressed in the sweat-pants and black t-shirt you were wearing when you arrived at Hope's four nights ago, your black Reeboks donning your feet. It is around noon but as cold as it's ever going to be, and you have just eaten lunch, and are more than ready for what you're about to do.

Though your mind is not.

_I wonder what'll happen?_ You think, getting into the driver's seat of your Camry and throwing your finds into the passenger's seat. One of Mikey's black beanies that you had no trouble finding in his cluttered room lays in the seat, along with a pair of Gerard's ridiculously large sunglasses that he loved to wear whenever he could.

Pushing all regretful thoughts from your mind, you start your car and reverse out of the Way's driveway. You put your car into drive and concentrate on the road ahead, forcing yourself not to look back because you know if you do, you'll break down and cry.

You arrive at your house a little before twelve thirty. The sun peeks out from behind a few meandering clouds as you brace yourself against the cold, running up to your small house. It's hard to keep your mind void of thoughts, for so badly your heart is screaming, begging, weeping to know the reason you are doing this.

But you yourself have no answer.

You slide through the front door as soundlessly as possible, your ears alert for any sound and your eyes sharp for any movement. When you hear none, you body slowly starts to relax.

_Mom's asleep then-_

Suddenly you hear a light rustling coming from the kitchen. You freeze, halfway poised to shut the front door, and listen intently for the noise to either die, or get louder.

The noise fades, but then you hear the opening and shutting of a cabinet. Figuring it would be best to make your move now, you sprint down the hallway to your room, your heart racing madly.

You make it to your room and freeze in the doorway, your breath short for but a moment. You scan your room, knowing what you have to do, but needing to scout out the items needed first.

In a flash you move from your doorway to your school bag resting beside your bed, and pick it up with a snatch. You rip it open and dump everything out onto your bed before rushing to your dresser and tearing open the top drawer with wild force, grabbing everything and anything your hands touch.

A bundle of clothes from various drawers in your arms, you move to your bed and dump the clothes into your open school bag, not bothering to fold them. You then move to your dresser once more and grab any lose money on top, shoving that into the pocket of your sweat-pants, along with your brush and whatever makeup lies there.

You move to your bed again and zipper up your school bag, hoisting it onto your shoulder as you whiz around your bed and grab your notebook from your night stand, along with your Nimrod CD and portable CD player. Then, without thinking, you yank open the top drawer of your night stand and grab the pictures smiling up at you from their packet, quickly swinging your school bag around to stuff them into one of the smaller pockets, along with the CD and CD player.

You stride out into the hallway of your house, your mind set on your journey ahead. You're still messing with your school bag zipper as you stalk past the kitchen doorway, foolishly forgetting that someone shares the house with you at this moment.

"Where are you going?"

You stop abruptly in the corridor, only about two or three arm's lengths away from the front door. You look up slowly from your position, but don't turn around when you hear a light pair of footsteps pad out into the hallway and stop a ways behind you.

Holding your head high, you resume your pace to the front door, your notebook clutched tightly in your hand as you ignore the being behind you. Tears begin to stain your eyes, but you won't give whoever is standing behind you the satisfaction of knowing that they hurt you so much, more mentally than physically.

"I asked you a question, Alex."

Your mother's icy voice makes your spine tingle with shivers briefly as a tear slips from one, beautiful green eye and makes a wet path down your bruised cheek. You stop at the front door and lift a hand and place it on the handle, preparing to walk from the only life you know.

"Away from you." you say coldly, your voice trembling with rage.

And with that said, you open the front door and then the other, walking out into the bitter, January air that chills the very bones in your body.

You pull up in front of the Ways house once more around 1:15 in the afternoon, and shut off your car engine slowly, dropping your hand into your lap once the motor is killed. You do not remove the keys from the ignition however as you lean back into your seat, letting out a shuddering breath as you reach for your notebook laying in the seat next to you, it's blank pages awaiting you to compose the feelings of depression and sorrow you harbor, into something more beautiful, but nonetheless tormented.

_**I know there's something in the wake of your smile,  
I get a notion from the look in your eyes.**_

You grasp your flimsy notebook and lean it against your steering wheel while opening the pages, searching for a few blank ones. When you find what you're looking for, you unlatch the pen from the spiral binding of the notebook and take the cap off the pen.

You pour your very soul into what you write in your notebook in the minutes to follow. You feel your heart twist within you as you spill out everything you feel, doing your best to give a reason for what you're doing. But even as you write it, it seems pathetic. But you don't dare stop yourself. Not now. It is too late.

_**You've built a love,  
But that love falls apart.**_

You wipe away any tears before they can soil the paper beneath you, fearing that if you allow them to be seen, it may reveal how upset you really are, and that's the last thing you want to do.

Writing your feelings is different from showing them, and showing them is harder than explaining them. It's hard to tell someone how you really feel, it's hard to cry when you want so desperately to be strong, it's hard to do the things you don't want to do. But life is full of doing things you have to, even if you don't want to. And now, this is just one of those times. No one likes doing them, but they must be done for either personal reasons, or obvious reasons, or sometimes, for no real reason at all. It's just the right thing to do.

_**Your little piece of heaven,  
Turns to dark.**_

You rip the page from your notebook once you're done writing all that you mean to, and come upon one of the last, vacant pages of your notebook. You run a trembling hand down the smooth page, a tear slipping from its boundaries and carving a jagged path down your unflawed cheek. Your hand holding the pen hesitates, and you wonder for but a moment if you should do it, if you should go through with it, if you really have the heart to turn around, and never look back.

_You can't do it! You can't do it! You can't run away from the only thing that's ever made you happy in your entire life!_

_But you don't deserve it, you don't deserve what they have to offer. You don't want it... You don't need it..._

Biting your lip to keep in a sob, you press the ball pointed pen onto the paper and begin to write your heart's desires, deepest secrets, and despair.

_**Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile,  
The precious moments are all lost in the tide.**_

You slowly walk up to the Way household, tears streaming down your face, two folded pieces of lined-paper in your hand. You're doing your best not to crush them with enraged fists, and it's taking every part of your mental state to do so. You want to tear the notes into pieces, to run to Jersey Prep Highschool, to fling yourself at Mikey and let him know what you're feeling. A new feeling that has only dawned on you just now, because of what you're going to do.

You walk in through the front door, not even bothering to shut it behind you. You're cold, shivering from the stinging, frigid air, but you pay no heed as you travel slowly into the kitchen, wiping away your tears with the back of your hand, only to have more fall down in their absence.

You reach the Way's kitchen table and stop beside it, looking down at the fine, wood grain. Your mind reels back to the past two nights when you sat at this very table with Gerard and family, laughing, talking, feeling as if you belong.

_But I don't._

Shaking your head for only yourself, you reach out and place the two pieces of paper onto the table, tears dripping off your chin as you do so.

Mr. & Mrs. Way and Gerard

And secondly,

Mikey

You stare at the two letters lying on the table before you close your emerald eyes and turn your back to them, keeping your head down as you maneuver back out of the house, having mind never to return.

You wrap your skinny arms across your chest as you walk to your car, your eyes holding a blank stare, your mind feeling the same way. The realization of what you have done, and plan to do, hasn't sunk in yet, but you know it is the right, but very wrong, thing to do.

You reach your Camry and open the driver's side door, slowly seating yourself into the seat. You shut the door behind you and then reach up to start your car, completely oblivious to the fact that you forgot to buckle yourself in. But right now you don't care. All you can think about is him, and how badly this is hurting you.

_**They're swept away and nothing is what it seems,  
The feeling of belonging to your dreams.**_

Closing your eyes and drawing in a shaking breath for a final time, you switch your car's gear into drive and slowly pull away from the Way house, tranquil and welcoming in your wake.

_No more will it be weighted with the likes of this sorry girl._ You think, Mikey's smiling face flashing across your mind. It breaks your very heart into a million pieces to leave him behind, but you know it's for the best.

Somehow, it's for the best.

Now the only things you hold dear are the memories you once shared with the people in the pictures that you will cherish until the day you die.

_**I don't know where you're going,  
And I don't know why,  
But listen to your heart**_

_**Before you tell him goodbye.**_


	17. Chapter 17

**Mikey's Point of View**

You practically run from your locker and to the front doors of your school when the students are dismissed, a wide smile on your face. Your mind is only filled with one person as you whiz by the people talking and laughing around you, having their own agendas to attend to.

_Alex._

You burst out of the front doors of the school, only to be halted in your tracks when you see Gerard standing lazily on the front walkway, smoking a cigarette and looking around thoughtfully, having not noticed you yet.

_What's he doing here?_ You think quizzically, walking up to your brother with mind to ask him just that.

But before you can reach Gerard, he spots you and beams widely, throwing his half-finished cigarette to the ground. "Took ya long enough." he taunts, crushing his cigarette into the pavement with the toe of his shoe.

"What're you doing here?" you ask Gerard, your happy mood postponed.

Gerard scratches the back of his neck as he falls into step beside you, both of you headed out into the parking lot. "My fucking Escort broke down again."

You let out a snort in laughter. "Where were you?"

Gerard sighs. "Coming back from meetin' with Georgie."

You give Gerard a weird look, raising an eyebrow in question. He sees the front and answers, "The guy who runs Faking Innocence."

"Oh." you say, looking ahead again, your car only a few steps ahead.

"Yeah, so I had to get the bitch towed and then I walked here and waited for you because I didn't feel like walking home."

"So I'm guessing you want a ride?" you ask your brother with as smirk, opening the driver's side door and throwing your messenger bag into the back.

"Wow, and I thought four years of highschool went to waste!" Gerard jokes, getting into the passenger's seat as you let out a laugh.

For some strange reason, you're still smiling as you start your Acura and reverse out of your parking space, not noting Gerard's hazel-green eyes narrowed on you suspiciously.

"You came runnin' outta school like a bat outta hell and now you're smilin' like an idiot. What's up?"

You take a glance at your brother as you urge your car to the exit of the school parking lot a little faster than normal. "Nothing. I just wanna get home is all."

Gerard grins wickedly. "Home to see Alex."

You shrug, as if it is nothing, but still your smile widens. "Well, I guess."

Gerard lets out a laugh. "Admit it, you're in love."

You slam on the brakes a bit harder than you meant to as you come to a halt at the stop sign at the end of the street, turning your head slowly to face Gerard. "Huh?"

Gerard's grin broadens and he exclaims, "Don't act like you have no idea what I'm talking about! It's the freakin' most obvious thing in the world!"

You keep your eyes plastered on the road before you as you press on the accelerator once more, urging your car forward. "No it's-"

"Mikey, shut the fuck up. You two are in love."

You immediately feel the need to contradict your brother. "We can't be in love, we've only-"

"Fuck time, it doesn't matter. What matters is how you feel." Gerard says, casting you a half smile.

You resist the urge to squirm in your seat, your brother's words causing your mind to be ill at ease. A frown is on your face as you stare out the windshield, seemingly concentrating on driving when in reality you are thinking:  
About what Gerard just said.  
About being in love with Alex. Wait... If I'm thinking about it, does that mean I am?  
About getting home and being with Alex.  
About NOT being in love with Alex because I'M NOT! ...I swear.  
You and Gerard arrive home a little before three o'clock, and you can't stop yourself from running up to the house once your car is parked and locked.

_Mom's home._ You think, noticing her van in the driveway. _That's weird._

You burst through the front door of your house and immediately call out, "Alex?"

A movement down the hallway catches your eye and you take a step forward, a smile blossoming on your face. But you stop when you see your mother standing in the corridor in front of the kitchen doorway, clutching a piece of paper in her hand and an envelope in the other.

"What's wrong?" you ask in concern, noticing the look of absolute horror your mother is fronting as Gerard slips into the house behind you, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Your smile soon changes into a deep frown as you watch your mother slowly walk forward, her eyes shining with tears. She lifts a trembling hand when in arm's length of you and hands out an unfolded piece of paper to you, a tear leaking from her eye. Gerard notes your mother's unhappiness as well and squints at the paper around your arm as you take it from your mom and read the words that are handwritten there.

Gerard, Donna, & Donald-

First of all, I want to thank you. Thank you for all that you've done for me. I consider you all my real family, the family I wish I had. I can never in a million years repay you what you have done for me, and I regret that with all my heart. I love you all and can't and never will forget you, or the way you treated me. You treated me as one of your own. You treated me with kindness, respect, and love; some of the things I never experienced in my entire life until I met you all. So thank you for being the ones to show me that there are people that care for me, like you all do.

By the time you get this, you won't be able to reach me. I'll be gone, long gone, and not a trace will be left. I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly without warning, but I couldn't bare a lot of the facts anymore weighing down on me. For one, my parents. Just thinking about them causes me so much stress and anger, that I couldn't take it anymore. They made me feel useless and unwanted, and that's part of the reason I left, to get away from them for good.

Another thing that coerced me to leave was the guilt. God, you people are too kind for your own good. You allowed me to live with you free of cost, eat your food, waste your electricity, everything, and I did nothing in return. I can't live like that. It bothers me so much.

I guess those are the only reasons I can come up with at the moment as I sit here and write these last words to you. Again I am sorry for all the pain that is to come by writing this and not being there to give it to you myself, but I just couldn't. It would break my heart, and saying goodbye was never really my thing anyway.

I'm sure we'll meet again someday, but until then I'll never forget any of you, or what you've done for me. Thank you all so much.

With Love-

Alex

PS- Gerard, please, don't drink anymore. I worry enough about you every day, and if I hear about something happening to you, I don't know what I'll do. Tell the others I said goodbye and thanks for being the best friends in the world. Tell Frank to stop smoking and quit being sarcastic, or he'll never get a girlfriend. Tell Ray to not drink as much and never cut his hair. Tell Bob that's he hot and I'll miss the lame conversations we used to have. A lot. And tell Hope that I love her and thanks for everything she's done for me too.

You lift your head slowly, your mouth falling open as you look at your mother. Tears stain her face as she holds out the envelope to you and you look at it, dropping the note you once read, to the floor. It floats down slowly as you rip the envelope open and frantically dig out it's contents, your heart racing as your eyes skim the words meant for your eyes only.

Mikey-

There's no words to begin describe how I feel for you. Mikey, you are the most important person in my life, and I regret writing this so much, instead of telling you. It pains me to think I'll never get to see you again, the only person I've ever cared for so strongly, but it's something I have to do.

Being with you every day, every waking moment for these last few days made me realize a lot of things. First of all, it made me realize how much in love with you I am. Yes, Mikey, I love you. I love you with all my heart and I knew I would from the moment my soul knew it had to have you. It probably sounds weird because we had only been together for a few days, but I always knew I loved you. Deep inside me, I knew I did. Some may claim that I'm just a teen that knows nothing about love, but I do. You're my love Mikey, my definition of love. The way you laugh, the way you make me feel, the way you smile, the way you send my heart into a frenzy whenever I even think about you, everything about you Mikey, I love.

Secondly, it made me realize that I'm scared. I've never felt this way. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to act. And that scares me. I like knowing what I'm doing, how I'm going to do it, and the results it's going to have. I like being predictable, I want my life to be predictable. But you Mikey, you're unpredictable. And that's one of the many, many things I love about you. Every day you never cease to amaze me with the undying passion you seem only to have for me.

Lastly, it made me realize how much of an idiot I am. What am I thinking? I can't do this! I can't get attached to you! My life, my family, my feelings simply won't allow it. My past is horrible Mikey, it left so many scars on me, and I know there would be more to come if I stayed in Belleville. My parents are terrible and I just can't stand being around them any longer than I have to. I'm embarrassed about what my parents have done, so that's why I'm leaving, already gone.

By the time you get this I'll be on a bus headed to God knows where, to start a clean, new life of my own. But if it makes you feel any better, know that you'll always be on my mind and I won't love another soul ever again, even if that means dying alone. You are mine, to me, and I want it to be that way forever. I have the memories, and that's all I need to keep me away from loving anyone else. I'll love only you Mikey, until the day I die.

I'm sorry I never told you sooner, or in person. But it's hard for me to say what I really feel. God, we only started really having a relationship four days ago, but I knew from the moment I saw you that I wanted you. You're the only one I ever wanted. But when I had you, I didn't want you because of the fear of what was to come. I can't be with you Mikey. I don't deserve someone as perfect as you. And you don't need someone as low as me. You deserve so much more than I can give you Mikey. Though you may not think that now, you'll acknowledge it later on, when you forget all about me.

Just remember, you're always in my heart.

Alex

With blurry eyes, the note falls from your quivering fingers and you stare at the ground, rage eating away at your insides.

_No! No she's fucking wrong! I need her! I need her more than anything! It's I who don't deserve her!_ You think furiously as your mother lets out a muffled sob.

"Fucking Christ..." Gerard mumbles. His eyes are wide but you don't notice, keeping your head bent and towards the floor.

And then it hits you.

The fear. The anxiety. The panic. The fury.

Where is Alex?

Is she all right?

Is she alone?

Where is she going?

"We've got to find her." you instantly say, your voice trembling as you lift your head to stare at your mother with demanding eyes. "Alex can't do this. She has to come back."

Your mother shakes her head, her hair flinging wildly. "We can't find her, we don't know where she went! She said she was taking a bus, but what bus? To where?" Your mother looks at you pleadingly, as if asking you for an answer. "I just came home and there were these notes on the kitchen table..." Your mother stops and draws in a shuddering breath and then whispers. "I don't know what to do Mikey! She's out there all alone... God what was she thinking?"

"She wasn't thinking dammit!" you seethe, turning your back to your mother and running a hand through your hair as you look at the wall you're now facing. "We have to find her mom, she can't do this. If she walks out of my life..."

Your mother watches as you continue to face the wall, not willing to turn around to show your true sorrow. Gerard looks back and forth between the two of you, devastated enough as it is, and finally exclaims angrily, "Well I know what to fucking do and standing here isn't on the list! We have to stop her before she can get onto whatever damn bus she's getting on!"

Donna looks to the floor, her hazel eyes passionless and her mood dark. You take in all that your brother says, agreeing with him wholly. You turn to face him and give him a hard look as you nod your head curtly, and Gerard understands.

"I'm callin' the others. Get ready to leave. We're goin' to the bus station."  
YEAH!  
HURRY GODDAMNIT!  
I hope they make it... I MEAN NO! STAY HOME!  
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.  
**Your Point of View**

"Thank you."

You give the lady behind the glass a false smile and then move to sit in one of the waiting chairs again, the sunglasses hiding your eyes and part of the bruise on your face, and your hair bunched into the black beanie on your head.

You sit down in the plastic, blue chair, doing your best to remain calm and not agitated by the situation at hand. Your bus is late. It's been late for fifteen minutes. And now you're starting to regret everything you've done.

You're sure someone has gotten your letters by now, and you know that they're probably telling everyone on the face of the earth about what you have done.

_Shit._

You look down to the floor as a new wave of people enter the bus station, in case anyone you know is among them. Though your long hair is hidden and an abnormally large pair of red sunglasses hides your eyes, you want to be extra careful. You can't be caught.

Nervously, you bounce your foot up and down against the floor, watching it with anxious, green eyes. You try not to think about what you're doing because you know if you do, you'll give into your real feelings and run from the bus station and straight to the Ways to apologize for how stupid you're being.

_"Bus number 74 to Trenton has arrived. Those boarding please do so immediately. Bus number 74 to Trenton has arrived. Those boarding please do so immediately."_

_Dammit where the hell is my bus?_

You think in irritation, your leg springing up and down wildly as you continue to look at the floor, your heart speeding along in disquiet. It's taking everything in you to control your tears and breathing, but nothing can stop the ravaging emotions drowning your heart.

_"Bus number 74 to Trenton has arrived. Those boarding please do so immediately. Bus number 74 to Trenton has arrived. Those boarding please do so immediately."_

_God they said that already! Where's my fucking bus!_

You think in aggravation, daring to lift your head to look around the bright and crowded bus terminal, people all around you.

As with any busy area, the bus depot is jam-packed with bodies, all making their own, individual noise. Combined with everyone else's, the place is roaring and grating on your nerves even more than this whole situation at hand. The place is hot too, but you dare not remove Hope's jacket, the only thing of her's you took with you, for the concern of being recognized.

After stopping at the bank to withdraw any money in your account, which turned out to be a little over eight hundred dollars, you came directly to the bus station and bought the most available ticket they had, to the bus that would be here the soonest.

You're scared. Paranoid. Worried. What you're doing hasn't fully settled into your mind yet, but you don't want it to; and that's part of the reason it isn't. You refuse to acknowledge the fact that you're leaving everything you want, behind.

_"Bus number 75 to New York City has arrived. Those boarding please do so immediately. Bus number 75 to New York City has arrived. Those boarding please do so immediately."_

You jerk your head up quickly and instantly stand, grabbing your small black school bag filled with your belongings from the chair next to you that you were sitting it. Pushing the red sunglasses up more onto the bridge of your nose with a slender finger, you move off to the correct terminal as a hoard of other people do too, relatives saying their goodbyes as they do.

For a moment you feel sad, wishing someone was there to see you off, to embrace you, to kiss you goodbye. Your heart yearns for Mikey, for his soft touch...

_I gave that up for his own good._ You think sternly, heading outside to your bus, wanting to beat the crowds to get a good seat by the window. _He doesn't need someone like me. A failure. A loser. A nobody._

You see bus #75 and speed up a bit, hitching your bad higher on your shoulder as you think:  
Finally. God.  
Took long enough. Stupid bus.  
Could it have BEEN ANY LATER?  
Okay. *lets out deep breath* I'm good. Everything's going to be fine now.

You show the pudgy bus driver your bus ticket and he nods, allowing you to pass over the yellow threshold and find a seat on the stuffy bus. You look up at all the possibilities and start to move back, feeling frightened in every way possible.

_A new life awaits me._ You keep telling yourself as you come upon an empty seat by the window and scoot in, placing your things on the floor. _A new chapter in my life. I can do anything I want. I can be anything I want. It's all me._

You sit into the overly large, blue-patterned bus seat, leaning your head against the back of it as more people start to file onto the bus, lugging personal belongings behind them slowly.

_New York City. I can get lost there._ You think closing your eyes to block the vivid images from your vision. _I can get lost there..._

"Excuse me Miss? Can I sit here?"

You look up through the crimson plastic panes of Gerard's sunglasses and into the kind face of a middle-aged man with greying blond hair and the stubble of a beard. He has a knapsack over one shoulder and a carry-on in one hand, his blue eyes seem to twinkle in the dim light of the dreary bus. He's dressed warmly in a blue vest and flannel red shirt with brown trousers and hiking boots.

"Sure." you answer, turning to look out the window once more as the man smiles and then sits down next to you, situating himself.

From the corner of your eye you watch the man, moving restlessly, trying to get himself comfortable in his bus seat. In the process he manages to bump you several times with his lanky arms, apologizing every time which only annoys you further.

_What a moron._ You think with a sigh, reaching down to your school bag to retrieve your portable CD player and Nimrod CD. The man next to you watches you closely as you do so, though discreetly, finally having gotten himself at ease and ready for the long ride to New York City.

You hear the bus shift into gear as you place your CD into the player and suddenly, with a giant lurch, the bus starts to move. Relieved that you are _finally_ getting away, you place your headphones over your ears and lean back into your seat once more, the obnoxiously loud sound of Green Day filling your mind, rendering any other thoughts pointless.


	18. Chapter 18

**Mikey's Point of View**

_"Bus number 75 has now departed. Bus number 75 has now departed."_

You run into the bus depot as the pleasant female voice rings out over the intercom, your brother, Ray, Frank, and Bob behind you, everyone clothed in their school uniforms, or a random combination of jeans and shirts. Your mother and father appear soon thereafter, everyone out of breath from running like their lives depended on it.

Gerard wheezes heavily as he lifts his head and looks around the bus terminal, his face pink with the effort he used to get here. His eyes quickly flicker over you as you take a quick breath from your inhaler and then stow it away, catching your breath along with the others.

_God she's going to kill him._ Gerard thinks as your father steps forward.

"I'll going to see if any of the clerks sold her any tickets."

"I'll go too."

"Me too."

Ray and Frank both volunteer, nodding their head at Donald. In response, your father says, "If they give you any problems, tell them that you're related to Alex in some way and it's important that you know where she went."

"Right."

"Gotcha Mr. Way."

Before the two boys can move off though, an icy voice slices through the air.

"Excuse me."

Everyone spins to face the way you came, and your eyes widen when you see Alex's parents standing there, Karen and Steven.

Karen looks terrible. Her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, and her skin is sickly pale. Her fried, auburn hair has lost it's sheen and her short stature looks worn and beat. Her face shows extra signs of age as she stares at you emotionlessly. Steven looks stoic, though you know he's enraged. His tall and muscular frame intimidates you somewhat, but you dare not let them see your fear.

"Can I help you?" Donna asks.

"Where's Alex?" Steven asks.

Your mother hesitates for a moment before asking. "Who are you?"

"We're her parents." Steven says forcefully, glaring at Donna.

Your father steps up beside his wife protectively and stares at Steven coldly. "We don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Steven practically bellows, causing everyone around him to cringe, even some strangers. "Our daughter hasn't been home in fucking four days and we _assumed_ she's been with you people but when we went over to your house you were gone and we found-"

"Well you assumed wrong!" Gerard suddenly shouts, and everyone snaps their heads to look at him. "Don't come in here yelling at us because you mistreat your daughter and don't keep track of her!"

Your eyes widen, knowing that Gerard just crossed an invisible boundary, and this clearly shows on Steven's face. But surprisingly, it is Karen who speaks next.

"Please, if you discover anything about Alexis's whereabouts, please tell us."

No one moves. No one says a word. No one _breathes_. The only sounds are from the surrounding people.

"We will." Donna says finally.

Steven swiftly turns from you all, Karen slowly following her husband, her walk much slower than his. You watch her go, feeling a deep amount of pity for that woman. She's like a living ghost, one that longs for a different life, but can do nothing about what she's stuck with.

"All right, come on, let's get moving." Donald says suddenly, as if nothing had happened.

Immediately Frank and Bob boys move off with Donald to take up the task of searching for Alex. You turn to your mother, your breath coming to you in short breaths now as Gerard and Bob both turn to face your mother too.

"We should ask around, see if anyone saw her." Donna suggests, Gerard nodding.

"We'll split up. Take different areas." Bob instructs, indicating with a shaking hand. He's upset about all of this as much as everyone else.

"All right." you reply, moving off in the direction directly ahead of you, your eyes set.

You can't even _begin_ to describe how you feel right now. Scared, angry, worried, and frantic are all good starts, but there's about a billion other sentiments running through you like wildfire. You can't even think straight. You're so goddamn torn up emotionally that you're slowly feeling like you're on the verge of breaking down.

Alex meant so much to you. She _means_ so much to you. What would possess her to do something so thoughtless? So heartless?

_Whatever I did to make her feel inferior, I'll take back. I'll take every fucking thing back, if it means I can have her again. God I don't want to lose her._

Almost everything Alex wrote to you in that letter, you felt the same way. You loved her, you always loved her. You knew you did, you just didn't know how to tell her. And partially you didn't want to tell her, for the fear of how she may react. And now that she's gone, you're going absolutely _insane_. It hurts so much not knowing where she is, what she's doing, if she's okay or not. It pains you to think she could be lost, or scared, or hurt...

Being away from Alex is killing you, and you're starting to feel the torment as each and every person you ask about Alex disappoints you by shaking their head sadly, or telling you to fuck off.

_Did she lie? Did she really take a bus?_

_God Alex, why did you do this?_

You think, trying to keep the apparent suffering from showing on your face. _I love you! I love you with everything in me! Why couldn't you just wait for me?_

:(  
God this is so heartbreaking...  
I wish I could give you an answer.  
**Your Point of View**

You've been sitting at an unknown bus station on the border of New Jersey and the Atlantic Ocean for about an hour now, staring into space, your CD player low on battery power. The bus is stopped because of other bus's delays, and you have no idea why. This was supposed to be an hour trip, at the most. So what's taking so long?

_"Ladies and gentlemen our journey will continue in just a moment. We're sorry for the inconvenience this has caused you."_

You glare at the overhead speaker, completely ignoring the man sitting beside you, too angry at everything that has happened today to be worried or frightened of anything else.

"Are you meeting anyone in New York?"

Your eyes flicker to your bus partner who is looking at you questioningly, a genteel smile on his face. Letting out a sigh, you answer, "No."

The man presses more. "Business or pleasure?"

You hesitate a moment. It's not really either... "Pleasure." you finally answer, taking a quick glimpse of the man to find his glittering eyes on you, making you uncomfortable.

"Where are your parents?" asks the man casually.

The bus suddenly roars to life and before you know it, you're on the move again. _Thank God._ You think, relieved.

"Uh my parents are...upstate in New York." you lie. This guy is only making polite conversation, you know, but you hate when strangers try to do that. It makes you uncomfortable.

"Really? Where do they live?"

You mind quickly goes through all the upstate New York cities you know and, not surprisingly, only one comes to mind. "Albany."

"Nice city." says the man. He smiles at you and then, much to your displeasure, sticks out a rough, calloused hand, saying, "Jim."

You place your hand softly into his, trying to smile, and he grasps it firmly, shaking it up and down. "Alex."

"It's nice to meet you Alex."

You take your hand from Jim's, having the strong urge to wipe it down your pants to get the feeling of his hand off your's. But you don't, and place your headphones back on your ears instead, to avoid confrontation.

_I've gotta stop being like this though._ You think, music, once again, filling your ears. _I've got to be more open with people if I'm going to have a life in New York._  
I can do this.  
A new life... Yeah. Sounds good.  
Things are going to have to change, but I know I can do this.  
I don't know if I can pull this off, but I know I can try.  
**Mikey's Point of View**

"Mikey! Mikey!"

You snap your head up at the sound of your brother's voice calling you and he instantly appears in front of you and the woman you are currently questioning about Alex. Ray and Frank run up behind Gerard a few seconds later, each and every one of them out of breath.

"Did you find anything?" you ask hopefully, the strange woman moving off slowly after having been interrogated by you for a good five minutes.

Gerard nods, holding up a hand to signal for you to wait a moment as he doubles over and tries to catch his breath; he did just sprint across the bus station and with his avid smoking habit, that probably wasn't the smartest thing to do.

"Sh...she got on a bus to New York City." Gerard breathes out.

"New **York**?" you cry, looking at Gerard in horror as your mouth falls open.

He nods his head, still breathing heavily as your mother and father with Bob in tow run up now, all pink in the face with the effort they're putting forth to help you get back the woman you care for more than anything.

But now you're hopeless. Your struggle is impracticable. You can't reach Alex now. She's gone. You'll never find her. New York City is too big!

An overwhelming feeling of abandoned hope floods into you and you suddenly have the impulse to just give up. On everything. You're not getting any farther then you have in the last half an hour, you know where Alex went but it's not even worth it too try. This whole situation is going downhill and fast.

"Well we can't just stand here! Alex is going to fucking New York and we can't let her!" says Frank defiantly, taking note of the way no one is moving.

"It's pointless." you say, dropping your head and rubbing your eyes tiredly to hide the tears now wanting nothing more than anything to spill out. "She could be anywhere in New York by now. We can't find her, no matter how hard we tried."

Gerard's eyes widen and in a moment he is standing before you, shouting directly into your face at the top of his lungs. "What the **fuck** is your problem? You're giving up **that** easily? What the fuck, I thought you cared more than that? No, never mind, I fucking **know** you care more than that! You're just being fucking retarded!"

Everyone watches in stunned silence as Gerard screams at you, even a few passer byes stopping to watch with wide eyes.

"We should be **in** New York right now looking for Alex, instead of standing here, listening to you bitch and complain about how this shit is useless!" Gerard glares at you and you can do nothing but stare at him, dumbfounded. "Well you know what Mikey, it's not fucking useless! Not for someone you care about! You need to realize that before it's too late and you _can't_ save Alex! It took you long enough to come forward with your feelings, and I'm not going to stand around and watch as you let go of the _only_ girl that makes you the happiest I've ever seen you in your entire fucking life! I know Alex means something to you Mikey, I know she means a whole fucking lot to you and I just can't let you let go of her so fucking easily!"

Your brother's words cause your heart to slow down with emotional pain and a lump to get stuck in your throat. You stare at Gerard, into his hazel-green eyes as your own brown ones start to water and you feel the weight of this whole situation fully bear down on you.

Gerard's eyes soften when he sees you look away and to the floor, turning your back to the group of people who are still watching you, not knowing what to say.

"Mikey..."

"You're right." you croak out, turning back around, your eyes holding a hard look. "We shouldn't be here. We have to find Alex. Now."

Gerard's words suddenly sparked a fire in you. A raging fire. One that isn't going to let go of something that you worked so hard to get, for something you've wanted for so long. No more do you feel as though this situation is useless, not after what Gerard said.

"Mikey!"

You spin around when you hear your name being called, wishing it with all your heart to be Alex calling your name. But you find yourself disappointed when you see Hope bounding your way still in her school uniform, looking disheveled and upset.

"I called Hope." Ray says quickly as the girl stops in front of you all, out of breath and eyes bloodshot. "Before I left."

"I got here as soon as I could. Any luck?" Hope asks breathlessly, looking up into your eyes, wishfully thinking.

"She's headed for New York City." Frank answers.

"New York?"

Everyone nods solemnly but you, who are thinking deeply to yourself, your brows knitted in thought.

"Maybe we can beat the bus. I heard something about delays and maybe, just maybe, if we hurry, we can beat Alex's bus to the station and find her before it's too late."

At once everyone agrees and Hope says, "I took a taxi over here, so I don't have a ride."

"You can come with us dear." Donna says quickly, inducing Hope to nod.

"So we'll take Hope with us and you'll follow us, Ray." Gerard says. "You too Bob."

Again everyone nods and then you lead the way out of the bus depot, keeping yourself from sprinting no matter how much your legs long to. They want to find Alex as much as your arms want to hold her again, and almost as much as your lips want to touch her's. Every part of you is aching to have her with you once again.

*sobs*

**Your Point of View**

It's around four thirty in the afternoon when you finally arrive in New York City, the city that never sleeps. You place your headphones around your neck and stand from your seat, taking your school bag with you.

_Well, I should find a hotel to stay in for the night and then it's off for job searching in the morning._ You think as Jim smiles and allows you to pass by him first.

The bus ride gave you a lot of time to think about everything, like your responsibilities, now that you are now on your own. For one, you need a place to stay and a steady job with an equally steady income. You need to start thinking of yourself and only yourself and get your life on track for the years to come.

You step off the airtight bus and pause outside the door, closing your eyes to ingest the fume-filled air of New York. The sky is dark and cloudy, the wind whipping around your greatly, causing numerous things to pass through the air swiftly, and you're glad you have Mikey's beanie on your head so your hair isn't flying around violently. Your vision is red because of the sunglasses as you take in all the people and things around you, all the things that make up New York City. This will be your home from now on. This will be your-

"So where are your parents?"

You turn around quickly and find Jim standing behind you, a smile on his face with his bags over his shoulders.

"I'm meeting them tomorrow." you lie, flashing Jim a small smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah, so I better be going." you say speedily, wanting to get away from this man who's done nothing but annoy you since you first laid eyes on him. "It was nice talking to you."

You turn hastily and, hoisting your bag higher onto your shoulder, you start to walk briskly away from Jim, keeping your head low as you pass through the hoards and hoards of people.

It's then you realize three things.

One, you have no idea where you're going.

Two, you have no idea where you are.

And three, you need to find a hotel. Fast.

"Do you have anywhere to stay?"

Once again you turn to find Jim behind you, and finally, you let out but a pint of the frustration you've been holding in. "Look, I don't appreciate you following me. It was great to have someone to talk to on the bus but I really need to get going now-"

"You don't have anywhere to go, I can tell by the look on your face." Jim smiles, and instantly a sickening feeling arouses in your stomach. "Come on, let me take you out to dinner and then we can find a place to stay for the night."

Your eyes widen behind the red panes of the sunglasses as you stare at the smiling Jim in front of you. You swallow the knot in your throat and then stutter out, "N...no thanks." You turn once more and resume your fast pace down the street, now regretting what you have done more than ever.

"Alex! Wait!"

Jim runs up behind you and roughly grabs your arm, jerking you to a stop and forcing you to face him with a strong tug. "Now wait just a-"

"Let go of me!" you exclaim, yanking your arm back to your side and then turning your back to Jim once more. Your body shivering uncontrollably, you start to power-walk down the concrete sidewalk of New York City, clutching your bag for dear life, wishing you could just go home. Anywhere is better than here, now.

"Hey! I said wait a second!"

You hear pounding footsteps behind you and your heart starts to panic. You speed up quite a bit but it is no use, for Jim latches himself onto your arm once more, much to your fright.

What adds to the fact is that you realize no one is stopping to help you, despite the look of terror on your face and your obvious need for rescuing. Everyone is too busy to stop, having their own things that need to be tended to. They're too busy to help a lost girl in a city that is to big for her. Too busy to help a girl in need. To busy to help anyone, but themselves.

"I said let go of me!" you cry frantically, trying to jerk your arm away, but to no avail.

Jim smiles, though it is strained as he tries to get you to calm down. "I just want to-"

"Let go!" you scream angrily.

"Hey!"

You and Jim both look up and immediately he releases your arm when he sees who's heading his way.

Your heart soars with joy and relief when you see an African American policewoman heading quickly your way, holding her hat onto her head as she does so.

"What's the problem here?" she asks harshly, turning her chocolate eyes to Jim with a glare when she reaches you two.

"Well I-"

"He keeps following me, even after I asked him to stop. He won't leave me alone." you interject, before Jim could say anything to make himself sound innocent.

The black woman narrows her eyes at Jim and he flinches slightly, and this causes another wave of alleviation to wash through you. _Thank fucking God._

"Get a move on before I take you downtown with me, sir." the policewoman says sternly, nodding her head to indicate that now's the time to leave for Jim.

With one last stare, Jim moves off and disappears within a crowd of strangers, finally out of your sight, and life, for good.

You turn back to the policewoman, thankful beyond reason. "Thank you so much. I was so scared."

The woman smiles. "Anything to help." She turns to leave but you suddenly stop her, recalling something she just recently said while in your presence.

"Um, excuse me Miss?" She turns back around to face you questioningly and you continue. "I just got here you see and I'm a little lost... Do you think I could come back to the police station with you to get a map or something?"

God you're really going out onto a limb with this one. Going to a police station for a map you could buy anywhere else? What a load of implausible shit.

But, thank God the woman smiles.

"Of course ma'am. I'll take you there myself."

You give the policewoman a dazzling smile and let out a breath in relief as she leads the way to a police car waiting idly nearby.

_That was the best timing._ You think as you approach the car, getting jostled in the passing crowds on the way. _Really, I thought I was a goner._

Giving the policewoman another smile as she opens the backdoor to her car for you, you slip inside and set your things in the backseat next to you, closing your eyes as you let out a sigh. Though you miss Mikey with all your heart and more, you're scared out of your pants, and you have no idea what to do next. You're good for now, and that's all you could hope for.


	19. Chapter 19

**Mikey's Point of View**

Driving to New York at the end of the day hosts one major problem.

Traffic.

Rush-hour traffic.

By the time you make it into the heart of New York City, after driving through Chinatown, Little Italy, past the Empire State Building, and finally Central Park, where everyone agreed it'd be a great place to start, it's at least six thirty in the evening and the sky couldn't be any darker, and the wind couldn't be howling any louder.

But still, no logical thoughts pass through your mind. You're musing over one thing, and have been thinking about one thing since this morning.

_New York City is so big! She could be anywhere by now!_ You think, the feeling of hopelessness suddenly looming over your being once more.

But this time you won't let it get a hold of you. Every time you even _think_ about giving up, Gerard's voice rings out through your mind and Alex's smiling face flashes against your eyes, causing your body to jolt with new promise once more.

You exit your mother's van along with Gerard, Hope, and your mom and dad, as the other three get out of their separate cars, Frank having rode with Ray. Everyone congregates on the sidewalk and you immediately stuff your hands into your jacket pockets; it's colder in New York City than it is New Jersey!

"We'll split up into groups." Donna says, and you immediately know she has a plan; she always does. "Gerard and Michael will take Central Park, Frank and Bob, you two will check any and every hotel you can find for an Alex Cooper, Hope and Ray, you two check the police stations in the area, and Donald and I will search the streets."

Donald steps forward, opening his wallet. "I'll give you guys money because I know you'll be needing it." He fishes out some dollar bills and thrusts them to Frank, who takes them and pockets them.

"I have a credit card Mr. Way." Hope says as he turns to give her money next. Instead, he nods and turns to face his sons. He knows this is important to Mikey. He's seen the way he looks at Alex, he's heard everyone talking about them, he can tell she means the world to him.

"Thanks." Mikey says weakly, taking the money and stowing it away in a pocket of his uniform jacket.

"We'll all meet back here in an hour okay?" Donna asks; she's prepared to do anything for Mikey. It's so obvious that he cares for Alex more than anything, and she doesn't want the only thing that makes him happy to be torn away from him so quickly. She earns nods from everyone huddling on the sidewalk and in response she says, "Good luck."

In an instant Bob and Frank are in Bob's car once more, roaring off into the street in search for their first hotel. Ray and Hope climb into Ray's truck and merge into the busy street, headed for the nearest police station, and Donald and Donna immediately take off down the street on foot, moving quickly.

You turn from Gerard and face Central Park, walking down the sidewalk a bit until you reach an entrance. Gerard watches after you for a moment before jogging to catch up, his hands in the pockets of the hoodie he wears, his black hair flying around his head untamedly.

"Mikey, look, I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier." Gerard starts, appearing on your left side. He looks up at you helplessly as you walk on, avoiding looking at him as your eyes scan each and every face around you.

"It just pisses me off that you would let everything go like that! I mean, I don't know if anyone else noticed, or even gave a damn, but it took you so long to work up the courage to tell Alex how you feel! And when you finally have her, but she slips away, you just let her go without a fight!"

The pain your heart holds longs to be let out, but you dare not let it. You swallow hard and blink away the sorrow collecting in your eyes, keeping your head down to block out the wind whipping about you.

"I know you love her Mikey."

You stop abruptly and spin to face your brother, your anger finally eating at you too much to bear. "Yeah? So what? I love her! I know I love her dammit!" You wave your arms around wildly, letting out a bit of the frustration you've been keeping bottled inside. "You don't need to tell me that Gerard, I've known since I _first_ laid eyes on her!"

Gerard looks at you sadly, his hazel eyes filled with despair. He doesn't know what to say to that, not that he would say anything anyway. What _can_ he say to that?

"God Gerard, you obviously don't think that this is affecting me but Jesus Christ you better fucking believe it is! Alex was the _only_ girl I ever cared about, and she still is! It's tearing me up to know that she's out there alone, not knowing what to do! Alex can't do that! She's too frail to be in this world all alone! She needs me, someone who loves her more than life itself!"

Gerard's eyes widen as the words flow from Mikey's mouth. He watches as his brother glares at him harshly, not realizing what he just said. But then again, Gerard wonders if he does.

"Mikey... Do you mean that? I mean, love is such a strong thing and-"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it dammit!" you yell, knowing full well what you said. And you meant it. By God you meant it.

Gerard continues to stare at you, at a loss for words. You get so fed up that you eventually turn your back to him and resume your quest to find your love.

_I'll find you Alex._ You think, determination the only thing you feel at this moment. _And when I do, I'm never letting go._  
YEAH!  
WOOHOO!

:)  
**Your Point of View**

The kind, black policewoman, who you now know as Officer Mary Jane, brings you a small carton of Chicken Lo Mein and a pair of wooden chopsticks before flashing you a smile and then moving off down the hallway once more, disappearing out of sight through one of the many doors in the police station.

You're in Upper East Side Manhattan, near Central Park, in the police station, sitting on an uncomfortable wooden bench a good few feet away from the front doors of the station. You've been sitting here for the past hour and a half, doing your best to waste as much time as you can. You've looked at maps, asked extremely random questions about New York City, and drank coffee with some of the officers introduced to you by Mary Jane. Anything to stop yourself from going back out onto the streets with people like Jim lurking around. Anything to make you feel safe and wanted.

You find all of the police kindness odd for a couple of reasons though. One, why isn't anyone doing their job? Mary Jane seemed rather content to just sit with you and tell you all about New York City and the sites, along with one or two of the other officers.

Two, they're being entirely too nice to you, which is peculiar to you because you're a total stranger. You'd think they'd be a little more precautionary, but to your surprise they're very welcoming and cheerful.

Three, isn't there work to be done? People to be saved? Criminals to be put in jail? Everyone just seems to have a bunch of free time around here.

But you're not complaining. Mary Jane invited you to have Chinese with the rest of the office staff and you are now eating as slow as possible, though the food isn't that good. But at least is something. You don't know when your next meal will be.

"Need anythin' Alex?" asks a random officer as he stands from his desk.

"No, thanks." you give him a small smile and he returns it, walking to the back room to get a cup of water. You sigh and pick up a map that you've read at least four times already, but wanting to make it look like you have something to do other than sit there and eat food that you didn't pay for.

_I wonder how long I can keep this up before they kick me out?_ You think, spreading out the map on your lap as you chew the soggy noodles in your mouth. _I have to leave sometime._

Slowly, you lift your head and look to the door, your vision no longer ruby-colored as the glasses are now removed and sitting beside you, along with the beanie. It is dark outside now, though you can still hear the wind wailing mercilessly. Cars and people all whiz past the police station with their own agendas to attend to, and bright, multi-colored lights line the street outside.

You find yourself getting lost in your thoughts suddenly as you gaze out the transparent front doors to the police station. A knot forms in your throat and your emerald eyes become bleary as Mikey's grinning face wanders through your mind and his laugh rings in your ears. You smile painfully at the remembrance of his warmth, the feeling of love and security he gave you. A tear slips delicately out of your eye and traces a path down your bruised face as you close your eyes, recalling the tingle on your lips that only Mikey could induce with his own.

Sniffling loudly, you place the map fully into your lap and then pick up your carton of Chinese food again, taking the chopsticks with you as well. You wipe your face as you hear the door to the police station open, the wind still roaring from outside.

Suddenly, you hear a muffled scream and, without thinking, you jerk your head up and in the general direction of the sound.

Your mouth falls open and the Chinese food carton nearly falls from your hand as your eyes land on a gaping Hope and Ray standing frozen in the doorway to the police station, both staring at you with wide eyes. You do so too, the carton of food finally giving away to fall onto the floor as your entire body floods with numbness.

_Holy. Fucking. God._

"Can I help you?" asks an officer, looking at Hope and Ray questioningly from behind her desk near the front doors.

"Alex..." Hope whispers, tears in her eyes as she takes a step towards you, her body visibly trembling.

Before you can stop yourself, you are standing, staring at Hope in a way similar in which she is looking at you. Not a logical thought sweeps through your mind as you take a tentative step forward, Hope and Ray continuing to stare at you with open mouths, not a sound being made.

And then, before you know it, Hope has closed the gap between you two and has thrown her arms around your neck and is now sobbing into your shoulder, hanging onto you for dear life.

"Why'd you do that? Why?" Hope cries and you feel guilt kicking you in the ass as she soils your shirt with her sorrow. "You had us all scared to death! God what were you thinking?"

Hope pulls back from you, tears staining her face. You feel your own start to form as you stare into her blue eyes, heartbroken by the look on her face.

"Alex..." Ray suddenly appears and pulls you away from Hope into his own arms. "God..." he breathes into your hair, his arms wrapped around your shoulders tightly. "We thought we lost you..."

You nuzzle your face into Ray's shoulder, hiding the rivers of tears that cascade down your cheeks. You feel Hope hugging you both and suddenly, everything comes crashing down on you like a ton of bricks.

You never really wanted to leave.

You love Mikey more than anything.

You don't know what you would do in the world, alone.

You would've never made it.

Letting out all your pent up emotions, you heave a gigantic sob and your knees give away and you collapse to the floor, crying hysterically. Ray and Hope fall with you as the officer that greeted your two friends when they walked in stands from her desk and rushes around to you three, looking confused and horrified.

"What's wrong?"

Ray lifts his head as you continue to weep, looking at the officer with bloodshot eyes. "Nothing. We've just found something we've been missing."

The officer raises an eyebrow at Ray but he merely looks away and gives your and Hope's bodies a little squeeze before letting go and standing, running a hand overtop his afro.

"I'm gonna go and get the others. **Stay here**." Ray says softly as you and Hope look up to him and nod, sniffling while still clinging to each other.

How are you feeling as Ray jogs to the front doors of the police station?  
Happy. I'm glad they found me.  
Scared. How are the others going to react?  
Shameful. I can't believe I actually did this in the first place.  
Depressed. Why am I such an idiot?  
**Ray's Point of View**

You sprint down the streets of New York City, pushing people out of your way as you go. Your mind is a scramble of different thoughts as your body flushes with relief.

_God I can't believe we found her. That was fucking lucky._ You think, not even bothering to look left and right before you run across the street, dodging people as you go.

After five minutes of the fastest dashing you've ever done in your entire life, you finally see your truck parked up ahead from where you abandoned it to carry out your journey on foot, on account traffic was extremely heavy. You run out into the street and rip open the driver's side door before climbing into your truck and starting it, the headlights illuminating the area surrounding you.

You curse the seven o'clock traffic loudly as your truck slowly moves on, your eyes darting all around you through the dark. The wind beats against your truck roughly and you drum your fingers on the steering wheel in frustration, wishing you could just bowl everyone over.

_Dammit I need to get to Mikey!_ You think in agitation as the stoplight finally changes to green and you're on your way again.

_He really likes her._ You think absentmindedly, letting out a sigh in annoyance as you come to a stop at yet another stoplight. _I think he may even love her._

_But they deserve each other; I don't think I can think of two people better suited for each other. They just go so perfectly, and I can tell they care for each other a lot. It's so obvious. God Mikey could barely keep his eyes off her during band practice._ You have to smile. _I'm glad they're finally together, and I know the others are too._

Frank bitches and moans about it all the time and Bob won't leave them alone about it, but you don't say anything. You just sit back and smile, knowing love when you see it. You know, because you love Christa with all your heart. And love is nothing to bitch and complain or tease about. It's pure and beautiful and special. And anyone who has experienced it, or is experiencing it, can tell you it's the greatest feeling in the world.

As you drive along, you think back to all the times when Mikey's infatuation with Alex was so obvious. God, there's a lot of times. Like that one time at the mall, or every time he comes into _Wally's,_ or when you all played football in the park... Aw hell, anytime Mikey is around Alex it's obvious.

Finally, after what seemed like the longest car ride in history, you are jumping down from the high seat of your truck and into the street, a car honking at you angrily as it passes. You don't even take the time to flip him off before running to Donna's car where you see Mikey, Gerard, Donna, and Donald waiting in the dark, the light of a street lamp not far off.

"Guys..." you pant out, stopping next to Gerard.

Everyone looks at you with wide eyes and Donna asks, "What is it Ray?"

"We found her."

Stunned silence.

"Where?" Mikey finally shouts, his eyes broad.

"Upper East Side...police station..." you breathe out, your lungs finally starting to recuperate from your run. "Hope is with her."

Before anyone can stop him, Mikey takes off in a sprint down the street, not a single thing plaguing his mind, except the thought of Alex.

"Mikey! Stop!" Donna cries fruitlessly. _His asthma..._

"Dammit!" Gerard seethes, immediately taking off after his brother.

You look to Mr. and Mrs. Way with a bewildered look on your face and instantly Donna says, "We'll wait here for Frank and Bob. You go with them."

Nodding, you move off to your car, thinking:  
Mikey better cool it before something happens to him.  
I'm so happy we found Alex. I was really worried about her.  
Shit we're lucky.  
Well I can safely say I hope **this** never happens again.

**Your Point of View**

You and Hope have moved to the wooden bench alongside the wall of the police station now, and your tears have long since stopped. The Chinese food is cleaned up and thrown away, the floor where it used to be spilled also spotless. You two are sitting in silence, just holding onto each other, not daring to look at the other or speak a word. There are no words right for this moment. None at all.

_This was all a mistake. I shouldn't have done this._ You think shamefacedly, clinging to Hope a little tighter. _I can't believe I did this. I hurt everyone._

"Why?"

You pull away from Hope abruptly, looking into her icy cerulean eyes after she croaked out the single question she's been dying to ask.

Your bottom lip starts to tremble and you look to the floor, closing your eyes eventually as a few drops of tears fall from your eyelashes. "I don't know... I was being so stupid! I don't even think I was thinking correctly..."

Hope looks at you sadly, her blond hair tousled, her eyes red from crying, and her body exhausted from worry and the effort put forth to reach you.

"I'm sorry Hope. I really am. I...I..." You let out a deep breath. "There's just so many things that I wanted to get away from, and the only way I could think of doing it was just picking up and leaving." You wipe away a few stray tears from your chin. "I knew it wasn't right, but something in me just _made_ me do it. I never realized this would happen though."

Hope embraces you once more, stroking your auburn hair gently. "_Never_ do this again, okay? You had everyone worried beyond belief."

You nod against Hope's shoulder, sniffling once more. You two break away a second later and finally you watch as a smile blossoms onto Hope's face. One that you're happy to see again.

Suddenly, over Hope's shoulder, you see a door burst open and a figure appear. You narrow your eyes a bit, trying to see who the figure is, and suddenly your breath catches in your throat when you recognize who is standing in the doorway to the police station, looking around frightfully.

"Mikey..." you gasp out, standing and stepping away from Hope and then bench you were once sitting on.

Mikey's eyes land on you and, if it's possible, they widen even more. Your heart nearly melts at the feeling of seeing him once more and you choke out a muffled sob, stepping forward again.

And before you know it, you and Mikey are colliding into each other's arms. You breathe out broken sobs into Mikey's chest as he holds you tightly to his tall, lithe body, closing his eyes as they fill with tears.

"God Alex... Oh God I'm...I'm so glad I found you..." He squeezes you near to death, but you don't even notice. You're in your love's arms once more.

"I'm so sorry Mikey... I'm so sorry... I didn't know what I was thinking... I wasn't thinking..."

"Shh..." Mikey coos, stroking your hair comfortingly. "I have you now. It's okay. Everything's okay now."

"I'm sorry..." you sob, clutching onto the front of Mikey's uniform jacket, your body shaking with weeping. Hope is watching you two with tears streaming down her own face, an overwhelming feeling of affection swelling within her.

"It's okay Alex, we're together now." A tear traces it's way down Mikey's cheek, but he doesn't dare wipe it away. "I'm never letting go. Never again Alex."


	20. Chapter 20

You walk into the Way's dark home around eight thirty that night, clutching Mikey's arm tightly with one, pale hand, your other tangled with his fingers. You two bring up the rear after Donna, Donald, Gerard, the rest of the guys, and Hope.

Without even having to speak aloud, everyone moves into the kitchen, and Donna places her purse on the counter as you and Mikey take seats at the kitchen table, Gerard and Donald following soon thereafter. Frank turns on the kitchen light as the others take up random spots around the kitchen and you sit quietly next to Mikey, keeping your shameful face towards the ground. It makes you physically sick to face the people that care for you so much, after knowing what you did hurt them so badly.

Mikey's fingers are still latched onto your's, and they show no signs of letting go for anything. You wouldn't have it any other way.

The entire ride home back to Belleville had been a tormenting, silent one. Emotions were running high and everyone was too exhausted to talk anyway, but then also wasn't the time. Now is.

"Alex, please, why did you do that?" Donna asks, her voice cracking.

Why postpone the truth? They'll drag it out of you anyway, you know it. So you decide to be as honest as you can, despite the fact that you've worked so hard to keep your life a secret for so long.

"Some of you know my mother isn't the image of perfection. She does drugs on a regular basis, and that's basically all she does. Steven, my step-dad, he's an alcoholic." You draw in a slow, shuddering breath. "When my sister died in a drunk driving accident last year things got really bad, and suddenly my home life was more horrible than ever. I wanted to get away, I needed to get away. I could barely stand it. I didn't have any friends to confide in, anyone to talk to, I was alone, and that's simply how it always was. I never really minded it though."

"When I met you guys, my life changed. I suddenly had friends to worry about, people that cared about me and wanted to hang out with me. It was a whole new experience for me, and I loved every minute of it. But it also pained me. Having to keep secrets from you all was killing me, and part of the reason I left was because the pressure was too much. It was too much to bear, and I never wanted to tell any of you how my life really was. I was ashamed, to say the least."

"Whatever I told any of you about how I got the bruise, it was a lie. Four nights ago Steven was drunk, and he hit me. My mother just stood there and watched, and that really was the icing on the cake. From that moment on I knew I had to get away. It was just too much pain, too much bad influence for me." You wipe away a tear quickly. "I was never one to be open with my feelings, or telling people how I feel, or to say what I really want to say. I always keep things locked up, and then I end up doing something stupid."

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you all. I didn't think of the consequences, though I should have. I should have realized that I can't leave people behind like I did, but I didn't. I don't think I wanted to. And I'm sorry."

Your story is done. That is it.

Mikey's fingers gently rub against your own as you continue to look at your lap, doing all that you can to control your tears. Everyone remains quiet, musing over the words you just let flow so freely from the very depths of your soul. All the words you kept inside for so long, are finally a mystery no more.

"We met them at the bus station." Frank blurts out suddenly, and everyone looks to him. "Karen and Steven. We saw them."

"They were looking for you, but we told them we didn't know where you went." Gerard says, running a hand down his paunchy, ashen face.

You look away from Gerard, feeling as though if you look at anyone for more than a few seconds you'll burst into tears once more.

"You should call them and tell them you're all right dear. You don't have to go back just yet, you can stay with us for as long as you want, but you should let them know that you're okay." Donna says softly. The conversation that was once so abruptly started, has ended the same way. No one wants to dwell on such a subject.

"If you don't want to, I will." Donald offers. "They might be a little less rough on you if I call."

You nod distractedly as Mikey watches you, having not been able to take his eyes off you since he first held you in his arms since getting you back. _Donald's right._

Mikey's father moves off into the living room to dial your home number, which is jotted down on a small notepad beside the phone. Donna sighs heavily and suggests, "Everyone should go home and get some rest. We all need it after tonight."

No one disagrees. They know Donna is right.

You stand from the table with Mikey and turn to face your friends, the people that are so important to you.

"Thank you guys, for coming to find me. If you didn't, I don't know what I would've done."

Frank smiles and is the first to hug you. "Well I wanted to let you go, but no one was on my side so I was forced to go with them to find you."

You let out an awkward laugh, letting go of Frank as Bob steps up next. "Little bitch. Never do that again." he says, bear hugging you.

You roll your eyes and smile as Hope captures you next, her hug a little less forceful than Bob's. "I'm glad you're okay."

Ray is last to give you a farewell. "What Bob said."

Most everyone laughs and then Gerard walks everyone slowly out into the main hallway as Donna disappears into the living room to back Donald up if needed.

You look up into the chocolate eyes you love so much and smile at Mikey, groping for his other hand with your own. "I'm sorry for all this Mikey, I caused everyone so much trouble."

"What's done is done." Mikey says. "There's nothing you can do to change the past."

You smile and then lean forward as Mikey does too, and you close your eyes slowly as your lips touch his once more, and a thousand volts of passion shoot through your body.

Mikey pulls back from you just enough so his lips barely rest on your own, and he lifts a hand to tuck a piece of rusty-red hair behind your ear. "I never want anything like this to happen again." he whispers softly, kissing you once more.

"Me either." you reply, smiling against Mikey's lips.

Soon thenceforth you and Mikey head off to his room, Gerard climbing the stairs after you two, the others slowly trailing out the door, after one last goodbye. Your and Mikey's fingers are loosely linked, and for the first time in days you feel like you actually belong.

"So am I sleeping on the couch again?" Gerard asks as he enters his bedroom last.

How do you answer Gerard?  
Looks like it.  
Sorry Gerard.  
Yeah.  
Seems that way.  
"I'll get you some clothes." Mikey says, breaking his fingers from your's ever so slowly.

"'Kay." you barely whisper out, moving to sit on his bed while he moves to his dresser and Gerard walks to the closet to get a few of his clothes and a spare blanket.

"Now, I know you two haven't seen each other in about," Gerard checks a nonexistent watch on his wrist as he comes out of the closet, a blanket bundled under his arm, along with a few pieces of clothing. "Thirteen hours now, but try to keep it down with all the racket I know you're bound to make. Some of us are tired thanks to _someone_ who thought it would be cool to scare everyone shitless."

You glare at Gerard and he merely smirks as he walks to the open bedroom door as Mikey turns to glare at his brother too. "Get out."

Gerard does as he's told, shutting the door with a playful giggle on the way out. Mikey sighs slightly in annoyance and then moves to sit down next to you on his bed, a change of clothes in his hands.

You feel the bed sink down with his weight as Mikey sits next to you, but you do not look up. Mikey notices this and sighs again, placing the spare clothes behind him on his bed and then retracting a hand to reach into his uniform pocket. You watch from the corner of your eye as he extracts a single sheet of lined, white paper, a bit crinkled.

"Did you mean this?" Mikey asks, unfolding the paper and handing it over to you, pointing to a paragraph of words on the paper you now recognize as the note you left to him.

You do not take the note from him, but just read the words from where you're sitting, your heart starting to contract as you read what you wrote.

Being with you every day, every waking moment for these last few days made me realize a lot of things. First of all, it made me realize how much in love with you I am. Yes, Mikey, I love you. I love you with all my heart and I knew I would from the moment my soul knew it had to have you. It probably sounds weird because we had only been together for a few days, but I always knew I loved you. Deep inside me, I knew I did. Some may claim that I'm just a teen that knows nothing about love, but I do. You're my love Mikey, my definition of love. The way you laugh, the way you make me feel, the way you smile, the way you send my heart into a frenzy whenever I even think about you, everything about you Mikey, I love.

With tears in your eyes, you lift your head and lock your gaze with Mikey's, your body remaining unmoving. Mikey stares back into your emerald eyes, his very being begging for an answer.

Slowly, oh so slowly, you look down at your lap and away from Mikey as you nod your head, closing your eyes as tears fall down your cheeks and into your lap.

Mikey stares at you a moment, his eyes barely catching your slow, steady movement. But he did. And now, he just realizes what it means.

Quickly, Mikey drops the paper held between his trembling fingers and casts his arms around your shoulders, hugging you tightly, his eyes closed.

"I love you too Alex." he breathes into your hair, and you start to cry again. _Stupid emotions._

"I wanted to tell you for so long... I feel the same way! Everything you wrote, I feel too!" You feel Mikey's chest rise with a deep breath he takes. "I never want to lose you Alex, never. You mean so much to me. I love you."

You encircle Mikey's torso with your own skinny arms, hugging him back as you whisper, "I love you too Mikey."

"AWW!"

Suddenly the door bursts open and there stands Gerard, Hope, Ray, Frank, and Bob, all grinning like mad and looking at you two happily.

"That was the cutest thing ever!" Ray says, bounding to you and Mikey. He envelops you both in a gigantic hug and says, "I'm so happy for you two!"

"Me too!" Bob says, running forward and colliding with Ray in and effort to reach you and Mikey to give you both a bug.

"Don't forget me!"

"Or me!"

"How _could_ you forget me?"

Before you know it, you are laughing and crying all at once as everyone piles on top of you and Mikey, telling you both how glad they are that everything is okay now.

And you couldn't agree more.

Finally everyone leaves, allowing you and Mikey to get ready for the sleep you two so desperately wish for. Donna comes in a few moments after everyone trekked out to tell you Donald wasn't able to get a hold of either of your parents, so they left a message on the answering machine.

"Do you need anything?" Donna asks, poised in the doorway as you climb into Gerard's bed, Mikey in the process of taking off his glasses and setting them on his bedside table.

You shake your head and give Donna a small smile. "No, thank you Donna."

Mikey's mother smiles. "Good night you two." She shuts off the light, casting everything into darkness, and then exits the room, shutting the door behind her.

You let out a soft sigh and close your eyes, snuggling down in between the cotton sheets of Gerard's small, single bed. Your bare legs are aching from all the walking you did today and your head is starting to hurt, but for some reason you can't get seem to keep your eyes closed.

You open your eyes once more and roll over onto your stomach, burying your face into your pillow. _Okay that's definitely not comfortable._ You think, turning your head to face Mikey, only to find his back to you.

_He's probably exhausted._ You think, turning your back to Mikey and closing your eyes in another attempt to fall asleep.

Half an hour later you are still wide awake, staring at the wall that has about a million of Gerard's drawings plastered on it. You can hear light, uneven breathing coming from Mikey, and your headache has come and gone, but you still feel distressful, and the sheets are doing scarcely anything to keep you warm.

_This is useless. I couldn't get to sleep even if I wanted to._

You quietly sit up in bed and throw the blankets off your legs, swinging them over the side and then putting your head in your hands, rubbing your tired eyes. God, your body is just _praying_ for sleep, but you're just not tired.

You allow your hands to fall into your lap and they rest against your bare legs, the overly large black Radiohead t-shirt barely coming to the middle of your thighs.

"Alex?"

You turn around, startled, and see Mikey propped up on one elbow, his eyes squinting in the dark in an effort to see you.

"What's wrong? You're not running away again are you?"

You smile at Mikey and reply, "No, I can't sleep is all."

To your surprise, Mikey lifts his sheets up and scoots over a bit, still propped up on one elbow. "Come here, I can't sleep either."

Hesitating for a moment, you finally stand and crawl over Gerard's bed to Mikey's. You stand by his bedside for a minute before the slight chill of the room starts to nip at you. Carefully, you sit down on the bed next to Mikey and then slew down and roll onto your side so your back is facing Mikey and you feel him drop the sheets he's holding and they cover you completely. Mikey immediately drapes an arm over your side and, with a small smile, you allow yourself to be pulled to his tall body, your head barely reaching his chin.

You two instantly get comfortable and you snuggle closer to Mikey as his arm holds onto you tighter, his legs rubbing against your's. You close your eyes, still smiling, and feel yourself beginning to warm up very quickly.

And all your pain is gone. Drowsiness kicks in full force and as your smile fades, though your thoughts of Mikey do not. All your fear, and you insecurities, and your pain is forgotten as you fall asleep in Mikey's arms, never wanting to leave.

Before you fully drift off into a much needed slumber though, you feel Mikey's lips barely graze the base of your neck as he whispers, "I love you, my beautiful Alex, with all my heart."

The next morning, you wake up to someone insistently shaking you, pleading with you to open your eyes and get out of bed.

"Alex, come on you have to get up."

You open your eyes slowly as Mikey sits up from behind you, rubbing his eyes as he asks Gerard angrily, "What are you doing Gerard!"

"Alex needs to come downstairs."

You open your eyes at this point, sensing the urgency in which Gerard speaks. You see a pale face hovering by your side and you blink once or twice, doing your best to right your vision.

"Why?" Mikey croaks out in annoyance.

"Steven's here."

You sit up so suddenly in bed that you almost knock Gerard over. Mikey stares at the back of your head for a moment and then turns to look at his brother, his eyes wide.

"What?"

"Your step-dad is here."

Flinging the blankets from your legs, you quickly depart from Mikey's warm bed, Gerard moving out of the way so you can move freely. You stand hastily, straightening the t-shirt you are wearing as you do so, and rush to the bedroom door, Mikey and Gerard quickly following, after the former grabs his glasses and puts them on his face.

"Where the **fuck** is Alex?"

_Oh shit!_ You think in panic as you trample down the few stairs to the first floor, the sounds of violent yelling coming from the hallway leading to the front door.

"Tell me where that little whore is! I know you fucking know!"

Your green eyes meet the sight of Steven standing in the open doorway of the Way household, Donald blocking his passage into the house, and Donna standing halfway into the kitchen dressed in her pink bathrobe. You freeze for a moment, unbelieving of this whole sudden incident that is quickly starting to unravel before you.

"Goddamn it I-"

Suddenly, Steven's eyes land on you standing a few feet from the foot of the stairs, Gerard and Mikey only midway down them, his look causing both to cease to move. The air hangs thick around you as Steven stares at you, his chest heaving up and down as he breathes heavily, his eyes full of rage. His clothes are dirty and his red face is unshaven, his hair uncombed and greasy. Donna and Donald both snap their heads around to look at you after following Steven's gaze to you, standing in but a t-shirt, looking shocked.

All at once, Steven is striding forward after roughly pushing Donald to the side, causing the latter to stumble into a nearby wall. Donna moves all the way into the kitchen as Steven marches past her furiously, and you take a timid step back, and then another, as Steven approaches, his body rigid with ferocity. Your wide eyes watch as he stops before you, his eyes ablaze with madness.

"You **bitch**!"

And before you know it, you're crumbling to the ground as Steven lowers his clenched and trembling fist back to his side, staring down at you angrily. You hear Mrs. Way gasp and Gerard fumble down a step or two, but no one dares to move as Steven hovers over your frail and small figure, huddled in pain on the ground.

"Your mother is dead!"


	21. Chapter 21

"While you were out on your little fucking escapade, your mother fucking died! This is your fucking fault!"

You stare up at Steven in unbelieving astonishment, blood starting to trickle down from the cut on your cheek where Steven's fist hit you. Your emerald eyes slowly start to widen as the realization of what Steven just said dawns on you.

Your mother...She's...dead...?

"You fucking little cunt, did you hear what I just said! Your mother is-"

"That's enough!" Donald roars suddenly, walking briskly to Steven.

Your step-father turns around heatedly to face Donald, who is looking up at Steven with angry eyes, not daring to step away from this man. Donna cautiously moves out of the kitchen a bit, a hand dangerously close to her mouth. She's watching you with broad eyes, as are Mikey and Gerard, but still no one braves to move.

"Get out of my house right now!"

"You can't tell me what to fucking do you prick! This is _my_ child here at _your_ house and she's coming _back_ with me!"

"No she is **not**! Alex is not a child any longer, she's eighteen, and entitled to make her own decisions, and I doubt they have anything to do with going anywhere with you! Do you think I'd actually _let_ her go anywhere with you anyway, after what you just did?" Donald shouts.

"You can't fucking make her stay!"

"We will if it means she's away from you!" Gerard yells suddenly, causing Steven to whip around to face him.

You don't bother to wipe the blood and tear fusion dripping off your chin as you look up at Steven, feeling so very helpless. _Mom..._

"Get out! And don't ever come by here again!" Donald says, moving out of the way for Steven to pass him.

Snarling angrily, Steven pushes past Donald for good measure and storms down the corridor, ripping open the front door and then slamming it shut behind his tall form.

The moment he leaves everyone rushes to you, Mikey collapsing on the bottom stair to take you into his arms as Donna kneels in front of you, Donald behind her and Gerard behind Mikey.

"Alex! Alex... God mom go get something to wipe the blood away!" Mikey demands, taking you into his arms. Immediately Donna runs for the kitchen, her face ashen with fear.

Suddenly, you feel the extremely strong urge to vomit. You double over, placing a hand on the floor to steady yourself, and bring your other hand to your mouth, though nothing comes out. You start to choke on tears and shock, water clouding your vision as Mikey holds onto your shoulders, now kneeling beside you.

You let out a heavy and loud wail, falling to the floor completely as Gerard appears on your other side and Donna comes back from the kitchen with a towel and a bag of frozen peas. But, when she sees the state you're in, she forgets everything and looks down on you sadly, her heart weighty with deep emotions stirred by what just happened.

Somehow, you managed to move into the living room, Mikey not letting go of you for anything, Gerard beside you every step of the way, and Donna and Donald watching from a distance. They know now is not the time to intrude. You need friends for this. Friends that love you more than anything.

Your open wound has stopped bleeding, but a growing bruise covers the healing one on your face, one that you are even more disgraced to wear.

Mikey cradles your shivering physique in his arms as you continue to weep, your face not dry even for but a minute. Gerard rubs your back as you lean into Mikey's chest, looking at the floor with hollow eyes.

"I never got to say goodbye!" You pull back from Mikey, shaking your head, your eyes puffy and red from crying. "I never got to tell her I'm sorry, or that I love her, or that she meant so much to me, no matter what she did!"

Mikey forces your head back down into his chest, placing his chin on top of your head as you sob harder, clinging to the front of his shirt with trembling hands. He says nothing, because he's not sorry, and he hates to hear what you're saying. He knows you're upset, but your mother wasn't all that great. But he doesn't say anything, knowing that's not what you want to hear.

"I don't want to go back! I can't go back living with Steven!" you cry, shaking your head. "He'll hit me...I'm so afraid of him Mikey! I'm so afraid..."

Mikey looks at his brother pleadingly and, getting the message, Gerard stands slowly and leaves, never looking back once. Donna and Donald follow their son, feeling as though they shouldn't be present for this conversation.

"I should've ran away. I should've never let you guys find me or bring me back. This is all my fault..."

Mikey immediately breaks away from you and grabs your shoulders roughly, frowning at you as he scolds loudly, "No! Don't you dare fucking say that!" He gives your shoulders a good shake out of frustration. "Don't blame this on yourself! This is **not** your fault!"

You look at Mikey guiltily and then away, tears running down your face.

"You can't always just run away from your problems Alex! You have to stay and face them and take responsibility, no matter how much you don't want to!" Mikey looks at you pleadingly, still grasping your shoulders firmly. "I know it's hard, but I'm here for you. I always will be. I love you."

You look up at Mikey and then close your eyes as you fling your arms around his neck tightly as he wraps his own around your waist. "I love you too Mikey." you whisper, your heart calming down almost entirely.

Mikey pulls away from you slowly and immediately wipes your face dry as you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, sniffling slightly. "Look, if you don't really want to go back home, you can stay here. I can ask mom, even though I know she won't mind."

You look up at Mikey quickly, your face blank for but a moment. What do you eventually say to that?  
Mikey I don't know...  
I don't like that idea...  
I don't think so...  
No Mikey...I don't...  
"Alex, do you really want to go back there? With Steven?" Mikey asks sincerely.

Slowly you shake your head, your green eyes shimmering in the light of the living room.

"I know mom and dad won't mind Alex. They don't want you going back there as much as I don't."

"But Mikey..."

"Goddamn it Alex no more buts!" Mikey says forcefully, causing you to instantly shut your mouth and look at him shamefacedly. "You can't keep making excuses! You have to start speaking your mind and doing what _you_ think is right, and I know moving back home isn't one of them!" Mikey's hands fall and grasp your own tightly as he moves closer to you, dropping his voice, his eyes becoming soft. "You have people that care for you now and don't want to see you get hurt any longer; it's gone on for too long."

Suddenly Mikey stands, pulling you up with him. "Come on, we'll go talk to mom now."

You don't need telling twice. Mikey being angry with you isn't something you want to experience again, so you willingly allow yourself to be pulled into the kitchen where Donna and Donald are talking in hushed voices, Gerard seated at the kitchen table, staring at the woodgrain.

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, something is soothing you, telling you yes, this is the right thing to do. Listen to Mikey, to Donna, to Gerard, to Donald, they know what's best for you.

But then another is screaming. Screaming that no, they shouldn't have to be burdened by you.

Everyone immediately looks at you as you and Mikey enter the kitchen, hand in hand, looking tousled and exhausted, though you only just woke up. Everyone has pity etched onto their faces, and you do your best to face each and every one with the strength you know is inside of you.

But God is it hard to stand tall in this moment. Knowing your mother is dead, the only person who could somewhat protect you from your abusive, alcoholic step-father. It's hard to stand tall when you just want to give in. It's hard to stand tall when you just want to crumble to the floor and weep for all that you've lost, for all that you wish you had.

"Mom-"

"We've been talking." Donald says, before Mikey can start.

"So have we."

The kitchen falls silent and you desire nothing more than to look at the floor to hide your face, but you don't. Mikey must've sensed this and gives your fingers an extra squeeze before turning his attention to his parents once more.

"I'm guessing it's about the same thing." Donna says softly, and you and Mikey nod.

"We can't let you go back Alex, I'm sorry, but we just can't. Not after what we witnessed today." Donald says.

"Like we'd let you even if you wanted to." mutters Gerard, running a hand through his oily, dyed hair.

"Donald and I have come to an agreement..." Donna starts.

"And me." Gerard cuts in.

"And _Gerard_," Donna says, casting Gerard a quick, narrow-eyed glare. "We have come to the agreement that you _will_ stay with us."

You nod, knowing it's best not to argue with a Way. _Right now, I think I should trust them a little more than I have been._

"You don't have to do anything in return, you don't need anything more to worry about than what you've got on your plate now." You open your mouth to reject, but Donna lifts a slim finger and gives you a knowing look. "_No_." she says sternly. "You're don't have to do anything in return Alex, this is an offer, one that doesn't require anything in return."

"You can move in with Mikey, since Gerard practically lives in the basement anyway with his guitars and-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I never agreed to this!" Gerard says suddenly, causing you to smile slightly. "I like my room!"

Both Donna and Donald turn to glower at their eldest. "Gerard, you know it's true! We can clean out all that junk down there and you can use the extra storage space to store all your stuff! Besides, you always wanted your own room! This is the perfect opportunity!"

Gerard crosses his arms and frowns at his mother. "So I'm just storage now?"

You let out a slight chuckle and Mikey smiles too, in an effort to make you feel better. It works somewhat, and you continue to smile as Gerard sticks his tongue out at his mother and she rolls her eyes, turning back to you.

"So we'll go get your things in a few days okay? You can move in with us for as long as you want."

Your smile fading, you say softly:  
Fine.  
Okay.  
Thank you.  
All right.  
Later in the day, while Donna and Donald are out at the grocery store and Gerard is off at _Wally's_ filling Ray in on what happened and what's going to happen, you and Mikey find yourselves wrapped up under a wool afghan, watching the twelve o'clock news, your small physique between Mikey's outstretched legs on the couch.

You don't _feel_ like crying anymore, you feel as if there's no more tears left in you. Over the past few days you've really just cried yourself out, until you felt like a hollow void, barren of anything other than here and now.

_"In other news,"_ starts the anchorman, Ron Tiggles. _"Forty-year old Karen Cooper died late last die, due to a cocaine overdose."_

Your eyes immediately broaden and you sit rigid in your spot, staring at the TV screen, your breath caught in your throat.

_"Yes, the woman was found dead in her home when her husband, Steven Cooper, came home late from work. With her was the man who was allegedly selling Karen the cocaine, among other drugs found on the victim. Silvio Rodriguez was arrested last night as well, and stands for a court trail next week."_

Your ears ring with the anchorman and woman's words.

_Cocaine overdose..._

_Found dead..._

_Silvio arrested..._

"Jesus..." You feel Mikey shift beneath you and his chest heave with the word he breathes, his own eyes wide.

You look down at the couch, placing a hand in your lap to steady yourself. _She never took cocaine! Silvio sold it to her! That bastard!_

"Alex...I'm so sorry..." Mikey hugs you from behind, giving you the comfort you suddenly don't want anymore.

"No!" You stand furiously, breaking from Mikey and throwing the afghan to the ground. You spin to face him angrily and start to yell, "She never did cocaine before in her life! That fucking mexican sold it to her ass and it killed her! She didn't know what she was doing!"

"Alex how do you know your mom never did cocaine before? I mean she could've-"

"No Mikey! I know she never did cocaine before now! I know it!" You're losing control, and it's breaking Mikey's heart. "She never did cocaine! I know it! Silvio killed her!"

"Alex..."

Mikey stands and tries to reach out for you, but you take a step back and scream, "No! Don't touch me! Just leave me alone!"

You whirl back around and head out of the living room, a fresh surge of tears in your eyes. Mikey watches after you helplessly, momentarily rendered speechless, before he hurries after you, his heart racing.

"Alex! Alex wait!"

You rush upstairs and into Mikey's room, slamming and locking the door behind you. You lean against the frail wood and slide to the floor, staring at the ceiling as tears pour from your eyes. Everything just flows out of you now. I guess there really were pent up tears within you.

"Alex! Alex come on! Open up!" Mikey pounds on the door frantically, his breathing heavy.

But you don't answer. You don't move. You don't do anything. You merely sit on the floor, and cry.

**Mikey's Point of View**

Your heartbeat is thumping wildly in your chest and you can feel your lungs expanding beyond their limit. You close your eyes after trying and failing to beat down your bedroom door to get to Alex, who hasn't said a word to you in the past ten minutes. _Goddamn it Alex!_ You think angrily, turning your back to your bedroom door and leaning against it, closing your eyes as you try to control your breathing.

Alex has been crying inside your room since she's been in there, and every time you hear a tiny weep of pain, it makes you want to get to her even more. To hold her, to be there for her.

Even though, in the back of your mind, you know she doesn't want comfort now. She wants to be alone.

_God I can't believe her mom died of a cocaine overdose..._ You think, opening your eyes again and lifting your head from the door.

Turning to face the door, you try a different approach. Gently, you rap on the wood a few times and then call softly, "Alex? Please, let me come in."

"Go away..." Alex's muffled voice cries.

Your slump slightly, placing a shaking hand on the door and leaning into it more, your voice barely above a whisper as you say, "Alex... Please... Let me come in... I want to be there with you..."

"No Mikey..." Alex bawls. "Just please... Leave me alone... I want to be alone..."

You stare at the woodgrain of the door through the panes of your glasses, your heart falling to the bottom of your feet. Slowly and silently, you move away from the door, your head low as you head back down the stairs, feeling hopeless.

Alex is pushing you away. Pushing you away in her time of need. You want nothing more than to be there for her, to soothe her; you instantly recall the discussion you and your brother had a few days ago.

_"I know you can do something for her, I know you can be there for her when I can't."_

_You stay silent, not having anything to say to that. You know Gerard is right. You can be there and you will be there for Alex. No matter what._

You made a promise! You made a promise to Gerard, and yourself, that you would be there for Alex, to take care of her!

You wander into the kitchen and plop into a chair, placing both elbows on the table and putting your head in your hands, running your fingers through your hair.

_Though it's hard when all she wants to do is to push me away._

:(  
God this sucks ASS!  
Why me? Just...why?

**Your Point of View**

"Rest in Peace, Karen Maureen Cooper."

The final words of the priest hang heavy in the chilly air of the Friday morning it is, the morning of your mother's burial.

Not many people have come; Steven, you and your friends, and a few people from the 7/11. No one really cared. And you know none of the people here really care either. They're just showing respect.

You bow your head as the priest leads everyone in prayer, and a tear slips down your cheek as you cling to Mikey's hand tighter, your knuckles white with the force on which you are holding onto him.

The day your mother died you had locked yourself in Mikey's room with no intention of coming out. Ever. You eventually cried yourself to sleep on the floor, until you woke up and found yourself in the arms of Mikey on his bed, the area around you dark.

You apologized to Mikey so many times, and he in return understood. He allowed you to talk about how you felt to him, and it made you feel so much better. It strengthened your relationship so much, and you're glad you have Mikey now, to finally call your own.

"Amen." Everyone choruses.

The ceremony is over. Everyone waits silently and not a tear is shed as your mother's casket is lowered into the ground.

Everyone stops by Steven to spare their condolences before moving on their way after the ceremony, to return to their normal lives, as if nothing had happened. And to them, nothing did.

"Come on." Mikey whispers into your ear, giving your hand an extra squeeze.

This is the day. The day you tell Steven that you won't be returning home.

With Hope, the boys, and Donna and Donald supporting you, you still don't feel like you're ready to do this. They took off school and work to be here with you, to stand by your side every step of the way, like true friends. Wally excused you from work the days you missed after you told him what happened, and allowed you to take a few more off to recuperate. Your entire body trembles as you make your way to Steven, who is shaking hands with one of the last people to leave the grave-site.

Everyone is ready to defend you, to come to your aide if needed. But you pleaded for them to let you speak first, for you know what you're going to say. You've been knowing what you were going to say from the moment Steven first hit you.

Steven looks up as you come near, the others trailing behind you except for Mikey, who is next to you, still grasping your hand. He looks tired and gaunt, his face pale and his body slack with exhaustion dressed in a cheap, black suit. He instantly develops a look of hatred on his face as you stop in front of him, your bruise and cut covered with makeup as much as you could get it not to show.

"What do you want?" Steven snarls.

You swallow the lump lodged in your throat and Mikey glances at you before briefly squeezing your fingers for reassurance. A surge of courage washes through you and, your head held a little higher, you speak the last words you will ever say to the man standing before you. The man you have grown to hate with a strong passion, and the man you wish never to see again.

"Good riddance."

A gust of wind billows through the air, but no one moves. Steven merely stares at you, dumbfounded, at a loss for words. His eyes trail over the people standing behind you, staring at him blankly, challenging him to object.

And then, knowing he is defeated, Steven looks at you with rage burning in his eyes, but still says nothing. He turns his back on you and strides to his awaiting truck, his body visibly shaking with anger.

Mikey immediately captures you in his arms and embraces you tightly. "You did it." he whispers, kissing your cheek lightly as you hug him back, the others sharing your relief. "You did it Alex."

You nod against Mikey's shoulder and continue to hug him, the others watching with slight smiles.

Mikey pulls back a moment later and kisses you gently on the forehead before whispering, "Let's go home."


	22. Chapter 22

"Anything else?"

You look up from the cardboard box you are currently filling with clothes, and into Mikey's face, another cardboard box in his hands.

"Just this one." you tell him, indicating to the box you're packing.

Mikey nods and then leaves the doorway, walking down the narrow hallway and out the front door to his car.

It's Saturday, a cold, windy Saturday, and Steven is at work. You and Mikey slipped off to your house early this morning, when you knew Steven would be gone, and quickly started to pack everything you owned, which wasn't much. Gerard, Donna, and Donald are working at home, cleaning out the basement and moving Gerard's things so you can stay in Mikey's room.

_Stupid bastard. He didn't even take mourning time off._ You think of Steven, closing the cardboard box as you hear the front door shut slowly. _Even if he didn't care that she died, it would've looked nice to at least pretend._

You sigh and sit back a bit, looking down at the box beneath you, and then around your now empty, desolate room. Your bed stands naked in the center of your room, along with both your dressers. Your clothes are all packed away, your closet is cleaned out, and all your things are ready to be moved into the Way's home, where you will now stay.

_I don't think I'll miss this place._ You muse, standing, brushing off your bum as you do so. _I wasn't here long enough to miss it._

You bend over and pick up the last box, just as you hear the front door open once more, and Mikey makes his way back to your room.

"Here I'll get it." Mikey says, immediately coming into the room, striding to you and taking the box from your arms.

You smile at him. "I can carry a box Mikey."

He leans down and kisses you lightly on the lips before saying, "I know, but I want to carry it for you."

You shake your head as Mikey turns his back to you and walks from your room, his blue-jeans swishing on the way, along with the jacket on his back.

_God I love him._ You think, walking from your room without a look back.

Why would you look back? On all the horror, the tears, the pain, the arguments? Who wants to look back on what they don't want to remember?

You cross your arms over your white hoodie-covered chest, bowing your head as you watch your feet shuffle down the carpeted hallway. Mikey is already outside and by his car, but you take your time, thinking about how drastically your life is going to change.

_Things are going to be better._ You firmly tell yourself, shutting your -Steven's- front door behind you softly. _I'll be living with Mikey, surrounded by people that actually give a damn.. Yeah, this is going to be a lot better._

You give Mikey a thankful smile as you walk to the trunk of his car, where he is standing after shutting the door. He turns to you, his shivering hands latching onto the belt loops of your jeans and pulling you close to him. His face hovers a few inches above your's and you smile up at him, uncrossing your arms to wrap them around his slim waist.

"Thank you for helping me." you tell him softly, your cheeks aglow with color as your frosty breath swirls in pale, white tendrils as you speak.

"I wasn't gonna let you carry all those big, heavy boxes all by yourself." Mikey says huskily, his hot breath hitting your face.

You let out a small laugh, your lips dangerously close to Mikey's. "Are you saying that I'm not capable of carrying big, heavy boxes all by myself?"

Mikey's lips barely brush against your's as he answers, "Yes."

Playfully scandalized, you break away from Mikey and send him a glower before moving off to the passenger's side of his car, feeling:  
Happy. Things are finally going my way.  
Excited. I can't wait to get away for good and start the life _I_ want to lead.  
Nervous. I hope everything will turn out right now.  
Exhausted. All this stress is really taking a toll on me.  
The car ride back to Mikey's is filled with light conversation and silence. But not the awkward kind. The kind where you know everything is okay, without having to say anything.

You're over the fact that your mother is gone. Well, not completely, but you have acknowledged it. It pains you to know that she will no longer be there for you, not that she really was, but in a way it comforted you to know you had a mother. But no more. She's gone.

You try not to show you're too devastated by this, and you manage to fool everyone but Mikey. He's so good at reading you, reading your emotions, that he knows when something is wrong. And every time he does, you two sit down and talk about it, so you don't keep things bottled up inside. And it helps so much to have someone listen to you, to be there for you, to tell you everything will be all right. It really does, and you're so grateful, more than anyone could ever know.

But still, you don't tell Mikey everything.

Mikey lets out a loud groan and you smile slightly when you see Bob's car parked in the driveway of the Way's, blocking Mikey's space.

"What is _he_ doing here?" Mikey whines, parking alongside the curb.

You smile as Mikey shuts off the car and look over at him, your hand on the door handle. "Let's go find out."

Mikey groans once more as he follows you out of his car, shutting his door behind him. _I'll bet anything Frank is here too._

You walk around to the back of Mikey's car and wait for him to unlock the trunk so you can get out the few boxes with your things in them. Once it's open, you reach in slowly, Mikey doing the same, and grab the nearest box.

"ALEX!"

You start, causing yourself to bump your head on the trunk door and moan in pain, closing your eye as Mikey laughs.

"HEY BOB! HOPE! ALEX IS HERE!"

You glare at Frank as he comes running out of the Way house dressed in nothing but faded jeans, socks, and a grey t-shirt. Hope and Bob soon follow, and you hear Mikey growl in frustration once more, but you have to smile, despite your pain.

"Alex!"

Frank throws himself onto you from behind, and you completely forget about bumping your head. You laugh at Frank's sad attempt to pick you up off the ground and then turn to face him, a soft smile gracing your lips.

"Hey Frank. Hope, Bob."

The other two smile at you, flushed and out of breath, as Mikey asks, "What are you guys doing here?"

"We came to help Alex move!" Frank says cheerfully, appearing to not even be bothered by the cold.

"She only has a few boxes." Mikey says.

Frank shrugs. "So? We still want to help."

Mikey turns back around to face the car and grabs what you both know is the heaviest box; the one with your shoes. "Good. Here."

He thrusts the box at Frank and Frank stumbles back a bit, startled by the weight. He glares at Mikey evilly as the rest of you laugh and then grab boxes of your own, cleaning out Mikey's car in only one trip.

"Ray! Goddamn it that's my fucking foot!"

"Gerard Way you watch your mouth!"

You let out a soft chuckle upon entering the Way household and hearing the small controversy coming from the basement stairs. You follow Mikey and the others into the kitchen, where the basement door leads downward, and laugh when you see Gerard and Ray trying to move Gerard's desk down into the basement, Donna standing behind them in the kitchen; one of the desk legs is currently being lifted off Gerard's bare foot.

Everyone looks at you and the others when you laugh and Ray smiles brightly, saying, "Hey Alex!"

"Ray concentrate!" Gerard orders. "This thing is flippin' heavy!"

Donna glares at her son, waiting to see if he'll curse once more. Everyone is dressed comfortably in either baggy jeans or pajama pants (in Gerard's case), and sweatshirts or t-shirts.

"Should we take these boxes to my room mom?" Mikey asks, everyone idly standing around the kitchen as Ray and Gerard start to argue again about ways to move the desk down the stairs without hitting anything.

"Yeah." Donna says distractedly as Gerard yells at Ray and shifts the weight of the desk, causing it to hit the wall and scratch it.

"Gerard goddamn it watch what you're doing!" Donna shrieks as you try to hold in laughter, following Hope out of the kitchen.

"Oh so I'm not allowed to cuss but you are?"

"I'm the mother!"

"And I'm the son!"

Up the carpeted stairs, down the small hallway, and through the doorway into Mikey's room, you follow Hope, Frank, and Bob behind you.

Mikey's room is entirely _clean_, something you've **never** seen it. Gerard's bed, which is now your's, is made with fresh, white sheets, a small, down-feather comforter on top. The floor is clear and Gerard's dresser is replaced with a smaller one. His desk is gone, leaving an empty space along the wall next to the door, and the things from his closet are gone too, soon to be filled with your things.

What are you thinking as everyone sets a box down?  
Well, that's it.  
I guess this is my new home.  
What would I do without friends like these?  
I can't wait until I settle in! This is going to be great!  
"Well I think it's time for lunch." Bob says, stretching a bit after setting his box on your bed.

"I second that." Frank says, moving off to the doorway.

"I'll be out in a sec." you say.

Everyone nods and moves off down the hallway, talking amongst themselves. When you can barely hear their voices from downstairs, you let out a deep sigh and look around the room you will now call your own.

Suddenly, a pair of arms snake around your waist and a set of lips connect with your neck, sending tremors throughout your entire body. You smile and lean into Mikey, closing your eyes as a feeling of complete serenity washes through you.

"What's wrong?" you ask Mikey, referring to his earlier resentment to the others being here.

Mikey buries his face into your neck, still holding onto you tightly, his lips grazing your skin just barely. "I don't want them here."

"Why not?"

"I just wanted it to be me and you." Mikey says, lifting his head and placing his chin on your shoulder. "It doesn't seem like we get enough time together."

You smile and say, "That's because he haven't been together for that long."

"Well I want to be together forever. To make up for lost time."

You open your eyes slowly, taking in what Mikey just said. _Did he..?_

"Come on, I'm hungry. Let's go eat."

Mikey immediately breaks from you and grabs one of your hands, dragging you from his room, a heavy blush on his cheeks that he tries so desperately to keep from you. _God where the hell did that come from?_

Confused. Excited. Scared. Relieved. Skeptical. Completed.

So many more feelings rush through you as you enter the kitchen, your fingers still intertwined with Mikey's, lovingly. A mild redness still colors your cheeks, one that you can't help as a puzzling thought crosses your mind.

_Would it seem too sudden if I felt the same way?_

The rest of the afternoon is filled with laughter and bonding with the people you care for most. Everyone helps you set up in Mikey's room, and move things to the basement for Gerard.

Today is the day you forget about everything. All your problems, all that has happened, what your future holds, everything. It's a good day.

Everyone stays for dinner as well, delivered pizza from Dominos. It's really the perfect end to the perfect day, and you couldn't be happier.

"We'll see you guys on Monday." Bob says, putting on his jacket as Frank, Ray, and Hope wait for him by the front door. It's around eight thirty at night and everyone is about to leave, tired from today.

"All right." you say with a smile, Mikey's arm draped around your shoulders. "Thanks for helping guys, couldn't have done it without you."

"Bye Alex! Bye Mikey!" Hope calls, opening the front door and then the other, the first to step out into the cold.

"Bye!" you and Mikey say in unison as the others file out after Hope, closing the door behind them.

You and Mikey both turn from the door and, his arm still hanging around your shoulders, you two head for your room. Gerard is downstairs setting up the last of his things, Donna is cleaning up dinner, and Donald is watching TV in the living room.

Finally. Peace and quiet.

"I'm going to get a shower okay?" you ask Mikey, climbing the stairs with him.

He nods but doesn't break from you, relishing in the warmth and feeling of lightheadedness only you can give him. _She still does that to me, after so many months._

You move to your dresser and pull out a few undergarments before retrieving some pajamas, and then moving to the doorway where Mikey stands, hand in his pockets. He moves out of the way to allow you to pass and then watches you go, a feeling of loneliness suddenly looming over him.

"Alex?" Mikey calls after you, once you're halfway down the hallway.

You stop and turn to face Mikey, your eyebrows raised in question.

"Can I come?"

You have to laugh. He looks so innocent, and he sounds that way too.

"Not this time."

Your shower is refreshing, and the moment you exit the bathroom and walk into your room, Mikey is there to envelope you in a hug.

"Hello..." you say with a smile, looking up into his face, his arms sliding down to wrap around your waist.

Instead of answering, Mikey places his lips onto your's for a slow, sensual kiss. Your body flutters with prickles and you reluctantly break from Mikey, your lips stuck for but a moment. Lazily, you open your eyes and ask Mikey raspily, "What was that for?"

"I missed you."

You let out a soft chuckle, your eyes resting on Mikey's lips, the urge to kiss him again strong. "I was gone for a whole ten minutes."

"Ten minutes too many."

"You're hopeless." you say.

Mikey smiles, his lips sweeping against your's scarcely as he replies, "But you love me."

"I do."

And you kiss him again.

You and Mikey waste away the night by playing the new Playstation his mom got him for Christmas. You beat him at least fifteen times in Nascar '98, but surprisingly he's really good at NBA Fast Break '98, and you end up losing immensely.

Around nine thirty Mikey claims tiredness and you two go up to bed together. Gerard is downstairs, asleep for the night, and Donna and Donald are watching a movie in their room.

"I'm tired." you say, leaning your head on Mikey's shoulder as you two enter your room slowly, the house dark.

"Me too." Mikey says, already in his pajamas, as you are.

You break from Mikey to climb into your bed, yawning widely. Mikey takes his glasses off and puts them on his bedside table before getting under the blankets of his own bed.

Once you are settled, and you know Mikey is, you say, "Good night Mikey."

"Night Alex." Mikey pauses and smiles through the dark, though you don't see it. "I love you."

A smile of your own blossoms onto your face as you close your eyes, the pillow beneath you soft and comforting. How do you respond?  
I love you too.  
You know I love you too babe.  
Same.  
Do I even have to say it back?

You lay in bed for hours, unable to call on sleep. You drift in and out, but something inside you just doesn't want you to sleep. Your body feels achy and your being is tired, but your body rejects the thought of sleep.

_Maybe a drink of water will help._ You think unconvincingly, quietly removing yourself from the warm comforts of your bed. Slowly you creep to the door and open it, careful to listen for any signs that Mikey might be waking. You know he's asleep. He's been that way for a while now.

You plod out into the hallway as catlike as possible, and then shut the bedroom door behind you before moving off down the corridor, headed for the kitchen.

_I don't know where this sudden insomnia is coming from._ You think in annoyance, your bare feet sliding across the carpet of the stairs soundlessly.

_2:34 in the morning!_You think, catching sight of the microwave clock. _I was up for five hours?_

Shaking your head, you move off to a cabinet and retrieve a glass before going to the refrigerator to pour yourself some water.

As you lean against the kitchen table and sip your water, you stare across the hall and into the dining room with blank eyes. You're not tired. You're more awake than ever, and you have no idea why.

_Maybe watching some TV will do it._ You think, trying to assure yourself of that. You take your glass of water with you and move off into through dining room to get to the living room.

Complete darkness and utter silence is all that is seen and heard, and you feel a bit anxious about turning on the TV. You sit down on the couch and reach for the remote nevertheless, telling yourself you can keep it on mute if needed.

A half an hour crawls by, and you feel nonetheless more tired. You've been watching Cheers with a blank stare and have gone through five glasses of water.

_I wonder if there's any Nyquil in the bathroom?_You think, not taking your eyes off the TV. _It's my only hope._

"Alex?"

You gasp extremely loudly and nearly spill the glass of water in your hands when you hear the gentle voice call out your name. With wide eyes, you look to the entryway of the dining room and see Donna standing there, a pink robe covering her pajamas.

"What are you doing up sweetie?" she asks, moving to the couch where you sit, trying to calm your racing heart.

"I couldn't sleep." you whisper back as Donna sits down, looking tired herself. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Oh no," Donna says, giving you a smile. "I couldn't sleep either. I thought some water would help, and I was on the way to the kitchen when I heard the TV on."

"Water doesn't really help. I've had like five glasses already and I'm still wide awake." you say with a slight chuckle.

Donna lets out a small laugh of her own. "Well then I guess we'll just have to watch Cheers together."

You give Donna another smile and then look back to the TV, a commercial for Colgate toothpaste currently playing.

"Donna?" you ask suddenly, turning to face her a bit. Donna looks at you questioningly, so you continue. "I want to thank you, for taking me in and allowing me to stay with you guys. It really means a lot."

"Alex, we weren't about to let you go home."

"I know." You look down at your lap briefly. "I was scared Donna, I didn't want to go back. Steven's never hit me before, I don't know what brought it on, and it scared me. If you guys weren't here for me, I don't know what I would've done." _Well I do, but it would've involved me dragging a blade across my wrist._

"Alex," Donna lays a fragile hand on your closest arm, a smile on her lips. "We'll always be here for you, like Mikey tells you all the time. You can count on us."

You return the smile and then breathe out, "Thank you."

Donna removes her hand from your arm and says, "Besides, you and Mikey care for each other so much; it's as plain as day. Even if I didn't like you, Mikey would force me to let you stay."

You let out a laugh and Donna continues, a more serious tone to her voice. "You know I trust you both, you and Mikey, that's why I'm letting you stay in the same room. I know you  
need him, I know you need to be around him, and not alone. It doesn't matter that you're both eighteen; love knows no age, and it shows with you two. You guys make the perfect couple, I don't think I know two people better suited for the job. Mikey's the happiest I've ever seen him, and I'll do anything to make that happiness stay. Mikey's always been quiet and shy, never like Gerard who's so outspoken and carefree." Donna smiles. "You complete Mikey Alex, and I think we all know that."

God, the woman hit it right on the mark. Not being able to contain a smile, you say, "Thank you Donna, for understanding."

_"Stand up fucking tall, don't let them see your back! Take my fucking hand, and never be afraid! We've only got one chance to put this to an-"_

"Bob! You missed a beat!"

The music comes to an abrupt halt.

"Ray! You don't interrupt the fucking song to announce that Bob screwed up!"

"Well it messed my playing up!"

"Yeah, we all have to be in sync or-"

"Now we have to start all over!"

"It's not like we were that far into the song anyway!"

You wake up the next morning, or should I say afternoon, to a loud argument amplified by microphones. That and the sound of My Chemical Romance.

"Boys!" you hear someone hiss suddenly as you sit up in bed and yawn widely. "You're going to wake Alex up! Can't you wait until she's awake to practice!"

You have to smile at Gerard's frustrated answer. "It's two o'clock in the freakin' afternoon! She needs to wake up now anyway!"

You get out of bed slowly and, not really caring that you only wear a t-shirt, you walk from your room and out into the hallway, to the sounds of another heated argument taking place from the garage.

"She didn't get a lot of sleep last night Gerard and-"

"_She_ didn't get enough sleep? She didn't have to sleep on the couch!"

"The couch folds open into a bed!"

"It's still a couch!"

"Well then maybe if you don't like sleeping on the couch you should start earning some money and get a place of your own!"

_I love how they argue and still love each other in the end._ You think, coming upon the open garage door where Donna stands, hands on her hips.

"Alex!"

Everyone's looks at you now, standing behind Donna with a sleepy smile on your face. "Hey."

"Alex, _kindly_ tell my mother that we _didn't_ wake you up." Gerard insists, causing his mother to glare at him.

"I'm not lying to your mom Gerard." you say plainly as another yawn overtakes you, causing the others to laugh.

"You owe someone an apology." Donna says, raising an eyebrow to her eldest.

"Sorry." Gerard mumbles.

You smile and then move out of the way as Donna sigh and shakes her head, walking back through the doorway of the garage. "Come on Alex, I'll make you something to eat.


	23. Chapter 23

"Be good."

"Okay."

"There's leftovers in the fridge."

"Got it."

"If you need anything, call Mrs. Iero. Or the Wrights. Or. Mrs. Toro. Or Elena. Or the Bryars."

"All right."

"And remember to-"

"Mom, you've gone over everything about five million times. We get the point." says Gerard in annoyance.

You smile as Donna sighs in exasperation and then says, "All right all right, I'm just making sure."

"Well you've made sure enough. We're fine. How old are we?" asks Gerard rhetorically.

Donna sighs again and then surprisingly smiles at her son. "I'm going to miss that sarcastic mouth of your's."

Gerard rolls his eyes. "You'll be gone for a whole six days mom. Not six years."

Donna laughs again and Donald suddenly reappears behind his wife. "Honey, we're going to miss our flight."

It's the week of April tenth, Spring Break to be exact, and Donna and Donald are flying to Mexico for their anniversary. You've had off school for two days and have five more to go, not including the weekend, and are loving every minute of your day off.

"Okay remember what I told you?" asks Donna sternly as Donald picks up her luggage. You five are standing in the airport in Trenton at eleven o'clock in the morning, dressed in not but your pajamas to see the couple off.

"Yeah." you all chorus monotonously.

"Repeat it."

"No parties."

"No alcohol."

"No sex."

"No drugs."

"Or any combination of the four." Gerard adds. You and Mikey both laugh a bit and Donna smiles one last time before stepping forward and hugging Gerard. "You're in charge. Don't disappoint me. We'll call everyday and-"

"Okay mom bye." Gerard pushes his mom away and she moves to you next. Quickly she wraps her arms around your neck and you say, "Have a good time."

Donna smiles and turns to embrace Mikey next, before pulling away and walking backwards, Donald already headed for the correct terminal.

"Bye! See you in six days!"

"Bye!"

"Bye mom."

"No kinky sex!"

Many passing people stop and look at Gerard with raised eyebrows, while Donna and Donald merely walk faster, pretending they don't know Gerard. You laugh, call one last goodbye, and then walk with Mikey and Gerard from the airport, more tired then ever.

Mikey slips a tenuous arm around your shoulders and pulls your body closer to his and you lean your head onto his upper arm and yawn widely. _I'm going right home and going back to bed._ You think sleepily.

A lot has happened over the past couple months. Of course, there was the obvious. You and Mikey. Your relationship. You two...God I don't even know the right way to describe your relationship. Loving? Beautiful? To be envied? Wonderful? Perfect? No. Not even perfect can describe what you have. A deep, pure love, that feeds your soul every day you wake up to receive a morning kiss from the man you love with all your heart.

Love. It's an amazing feeling, unlike any you've ever felt, and a feeling that you want to share with the _world_. You've never been so happy in your entire life, and you have Mikey to thank for that. You have so much to thank him for, and feel that you'll never repay him for all he's done, no matter how long you two are together. You two have never fought, never bickered, never disagreed, nothing. Life's too short to spend it mad at each other. Your relationship grows with every second of every day, and you can't imagine ever leaving Mikey or ending what you have. It's all you've ever wanted.

You and Mikey go out at least three times a week, to the movies, the park, the mall, or just anywhere where you two can be together, enjoying the company of the other. And when you don't go out, you're at home together. Whether it be working on homework, you watching him play bass in the band, playing playstation, or watching TV; you two are _always_ together. Inseparable. For Valentine's Day, he made you dinner and you were served by the guys all dressed up in tuxes. He then took you out to the movies, out for ice cream, and then to the park for a miniature fireworks display carried out by the guys and Hope. You loved every minute of it. That's the one Valentine's Day you'll never forget.

The guys and Hope tease you about your close relationship with Mikey a lot. They love to tease you two. Gerard especially. You'll never forget one day when he asked Mikey, trying to be private but failing, if you were satisfying enough. God your cheeks burned crimson for days after that one. Sure, you and Mikey love a little tonsil hockey once and a while, okay once and a lot, and you've even gone a little farther, but you haven't had sex. _Sex._ It's such an ugly word.

A terrifying one, yet an appealing one. It's been on your mind constantly. Does Mikey want it? Has he had it before? Are you ready for it? Do _you_ want it?

You don't feel pressured, but it's on your mind incessantly. You've talked to Hope about it, even asked her what she knew, and she got extremely excited and gave you all the details on her first time. You sat wide-eyed through the entire conversation, not even breaking Hope's rant once, and couldn't talk for a good five minutes afterwards. Sex sounds great and all, but it scares the very _hell_ out of you.

Living with the Ways is a dream come true. You love every single minute of it. You haven't seen hide nor hair of Steven, or heard from him, and you've _basically_ forgotten all about him. And that's good. All the bad aspects of your previous life are slowly whittling away, like dust in the wind.

But still, some things remain. The guilt. Your past. The pain. Guilt for the kindness of the Ways and not giving anything in return. You carry scars from everything that once happened to you and though they are forgotten, they are not lost. Everything is tucked away in your mind to be remembered another day. And the pain and suffering from everything that haunts you, and dares not to go away.

And you still have your insecurities concerning numerous other things. Living with the Ways is great and all, but you feel horrible for freeloading off of them for as long as you have. You try to give half of your small income to Donna, but she won't even think about taking it, and as much as you want to help around the house, she denies you. This starts to bother you deep down in your soul, but you try to smother the feeling. The feeling you've come to know as guilt.

You're also worried about seeing Steven one of these days. What if he comes after you? What if he tries to harm you in some way when no one is around? You voice these concerns to Mikey, but he simply assures you that Steven _won't_, no matter how much he wants to. You believe Mikey, to a certain extent, for you cannot destroy the doubt lurking in the back of your mind.

School hasn't been as bad as you'd think. No one _really_ knew what happened to cause your disappearance, though most of your friends inquired about your absence and the bruise on your face. Of course you didn't tell the truth. You came up with a lie that sounded at least half genuine, and thank God the brainwashed teens at your private school bought it, and at least they didn't make up their own versions of what happened. That would've been a nightmare.

Gerard's birthday was yesterday, and Donna threw a small party with a few of his friends. He didn't receive any gifts, on account he told everyone that if they got him one he'd throw it out the window, but had an awesome time nevertheless. Twenty-two years old. And still living at home. But you can't help but love him anyway. Everyone loves Gerard.

Much to your delight, Gerard has curved his drinking habit immensely. He's gotten drunk only about two times since the accident a while back, and each time there were people around so he wouldn't go anywhere. This makes you extremely happy and you're so grateful that he's changed his ways, if only for a bit.

My Chemical Romance is probably the best thing in town, and then some. They've performed five shows since January, and packed every place to the bursting limit. They're quite the celebrities. You've gone to every show, along with Hope, though the loud noise and mosh pits really aren't your thing; you get to stay backstage though and watch from the sidelines, which is great. You love watching the guys perform. The way Frank moves, the way Ray sings, the way Mikey stands, Gerard's stage presence, and Bob's complete concentration makes the band all the more special.

"So when should we have the party?" asks Gerard, jingling his car keys in his hoodie pocket as he walks out into the slightly warm April air. His hair is shorter now, just above his shoulders, and he's lost a slight amount of weight. He appears more happy and cheerful from a few months back, and you could never tell by looking at him all that he's been through.

"Gerard," you whine, your head still resting against Mikey. "Donna said no parties."

"Ha! And you think I listen to her?"

"You should."

"I'm twenty-two years old."

"And still living at home." you point out, breaking from Mikey to get into the backseat of Gerard's Escort.

"God why does everyone keeping fucking reminding me? I know dammit!"

You smile evilly as you slide into the backseat, Mikey following you. What are you thinking as Gerard continues to rant and starts the engine of his car?  
So rebellious!  
I'm never going to win against Gerard.  
All he does is party! God!  
You would think one would get tired of, oh, say, 95438258 parties a week but no, NOT GERARD!  
**Gerard's Point of View**

Alex falls asleep on the way back to Belleville, and so does Mikey, making the ride quiet. You glance in the rearview mirror from time to time to find Alex and Mikey cuddled with each other, looking tranquil.

_What losers._ You think to yourself, a smirk on your lips as you drag your eyes away from the two. _Losers so hopelessly in love._

You let out a small sigh, debating on whether or not you should disturb the peace by blasting some Iron Maiden. You decide against it with one more look through the rearview mirror to see Mikey shift a bit, snuggling closer to Alex.

_Everyone wishes for a love like that, a love that only exists in people's dreams. But Mikey and Alex are lucky to live that love. God I'm so jealous._

But then, unexpectedly, your mind takes a different turn, to a conversation that left you puzzled and still puzzles you to this day. It is of a conversation you had with your brother a few weeks back. A very unsettling conversation.

_"Where's Alex? She's usually attached to your hip." you say, walking into your old room where Mikey sits now, fingering the strings of his Fender as he sits on his bed._

_Mikey looks up at you, his eyes wide for but a moment. "Oh. She's in the shower."_

_You smile and go to sit on your old bed, across from Mikey. "I'm surprised you're not in there with her."_

_"Shut up." Mikey says, narrowing his eyes at you and then turning his attention back to his bass._

_You watch your brother for a moment, biting your lip as you do so as your cheery mood is suddenly demolished. He doesn't seemed fazed by your presence though, and this gives you time to think. To think if you should ask. To think if you should be nosy._

_You decide to go for it._

_"Have you and Alex fucked yet Mikey?"_

_Mikey nearly drops his bass. He looks up at you in horror, straightening the instrument in his lap once more. "N...No!" he says hastily. "Why do you ask?"_

_The look on his face proves to you what he says is true._

_You rub the back of your neck nervously and look away from your brother and to the slippers donning your feet. "Well, you've been together for three or four months now..."_

_"So? That doesn't mean we have to have sex." Mikey says a bit heatedly._

_"I just thought-"_

_"Well you thought wrong. Alex and I have talked about it and decided it'll be best when we're both ready. And right now we're not. End of story."_

_You look up at Mikey, still doubtful. "But is that what you want?" You know for a fact Mikey isn't a virgin, and Alex is._

_Mikey falters. You see it in his face, in the way he doesn't answer you back as quickly as before._

_"Well..."_

_"Why don't you tell her?" you ask, lowering your voice a bit._

God, who knew I'd be talking about this to Mikey? You'd think dad would be in here, not me._ You think in irony._

_Mikey looks away, a hand falling from his guitar. "I don't know..." He lets out a loud sigh. "I don't want to pressure her or anything. You know how Alex is. It was a chore just to get her to talk about the whole thing. I don't want to scare her off."_

_"I know." you say slowly, not knowing what to say next. "Just...talk to her Mikey. You never know what could happen."_

_You meet Mikey's eyes and find him smiling at you. "Thanks Gerard."_

_That's why they love each other so much. They listen to each other, they don't pressure the other, and they're so honest._

You think, taking a quick glimpse in the mirror once more as the traffic on the highway slows a bit.

_I wonder if he's talked to her yet? That was at least three weeks ago._ You reckon, drumming your fingers on the steering wheel.

_Oh well. I shouldn't be worrying about it. It's not like I want a little Mikey Jr. running around so I can take care of it._

You smile slowly, pressing the accelerator as the traffic starts to move a bit quicker.

_Though it would be kind of cute._

...  
AW a baby Mikey! YEAH IT WOULD BE FREAKING CUTE!  
Oh GOD no! No no no no no!  
**Your Point of View**

"Alex. Wake up."

You open your eyes groggily and moan a bit as you lift your head from Mikey's arm. "Where are we?"

"McDonalds."

Instantly you are awake. _Score!_ You yawn widely once and then exit the car, Mikey following you and immediately grabbing your hand once he is out of the car. You flash him a small smile before traveling behind Gerard into the fast food restuarant for a quick lunch.

"What're you going to get?" you ask Mikey, looking up at the choices as you hold his hand tightly.

"I dunno. Maybe a Big Mac or something."

"What about you Gerard?"

"Same."

You wait patiently in the line as it moves steadily forward, the smell of french fries and McDonalds' hamburgers taunting you.

"Why don't you two find us a table or something? I'll order. What do you want Alex?"

"A number two I guess."

Gerard nods and then turns to face the line once more as you and Mikey move away from the line, your hands still clasped together. You walk to the condiments table and tell Mikey, "I'll get the napkins."

He nods and, for but a minute, you two break apart. You grab a few napkins and then get some straws to go along with them as Mikey gets a few packets of ketchup. You wait for him to finish before moving to an empty booth near the back, one of the few with a window seat.

You slide into the booth and set your things onto the table as Mikey sits down next to you, throwing the packets of ketchup onto the table. You take your purse from your shoulder and set it near the end of the table as Mikey puts an arm around your shoulders, drawing you to him.

"I'm so glad we have off school." you say nonchalantly, looking at the table with bored eyes.

Mikey watches you, a smile on his face, and on impulse he leans forward and plants his lips softly onto your cheek, then absentmindedly, your neck. You smile and blush, cringing a bit and pulling away, enticing Mikey to come after you. He does so and drops his arms to wrap around your waist, pulling you back against him so he can caress your neck once more with his tantalizing lips.

"Mikey..." you say breathlessly, a slight whine to your voice. "Not here..."

That doesn't stop him though. If anything, it makes him want you more. His grip around your waist tightens and you let out a girlishly high giggle as his lips trail from your neck back to your cheek, and to finally meet your lips.

Suddenly, at the peak of one of the most amazing kisses you've ever had, an unexplained feeling electrifies you. A jolt of desire. A sting of passion. A wave of undefined pleasure.

To feed the feeling, you place your hands on Mikey's cheeks and pull him closer to you, allowing your tongue to delve into his mouth to meet his own, something you rarely do. But this feeling...it makes you want more...

"Okay, I can't help it. I gotta interrupt."

You break from Mikey abruptly and look over to where the voice came from and see a squeamish-looking Gerard standing with a tray of food in his hands.

"God did you have to do that here? This is a family establishment!" he chastises, sitting down across from you both as you and Mikey slowly move away from each other, but close enough to keep your knees touching.

No one answers Gerard, and this causes him to smirk in satisfaction. Not wanting to dwell on a fragile subject though, he quickly launches the conversation into something more appealing.

After lunch at McDonalds you all pile into the car once more, happy and feeling cheerful. It is a bright, April day, and the weather is steadily getting warmer, something you're happy for.

_I love spring._ You think, swinging your and Mikey's arms as you two make your way to the car. _It's a fresh, beautiful, new start._

"Alex call Ray. I think he's at Wally's today." Gerard orders once you all enter the house.

"Why?" you ask, pausing by the front door as Gerard heads for the kitchen, Mikey by your side.

"I want him to come over so we can plan this party."

"Gerard!" you complain loudly, and just before he enters the kitchen, he turns to face you. "I don't want to have a party!"

Gerard glares at you. "Well too bad! I do!"

"Gerard!"

"You don't have to come! You can stay upstairs!"

You glower at Gerard and then, in a huff, stalk into the living room, your overly large Anthrax t-shirt moving as you do. Your green plaid pajama pants swish with the angry force in which your legs move and your sock-covered feet become warm with the heat made from the friction in the carpet rubbing against them.

Mikey follows you slowly, taking off his beanie and stuffing it into his hoodie pocket. He sits lazily on the couch while you sit on the end, taking the receiver of the phone into your hand and then dialing _Wally's_ number.

_"Wally's."_

_God not even the manager answers the phone correctly!_

You think in frustration. "Hey Wally is Ray there?"

_"Nah kid, he's home. I'm closin' up early because of Spring Break."_

"Oh, okay. Thanks Wally."

_"Anytime kid."_ He pauses and then says, before you can hang up, _"How ya doin' kid?"_

"I'm good Wally. Happy to be out of school for a while."

_"This your last year ain't it?"_

"Hmmhmm."

_"Well congrats kid, I'll see ya tomorrow."_

"Bye Wal- Tomorrow?" you ask in amazement. "I thought you were closing up for Spring Break!"

_"Not all week! Just for today."_

You narrow your eyes. "See ya tomorrow."

You hang up the phone before Wally can respond and turn furiously to Mikey. What do you say?  
I have to work tomorrow!  
Can you believe Wally is making me work tomorrow?  
I have to freaking work tomorrow! Can you believe that?  
Wally is making me work tomorrow.  
"Me too." Mikey says as you turn your attention back to the phone to dial Ray's house number, a few strands of thick hair falling over your shoulder as you lean over a bit.

_"Yeah?"_

"Hey Ray."

_"Hey Alex! What's up?"_

"Nothing really. Are you busy?"

_"No... Why?"_

"Gerard wants you to come over."

_"Why isn't Gerard calling me?"_

"Good question."

Ray sighs. _"I'll be over in a bit."_

You and Mikey pass the time by watching TV until Ray comes. Gerard comes bounding down still dressed in his pajamas of navy blue, cotton pants with white yellow moons on them, black fuzzy slippers, and an black Old Town hoodie. He races down the hallway when he hears the doorbell ring a second time impatiently, and immediately opens both doors and then drags Ray inside.

"Hey Ray." Mikey says, nodding his head towards his friend. You don't bother to greet Ray, but merely continue to focus on the TV as he sits down on the couch next to Mikey and Gerard takes the recliner.

"So... Why am I here?" asks Ray after a moment of silence.

"Gerard wants to have a party." you say flatly.

Ray's eyes light up. "Awesome! When?"

Gerard shrugs, but you don't see. "I dunno... Maybe tomorrow or something."

You shrink a bit in your seat, your eyes narrowing unknowingly. Mikey watches the movement out of the corner of his eyes and thinks helplessly, _She should know that getting Gerard to listen to her is basically pointless._

"I can invite everybody." Ray says excitedly, smiling widely at his best friend. "I know exactly who to invite."

"Great!" Gerard says, just as equally happy. "Tell Frank and Bob too. Have everyone over at around...seven."

Ray nods and stands from the couch, but before he can leave, you plan to lay down some rules, so everyone knows what goes. "Hold on Ray."

Ray stops and looks at you, Gerard poised in the action of standing from his chair. His face falls when he sees the look on your face and quickly says, "Alex I told you-"

"I know Gerard, and I'm not going to be there. I just want to say a few things first." Gerard rolls his eyes but listens to you nevertheless. "I don't want _any_ heavy drinking, from anyone. If-"

"You mean you're going to allow alcohol?" asks Gerard, sarcastically excited.

You glare at him meanly, but continue as though he hadn't spoken. "If you need to go somewhere, _come get me_, I'll drive." You pause, inducing Ray and Gerard to nod. "No one comes upstairs no matter what; I don't want to be bothered." You see Gerard open his mouth to protest but you quickly cut him off. "They can use the downstairs bathroom."

"Anything else?" asks Gerard. He loves to give you a hard time.

"No." you snap, and Gerard springs up from his chair, eager once more. "Okay! We'll be back later!" He pulls Ray out through the front door, and is gone.

_"Like a virgin, touched for the very first time!"_

You close your eyes in annoyance. _This song has been on repeat for the last ten minutes._ You think, rubbing your eyes tiredly.

It's the night of the party, only a day after Donna and Donald left. It's around ten at night and people are still going strong, which you know they will be until the wee hours of the morning. Things downstairs are positively _raging_. The bass-pounding music, the wild laughter, the noise of the crowd, it all irritates you to no end. But you grin and bear it, for Gerard. You know he's having the best time of all.

You are alone, surprisingly, locked away in your room, the window closed, and the light shining overhead. You practically had to shove Mikey out of the room and order him to go have fun with his friends, for he hasn't seen them at all, except at school. He didn't want to leave you, but you finally got him out of the room and down the stairs.

Now you lay on your bed on your stomach, your notebook laying before you, an unfinished poem waiting to be written. You took off your pajamas pants earlier and are now only dressed in Mikey's Anthrax t-shirt, but you're comfortable.

_Dark rain clouds loom in the distance  
I sit at my window, wondering what I'm doing here  
I watch the sky above me turn  
And I pause to think, "Are you near?"_

You sigh and stare down at the words in a bored manner, tapping the end of your pen on the paper. _God I can't concentrate with that fucking music!_ You think angrily, closing your eyes again and massaging them once more.

You open your emerald eyes and blink a few times before concentrating on the poem you left forsaken so many months ago. You want to finish it tonight, when you finally have some alone time.

What do you think as you slowly trace a few letters onto the paper, a spark of interest suddenly kicking in?  
And then I can write...  
And this next part will say...  
Oh I have the perfect idea for this next line...  
I guess Madonna isn't that bad... I mean she gave me a good idea!  
**Mikey's Point of View**

"How's Alex?"

That has to be, _at least_, the twenty-ninth person that asked you that tonight.

"She's great."

And you give the same answer, for the twenty-ninth time.

"You two doin' okay?"

"Yeah."

"Where is she?"

"She didn't feel like coming to the party so she's upstairs for the night."

The boy you're talking to, Todd, laughs hearty and claps you on the shoulder, his other hand holding a plastic cup full of beer. "She can't get away from the party, man!"

You smile falsely and then listen as Todd starts to ramble about his own girlfriend. You only half listen, too preoccupied with thoughts of Alex as loneliness plagues your mind.

_I wonder what she's doing?_ You think absentmindedly as Todd smacks your arm roughly once again.

"I'm gonna go man. I'll see you later."

You nod your head a bit and Todd moves off and, taking this opportunity to do something you want, you carefully and swiftly slip off to the stairs, with mind to see Alex. Besides, you could use a break. Madonna's "Like a Virgin" is still on repeat, there's probably eighty people packed into your tiny house, and it's getting hotter with all the bodies in such a close area.

"Mikey!"

Frank puts an arm around your shoulders and pulls you over to him and the group of people he is currently conversing with. "Where's your lover?"

"Upstairs." you tell Frank, pushing your glasses up your nose.

"Why's she up there?"

"She didn't feel like partying tonight."

"Oh. Well tell her I said hi!" Frank lets you go and turns back to his friends, starting to talk with them again.

_That was weird._ You think, shaking your head and then heading for the stairs for a second time. You push past the people blocking your way and finally reach the stairs. Your long legs take the steps two at a time, and in but a moment you are jogging down the landing, your door in sight.

"Alex?" You knock a few times on the door.

"It's open."

You push open the door to your room and peek inside before stepping in all the way. A smile lights your face when you see Alex laying on her bed on her stomach, her long hair draping down her back and around her raised head as she looks down upon the notebook she worships.

"Hey." you say, walking to her bed.

"Hi." She doesn't look up.

With a smirk, you place a knee on the bed beside Alex's hip, and then swing your other to rest beside her opposite hip. You sit on her lower back and she groans in pain and complains, "Mikey! Get off!"

"Nope." you say plainly. She moans again but doesn't quetch, so you stay where you are. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Writing."

"Can I see?"

"No!"

You lean over Alex's shoulder and try to snatch her notebook out from under her, but she's too quick. She closes it and pushes it down so it's protected by her chest, where you can't reach.

"Why not?"

"Because! Not yet. Come up later and I'll show you."

You loosen your knees around Alex and she quickly turns to face you, a smile on her face. She props herself up on her elbows as you sit in her lap now, smiling yourself.

"How's the party?"

"It sucks."

"Mikey!"

"It's okay." you say, leaning forward a bit. "But it's no fun without you."

Alex smiles and you lightly peck her on the lips and pull away just barely. She kisses you next, longer, before breaking away once more to tell you, "I love you."

A grin spreads onto your lips and you nudge Alex's face with your nose, wanting to kiss her lips once more. "I love you too."

Your lips meet again in another bout of heated passion, and for the second time in two days you feel Alex's tongue probe into your mouth, something that's never happened before. You're the one who usually has to be so assertive. Happily, you allow her access and meet her tongue with your own. She turns her face for a better angle as you lean in a bit harder, the urge to have her great.

A flicker of heat ignites something inside your body and you suddenly feel the urge to abandon the party downstairs and just stay with Alex. Your kisses are becoming very lust-filled and Alex is giving you more and more, something that makes you _want_ her more and more. Her soft tongue pushes against your own with need and her wet lips smear against your's, pressing you for more.

But she suddenly splits from you, a smirk on her thin lips. "Go have fun." she says.

You groan and go to kiss her lips again, in an effort to convince her otherwise, but she jerks away, still simpering.

"Mikey go on."

You glare at her playfully, but does as she asks, but not after quickly kissing her once more. You remove yourself from her body, and suddenly feel your being become cold. You frown a bit as you walk to the door, but smile again as you swiftly turn to face Alex. "I'll be up later."

"Bye." Alex gives you one last breathtaking smile before you leave, shutting the door quietly behind you.

_God I didn't want to leave! I want her so bad..._ You think, making your way back downstairs. _But she's not ready. But it's so hard. The way she makes me feel, the way she kisses me... God it's horrible! It's hard to control these goddamn urges I'm having._ You think sourly, a wave of music blasting you back; this time it's The Cure, and somehow you know Ray had something to do with it.

How are you feeling as Gerard captures you the instant you appear?  
Troubled. Alex isn't ready but I am...  
Paranoid. Hypothetically, say I tell Alex how I feel and she dumps me? I mean I don't want to pressure her or anything but she's jumpy and may take it the wrong way...  
Indifferent. I'll just let it go.  
Disappointed. I won't push Alex, even though it isn't what I want.

_That kiss was mind-blowing._ You think happily, flopping back onto your bed to stare at the ceiling, a grin on your face. _I kinda want more..._

Your smile instantaneously drops and you fixate your broad eyes on the ceiling.

_I want more._

It hits you.

And you suddenly smile once more.

_I want more._

Around eleven, you hear another knock on the door and you know it's Mikey.

"Come in."

The door creaks open and Mikey comes in, but before he can move away from the doorway you say, "Lock the door."

At a loss, Mikey does as he asks, and then comes to sit on your bed beside you. You're still lying on your stomach, your legs up and kicking in the air, a blanket of your rusty-red hair laying around you. You've been stuck on the same poem for an hour now, and have gotten a little farther, but not as far as you would've liked.

"Can I read it now?" Mikey asks, peering over your shoulder.

To his surprise, you nod and hand him the notebook, keeping your pen with you. Slowly, Mikey takes it and reads what you have written.

_Dark rain clouds loom in the distance,  
I sit at my window, wondering what I'm doing here.  
I watch the sky above me turn,  
And I pause to think, "Are you near?"_

_The humid air rumbles with thunder,  
And a flash of light illuminates the sky.  
I wander from the place I knew,  
To venture into something that seems a lie._

_As I walk further away from what I live each day  
I wish there was someone beside me to show the way.  
The waves alongside me crash with a mighty force,  
And I watch as the world slowly passes me by._

_Then I see your silhouette, far away from me,  
And I begin to smile, at the very thought of you.  
Closer and closer you become to be,  
And my heart swells with joy as my thoughts fill of only you._

Mikey looks up at you thoughtfully and smiles, saying, "This is good, I like it."

You shrug carelessly. "It's not finished yet, but that's as far as I think I'll go tonight."

"Who's it about?" Mikey asks, shutting the notebook and handing it back to you.

You smile and don't hesitate when you say, "You." You latch your pen back onto your notebook and then place the item on your bedside table, one that you share with Mikey, and turn back around, only to find his face inches from your's.

"Then I love it." he whispers, pressing his lips against your's.

You smile as he kisses you passionately, his hands on either side of your waist as you wrap your's around his neck, drawing his body closer to your's. He can get no closer, but you suddenly feel the need to have him closer, as close as he can get.

You two finally break apart, slowly opening your eyes to gaze at each other. Brown meets green as Mikey stops not an inch from your face, his hot breath beating against your swollen, pink lips.

It's then you know you must have him.

Again you plunge your lips onto Mikey's forcefully and, with more aggression then you knew you had, you lay back onto your bed and pull Mikey down with you, the two of you falling easily.

But Mikey stops suddenly. He tears away from your breathlessly and looks down on you, almost guiltily. Everything else in this moment is forgotten as you just gaze at each other, knowing what the other wants, but too afraid to say it.

An explosion of courage bursts within you and, barely above a whisper, you tell Mikey, "I'm ready."


	24. Chapter 24

"At least they used a condom."

You open your eyes slowly, blinking a few times because of the bright light surrounding you. You find that you feel too heavy to move and it aches when you try to, so you lay still. You close your eyes again, hoping that the voice you heard was only in your head.

"XXL?"

No such luck.

You open your eyes halfway to find that you're laying on your stomach unevenly and uncomfortably. When you open your eyes fully, you look up into the groggy face of Mikey, who's blinking at you, looking as though he just woke up too. He moves one of his legs experimentally but then stops, coming to the same realization you do.

You're naked. You're _both_ naked. You're naked and laying halfway on top of Mikey, who is also naked. One of his naked legs is wrapped around one of your's, and one of your naked arms is stretched across his naked chest. The sheets only come up to about your naked waist, leaving your back naked, and your hair is sprawled out all over the place, over Mikey's naked chest and your naked back. _Naked._

"Hey lovebirds."

You nearly jump out of your skin. You watch as Mikey's eyes widen and he suddenly bellows, "Get out!"

You hear high-pitched giggling that, without uncertainty, belongs to one person.

_Gerard._

And you have no doubt that Frank, Bob, and Ray are right behind him.

And they're seeing you practically _naked_.

All four boys scramble for the door, Frank dropping the condom wrapper on the way out. Without a word they leave, and you groan loudly, burying your head into Mikey's bare chest in shame.

"That was wonderful." you mumble as Mikey flops back onto his bed, closing his eyes with his own moan.

"Not exactly how I wanted to wake up." he says, one of his hands rubbing your shoulder gently.

"Wanna start over?" you mutter again, your head still in his chest.

"Mmmhmm."

You wait a few moments before lifting your head and meeting Mikey's beautiful brown eyes, crinkled at the ends because of the soft smile on his face.

"Hi." you say gently, placing your chin on his chest as you look at him. His light brown hair is tousled and sticking out in many directions, and his brown eyes look weary, but so very glad.

"Hi."

The room falls silent and Mikey blurts out suddenly, "Last night was great."

You blush as red as red can be, but grin nevertheless. "You don't regret it?"

"Not at all." Mikey says, stretching a bit. He smiles down at you and you return it. "I love you Alex."

"I love you too Mikey."

You turn your head so you're laying comfortably on Mikey's tan chest again as he continues to stroke your upper arm lovingly, closing his eyes. You don't move to pull up the sheets at all, though they are in danger of slipping off your waist, but instead relish in the warmth and feeling of protection only Mikey can grant you with.

God, last night _was_ great. Your first time. Just as you imagined it would be. Perfect. You wouldn't have had it any other way.

What are you thinking as Mikey shifts a bit, signaling that he's getting restless?  
I don't wanna get up...  
Well, time to get up!  
Can't we just lay here all day?  
Man. I have to work today. Dammit.  
"I feel so dirty." you tell Mikey, sitting up as he does so too, reaching for his glasses that, in the passion of last night, were thrown to the floor. You take this time to bring the sheet up to cover your chest as much as you can, though, oddly, you don't feel the need to shyly hide yourself from Mikey. He's seen it before, and he's bound to see it again.

"_Sorry_." Mikey says nastily, shooting you a glare as he puts on his glasses.

"No, I mean, I _feel_ dirty. Like I need a shower."

"You smell like you need one too."

Your jaw drops and you look at Mikey as he smirks and then yawns widely.

"That definitely wasn't funny."

"I thought it was."

You glare at Mikey playfully before he chuckles and then says, "Come on, I'll come with you."

Nearly forty minutes later, you walk from the bathroom with Mikey after a long, hot, soothing shower. Though you still ache in places you never knew you had, you feel a lot more better than from when you woke up. Your hair hangs limply down your back and you're again dressed in Mikey's Anthrax t-shirt, while he only wears a pair of boxers.

You can hear laughter coming from the kitchen, belonging to the other four, and you sigh, knowing what is about to come.

_Might as well face it now._ You think as you enter the kitchen after Mikey, who's scratching his head and yawning; he's still tired, and you share the same sentiment. Gerard, Ray, Frank, and Bob are all gathered around the kitchen table, some sitting, some standing.

Bob is the first to notice both your presences, so to make it known to the others, he smirks slyly and says, "Hey _fuckers_."

You move to the cabinet that you know houses a box of Lucky Charms, completely ignoring Bob. Mikey moves in the opposite direction, headed for the coffee pot where some cold coffee awaits him.

He catches a glimpse of the small, red digital letters shining at him from the coffee pot base and his eyes broaden slightly. _Two in the afternoon? I have to be at work in an hour! Shit, and so does Alex!_

"Looks like you two had a rough night last night." Gerard says as Frank chuckles, a paper full of guitar tabs laying in front of him on the table.

"Ch. If you think _that's_ bad," Ray starts. "Then you didn't get a good look at them this morning."

You continue to disregard the boys as you pour your cereal, and Mikey himself a cup of coffee. You know you both have to be at work in an hour, so you plan to make this meal a short one.

The boys's laughter dies down after that remark, and Frank says insightfully, "You know, I really didn't expect them to do it."

"No?"

"No. I mean, I always saw Alex as this shy little thing who would probably wait until marriage to fuck someone, but no, I was wrong. And that's not something that happens often."

_They're talking about us like we're not even here!_ You think hotly, feeling a blush starting to creep it's way up from the base of your neck.

"Yeah," Bob suddenly agrees as you pour some milk into your cereal and Mikey stirs some cream into his coffee. "I kinda thought that too."

"But now," You can see the look of disgust on Ray's face as you take the milk back to the fridge. "Well now I don't know what to think. Alex is...tainted. I'll never think the same way of her again."

You grab your bowl of cereal and a spoon and head for the table. All the guys watch you with wicked grins on their faces, and move out of their way for you to take a seat at the table. Mikey quickly follows, taking a chair close to you.

"Our wittle Awex isn't innocent any mwore." Gerard teases. You merely stare at the marshmallows and wheat crunches floating around in your milk.

"I wonder if she's up for a threesome?" asks Frank.

Slowly, oh so slowly, you raise your head and turn to glare at Frank, your green eyes emitting so much loathing towards the boy. But he simply laughs, and to your surprise, Mikey does too.

"That'll probably take a little more time Frank, so don't get too excited." says Ray, and Frank mockingly slumps, looking disappointed.

"Well it might not be that long. I mean Mikey and her have been dating for four months and look what happened last night."

You chew your cereal slowly, a fresh thought suddenly casting it's way into your mind.

Was it too soon?

Wait for it... Wait for it... There! The feeling of..._shame._

You feel guilty, like you betrayed some sacred bond. You're only eighteen, did you waste the only thing you could call your own? You have your whole life ahead of you, will you regret this?

_No._ You think sternly as the boys continue to talk around you, still about what happened. _I don't regret it and I didn't waste my virginity. I love Mikey, I gave it to him because I knew I wanted to and I knew I was ready._

How do you feel about that?  
Good. It's the truth, and I mean it.  
Doubtful. _Do_ I mean it?  
Happy. I'm glad I did what I did.  
Completed. I know I made the right decision. I just know it.  
"I can't believe I have to work today. I can't believe we _both_ have to work today." Mikey complains, getting into your car after you. It's now off to work for the both of you.

"I know." you sigh, flipping your hair over to the opposite side as you strap your seatbelt across your chest.

"Well at least you have Ray! I have James! And he doesn't do anything! I don't even think he's coming in today!"

"Ray's working today?"

"Around four I think."

You put your car into reverse and then look over you shoulder to back out of the driveway, Mikey leaning forward to play with the radio.

"Wanna go out tonight?" he asks suddenly, still looking for the right station.

"Got anywhere in mind?"

"Not really. I thought we could go to the park though, and maybe go to Burger King or something for dinner."

That's one of the things you love about Mikey. He doesn't ever really have a plan, he just takes things as they come; he's spontaneous. And you know, you really wouldn't think that by just looking at him, but that's how he is. And it makes you love him even more, because it's totally the opposite of you.

You send Mikey a smile and say, "All right, sounds like fun."

The rest of the car ride is filled with light conversation and the soft sounds of the radio; a mixed station. No longer does the threat of awkwardness hang in the air; it's total relaxation and ease. And you figure after what happened last night, there will be no more uncomfortableness. You and Mikey became one, and _you_ plan to stay that way for as long as you can.

"So I'll pick you up at seven and we'll go out to eat?" you ask Mikey, leaning across the armrest in your Camry as he stands by the passenger's side, the door propped open against his hip.

"Yeah." he answers. He leans down and gives you a smile before kissing your lips. "See ya later."

"I love you." you tell him softly.

"I love you too." He steps away from the door and then slams it shut, running up to _Barnes and Noble_ with a smile on his face.

You pull away from the bookstore and head just down the street to _Wally's_, where you only have to work the short shift, thank God. There's a new guy, Carl, who works the longer shift, coming in before you and leaving after Ray will tonight.

"Hey Alex." Carl says, standing idly behind the front counter, a bored look on his face. He's a few years older than you, a dropout of college, and a little dull to be around.

"Hey Carl." You take your blazer from your shoulders, revealing your Radiohead t-shirt and faded blue-jeans, and head for the back room. "I'll be working in the back okay?"

"Mmmhmm." Carl drones, watching you go.

_God how I miss when it was just me and Ray._ You think, walking into the backroom and immediately hanging up your coat behind the door. You tuck a piece of auburn hair behind your ear and then sigh as you head for a lonely looking box, knowing what has to be done.

"Alex!"

"Ray!"

Mockingly sobbing, you two fly into each other's arms and greet each other as if you hadn't seen each other in years. Carl laughs from behind the counter as you and Ray break away and grin at each other.

"How ya been?"

"Same old. And yourself?"

"Great actually! My physic told me I didn't have any cardboard boxes in my future so I'm excited!"

You glare at Ray playfully and say, "Fine. But you get to shelve the CDs."

Ray glares at you and you let out a sharp laugh before saying:  
Hey, you can unload the boxes!  
Oh well.  
Don't give me that look.  
That's what you picked! Don't gimmie that!

"I'm taking my break! Be back in an hour!"

"Okay!" You and Ray both call to Carl as he exits the CD shop, bobbing his head to a tune stuck in his head.

"Thank _God_." Ray says as you help him stack CDs onto a shelf. "He's so _weird_. I thought he'd never leave."

"I don't know why Wally hired him." you say to Ray, your box of CDs running low. "We don't need help around here. Carl is just an extra."

"I know." Ray agrees. "Hey go get more CDs. I'm runnin' out."

You nod and move to the back room, the now empty cardboard box cradled under your right arm. It's around six and you have only an hour more to go. None of your friends have been by yet, though you are expecting them soon; they always bring dinner around this time. Though tonight you won't be eating. No, you'll be waiting for Mikey, as you do almost all the time.

You drop the empty box onto the floor and kick it out of your path as you move further into the musty backroom, looking for another, smaller box of CDs.

_Why do these shipments never seem to stop?_ You think in annoyance, pushing a few empty boxes out of your way as you hear the door to the shop suddenly tingle.

_Ray's dinner is here._ You think, reaching down to pick up a full box.

"Hey! You can't go in there!"

You pause suddenly upon hearing Ray's voice, and stand straight once more and turn to face the doorway of the backroom where the door stands open.

"Hey! I said **stop** dammit!"

Curiously, wondering who in the hell Ray would talk to like that, you take a step towards the door, your head tilted to one side.

_Who..._

A chassis suddenly looms tall and large in the doorway, breathing heavily with rage. You blink your eyes a few times, wondering if you're seeing correctly.

But there's no mistaking the unshaven face. The furious, chocolate eyes. The tousled, brown hair. The plump, yet muscular figure, seething with anger, extremely drunken eyes searching for your suddenly rigid body.

There's no mistaking the man standing in the doorway. The man you know as your stepfather, Steven.


	25. Chapter 25

You stand motionless in the backroom as Steven stares at you, his eyes ablaze.

"Alex!"

You hear Ray's call, but do nothing. You can't do anything. You're stuck, and you know it. And Steven knows it too.

"It's **your** fault!"

Before you know it, Steven is on top of you and taking you to the ground under his heavy body. You let out a terrified, muffled scream as he raises his fist above his head and strikes your abdomen, lifting it again to repeat the action.

"It's your fucking fault she's dead! You deserve to die!"

Again and again Steven hits you, and each time your body screams in pain. His fists, his knees, his elbows, his feet pound into you relentlessly. Over and over and over... But Steven is fully on top of you, there's no escape. And he's drunk, making everything ten times worse.

"Alex!"

You feel Steven lifted off of you for just a moment, but then hear him snarl, "Get off me you bastard!"

You don't see what happens, but you hear a loud crash and then the pain comes full force again. You close your eyes tight and lay where you are, too afraid to resist, to do anything. You _can't_ protest. Steven would _crush_ you.

"Did you hear me? It's **your** fucking fault she died! **Your's**! If you hadn't been away none of this would've happened!"

You feel a steel-toed boot connect with your rib cage, and the instant it does the wind is knocked out of you and you feel something within your body snap. You cry out in pain as blood travels down your face in various places and Steven continues to beat you senseless.

"Help! Somebody help!"

Ray scrambles up from his fallen position and races out of the backroom when he hears the bell over the front door toll.

"What's up Ray?" Gerard sets his dinner on the counter and Hope, Frank, and Bob file into the shop after him. Your cries are muffled, and Steven isn't yelling at the moment, making the shop slightly quiet.

"Hurry!" Ray beckons, and at that moment, you let out another muffled plea for help as Steven begins to kick you again, cursing all the way.

"You fucking bitch! She's gone because of you! This is your fault!" His fist connects with your jaw after a well-aimed punch and you feel is dislocate with a sickening crack. "I've wanted to kill you for so long! I've waited for too long to do this! I've kept all my anger inside, waiting for the right moment to make you pay for taking her away-"

"Hey!"

And suddenly, you feel Steven being lifted from you, and you take in a deep, shaking breath. Your eyes are closed, already too swollen to open, and you can feel yourself laying in a puddle of tears and blood...your own tears and blood.

The sound of a struggle rings out through the backroom but you can't move. Your body is in so much pain...

"Alex! Alex ohmigod... Hope! Hope call an ambulance!"

Someone drops down beside you and reaches out to touch you, and you cringe and let out a helpless moan when they do. All you can do is merely lay on your back, breathing heavily, wishing all the pain would go away.

"O...okay!"

"C...call the police too!" you hear someone say, and then a grunt in pain.

And then the sounds of fighting stop. Your fading hearing can pick up the sounds of heavy breathing and the shuffling of bodies, but that's it.

It hurts to breathe. It hurts to move. It hurts to do anything. You've never been in more pain all over your body in your entire life. You want it to stop. You wish it would stop. Why won't it stop?

"It's okay Alex, sh, everything's going to be okay. We're here for you."

You feel a gentle hand stroke your hair lovingly, but that is the very last thing you do feel, before your world turns black.

Ohmigod...  
o.o  
OH FUCK NO!  
**Mikey's Point of View**

The wailing of sirens is the first thing to induce you to look out the front windows of _Barnes and Noble_, and when you do, you watch as three police cars race by, followed quickly by an ambulance.

_Must've been an accident._ You think, letting out a sigh as you look around the empty _Barnes and Noble._ James is having his break and you can't wait to get off in an hour to see Alex.

_God I don't even have to be here! No one goes to a bookstore on Spring Break._ You think in annoyance, picking at an invisible spot on the counter top. _I wish Alex was here._

For a few minutes your mind drifts into oblivion, Alex being the only thing that fills your mind. Once and a while you smile, staring at the counter, and other times you blush. God, being apart from her is _horrible_, you hate the feeling. You want to skip the rest of work, go pick her up, and make love to her the rest of the night, and then be able to smile and kiss her the next morning.

You love her _so_ much.

Your hear the rush of wind as someone enters _Barnes and Noble_ in the lasting light of the day, and, snapping out of your haze, you lift your head and prepare to smile for the customer.

"Gerard?"

"Mi...Mikey...you've gotta...c...come now..." Gerard is extremely winded and flushed looking. His face has a few red marks on it and he isn't standing as straight as he normally does.

A surge of panic washes through you when you notice the look of horror in your brother's hazel-green eyes. "What? What's wrong?"

And then he utters the words you once hoped you'd never have to hear him say.

"Alex is in the hospital."

You choke on nothing, and have to steady yourself against the counter as your knees go weak. You look at your brother with wide eyes, speechless for a moment, not knowing what to say to that. Your heart beats dangerously slow and your hands start to shake uncontrollably as you stare at your brother, and he at you, panting for air.

And then panic takes over. You forget everything. You jump over the front counter and run out of _Barnes and Noble_ with your brother in tow. You realize he must've ran here, because his car is no where in sight, so you start the long sprint to _Wally's._

You can see the police cars, but there's no ambulance. Another wave of terror rushes through you, but you drown it. You have to find out what happened before anything.

Your friends and a few bystanders are crowded around the police cars as you run up, Ray holding a cloth over his eye as he talks to an officer. As you come to a sudden stop next to Hope, who is sobbing into Frank's shoulder, you look both police cars, and find one empty, and the other occupying a person handcuffed in the backseat. Your jaw instantly drops and you feel yourself utterly shocked when you see Steven sitting in the backseat, staring straight ahead with an indifferent look on his bloody face.

Gerard runs up next to you, wheezing as he doubles over, his hands on his knees. Bob looks over to you, extremely pale in the face, but before he can come over to you and explain what happened, an officer appears from _Wally's._

"Who are you?" she asks, stopping beside you.

"M...Mikey Way." you breathe out.

The officer gives you a questioning look.

"Al...Alex's boyfriend."

The officer nods curtly once and you ask, still breathing heavily, "What happened?"

The officer sighs and looks down at a small notebook in her hands. "From what Mr. Toro told me, Alex was attacked by her stepfather. He was drunk and banged her up pretty bad; she's on her way to the hospital now."

The very blood in your veins comes to a stop. Your lungs are heaving with a great force, and you suddenly feel your asthma start to kick in. You let out a mighty cough and keel over, and Gerard looks at you with wide eyes as you continue to cough, choking on the very little air in your lungs.

"Are you all right sir?"

"Does he fucking look all right?" Gerard snaps, coming to your aide immediately. "Mikey where's your inhaler?"

You continue to cough and try to force air into your lungs, but it's becoming difficult. You quickly point to your jean's pocket and Gerard thrusts a hand in, grabbing your inhaler. He rams it into your face and you snatch it, quickly taking a gulp of relief, closing your eyes as your breath comes back to you.

"We've gotta," You pause to cough one last time. "Go to the hospital."

Gerard nods and the officer moves off to talk to Ray after she knows you'll be okay, along with the other officer he's still currently talking to. You shove your inhaler back into your pocket and start to move off to Gerard's Escort.

"C...can we come?"

You stop, as does Gerard, and turn to confront a red-faced Hope and a scared Frank, his arm around her shoulders for support. Bob is standing next to Frank, still pale in the face, and wondering the same thing as the other two.

What do you say to them?  
Get in the car.  
Yeah.  
Come on.  
I don't care.  
Gerard makes it to the hospital in under ten minutes. All through the car ride you did your best to calm your nerves, but with no such luck. Your asthma kicks in again and you decide to keep your inhaler out this time, in case it's triggered again. The ride to the hospital is eerily silent, except for Hope's sniffles and wails, but you do your best to block them out. You also try to reject the negative thoughts that keep seeping into your mind, but it's so hard.

Just seeing Steven sitting in the back of that police car made you want to bust through the window and smash his head in. He had the aura around him that suggested he did nothing wrong, and it made you more furious then ever.

Why now? Why come after Alex now? For what reason?

_There is no reason! He just attacked her!_ You think as Gerard pulls up to the front of the hospital. He flings his car carelessly into a handicapped parking space and you are the first out of the car, your brother the second to follow. You race for the front doors, the others jogging to keep up, your eyes set on your destination.

_God, please let Alex be all right._ You pray, erupting into the hospital and sprinting for the front desk.

"Alex Cooper was brought in a while ago. Where is she now?" you ask the receptionist, the others running up behind you, now out of breath.

The woman checks her computer. "Miss. Cooper is in the ER sir. You can sit and wait in the waiting room if you'd like."

Feeling your heart weaken, you turn away from the receptionist and close your eyes tightly, running a hand through your hair. Gerard turns slowly from the receptionist and brings a hand to his eyes, applying force to them in to relieve the pressure. The others watch you two sadly, not knowing what to do.

But Hope steps forward to you and gently wraps her arms around your torso, laying her head onto your chest. She closes her eyes, a few tears slipping from under her lashes, and she whispers, "She'll be all right Mikey. Please, don't worry."

:(  
I hope so...

**Gerard's Point of View**

You wait for hours in the noisy waiting room. Ray shows up a little past eight, along with your grandmother Elena, but you still haven't contacted your parents. It grows darker with each minute that passes and your body becomes colder, knowing not how Alex is doing. Mikey asks the receptionist every fifteen minutes if there's any new developments, and, the patient thing she is, she merely shakes her head sadly each time.

No one talks to you, or each other. They keep to themselves mostly, except for Hope. She does her best to comfort your brother, but it seems he doesn't want solace. He paces, he sits restlessly, he stares at the floor for minutes straight, lost in his own thoughts. But you can't blame him, you know you'd be in the same position. And you almost are. Your nerves are just about shot. This whole incident worries the fucking shit out of you.

God, you remember seeing Alex getting hauled into the back of the ambulance; it was just too much. Blood splattered all over her clothes and exposed skin, and she was unconscious. Her body was limp and she was deathly ashen, cuts and bruises all over her face. You wanted to ride with her to the hospital, but no one would let you, saying her condition was too critical and you'd just be in the way.

Frank and Bob sit next to each other, looking around the cacophonic, crowded waiting room, their eyes wide with fear. You can tell by the way Frank's leg keeps bouncing and Bob's hands keep shaking that they're just as anxious as you are. Hope hasn't stopped crying since the incident, and you feel terrible not being able to comfort her, but what can you do? You need consoling too, and you don't think you could give Hope what you need. Ray is bruised and cut up as well, for he had been struggling with Steven before you, but he won't let anyone tend to him, not until he knows Alex is okay.

But you can't be too sure that she is.

Elena does her best to keep everyone from breaking down entirely; bringing them cups of coffee, small bags of chips, trying to reach Donna and Donald. And it seems to work, except on Mikey. He won't except anything. He snaps at people. He's quiet. And this scares you.

_I know this is tearing him apart._ You think tragically, looking at your shoes as you run a hand through your greasy hair. _But goddamn it he's not the only one._

"Are you Alex's friends?"

After nearly four hours of waiting, someone finally comes. You jump up from your sitting position, but not before Mikey, who is already standing in front of the doctor.

"Yeah."

The doctor sticks out his hand and Mikey shakes it hurriedly. "I'm Dr. Knox." he introduces.

"Where's Alex? Is she okay?" Ray questions, standing beside Mikey.

Dr. Knox sighs and switches the clipboard under his arm to the other. "Alex is unable to see anyone right now." His eyes avert to the floor, and you see Hope bring a hand to her mouth out of the corner of your eye. Obviously Dr. Knox notices too because he says, "She suffered _a lot_ of serious injuries, but she'll recover. She needs to spend at least a week here to fully recoup."

Almost everyone's eyes widen and Bob asks gently, "It's that bad?"

The Doctor nods solemnly and you vow then and there, the next time you see Steven, if he isn't in jail, you're going to kill him.

Mikey is visibly relieved though, as is most everyone else. You yourself feel the pressure lifted. Though that doesn't make anything better.

"When can we see her?" Hope asks, her voice raspy.

"I can't say, for sure, when, but you can come with me now and wait outside her room and I'll have a nurse alert you when it's okay to go in." suggests the Doctor.

"That's fine Dr. Knox, thank you." Elena says softly.

"Follow me then."

Naturally, you and Mikey are the first two to follow. The others trail behind you, eased, but exhausted. It's been a trying evening for everyone, and it will continue to be so until Alex smiles once again.

You end up waiting another hour and half.

There are a few scattered chairs lining the wall against Alex's room in the Intense Care Unit, but you don't take one. You allow your grandmother and Hope to do so, Frank along with Hope. He's been by her side the entire night, comforting her, and you're thankful for that, since you can't do it yourself.

There's a few wide windows allowing you all to gaze into Alex's room, but you can't see anything but nurses, and a pastel blue curtain drawn around Alex's bed. Her room is a larger one, with more machines, and that frightens you. It means Alex is hurt more worse than you initially thought.

You glance at your brother who is leaning against the wall beside Alex's door, his head facing the ground. His shivering hands are shoved into his jean pockets and his brown hair lays askew on top of his head. His eyes never leave the floor, and you can tell that Mikey is slowly dying inside.

Finally, around nine thirty that night, the last nurse leaves Alex's room, slowly and quietly shutting the door behind her. Mikey looks up hopefully and asks, "Can I go in now?"

Hesitantly, the nurse nods, and Mikey instantly moves to the door and grabs the handle, roughly flinging the door open. The nurse moves away, and you see from the corner of your eye Hope trying to move up to enter the room next.

"No." you croak. "Let Mikey go in alone."

Hope looks at you shamefacedly, but nods once and moves to her seat once more. You don't follow her movements, but instead turn to face Alex's room, peering through the thick, hospital windows. You watch as Mikey carefully draws back the curtain around Alex's bed, revealing the girl lying within. A heart monitor stands beside her bed, hooked up to a computer that controls a lot of other medical machines surrounding her bed.

Your heart retches with pain and you immediately feel the urge to weep. _Alex... Dear God..._

Her face is bruised so much that you can barely tell it's her. A thick bandage is wrapped around her head and there's a neck brace circling her neck. Her arms house many different types of tubes and the blankets of the hospital bed are drawn up to her chest; only her arms are left bare. She looks horrible, and you hate to admit it. Her eyes hold no more luster, her skin is ashen, and her hair has lost it's sheen, in so short a time. She looks more fragile then ever, lying on that bed, watching Mikey as he slowly sits in the lone chair beside her bed.

You feel your throat tighten as Mikey slowly reaches out to grasp Alex's hand, lacing his fingers with her own. Alex's emerald, swollen eyes shine with tears as she tries her best to hold Mikey's hand back, but fails.

Mikey leans forward a bit and your own eyes fill with tears as you watch him plant a soft kiss on Alex's bandaged forehead, and a tear slips from her eye, one that she has no control over. Mikey still holds onto her hand tightly, and you watch as he brings that to his lips next, careful not to cause her any pain.

Mikey then leans back in his chair and just watches his love, slowly withering away on the hospital bed she will call home for a week, maybe more. He won't let go of her hand, not for the life of him. Your throat becomes tighter and your vision blurs slightly as you watch the two, so close, yet so far away.

And then, for the first time in a long time, you watch Mikey bow his head, and cry.


	26. Chapter 26

The week you stay laying in a hospital bed, unable to barely move, is probably one of the slowest and most horrible weeks of your entire life. Just sitting there, so lifeless and feeling like you do is something that you hate, but you have no control over. And this sickens you, being helpless.

Your injuries quickly heal, for none of them were _too_ severe, or so the doctor said. You had a dislocated jaw, a few crushed ribs, and you were beat pretty bad, but you would make it out okay. You had no idea why they wanted you to stay in the hospital for an entire week, but you didn't complain. You couldn't find the heart to complain, or the will to. It just wasn't there anymore. Nothing was there anymore.

Donna and Donald cut their anniversary trip short to come home and take care of you, and Mikey refused to go back to school. You didn't want Donna and Donald to come back, and tried to tell Elena that, but she wouldn't hear a word of it.

"We're your family Alex, whether you like it or not." That's what she said.

Well you didn't like it. Not anymore. When the Ways took you in, they took in all your problems. Sure, you didn't know this would happen, but it did and now they're stuck with all the bills, the consequences, and the problems that come along with it. You feel shame for not being able to take care of yourself and having other people do so for you. It hurts, because you're used to taking care of yourself, and having other people do it for you just doesn't feel right.

Your friends are beside you every single day. When they're not in school, they're in your hospital room doing their homework, eating the hospital food you refuse to touch, or just talking with you. Though they all can't be with you all the time, Mikey manages somehow to be. He takes off work to be with you, he doesn't go to school, and he only goes home for the night, when the hospital closes to visitors. And you love him for that. But deep down, it hurts you even more that he's wasting his days taking care of you. You're not worth it.

Donald came in halfway through your week during your hospital stay and told you Steven is in jail for six months. This relieved you, but it scared you more than anything. In six months nothing will be different, and you know Steven will be two steps behind you wherever you may go. In six months he'll be full of more rage, more hate, and more irritation then you know he ever will be in his entire life. Your mother's death must've set him off more than you initially thought.

You've changed, physically and mentally, since what happened. You became deathly skinny, your weight dropping below one hundred. You've become lethargic in your actions and you feel exhausted constantly. Your body grows weaker and it shows on your face; behind the ugly scars, your face pales to an unnatural color. Anything you try to eat scarcely stays down, but this doesn't really bother you, for you never ate a lot in the first place. Mikey begs for you to eat, to talk with him about what's wrong, or to at least smile, but you can't. Not after what happened. It broke you inside, more than anyone knows.

"Welcome home!"

A shadow of a smile makes it's way onto your lips when you walk into the Way's home with the help of Mikey. Gerard, Donna, Donald, and all your friends are standing in the hallway, surrounded by balloons and homemade "Welcome Home" signs. Frank holds a cake in his hands, and every single one of them is smiling widely, hopefully.

What do you say to them as Mikey smiles beside you?  
Hi guys.  
Wow, this is great guys. Thanks.  
This is nice.  
What a surprise. Thanks guys.  
"Come on Alex! Let's go have some cake!"

A sickening feeling arises in your stomach and, as Mikey makes to guide you into the kitchen, his hand on your elbow, you say, "Oh, no thanks Bob. I'm not that hungry."

Everyone freezes and the hallway falls silent for a moment before Donna quickly recovers the situation. "Oh nonsense! You've been having to eat that horrible hospital food! I know you want some cake!"

"Yeah Alex, come on."

"You know you're hungry."

_I'm not, but it would make them happy._ You think, playing a false smile. _I'll just get rid of it later._

"All right."

Frank gives a cheer of happiness and bounds into the kitchen, Hope screeching after him to slow down before he drops the cake. You let out a weak chuckle and then walk into the kitchen, Mikey still holding onto your elbow.

"Mikey, I can walk by myself you know." you tell him, you two the last to enter the kitchen.

Mikey looks down at you concernedly. "I know, but I want to help you."

You give him a half smile as he guides you to a place at the table left hollow for you. The afternoon sun shines in through the kitchen windows and you can hear a few birds making their music beyond the panes. Spring is in full bloom, and as you gaze out the windows, you have to smile a small, truthful smile; everything is beautiful.

"Here you go Alex." Donna says, laying a large slice of cake on your plate.

You look down at it, feeling queasy already. Still, you take the fork Ray hands you and slowly press into the vanilla cake with thick, chocolate icing.

You don't join in with the conversation that soon takes place around you. You only eat just eat a portion of your cake and smile once and a while when everyone else laughs.

"I'm going to get a shower." you announce fifteen minutes later.

"Do you need any help?" Mikey is already up from his chair.

"No." you tell him, not even bothering to smile as you stand and push your chair in. "I'll be down later."

Everyone watches you go sadly, their eyes full of worry. No one says a word, and all forms of the previous conversation cease as you leave the room slowly, headed upstairs.

Mikey sits back down slowly, looking at the table as everyone watches him.

"She barely ate." Hope says hardly above a whisper.

"She hasn't been eating at the hospital either." Frank says. "Every time we go there it's another excuse."

Donna sighs and runs her hands over her eyes in frustration. "She's really starting to worry me. Since the whole Steven incident she rarely talks, she scarcely eats, and I don't think I've seen a real smile on her face since we got home." she says softly, hearing the door to the bathroom upstairs close gently.

"We can't let her go on like this. We've got to do something to help her." Bob says.

"We can't do anything! She's blocking us out!" Mikey snaps, lifting his head to glare at Bob. His friend recoils slightly, and Gerard looks at Mikey in disgust.

"We can at least try!" he bites. "Have _you_ talked to her?"

Mikey stands quickly from the table, slamming his palms down and leaning over a bit to screech in his brother's face, all his annoyance and anger flowing out of him. "Have I talked to her? Have I _talked_ to her? Gerard, I've been by her side every moment since she's been in the hospital! I've tried _everything_ to get her to eat, to get her to talk, to get her to at least do _something_ then stare at the damn wall every waking moment! But it's useless! She's just not there anymore!"

"Well have you tried-"

"Did I not just say I've tried _everything?"_ Mikey bellows, glowering at his brother as the others dare not say a word. "I don't know what to do Gerard, and it's scaring the hell out of me! I don't want to lose Alex! We all know how she is and what'll happen if she continues to go on like this! But there's nothing we can do!"

"Yes there is." Donna says quietly, her head bent. "But we have to be slow and steady with her. Alex is more fragile now more than ever, so we have to treat her as such. It'll take a while, but she'll come back to us."

Not a sound emits from the kitchen. Mikey stares at his brother for a moment longer before ripping his gaze away and storming upstairs, his mind raging with thoughts.

:(  
Poor Mikey...  
This isn't cool at ALL!  
You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and slump against the side of the toilet, closing your eyes in exhaustion and pain. The shower is running to drown out the sounds of your vomiting, something that you hope is working.

Your stomach contracts in pain again and you lean over the open toilet once more, spewing into it. What remains of the cake spill out and hit the contents from before, splattering them onto the bowl of the toilet. You fall back a bit and drop your arm, breathing heavily and sweating profusely. There's nothing more to throw up, but you have to, you can feel it. Something. Anything.

You lean over once more and your throat burns as a warm, beamy liquid falls from your mouth, one that you don't know where it came from. But it's making you feel better, to get it out, whatever it is.

_God why is this happening?_ You think, opening your eyes to look at what came out of you the last time.

Blood.

Thick, ruby blood.

Again you vomit, triggered by sight of what lies before you. Your stomach feels tight and empty, and before you can throw up once more, you reach up to the lever with a shaking hand and flush the contents of the toilet, breathing heavily into the basin.

Trembling violently, you stand, grabbing onto anything and everything for support. You are naked and extremely cold, but you can't really feel it. Your body is numb as you step into the running shower, your oily hair hanging limply around you.

_This world, this world is cold  
But you don't, you don't have to go.  
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely  
And no one seems to care._

The warm water of the shower splashes over your face, but you don't feel anything. Not the warmth, not the tingling feeling, not the rush of heat your body should get when the water prickles your skin. You feel nothing, and internally it's scaring you so much.

_Your mother's gone and your father hits you  
This pain you cannot bear.  
But we all bleed the same way as you do  
And we all have the same things to go through._

You don't know what's wrong with you, you don't know why your body is acting the way it is, but you feel like you have no control over the situation. You've tried to eat, but it comes back up. You want to talk to the others, but you don't have the will to. You want to be happy again, but your heart just isn't up for it anymore.

_Hold on, if you feel like letting go.  
Hold on, it gets better than you know._

You don't know if you'll ever get better. You don't know what's going to happen to you, and as the water of the shower runs over your frail, pallid body, this thought causes you to cry. You want to be happy, you want to be with Mikey forever, and you want to live a normal life. But you feel you can't. Not after what happened.

_The days, you say they're way too long  
And your nights, you can't sleep at all.  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for but you don't want to no more  
And you're not sure what you're waiting for but you don't want to no more._

Mikey doesn't deserve to have to deal with you. It's just not fair to him, and you realize this now more than ever. Tears mix with tap water as they course down your face. Your body begins to shake more violently and you just want to collapse on the shower floor and weep. Weep until all the pain goes away.

_But we all bleed the same way that you do.  
And we all have the same things to go through._

_Why me? Why does this have to happen to me? What did I ever do wrong, to deserve this?_

You think, running a quivering hand through your long, red hair. It soothes you somewhat, but the feeling quickly vanishes.

_Hold on, if you feel like letting go.  
Hold on, it gets better than you know.  
Don't stop looking you're one step closer,  
Don't stop searching, it's not over._

_Hold on._

It hurts. It hurts to do anything anymore. Living and knowing that you're hurting everyone around you hurts so much. You don't know how much you can take it anymore, but you know you have to try. You have to try to get better, you have to try to be happy, you have to try to forget what has happened to you to make you the way you are.

You walk into your room twenty minutes later to find it empty, for which you are glad. Though it is only three in the afternoon, you wish for peace and quiet, and possibly a good rest; something you haven't had in days.

You notice, as you dump your dirty clothes on the floor carelessly, that your and Mikey's beds are pushed together, the night stand resting on your side of the bed. You have to smile at this, and in the back of your mind something knows you mean it. You walk to your bed and sit down on it softly, looking at the night stand where a lamp sits, along with a framed picture.

You and Mikey. The picture you gave him for Christmas. You two sitting on the park bench, smiles on your beautiful faces. God you two look so perfect in that picture.

With a shaking hand, you reach out and grasp the frame, bringing it into your lap to look upon it.

And it's then you breakdown.

_What happened to this?_ You think in devastation, teardrops falling onto the glass of the frame. _Why is everything so different now? It's not supposed to be like this! This isn't fair!_

You hastily place the picture face down onto the night stand and then bring your hands to your face to hide your weeping eyes. Your sobs come out in chokes and it pains you to have to force out your emotional pain, because it's not coming freely.

"Alex?"

You snap your head up and look to the doorway to find Mikey standing there, looking in on you with desolation in his eyes.

And in a moment, you are in his arms as he stands before you, his eyes closed as he allows you to cry into his shoulder. You hold onto him with what strength you have left, closing your own eyes as you gag on more tears.

"Sh, Alex, it's okay. Don't cry." Mikey whispers, lowering you both to sit on the bed slowly. "I'm here for you. You have me. I love you. Don't cry." An itch of warmth spins through you, a glitter of emotion, but it quickly dies.

"Why can't we be like we were before Mikey? What happened to us?" you sob, clinging to his shirt with bony fingers.

"What do you mean what happened to us? Nothing happened to us Alex, there's still an us. There always _will_ be an us. Things will go back to normal, you've just got to give it time. We can get through this, I know we can, I know _you_ can. But you have to try. If you want things to go back to how they were you've got to try." Mikey pauses and pulls back from you, coercing himself to look into those beautiful, tear-stained emerald eyes he wakes up to see every morning. "Promise me you'll try, for me Alex?"

You try to swallow the hardness in your throat, but it doesn't seem to budge. But, somewhere inside of you, you feel a spark of hope, a flicker of courage, a glint of happiness, that's just waiting to be triggered once more.

"I promise Mikey. I love you."

_"I love you."_

It's the only thing you can say that you actually mean anymore.


	27. Chapter 27

**Mikey's Point of View**

It's been three days since Alex has been out of the hospital and this is the first day you've been away from her for the entire day. But your mother wouldn't let you stay home from school anymore and Alex didn't want you to miss school on her behalf, so grudgingly you went.

In your eyes, Alex seems to improve with each growing day. She seems a lot happier and has even started talking and eating more. This cheers everyone up immensely, and it's part of the reason you allowed yourself to be coerced into going back to school. Just knowing Alex is getting better made you happiest person alive.

But your mother, she was a different story. She still worries about Alex constantly, and everyone is getting annoyed. You all know Alex is fine, Donna is just having extreme maternal instincts concerning Alex. Your mother and father have fought about it often, Donna insisting that Alex should see a doctor and Donald contradicting her, but it ends up getting them no where. Their fights scare you so late at night, when they think no one is listening, and in the morning they always act like nothing is wrong, like their lives are perfect.

"Hey Gee." you say to your brother, getting into the passenger's seat of his Escort. Your Acura is in the shop getting an oil change, so Gerard is your transportation to and from school today.

Gerard throws the butt of his finished cigarette out the open window and then blows the smoke out after it. "How was school?"

It's the end of the day and you're very eager to get home and see Alex, but not without a stop first. The weather is slowly turning cloudy, and you have a feeling a few of those April showers are on the way.

"It was okay." you say vaguely, placing your bag on the car floor as Gerard reverses from his parking space and beats the crowds to exit the school parking lot. "Hey can we stop at Buchanan's?"

Gerard glances at you oddly from behind the large, dark aviators hiding his hazel eyes. "For what?"

"I want to get Alex some flowers."

Gerard grins and tilts his head to the side as he pulls out of the parking lot. "Aw, you wanna get wittle Awex some fwowers?"

You roll your eyes and ignore your brother, looking out the side window at the passing buildings racing by you. _Her favorite flowers are roses. I should get her some red roses._

You two ride in silence for a couple minutes before Gerard asks, "Got any particular kind in mind?"

"Roses." you say absentmindedly. "They're her favorite."

"They're gonna cost a fucking ton." Gerard points out, speeding down the narrow strip that is main street Belleville.

"So?" you ask. "It'll make her happy."

Gerard pretends to gag as he pulls into the small parking lot in front of _Buchanan's Buds and Blossoms_; Belleville isn't the biggest town and everything isn't that far away from each other. "It'll make her happy." he mocks, causing you to smack his shoulder before getting out of the car, your brother in tow.

You, once again, snub your brother as you walk into the flower shop, the smell of mixed blossoms hitting you, along with a blast of cold air. _Why do they have to keep flower shops so cold anyway?_ You think, slowly walking around and searching for the flowers you want to get.

"How was Alex today?" you ask Gerard, aware that he is following you to the back of the shop, past the front counter where an employee sits, smiling warmly at you as you pass.

"Better. We watched a few movies and she ate some popcorn. Then she went upstairs for a nap or something." Gerard answers, pausing to pick at a bouquet of fake daises.

You reach a freezer full of roses and open the door, the sound of the cooling device roaring loudly. You hold open the door with one hand and with the other pick out the perfect bouquet of blooming, red roses.

"Mikey, you're aware that two dozen red roses, the roses you just picked out, cost forty bucks." Gerard says, walking behind you to the front counter.

"Can I borrow twenty bucks then?" you ask, laying the bouquet on the table, flashing the clerk a quick smile. "Can you tie a ribbon around the ends please?"

"Of course, what color?"

"Red." you reply, taking the money Gerard hands you.

The employee takes the flowers and moves off to a separate room behind him, where an assortment of flower accessories rest. You wait patiently as Gerard says, "You owe me twenty bucks."

You roll your eyes yet again and respond:  
Whatever.  
I know, Gerard.  
Yes Gerard, I'm aware of that.  
Okay.  
"Here you are." the clerk says, handing you your flowers. "That'll be 47.67."

You take your two twenty and ten dollar bills and hand them to the clerk, a soft smile gracing your features when you think of how Alex's reaction will be when she sees the flowers. _She'll love them._

"Thank you." you say to the employee, walking from the shop with Gerard in tow.

"Ah, the things I do for love." your brother says, slipping into the driver's seat of his Escort once more.

You snort in laughter, sitting in the passenger's seat, the roses in your lap. "You're so retarded."

Gerard pulls up to your home a little after three, and you completely forget your school bag on the car floor as you get out of the car and run for the front door with the flowers in hand, a grin on your lips. Alex's car is sitting idly by the curb, signaling she must've went out earlier because it was parked in the driveway when you left for school this morning.

"Don't worry Mikey, I'll get your book bag for you!" Gerard yells, sarcasm laced in his words.

"Thanks!" you shout back, already at the front door. You rip it open and instantly yell, "Alex?"

When no answer comes, you bound up the stairs, just as Gerard enters the house after you, shutting both doors on the way and dumping your school bag to the floor.

"Alex?" you shout once more, reaching the landing upstairs. You burst into your bedroom but don't find Alex. Instead, you see the picture you kept framed by your bedside resting on the bed, your favorite picture of you and Alex. Frowning a bit, you turn around and face the hallway, calling, "Alex I'm home! Where are you?"

Gerard slowly walks upstairs, a questioning look on his face. "Where is she?"

You shrug and start to move off down the hallway, checking every room on the way. Your heart starts to beat a bit faster and you can feel your palms starting to sweat as you approach the bathroom.

_Where is she?_ You think, laying a hand on the frail, wooden door.

Slowly, you push open the bathroom door, peeking your head in. "Alex?"

Your eyes widen and you immediately stumble back, dropping the bouquet of roses in your grip. You crash into the opposite wall with a mighty force and stare into the bathroom, Gerard watching you with wide eyes from down the hall.

"What? What is it?" he asks, rushing to your side. He peers into the bathroom and breathes out, "Jesus fucking Christ!"

Alex lays motionless on the bathroom floor, her delicate, wavy, auburn hair spread about her. Her body is contorted into an odd position and her broad, green eyes stare up at the ceiling, no life left in them.

A pool of crimson blood surrounds her pale body, more pouring from the open slits in her wrists. Dozens of them. Dozens of deep, sickening gashes scar those ivory wrists. The bathroom mirror lay in pieces on the bathroom floor, encircling Alex and her blood-soaked clothes and skin.

You sink to the floor, not being able to take your eyes off of the sight before you. Your eyes cloud up with tears and your breathing becomes ragged as you just stare at Alex, thoughtless and speechless. Gerard hasn't moved, but you know he is breaking on the inside, but not more than you.

You do nothing for a good five minutes, you or your brother. You can't do anything. You feel like vomiting, but there's nothing there. You feel like passing out, but you can't. You feel like dying, and nothing is holding you back.

Gerard suddenly moves forward shakily, into the bathroom, the light overhead shining brightly. Tears stream down his face as he reaches for the envelope you hadn't noticed laying on the bathroom sink earlier, too caught up in what lies before you.

Not a thought courses through your mind as Gerard turns, the envelope shaking in his hands. He walks out to you and falls to his knees, handing you the envelope that has your name scrawled across it. You look down upon it, and then slowly take it. Gerard then collapses to the floor, in a fit of sobs.

With trembling hands and a pain staked heart, you rip open the envelope and take the paper from within, one that you know is from Alex. Her last words.

Dearest Mikey,

I never imagined things would turn out like this. I never thought that my life, a horrible thing, could take such drastic turns. I never guessed any of this would happen, but it did. And I owe you reasons why I chose it to be this way. So listen, because this is the last of me.

Mikey, I just couldn't take it anymore. Living the way I was, was killing me, more than anyone ever knew. The guilt, the pain, the suffering, the memories... I'm not a strong person, and I guess my actions today prove that. I don't deal well with problems, or torment, or any kind of pain, and I'm sorry things have to be this way.

Besides, I was dying anyway. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I knew I was dying. I would throw up blood, I wasn't eating enough, and I could feel myself weakening as every day passed. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry, and I tried to make you happy by fronting a face of happiness, making you see what you wanted to by trying to eat, by trying to smile. But in the shadows everything was different. I threw up because my stomach couldn't hold anything, and I cried myself to sleep so many times with your arms around me.

But don't ever feel like this is your fault Mikey, it's truly not. I love you, this was my decision and mine alone.

Meeting you Mikey was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. God, I remember that day like it was yesterday. You were in Wally's, wet from the rain, shivering underneath the jacket you were wearing. You didn't have your glasses on and I remember then and there the way my heart jumped when you lifted your head and looked at me. My heart still jumped every time I looked at you, you gave me so much to live for Mikey, so much.

But it wasn't enough. The guilt I had to go through living with you everyday, knowing I was feeding off of you for support, was something I loathed. Being with your family was another thing that I cherished, but it was taking a huge toll on me. It was eating away at me, the shame for needing other's help. I was so used to being by myself, that it was hard to have others do things for me.

And then there was the pain, the fear. You only got a taste of what Steven was like. He's a horrible man Mikey, and just knowing that he may come after me again scared me so much. Fear is something that weakens me, causes me to suffer so much. The memories I was stuck with for the rest of my life are drowned by the good ones I have with you. There was just too much that I couldn't forget about, too much that I couldn't turn away from. In the end it played a major factor.

So I did this. This, to myself. Suicide was something I had thought of before, but I imagined I'd never do. Just the thought of dragging a blade or a piece of glass across my wrists sent my stomach swirling with sickness. But not today. Today I finally got fed up. I knew there would be no turning back, that this was it.

I told you once that I would love you until the day I'd die, but I was wrong. I'll still love you, even when I'm gone. Mikey don't you even think that I don't love you, not for a second. Even though I'm gone, I know I love you, I always will. I'm sorry I won't live another day to see another one of your wondrous smiles; something I will eternally regret. You were my first, and only, love, and I owe you so much, though I knew I could never repay you. You're too perfect. I didn't deserve you, or your kindness, or your love. I still, up until the moment I died, wondered why you chose me, out of all the rest.

You may notice that this paper is blotched in some places. Yes, I cried. I didn't want to do what I did, but I did. And it's over now. There's just no going back now. I'm sorry for all the pain this causes you, all the tears, all the heartache. But remember, I'm alive in your heart and soul, like you are with me. Just promise me, promise me you won't take your life, as I have taken my own. Promise me you'll live your life to the fullest, live your days as they come with a smile on your face.

Tell the others I love them more than the world, and that I'm sorry. Tell them never to forget me, though however hard it may be, and ask them to hold a special place for me in their hearts. I'll be waiting for each and every single one of them in heaven, and I have a special place for you Mikey, right next to you.

I love you Mikey, with my entire, broken heart.

Alex

PS- The other piece of paper is something I wrote for you, something that took me a long time to finish. When I first started to write it, I never knew it would end the way it did, but I guess that's just the way things were meant to be.

You stare at the letter for long moment, no coherent thoughts passing through your mind. Then, you fumble with the envelope, looking for the other paper in there that Alex mentioned. Gerard is still sobbing on the floor, his body convulsing with gut-wrenching cries.

You open the piece of paper folded neatly and allow your chocolate eyes to scan the words written.

Only Of You

Dark rain clouds loom in the distance,  
I sit at my window, wondering what I'm doing here.  
I watch the sky above me turn,  
And I pause to think, "Are you near?"

The humid air rumbles with thunder,  
And a flash of light illuminates the sky.  
I wander from the place I knew,  
To venture into something that seems a lie.

As I walk further away from what I live each day,  
I wish there was someone beside me to show the way.  
The waves alongside me crash with a mighty force,  
And I watch as the world slowly passes me by.

Then I see your silhouette, far away from me,  
And I begin to smile, at the very thought of you.  
Closer and closer you become to be,  
And my heart swells with joy as my thoughts fill of only you.

Then the waves suddenly crash harder and I feel them at my feet,  
And as I look down, I see water spilling over me.  
It starts to rise and there's nothing I can do,  
So I lift my head and try to look for you.

I find your image is fading, and I can barely see you now,  
As rain starts to fall and the water gets higher.  
And then as another bolt of lightning flashes through the night air,  
I see you coming closer, begging for my life to be spared.

But the water is merciless, and I start to drown  
In all my troubles, my sorrows, and my humility.  
You can't save me now, as I slowly start to die,  
Crying out for someone, anyone, to save me.

Yet there is no one to save me and I realize this,  
So, with my one last breath, I speak the words I will forever stand by.  
"I love you, you are mine."  
"Never forget me, no matter how much time passes by."

Jesus...  
No. Way.  
*sits, speechless*

**Two Days Later**

A mass of black surrounds the dark mahogany casket. Rain pours down in bitter cold torrents. The monotone voice of the priest filters through the air. A silent, eerie breeze stirs the area.

Tears mix with rain down your coarse cheeks. Your head is bent and you do nothing but stare at your feet, a puddle of growing water rounding your black shoes, to match the black suit you are wearing. You barely hear a world the priest says, his words hardly heard over the pounding of the rain. Rain. It is raining. Like the day you met Alex. God, you remember it like it was _yesterday_. That's what it feels like. Only _yesterday_.

Your mother weeps beside you, Donald's arm around her for support, though he himself needs comfort. Hope is sobbing into Frank's chest and he's crying too, along with Ray and Bob. Your grandmother is holding Gerard's hand tightly as he brings his other hand to his eyes and pushes them in, trying not to let his sorrow show. But God it's hard, it's so hard. You wanted to kill yourself so badly after reading the note and poem in your honor, but you couldn't. You just couldn't.

A few people from school attend the funeral, along with a few of the teachers. Wally is present, along with Carl, a former co-worker of Alex's. Gavin and Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter have also made their appearances, consoling each other. Bob's parents and Ray's and Frank's mothers are also there, along with Ray's brother and Bob's sister. Some are crying, others are just there out of sympathy.

"May this angel, Alexis Michelle Cooper, rise into heaven, and be watched over by the hand of God."

The priest closes his Bible with a soft snap and then asks everyone to follow him in prayer. But you don't. You remain how you are, not a thought flowing through your mind.

The past days for you have been just that. Days. Days to pass you by. In front of others you are stoic, you don't show your pain, even though you know they know you want to die on the inside. You think about taking your life, but you can't; Alex asked you not to and you'll do anything for her, even in death. So in the darkness of your room you cry, you cry so much. You let out all your pain, all the sadness plaguing you. You cry for Alex. You want to tell her you love her at least one last time, but it wasn't meant to be.

But you come to find crying doesn't help. Nothing helps. Nothing can smother the pain that you feel. Absolutely, positively nothing. And you figure that's what hurts the most.

The priest finishes his prayer, and everyone slowly lifts their heads, their black attire soaked by the rain. But no one cares. They've all lost someone today, whether it be a friend, a lover, or an acquaintance, they all have lost something.

"Let us lay a blossom for each memory we have of this precious girl." the priest asks of everyone.

Flowers are supplied, and everyone slowly moves to collect one to place on the coffin before it is lowered into the ground. But you don't move to get one. No. As everyone crowds around to get their own, small flower, you are left to stand alone before the casket of your love, with flowers of your own.

You step forward once and lift the hand that tightly holds the bouquet of wilted, red roses. Slowly, you reach out and place them on top of Alex's casket, your glasses blurred with rain water. The bouquet drops from your open hand, but you don't take a step back. You stare at the dark coffin, tears pouring out of your eyes as your heart screams in sorrow.

_God Alex I love you. I love you so much. I'm going to miss you more than anyone will ever know._  
...

**Seven Years Later**

**"Can you guys introduce your new video for us?"**

**"Sure." Gerard says. He turns to face the camera, the rest of My Chemical Romance following suit, but some not looking directly into the camera as is Gerard. Today is the day My Chemical Romance debuts on TRL, with their new video, "Helena".**

**"Hi, we're My Chemical Romance and this our video for the song "Helena". But first," Gerard pauses, seeing the cue card, but ignoring it. He side glances at his bandmates that, in turn, look at him. "We'd like to dedicate this video to two very special people, that we'll never forget."**

**Gerard hesitates once more, the audience completely silent, anxious for his next words. The rest of the band suddenly catch onto Gerard's idea, and lift their heads; well, most do.**

**"First, we dedicate this video to Mikey and I's grandmother, Elena. She passed away two months before the album Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge came out, and I'm sorry she couldn't be here to see us now. She taught me everything I know, and I owe her so much. I love you grandma." Frank and Ray nod in agreement, and Gerard continues. "Secondly, we'd like to dedicate this to Alexis Michelle Cooper. She was, and still is, in our hearts, the one girl that was always there for us, our best friend. She was the most fun-"**

**"Caring," Bob cuts in.**

**"Sarcastic," Frank adds, and the crowd laughs a bit.**

**"Innocent," Ray supplies.**

**"And beautiful," Mikey says gently.**

**"Girl we've ever had the privilege of knowing." Gerard smiles sadly. "We miss you Alex."**

**"Wait for us." Frank continues, smiling a bit into the camera, his eyes shining with a new light.**

**"We'll be up there with you someday." says Ray as Bob nods.**

**Mikey avoids the camera as he utters the last words he never got to say to the one woman he'd always love.**

**"We love you."**

**The crowd erupts with cheers as the video beings to play on the TV screen. They don't even know half the pain the boys feel, nor will they ever. There's just too much they don't know, too much they'll never know, or understand.**

**Gerard lays a hefty hand on his brother's shoulder and Mikey looks up to his brother, tears in his eyes. Gerard gives him a loving smile and squeezes Mikey's shoulder as Ray pats Mikey on the back and Bob murmurs a quick, "It's okay man." Frank lays a hand on Mikey's other shoulder and gives him a sympathetic smile, holding back his own pain.**

**To this day, Mikey always asks himself why. Why didn't he do what he could he have done to prevent it? Why didn't he see it sooner? Why did it have to be the way it did? Why did things end so abruptly? Why did he never get to say goodbye? He doesn't understand, and every night he tries to come up with a reason, but there is none. There is no reason. That's just the way things are.**

**He still has all of her things. Her clothes, her shoes, her makeup, her CDs, every little thing is tucked away safely in some cardboard boxes at home, under his mother's care. He still has her notebook, but he keeps that with him. He read it entirely through one night, and it's then he slightly understood most things, understood what you had to go through. And from that night on, he stays up a bit every night and scans the notebook, knowing that is the only thing left of her. Of course he still has the pictures, the letters, but they're not the same. Almost, but not quite.**

**In his heart, Alex will never die. She'll always be there, smiling at him, laughing with him, telling him how much she loves him. He cherishes the moments he had with her and remembers them always. He loves her still to this day, more than anyone knows. Not one day goes by when he doesn't think of her. Not one day.**

_**Long ago, just like a hearse you,  
Die to get in again.  
We are,  
So far from you.**_

_**Burning on,  
Just like a match you strike to incinerate,  
The lives,  
Of everyone you know.**_

_**And what's the worst you take,  
From every heart you break,  
And like the blade you stain,  
Well I've been holding on tonight.**_

_**What's the worst that I can say?  
Things are better if I stay.  
So long and goodnight,  
So long and goodnight.**_

_**Came a time,  
When every star fall brought you to tears again.  
We are,  
The very hurt you sold.**_

_**And what's the worst you take,  
From every heart you break,  
And like the blade you stain,  
Well I've been holding on tonight.**_

_**What's the worst that I can say?  
Things are better if I stay.  
So long and goodnight  
So long and goodnight.**_

_**Well if we carry on this way,  
Things are better if I stay.  
So long and goodnight,  
So long and goodnight.**_

_**Can you hear me?  
Are you near me?  
Can we pretend  
To leave and then**_

_**We'll meet again,  
When both our cars collide**_

_**What's the worst that I can say?  
Things are better if I stay.  
So long and goodnight,  
So long and goodnight.**_

_**Well if you carry on this way,  
Things are better if I stay  
So long and goodnight,  
So long and goodnight...**_


End file.
